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here you'll find whatever's on my mind. hopefully you feel like we're on facetime! you are loved even (& especially) when you're not feelin' it!
The Nat Chat
The Nat Chat
20 JAN 2023 · tw: homophobia, impacts on mental health, and leaving religious spaces.
this is part of my story, growing up in a homophobic church as a closeted queer person. i discuss why 'almost affirming' theology is so dangerous, why being a secret ally behind closed doors isn't possible, & explain why it is not your obligation to be the change in these situations when it is causing you harm. if you want to help protect queer youth, sometimes the best act of resistance is leaving and holding the door open for others to follow- we don't have to time to slowly wait for inclusivity. queer kids don't deserve to be tolerated, they deserved to be celebrated! by staying, we are both the oppressed and the oppressors- our liberation is tied up in self compassion.
i also read a lengthy and beautiful poem i wrote entitled "the garden grown from my tears" which is about the complex grief and joy found throughout leaving religion, and the haunting memories of listening to harmful remarks from the lips of people you love, back when they didn't know they were talking about you. it's an divine and earthly spin on the concept of growing pains and in my (clearly very objective) opinion, it's quite clever!
if this episode begins to act as a trigger rather than a space to be held in community, sit this one out. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/
22 NOV 2022 · In addition to the interview with Chelsea MacAdam, we also got the privilege of talking to Rev. Boone. In this episode, she explains how she created Oaks village‒ a community that provides a hand up, not a hand out.
To get involved at Oaks Village, or to utilize their services, visit their website: https://www.oaksvillage.net/
Here is the link to their Donation Wish List: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LDQXRRXP43O3?ref=cm_sw_em_r_un_un_lOHv9JbX3CwsX&fbclid=PAAaZAfIHB5SIjK15Qc6pu0yHQaUsgXarHEQblPdmW-B28K3TT0Ca4iVzbLiE
22 NOV 2022 · Today I had the joy of interviewing my good friend Chelsea MacAdam about homelessness! Chelsea is the Community Outreach Director for Oaks Village. Oaks is a nonprofit in Monroe, Michigan that works to “rebuild our community, restore families and repurpose individuals.” On any given night, there are 190 homeless people on the streets of Monroe county. The team at Oaks works to feed, house, provide medical care, connect resources with, & simply love the people of Monroe!
November is Homeless Awareness month in Michigan! We discuss several key points, including ways to support your community, the barriers people face while accessing social services, and removing the stigma surrounding seeking support. We dive into things well-intended people do that are not actually very helpful, along with how to be mindful of the accessibility of nonprofits you’re donating to! Most importantly, we talk about honoring the holiness of people experiencing homelessness & how building relationships with others drives us to want more for all of our neighbors. This work is imperative, especially as the weather gets colder. May our increased awareness lead to increased advocacy!
To get involved at Oaks Village, or to utilize their services, visit their website: https://www.oaksvillage.net/
Here is the link to their Donation Wish List: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1LDQXRRXP43O3?ref=cm_sw_em_r_un_un_lOHv9JbX3CwsX&fbclid=PAAaZAfIHB5SIjK15Qc6pu0yHQaUsgXarHEQblPdmW-B28K3TT0Ca4iVzbLiE
20 NOV 2022 · Today we’re talking about how telling our stories is one of the most powerful forms of resistance! It can help everyday people understand smaller manifestations of the impacts that macro systems and power structures have on our everyday lives! Unapologetic storytelling also helps to ease shame & victim blaming- even stopping cycles of secret keeping and abuse. When those in power effectively frame the personal as political, it creates stigma that stops people from sharing their experiences. It’s also connected to holding accountability in the workplace via salary transparency. Secret keeping is a tool that upholds those in power.
Growing up, it was always drilled into me: do not gossip! As I’ve personally gotten older, I’ve come to realize that much of what I once condemned as ‘gossip’ was actually just true stories that held people and the church accountable for their actions. Condemning gossip and erasing oral history is a tool that is often weaponized against marginalized communities. My favorite books are those which act as public forums!
Let’s apply these concepts to some recent local Michigan news stories! We’re going to talk about a U.P. school banning pride flags only half an hour south of Marquette! Also a library downstate that was defunded for having queer books! By reading banned books and listening to stories, we can give hope to a more honest future. While you don’t owe your story to anyone- it’s important to know that your story is valid and important. It’s also important to affirm those that come to you with their stories. Imagine a more shameless and connected world! That’s a world of resistance.
https://www.miningjournal.net/news/front-page-news/2022/10/gwinn-school-board-stands-firm-on-pride-flag-removal/#:~:text=In%20a%20Tuesday%20telephone%20interview,school%20policy%2C%20are%20not%20allowed.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/book-ban-lgbtq-jamestown-michigan-library/
31 OCT 2022 · As a collective, if one person is hurting‒ we all are. This conversation is especially connected to the men’s mental health crisis. Men are less likely to reach out for support, and more likely to cope in violent ways. If I want to help undo patriarchy, I also have an ethical obligation to help men who are also harmed by the effects of such (lack of vulnerability in friendships, fear of being seen as soft and girly, stigma and inaccessibility of therapy, etc). This means that when men are being harmed by patriarchy, the manifestations doubly fall onto women.
