Recorded: 1/20/2019 / Published: 1/23/2019
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For full show notes visit https://kuldrinskrypt.com/208

First, a deep into the woods about nurturing positive dominant qualities within one's self. First, I am going to give you a tool to help you figure out what you are already dealing with.
Second, I’m going to share with you the things that I feel should be commonly found character traits for those on the left side of the slash...if not both.

[1:04] Rules to Love by:
Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
“Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young

[1:28] PAD Temperament Mode ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PAD_emotional_state_model )
In order to know the best things in oneself to nurture we first need to know what is already there. For this, we are going to take a look at the PAD emotional state model which today typical is only used for marketing and developing multidimensional animated characters...but hey, if you can give a cartoon layered emotions and make them come alive on the silver screen with this then it has to have some kind of credibility and usability for us, right? ...

[4:25] Pleasure
The Pleasure-Displeasure Scale measures how pleasant or unpleasant one feels about something. For instance, both anger and fear are unpleasant emotions and both score on the displeasure side. However, joy is a pleasant emotion.
[4:57] Arousal
The Arousal-Nonarousal Scale measures how energized or soporific one feels. It is not the intensity of the emotion -- for grief and depression can be low arousal intense feelings. While both anger and rage are unpleasant emotions, rage has a higher intensity or a higher arousal state. However, boredom, which is also an unpleasant state, has a low arousal value.
[5:43] Dominance
The Dominance-Submissiveness Scale represents the controlling and dominant versus controlled or submissive one feels. For instance, while both fear and anger are unpleasant emotions, anger is a dominant emotion, while fear is a submissive emotion.

So now, how do these three things tie together in determining what is what? Let’s say that something happened and you became angry. You would give the emotion of anger values for each of the three sections of the PAD emotional state model. For some this might look like this: Anger is a quite unpleasant, quite aroused, and moderately dominant emotion. While for others it might like: Anger is moderately pleasant, mildly aroused, and mildly dominant emotion.
Now, use all this in emotions and environmental situations. This means that you are not just looking at the feeling itself but also taking a look a specific setting, with certain people at a restaurant, in a dungeon, … the locations, situations, and emotions is an endless sea of possibilities so this is one of those life exercises that you will need to constantly and consistently come back to for further exploration but be careful not to burn yourself out on it as it can also be pretty exhausting.

[10:23] Ok, so now that you have examined a few emotions using the PAD emotional state model, what have you figured out about yourself? Where do you need to the most work? The areas where the arousal is high that it creates a situation out of your control might be a good place to start along with anything that causes debilitating anxiety, stress, or depression.

[11:41] “...and...how do I go about doing this?”, you ask. There are several ways. The first thing I would do is check out the NCSF website ( https://www.ncsfreedom.org/ ) to see if they are any kink-friendly therapist in your area.

The second thing I would do, besides actually make and attend the appointment with an open mind, is check out some books that are written to help with the specific areas you are having difficulties with or that you want to change. However, keep in mind that things don’t happen overnight and it is always best to tackle a few smaller projects back to back first to build a sense of security within yourself. Otherwise, it is incredibly easy and common to get lost in the process which means you will give up and fail. You and I both know that the worst thing about failing at something is that it often prevents us from moving to the next things because we start thinking that we will just fail at that as well. So, again, you’ve got your list now it’s time to start small.
The third thing is to, you guessed it, communicate!!! You are changing yourself at your core and the people around you need to know this is happening. There is nothing worse than worrying about someone day in and day out because they are acting differently but they refuse to tell you why. I have lost friendships and had difficulties with family members from both changing and being the one wondering what was going on with the other person. If you don’t know about it, it is frustrating and will cause fights. Again, you are changing your entire foundation.

[14:46] Commonly found character traits in EFFECTIVE Dominants with a history of successful relationships. (and honestly, these are also commonly found in effective submissives with a history of successful relationships.

1: Self-awareness
2: Effective Communication: (See also https://kuldrinskrypt.com/s01e24 )
3: Patience
4: A realistic view of self, others, the world, and situations
5: Leadership
6: Honesty
7: Loyalty
8: The desire for education and growth
9: The ability to grow
10: Kindness/Politeness
11: Compassion
12: Self-control
13: Integrity
14: A sense of humor
15: Generosity

[39:44] A final note or two:
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