There’s no Ugly Woman!
Growing up in Africa, Cameroon...My self confidence was particularly impacted by my own experiences as a young girl. A few times I was referred to as the ugly girl, which without a doubt can be extremely damaging to any young person whether male or female. But you know what, now I know better and I want you to know too...
What does ugly even mean?
You all know I am very big on definitions….
According to Dictionary.com, The word Ugly is defined as, "very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance"
You must have heard or experienced a situation where a supposed cute guy walked past with a supposed “ugly” woman and people stared and made comments like “I wonder what that man has seen in that ugly woman, in pidgin language “see that fine man with some wowo woman”. Some would generally follow with comments like; the woman has cast some spell on the man, or satisfies his needs or has money.
And if the roles are reversed, you would hear people say stuff like, she’s only after the ugly man’s money, and she’s a sugar baby and all the like…
Now, let me just put it out there that…
A woman must not have long eyelashes, or the hourglass shape or even the pouty lips that are the stereotypes of beauty. By the same token, a man may not be broad-chested or tall dark and handsome, as we have often read in romance novels.
But as you will soon realise, one of my famous quotes "beauty is only skin deep" has never been truer.
Now think about it…., if an eligible bachelor with a good head on his shoulders settles for a woman who is considered as ugly by societal norms... shouldn’t that be a tell-tale sign that the sort of beauty that young people strive to display is misplaced? That is, the one which has seen an explosion in the use of imported hair, plastic surgeries and the application of all types of cosmetic products?
After all, your bad attitude, and emptiness cannot be photo shopped and therefore, no matter how artificial you opt to become, you will never be beautiful.
You know why, because as Shannon Delany right said “Beauty is only skin deep, everybody has ugly days. We’re all made of the same stuff underneath. Acting right is better than looking right. You have to realize what makes you special beyond looks. Evil can look pretty on the outside”.
So, I did some research and found out that Africans are so obsessed with the prospects of outer beauty, that we spent 1.6 billion dollars on the importation of hair and beauty products in 2019 alone.
It is now very common to see a young woman who doesn’t have a penny in the bank, a business, nor an investment of any sort, wearing hair worth hundreds of dollars. Sometimes to show off, sometimes to keep up with the Jone’s and other times to feel good about her.
The most alarming one is use of skin bleaching products to alter one’s natural colour completely.
Skin bleaching is a multibillion-dollar global industry. According to my research, at least four out of every 10 women in Africa bleach their skin (source World Health Organisation). According to PubMed, 75% of Nigerian women and between 52% and 67% of Senegalese women use skin lightening products.
Studies have shown that, skin bleaching products cause…. bacterial skin infection, glaucoma, cataracts, diabetes, and neurological diseases.
Kudos to African countries such as Rwanda, Tanzania, Ghana, Kenya, Cote d’Ivoire, South Sudan, and Nigeria who have all placed a ban on the importation of skin bleaching products as at 2019 statistics. I wonder what the other African countries are waiting for.
This is not to say that you should not be especially concerned about your personal appearance. We at the YBI recommend you to take pride in your appearance, both to feel good in your own skin but also because it could be the X factor that gets you through the door on your road to financial independence. However, you should be aware that this outward beauty is ephemeral and you will need to dig deeper within yourself to water and prune that inner longer lasting beauty in order to flourish.
Now let’s talk about the real deal…..
Ex First Lady; Michele Obama.
What brought Barrack and Michele Obama together was their academic and professional lives. Barrack is said to have been drawn to Michele's quiet self confidence, and fierce intelligence. And through her tenacity, she's been able to challenge Barrack and push him to fulfil his highest potential by becoming the first black President of the United States of America.
Ms Oprah Winfrey
The rise of Oprah from rags to the richest woman in the world is a story that has been hugely celebrated.
Despite being a billionaire Ms Oprah Winfrey wasn't born with a silver spoon in her mouth. She grew up in extreme poverty on a pig farm and even slept on the front porch as a young girl. Oprah became the richest woman in the world by virtue of her intellect, persistency, discovering her true gift from God. Her resilience and self confidence have propelled her to success, from being nicknamed a "sack girl", she now has an entire team of stylists who get her all dolled up in gorgeous, red carpet-ready gowns, and her work closet at Harpo Studios in Chicago is filled to the brim with designers duds.
Patricia Bright
Born in London to immigrant parents from Nigeria, Patricia and her sister went through a hard knock life. She Patricia said “I was always referred to as the ugly friend", and it affected my self confidence". Patricia's mum was a cleaner and they would often follow their mum to clean offices in London at 4am in the morning before heading to school. However, her humble beginnings were a stepping stone into her success. Patricia worked hard at school, graduated as an accounting student, worked in the financial industry before deciding to become a YouTuber and social media influencer full time. Today at 34, she is worth $1.2million, a dazzling beauty, a mum, and a role model to many of her followers.
Ms Viola Davis
According to her story to glamour magazine, Ms Davis remembers digging through a dumpster and being always hungry at school, ashamed and unable to tap into her potential. She remembers being chased by young white boys calling her ugly, black and all that. However, on the back of her love for acting in high school, she was awarded a scholarship to study theatre at Rhode Island College and to attend the Juilliard School in New York City. Today, Ms Davis is a critically acclaimed actress of film, television, and theatre and has won rave reviews for her multitude of substantial and intriguingly diverse roles. Audiences across the United States and internationally admire her for her work. At 55, she is worth $15million and works tirelessly to give back to the hungry children in her community.
It is true that there is an element of affordability which is associated with the way these great women look. But you must look beyond that perspective to understand that;
•Self assurance
•Confidence
•Achievement
•Peace of mind
•Generosity of spirit
•Manners and etiquette
•Intellect and
•purpose
Are all attributes that have contributed to making these women glow beyond what any expensive clothes or makeup can ever achieve. These women are beautiful, not because of any special physical endowment which they may have, but because of their characters. And so they will attract the best partners. Because a partnership which comes with these assets is far more appealing that one which comes with the liability of expensive cosmetic habits.
Oprah said something very powerful that has remained with me,
She said “we have all got to take responsibility for the space we hold here on earth, and to understand the 3rd law of motion which says that for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction.
She said I don’t care how beautiful you may think you are , i care how much buttocks or how many times you get yourself pulled up, and how many hair dos or makeovers you have, none of it is going to last.
The one thing that will last forever is “who you are and what you were meant to bring”. What is the gift you were meant to give?.
So as you go away, from today’s show, remember that, your financial independence is your sex appeal.
I urge you to work on yourself inward out, and not the other way round!.
Thank you all so much for listening.
Hope you had a nice time..
See you on the next episode..
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