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Out Late With David

  • Brian Beaudette - after being married for 20 years he struggled with the impact on his family

    5 JUN 2024 · Summary David's guest, Brian, first came out to his wife over 20 years ago but chose to stay married for the sake of his family.   It took ten years for him to decide it was time to live a different kind of life. Today, at age 59 he can finally say he’s “found his tribe.”  Takeaways - The struggle of coming out after being married for 20 years - The impact of coming out on family, work, and community - Finding a supportive LGBTQ+ community and a sense of belonging - The relief of embracing authenticity and self-discovery Chapters 00:00  The Struggle of Coming Out After 20 Years of Marriage 05:57  Finding Support and Belonging in the LGBTQ+ Community 11:41  Embracing Authenticity and Self-Discovery After Coming Out Book Recommendation: Gay Men and The New Way Forward, by Raymond L. Rigoglioso - https://a.co/d/7uByFA9 Podcast website and resources: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/   YouTube Edition:    https://youtu.be/X5L6lz_TX64 YouTube Channel:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg   Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/   Contact me:  https://davidcottoncoaching.com    
    Played 26m 45s
  • Kristin Kalbli - The Impact of Coming Out on Straight Spouses

    5 MAY 2024 · Summary In this episode, David Cotton interviews Kristin Kalbli, the host of Our Voices podcast and an LGBT ally. Kristin shares her experience as a straight spouse and her mission to help others in similar situations. They discuss the signs that Kristin missed in her marriage, the impact of her husband's coming out on their relationship, and the importance of honesty and communication in the coming out process. Kristin asks David about his own coming out to his spouse. They also talk about the creation of a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses, and the need for support and understanding for both parties involved. Takeaways - The coming out process can have a significant impact on straight spouses, who may feel betrayed, confused, and humiliated. - Honesty and open communication are crucial in the coming out process, both for the LGBT spouse and the straight spouse. - Straight spouses may have questions and need time to process the news, and it's important for the LGBT spouse to be patient and understanding. - Creating a guide for coming out to straight partners and spouses can help avoid unnecessary pain and damage in the relationship. - Support and empathy are essential for both parties involved in a mixed orientation marriage. Sound Bites - "The hardest thing that took me the longest to forgive was not that he was gay, not that he was in the closet, but that he didn't let me go so that I could find a loving relationship with a man who was interested in me, loved me, desired me, wanted to have a robust sexual relationship with me." - "If you're in a position to honor what your spouse would like, whether that's answering their questions or giving them no contact for a while, I think following their lead on that is wise." - "Pride month can be really difficult for straight spouses. And that's not an indication of bigotry. Many straight spouses have LGBT kids and are fierce allies and defenders of their kids, right? But pride month can be really painful because then you ask yourself the question, well, if he's living his true self now, then I was a part of a lie." Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Background 01:09 Kristin's Experience as a Straight Spouse 09:49 Resources for Straight Spouses 14:11 The Coming Out Process and Its Impact 28:46 Preparing to Come Out to a Straight Spouse 31:31 Supporting the Straight Spouse 35:42 Honesty and Accountability 39:34 Conclusion Information About Kristin Kalbli and OurPath - Out Path Out Voice:  https://ourpath.org/our-voices/ - Guide to coming out as lesbian, gay or bisexual to your straight partner or spouse - by OurPath:  https://emfjjpdexyu.exactdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/OP-GuideToComingOutLGB-r1.pdf Book Recommendation - The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families, by Amity Pierce Buxton - https://a.co/d/129LQiC   Podcast website and resources: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/   YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/vv20ZumingY   YouTube Channel:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg   Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/   Contact David:  https://davidcottoncoaching.com
    Played 40m 24s
  • Charles Vollmar - successful chef…married with 2 kids; wife discovers he's gay and outed him to everyone

