These thoughts are dedicated to those of you who aren’t having the best holidays ever. Those for whom life is not ideal right now, not easy, not something that feels deserving of celebration. This is for all of you who are just flat out tired, or bearing up under sickness, or worry, or grief. For those of you whom this past year has bitten and bloodied and taken something or even someone. You know you’re in that place when Christmas lights don’t so much twinkle as burn. When sounds like laughter or music only somehow amplifies the silence. When you feel secretly, silently alone, even in that crowded room. When you’ve just been carrying too much for too long.

I feel you, I do, and I wish with all my heart I could snap my fingers and fix it. Instead, all I can do is encourage you to not give up, and if possible, take some comfort in the real reason for the season. No, I’m not talking about any particular religion or any one tradition. And yes, the holidays have evolved into all sorts of things over thousands of years, some lovely, some useless, and all sorts of folks have jumped on board along the way to claim them as their own. But long before all of that they all began with a deep universal need … survival. The real reason for the season is our need to survive life’s coldest and darkest moments.

Our holiday traditions were born in a much simpler time and have been handed down by those whose singular goal was just to survive the winter. There’s a very funny line in the movie “Spirited” where Ebenezer Scrooge explains to someone living today that in his day, “The leading cause of death was January.” The struggle that gave birth to our most precious traditions was very, very real. We didn’t devise these celebrations because we have no struggles, but precisely because of our struggles. The real truth of the holidays is that they were not created by the happy for the happy. They belong, first and foremost, to the hurting. And if that’s you, then know this … you are the reason for the season.

Winter is dark, so we light a candle. Winter is cold, so we build a fire. Winter is barren, so we’re grateful for and share what food we have. Winter is long and grey, so we make garlands from evergreen boughs—even bring trees into our homes—just to remind us of what green looks like. Winter is bleak, so we speak of God coming to us, not in abundance but in humiliation. Winter is sparse, so we tell stories of a kindly old elf bringing gifts to those who otherwise would have none. The holidays have always been about how deadly serious life becomes when the days grow dark. So, if right now your days are dark, please don’t compound them by feeling disconnected from this season. Claim it. Press into it. The great assembly of souls from whom we’ve inherited these traditions will not accept us saying that the holidays are ruined because we're in such a dark, difficult time. My friend, the holidays exist because of dark times. Fighting back against the coldest, darkest days of our fragile existence with a little bit of light and warmth has always been the reason for this season and the deepest magic humans can conjure.

And so, to everyone wrestling with dark days, you are not alone. No matter what it feels like right now, light can come again, warmth can come again, green days can come again. Don’t give up. You are not forgotten. You are known by all of us who know perfectly well how tough it can be. Lift your head and don’t be ashamed. Lift your voice and call out for help. “Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

And to all of you who this year find your life full of light and abundance … please, share it. Open your heart, open your arms, open your home, open your life, do all you can to make the season bright, not just for you and your own but for anyone and everyone within your reach. The holidays are for the hurting. Make them count. Find a way. Light a candle in the dark. Invite someone in from the cold to share the warmth of your fire. And when this season ends, as all seasons do, together we will get back to work building ourselves a beautiful life.