I have found that in times like this, God has been very, very faithful to give me strength for the catastrophes. But it's the little things that pop up out of nowhere where I absolutely lose it. As you may know, I'm a student at Dallas Theological Seminary and when you're in seminary, you study things about God in great detail. When you're in seminary, you also study a lot of old dead people, especially as it relates to their faith and doctrine. There was a theologian named John Calvin who lived in the 1500s and he had a phrase that he termed, 'Total Depravity.'

In a nutshell, this means that despite the ability to look good outwardly, to do good things outwardly, there is still this inward distortion which makes all of our actions displeasing to God. In other words, all of us have a sin generator living inside us that never stops. Those fleeting little moments of truly good intentions we have are only the Holy Spirit working through us in our own strength. We are not good and the reason I believe that is because that is a description of me. But there's good news! Hebrews 8:12 says:

"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” - Hebrews 8:12

Sins are actions. Those are the things that we do wrong, either accidentally or deliberately. But wickedness is a condition. Wickedness is that inward distortion. Wickedness is that sin generator that keeps going despite our greatest efforts and that is what Jesus came to fix. I am so grateful knowing that someday that sin generator inside of me and you will be slain forever.