    12 APR 2024 · Summary   Charles Vollmer, a successful California chef, shares his journey of coming out later in life and the challenges he faced. After being outed by his wife, he left his possessions behind and started a new life in San Miguel, Mexico. He is rebuilding his career as a culinary teacher and started sharing his story on social media. Charles discusses the unique challenges faced by men who come out later in life, the impact on their families, and the need for support and understanding. He emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself and finding a community of like-minded individuals.   Keywords:  coming out, late in life, challenges, rebuilding, support, community   Takeaways - Coming out later in life can be a challenging and traumatic experience, but it can also lead to personal growth and happiness. - The impact on family and relationships can be significant, and rebuilding trust and understanding takes time. - Finding a supportive community and seeking professional help can be crucial in navigating the complexities of coming out later in life. - Being true to oneself and embracing authenticity is essential for personal fulfillment and living a fulfilling life.   Titles - The Importance of Support and Understanding - Rebuilding After Coming Out: Finding a New Path   Sound Bites - "Divorcing, giving up my San Francisco Bay home of 30 years and everything in it, donating 99% of my clothing and personal belongings and selling my car. I left for Europe to begin my life over at 61." Chapters  - 00:00  Introduction: Charles Vollmer's Journey - 10:38  Starting Over: Rebuilding After Coming Out - 25:00  Reflections and Regrets: Lessons Learned - 30:59  Advice for Others: Taking Your Time and Finding Support   About Charles Vollmar - Epicurean Exchange Culinary Travel:   http://www.epexculinarytravel.com - Blog:  http://www.epicureanglobalexchange.com - Facebook, Threads, Instagram: All @ CharlesVollmar Book Recommendation: Gay Men and The New Way Forward, by Raymond L. Rigoglioso - https://a.co/d/1AROMMu   Podcast website and resources: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/   YouTube Edition:  https://youtu.be/SLJXxU-wUaw YouTube Channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvsthP9yClKI4o5LxbuQnOg  Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton:  https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/   Contact me:  https://davidcottoncoaching.com
    Played 34m 6s
  • Dan Bolen - at age 70 came out as gay, kicked out of his church and ended his 2nd marriage  

    8 MAR 2024 · Dan Bolen - at age 70 he came out as gay, was kicked out of his church and ended his second marriage Summary Dan Bolen shares his journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a gay man after living a life of denial and fear. He discusses the challenges he faced in a restrictive religious community and the fear of losing his family and friends. Dan's story highlights the importance of being honest with oneself and embracing authenticity. He emphasizes the power of finding a supportive community and having a voice. Dan's memoir and podcast serve as a source of inspiration and empowerment for others on a similar journey. Takeaways - Be honest with yourself and define who you are. - Don't look for someone outside of you to define who you are. - Finding a supportive community is crucial for self-acceptance. - Having a voice and embracing authenticity are empowering. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Background 01:02 Realizing Difference and Fear of Rejection 03:17 Burying and Denying One's True Self 04:13 Marriage and Denial of Sexuality 05:38 Disfellowshiped and Shunned by the Church 07:30 Accepting Bisexuality as a Coping Mechanism 08:55 Accepting and Embracing Authentic Self 1 0:07 Coming Out and the Lowest Point 11:02 First Experience with a Man and Validation 12:29 Divorce and Finding a New Community 15:17 Defining Self and Having a Voice 24:21 Being Honest with Yourself 27:32 Advice for Those Questioning Their Sexuality 29:06 Reflection and Impact Dan Bolen's Memoir: The Courage to be Courageous: https://a.co/d/6x7yl0r Dan Bolen's Website: https://danbolen.com/ Book Recommendation: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown. https://a.co/d/ah7pXuT Podcast website and resources: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/ YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/Axp2j_lgVMM Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/ Contact me: mailto:david@davidcottoncoaching.com
    Played 30m 51s
  • Larry Best - retired trial lawyer, came out 20 years into his marriage; now living a full life with partner and husband of 20 years

