Today, we talk about keeping score in marriage. We explain how Adam has been taking on more responsibilities with the kids because Rosie is very late in pregnancy. We explain how much trouble can be caused by feelings of entitlement, fatigue, and notions of an imbalance in responsibility. We discuss how being at home with kids can be very tough and exhausting. We also talk about our system of an allowance for each spouse, as well as a budget, that helps prevent a lot of friction and disagreement. We talk about proactively throwing the scoreboard out, predicting which subjects and areas -- like money, work, alone time, or intimacy -- that can become treated like tit-for-tat, and putting measures in place to help prevent conflict. We emphasize the value of looking outside your own sphere of influence and recognizing and feeling gratitude for everything your spouse is doing to help and support you. We give an example of the feelings of rage that can come from certain, thoughtless or misunderstood behaviors or habits. We recommend that the best way to prevent this kind of rage is by making the effort to see what everything your spouse is contributing. We know that while these things may sound petty, they should still be sympathetically and productively discussed and worked out.

Where This Came Up In Our Marriage 0:32
Proactively Throwing Out the Scoreboard 7:09
The Metaphor of “The Corner” 11:41
Choose to Be Grateful For Everything Your Spouse Does 16:57

“When you’re 100 percent present to your children, and you’re their full-time care, and you’re in that role and capacity, that is a job. Because think about it: toilet time, nap time, feeding time, they want to be entertained…” 4:50

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