A raunchy look at this week’s top news stories and the idiots that made them. How to take care of protesters, why Gregg Popovich is going to be waiting tables, why teams that boycott Trump Hotels should get bed bugs, how dare someone compare Michelle Obama to an ape, why is Jesse Jackson asking for Hillary’s pardon, why Benjamin Netanyahu can finally sleep at night, why Sherriff David Clarke is tough, why is Lena Dunham even relevant, why I should be a chapter advisor for a sorority, new classes at Kent State, how to get rid of a chopstick stuck in your dick, why drones cause marital problems, how WIFI is taking over sex, and why fast food workers should be replaced by kiosks.