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Blue Babies Pink

  • Prologue • The Mud on our Shoes

    1 FEB 2017 · "In the American South, homosexuality is often viewed as a spiritual issue. But for me, it's always just been a physiological one—like sneezing or sweating or laughing."
    8m 52s
  • Episode 1 • Shofars in the Suburbs

    1 FEB 2017 · The story begins on a rainy night in Alabama as a group of Baptists march through the night with rams' horns in hands, praying for the miracle of a lifetime.
    9m 33s
  • Episode 2 • The Christ-Haunted South

    2 FEB 2017 · "Being a preacher’s kid in a small town is a low form of southern royalty, and I was aware of this at an early age. As a kid I could basically wander the halls of our big old church at will, anytime, without interference. No one questioned a Trapp boy—not the organ player, or my Sunday School teachers, or the janitor...especially not the janitor."
    8m 58s
  • Episode 3 • Home and School

    2 FEB 2017 · "I was small and gangly—like a little spider monkey amongst gorillas—so I couldn't do much damage. But I knew one surefire way to get the big guys' attention: pinching. I'd hang on the fringes and then swoop in like a tiny crab from hell..."
    8m 8s
  • Episode 4 • Bye Bye Love

    2 FEB 2017 · A dark movie theater and a first kiss...
    9m 41s
  • Episode 5 • There's Something Happening in Pensacola

    2 FEB 2017 · "For me church had always just been a very ho-hum thing. Pastor's kids can get jaded to it all because we're around church stuff so much. It's just another part of your life like school or sports or video games. That's how Christianity was to me. If Christianity was a football game, I'd just casually glance at it on the TV on Sunday afternoons. But I certainly wasn't on the field..."
    7m 31s
  • Episode 6 • What Happened on the Carpet

    2 FEB 2017 · Brett has a bizarre spiritual encounter on the floor of a church in Pensacola, Florida.
    14m 24s
  • Episode 7 • Life as a Youth

    2 FEB 2017 · Brett is crushed by the worst news of his life...
    7m 46s
  • Episode 8 • Learning About the H-Word

    2 FEB 2017 · "A few years earlier, in junior high, I first noticed that I looked at the boys more. It was very subtle and innocent. It was like I envied them...I wanted them to like me. It didn't feel like a sexual attraction back then, but they definitely caught my eye. It never crossed my mind that this could be ho-mo-sex-u-a-li-ty. But I knew what the "h" word was by then because the Christian culture had already schooled me in it. I knew allll about it..."
    8m 41s
  • Episode 9 • Earning my Man Badge

    2 FEB 2017 · "Part of me wonders if I was running back then, running from the very faint idea that just maybe this badness was inside of me, like a crocodile—waiting—nestled deep in cold mud at the bottom of a lake. Maybe sports was my attempt at misdirection—a front, a mask, a smokescreen. I don't know, really. I know I genuinely liked sports, and they were fun for me. I always felt very manly in high school, at least in the Southern traditional sense of the word. I didn't mind sweating or getting dirty. I've always liked being a man..." 
    9m 17s

(Note: Blue Babies Pink is like an audio book. Start with the Prologue, then Episode 1, Episode 2, etc.) For nearly a decade, Brett Trapp Harman kept a secret journal...

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(Note: Blue Babies Pink is like an audio book. Start with the Prologue, then Episode 1, Episode 2, etc.)

For nearly a decade, Brett Trapp Harman kept a secret journal of thoughts on being gay and Christian, knowing one day he'd shout the story he feared most.

On a Wednesday morning in late 2016, he logged on to Facebook and began shouting...

He started by publishing a Gossip Guide to his sexuality—a cheeky way to let friends know his secret. He then began sharing the vivid details of his story through a 44-episode memoir, published as one episode per day. He called the story Blue Babies Pink.

Within days, Blue Babies Pink began to spread through social media. Thousands of readers tuned in, eagerly waiting for the daily installment to be released. Readers resonated deeply with Brett's struggle with faith, loneliness, shame, singleness, workaholism, and uncertainty.

Called "the Netflix of blogs," more than 100,000 people have read or listened to Blue Babies Pink to date.
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