My friend Jen is a psychologist and just the other day she was teaching me a little about the concept of mirroring.

As I understand it mirroring is this critical early childhood process wherein we begin to develop our own sense of value by seeing it reflected back to us in a parent’s face. So for instance, when mom looks at us—when she really sees us—and her face is full of all the signs that she values us (patience, love, tenderness, joy, you know … all the good stuff) then we, without even being conscious that it’s happening, begin to assume she values us because we’re valuable. We see our value in her face like looking in a mirror. Which makes sense of the idea that behind every child who believes in themself is a parent who believed in them first.

So that got me started thinking about mirrors and mothers. Mirrors, like mothers, are so important, so useful, so practical. It’s difficult to imagine life without them. But mirrors, like mothers, are also something we take for granted. They’re also one of those things we often have a love/hate relationship with. They help, no question, but they also show us things we’d rather not see. But one of the great ironies of mirrorhood, and motherhood … the better the mirror, the more invisible it becomes.

And perhaps right there is the explanation for why we tend to take mom for granted. Because when we look into a mirror we’re not really looking at it, we’re looking at ourselves. We’re not thinking about it, we’re thinking about ourselves.

That doesn’t mean you’re a selfish bastard. It’s simply an unavoidable truth. So no judgement, just a thought on Mother’s Day for every child who has ever drawn value from that all important mirror. Every once in a while … try to see it and not you.

And to the dad’s out there, just one bit of advice. Whether she has one child or a baker’s dozen, don’t be one of them. She has her hands full enough mothering the kids, she doesn’t need to be mothering you as well. The kids will take her for granted and lose sight of her. You must never lose sight of her. She must never be mom to you. She must always be to you that young girl, that beautiful woman, that strong independent spirit with her set of hopes and dreams. With her own unique value.

So perhaps the secret to the greatest gift we can give mom today, or any day, is summed up in the one simple phrase most mirrors will never hear,

“I see you.”

She sees us. Now let’s see her, and help her—the girl, the woman—continue to build herself a beautiful life.