    16 FEB 2024 · Summary In this episode David interviews Larry Best, a retired trial lawyer who came out 20 years into his marriage, now living a full life with his partner and husband of 20 years. Their conversation explores the coming out journey of Larry, who shares his unique story of coming out to his business partner and wife. Larry's decision to come out was driven by a combination of personal factors, including the need to be true to himself and the impact it was having on his mental health. The reactions from his business partner and wife varied, with his business partner making a joke and his wife experiencing a range of emotions. Larry's decision to get married was influenced by societal expectations and the belief that he could suppress his attraction to men. However, he eventually realized that he had been living a lie and needed to come out. The process of telling his wife and children was challenging, with mixed reactions from each family member. Larry and his wife initially tried to maintain a co-parenting relationship, but over time, their relationship deteriorated. Larry also faced challenges in his professional life, with some clients distancing themselves after learning about his sexual orientation. However, he eventually transitioned to a successful career as a plaintiff lawyer. Overall, Larry's story highlights the complexities and emotional impact of coming out and navigating relationships and careers. In this conversation, Larry shares his experience of coming out and how it changed his perception of the world. He discusses the importance of joining LGBTQ political and social organizations to connect with the community. Larry also talks about how he found his partner and offers advice for men who are at the beginning of the coming out process. He emphasizes the need for support and understanding for spouses and family members during this time. Takeaways - Coming out is a deeply personal and complex journey, with each individual facing unique challenges and reactions from loved ones. - The decision to get married while suppressing one's true sexual orientation can lead to internal conflict and a sense of living a lie. - The process of coming out can have a significant emotional impact on spouses and children, with reactions ranging from relief to anger and despair. - Supporting loved ones through the coming out process requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to be present and listen. - Coming out can have professional implications, with potential challenges in maintaining client relationships and navigating workplace dynamics. Coming out can change one's perception of the world and the people in it. - Joining LGBTQ political and social organizations can provide a social network and help in meeting like-minded individuals. - Finding a partner after coming out can take time and patience. - Support and understanding for spouses and family members are crucial during the coming out process. Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage 00:20 Unusual Coming Out Story 02:27 Reactions from Business Partner and Wife 03:31 Emotional Impact on Wife 05:45 Supporting Wife Emotionally 06:12 The Decision to Get Married 08:04 Realization of Being Gay 11:22 Fear of Coming Out 18:26 Divorce and Financial Settlement 24:45 Telling the Children 29:44 Reflections on the Coming Out Process 33:34 Impact on Business and Career 41:15 Changing Perception 44:10 Connecting with the LGBTQ Community 45:53 Finding a Partner 51:06 Advice for Men Coming Out 57:09 Supporting Spouses and Family 58:35 Understanding the Wife's Perspective 59:04 Closing Remarks Larry Best's online memoir: https://medium.com/@laurencebest Book Recommendation: Fashionably Late: Gay, Bi, and Trans Men Who Came Out Later in Life, edited by Vinnie Kinsella. https://a.co/d/dh3N2yM Gay Fathers Worldwide: https://gayfathersworldwide.wordpress.com/ Podcast website and resources: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/ YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/uLCzcLsxCUo Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/ Contact me: david@davidcottoncoaching.com
    Played 32m 6s
  • Rick Clemons - author, life coach, and host of LIFE (UN)CLOSETED & 40 PLUS…GAY MEN, GAY TALK

    1 FEB 2024 · Summary In this episode David interviews Rick Clemons, well-known as the host of the popular podcast “Life (UN)Closeted” as well as “40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk.” He is a sought-after public speaker and a successful life coach. He is also the author of the book “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay: the late bloomers guide to coming out." Rick shares his journey of coming out and helping men come out of the closet. He discusses the challenges of living a dual life and the fear of disappointing loved ones. Rick emphasizes the importance of authenticity and unapologetically being oneself. He also addresses common threads among closeted men and the need to overcome limiting fears. Rick shares his plans for a new book and podcast, focusing on living an unapologetic life. The key takeaway is the power of embracing one's true identity and living authentically. Takeaways - Embrace your true identity and live authentically. - Overcome limiting fears and show the world who you really are. - Living an unapologetic life is empowering and liberating. - Common threads among closeted men include lack of sexual interest, depletion of intimacy in relationships, and co-dependency. Chapters 00:00 Introduction 00:40 Rick's Life's Work 01:34 Rick's Story: Coming Out 03:00 The Influence of Religious Upbringing 04:27 Living a Dual Life 05:54 The Shift to Authenticity 07:22 The Moment of Falling in Love 09:14 Transactional Sex vs. Intimacy 09:43 Coming Out to Spouse 11:40 Co-Parenting and Balancing Relationships 15:38 Common Threads in Closeted Men 18:57 The Biggest Lie Closeted Men Tell Themselves 20:22 Honesty and Authenticity in Conversations 21:09 Living an Unapologetic Life 23:53 Future Plans: New Book and Podcast 25:48 Message for Men Coming Out Later in Life 27:18 Conclusion Rick Clemons: https://rickclemons.com/ Book Recommendation: Frankly My Dear, I’m Gay: A Late Bloomers Guide to Coming Out - https://a.co/d/aD2vgKD Podcast website: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/ YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/yL6RVDjZugs Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/
    Played 29m 18s
  • Shaun Williams - founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide and Bent Couch Counselling

    4 JAN 2024 · Shaun Williams - founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide and Bent Couch Counselling Summary In this episode, David Cotton interviews licensed counselor Shaun Williams; he previously had successful career in construction when he came out as gay after 25 years of marriage. After coming out he changed his career to help others finding their true selves. Shaun shares his experiences growing up in the 80s, discovering his sexuality at a young age, and the weight of keeping his secret. He discusses the impact on his family and the challenges he faced in coming out. Shaun also talks about the creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide, a support group he formed for men who have come out later in life. He emphasizes the importance of finding a safe space and community for support and understanding. Takeaways - Coming out later in life can be a lonely and isolating experience, but finding a safe space and community of others who have had similar experiences can provide support and reassurance. - The weight of keeping a secret about one's sexuality can have a significant impact on mental health and well-being. - The process of coming out can be challenging and may involve difficult conversations with family members and loved ones. - Creating a support group or community for individuals who have come out later in life can provide a valuable resource for connection, understanding, and shared experiences. Chapters 00:00 Introduction 00:48 Growing Up in the 80s 02:16 Discovering His Sexuality 03:16 Getting Married 04:15 The Weight of the Secret 05:12 Dealing with Guilt and Shame 06:11 Living a Lie 07:11 Finding Purpose in Helping Others 09:06 Impact on Family 11:30 Inspiration from Daughters 12:56 Coming Out and Seeking Help 13:53 The Process of Coming Out 15:19 Creating Gay Fathers Worldwide 19:11 Regrets and Lessons Learned 23:20 Acceptance in the Gay Community 26:27 Late-Life Coming Out Experience 28:25 Creation of Gay Fathers Worldwide 29:21 Common Experiences of Children 31:48 New Life and Career 36:41 Importance of Community 37:37 Conclusion Bent Couch Counselling: https://www.bentcouch.com.au/ Gay Fathers Worldwide: https://gayfathersworldwide.wordpress.com/ Podcast website: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/ YouTube Edition: https://youtu.be/C7PJTAcmGT8 Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/ Contact me: david@davidcottoncoaching.com
    Played 37m 42s
  • William Brown - a counselor and author of 'Coming True' came out late & now helping others

    4 DEC 2023 · William Brown is an author, a licensed professional counselor, and a man who knows firsthand what it’s like to come out later in life. At age forty he told his wife of 18 years, and his children… that he is gay. What he’s learned since—helped him create the definitive “how to” book for coming out later in life. Book Recommendation: Coming True: Seeking Truth in Self, Later In Life, by today's guest, William Brown. https://a.co/d/6cEM5Jj Video version of this episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_GJsqzcXg Podcast website and for more resources about coming out LGBTQ+: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/ Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/ Contact me: david@davidcottoncoaching.com
    Played 37m 27s
  • Sara Abrams - came out as a trans woman at age 57…now living the life she always wanted

    14 NOV 2023 · This epidsode released in honor of National Transgender Awareness Week 2023. Sara Abrams spent most of her life identifying as a man. While she never considered herself a member of the LGBTQ+ community, at age 57, she came out and transitioned from male to female, while remaining in a relationship with her female partner of 28 years. Book Recommendation: Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: A Resource by and for Transgender Communities https://a.co/d/98A3Ocy Podcast website: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/ Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/ Contact me: david@davidcottoncoaching.com
    Played 27m 52s
  • Dr. Loren Olson - a successful psychiatrist, husband & father, came out at 40 after 18 years of marriage

    19 OCT 2023 · Dr. Loren Olson is a successful psychiatrist, and a husband and grandfather who came out at age 40 after 18 years of marriage. He is highly respected in his field, having presented extensive research on mature gay men to the World Congress in Psychiatry. An award-winning author… he’s most well-known for his book, “Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight.” Book Recommendation: Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight by Dr. Loren Olson https://a.co/d/hDUZ4FO Other Writings By Dr. Olson: - No More Neckties: A Memoir in Essays https://a.co/d/96eUu8W - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finally-out/202307/to-be-happy-think-like-an-old-person Podcast website: https://www.outlatewithdavid.com/ Certified Professional Life Coach, David Cotton: https://www.davidcottoncoaching.com/ Contact me: david@davidcottoncoaching.com
    Played 29m 34s

I'm a life coach who came out later in life as gay. Join me as I talk with others who’ve made this LGBTQ+ coming out journey later in their lives...

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I'm a life coach who came out later in life as gay. Join me as I talk with others who’ve made this LGBTQ+ coming out journey later in their lives to become who they really are.
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