I constantly find myself acting as a punching bag for random men to trauma dump on. I’ll mind my business while sitting in public spaces, and guys will come up to me and explain sticky situations they’re going through. While I am happy to help, how can I fight patriarchy while my unpaid emotional labor is taken advantage of? Is this not exploitative and lacking boundaries, only further replicating the same systemic harm many of us self-proclaimed feminists are working to undo?
Furthermore, these same gendered dynamics are ever present in sexual relations: men are expected to have their foot on the gas until women press the brakes. But what would it look like if instead, there was explicit permission before the car leaves the garage? By implementing a model of non-sexual consent, I am able to use my discretion to provide emotional support (venting space) when I’m available. Implementing this “ask first” model of facilitation can also be applied to sex‒ creating a second-nature communicatory theory that doubles as a buffer to sexual violence. This cultural shift is to act strictly as a supplement for conversational purposes until we collectively demand drastic systematic change of America’s mental healthcare system.
The issue is not that I cannot provide support, but rather the ethical principle that there is often no permission asked from the other party. There is a way to provide support, while also encouraging respectful and equitable exchanges that don’t leave me drained. Fighting patriarchy doesn’t mean providing unlimited emotional access, it means creating a sustainable culture of consent in all aspects of life!
20 AUG 2022 · today we have my mom on the platform to co-host!!! we're talking about her dating life back in the day, specifically her first date with my dad! it's a perfect example of what not to do when meeting someone for the first time! plus we're quite the comedic duo (at least we think so) ;)
we follow up with some dating safety tips to keep you safe while meeting up with someone for the first time! ghosting back in the day, giving out your number before cellphones, and not having access to look up your classmates on the online class registry list!
for more safety tips visit:
https://www.rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
29 JUL 2022 · been binge watching the show ‘alone’ recently! essentially, there are ten people dropped off in the wilderness (isolated from one another) & whoever lasts the longest wins. really, other than starvation & the elements- their biggest competition is the mental impact from isolation. people would drop out, not because they couldn’t survive- but because they didn’t want to survive without the people they care about.
the negative view of seeing our relationships as constraints rather to liberation! and why hyper independent people tend to get into codependent relationships! finding a healthy medium in community where we are both “held and free” (glennon doyle quote) :)
essentially, it’s brave to ask for help. it’s brave to reach out! & just because you can do it on your own- doesn’t mean you should. it’s brave…. to NOT pull yourself up by your own bootstraps! (haha get the doc marten reference??)
17 JUL 2022 · understanding that the reason others cannot accept me for who i am, is really just because they cannot accept themselves either. for instance, when i feel super judged by people- i have come to a place where i hope that they can live authentically too, rather than judging back.
how empathy can help us deal with hurtful comments & shield us from taking things personally.
softness & having emotional intelligence is secretly the toughest skin out there. it’s saying that you cannot hurt me because i love the softness in me that the world taught you to hate. and i can teach you the discipline to do the same! explaining behavior, not justifying it or making excuses.
using our arms to restrain with a hug rather than firing a shot, even when they deserve it (note how i said restrain rather than enable)! stopping violence at all levels through accountability via emotional connection. explaining that “when you did this, it hurt me” is far more powerful than hurting back. & how this peace should be displayed, not just through the way we handle our interpersonal conflicts, but also through our attitudes advocating against gun violence.
it is important to start inwards (self reflection) with our anti-violence work, and then use this change to advocate outwards. otherwise we miss a crucial step towards unification, and walking the talk!
ending gun violence, through embracing our soft skin- rather than our shields.
15 JUL 2022 · i was walking through the grocery store and stopped because i noticed some garlic cloves sprouting through their plastic packaging! it stopped me in my tracks to think about it for a second! really, nature heals through all of our self imposed plastic pollution- and can help us clean up our hearts!
how creating a connection with the earth has taught me to selflessly embrace myself throughout all of my seasons and changes, & how when i’m on the trails- i’m the least lonely when i’m alone! how learning about the life cycle has helped me to process whatever i’m going through!
for instance- when i start to self isolate, or when i don’t feel like my work is paying off, or when i feel trapped in a small town- i see myself and my problems, symbolized & already worked out in the trees in front of me. i see my arms in tree limbs and my story being sung by the birds. I’ve come to a place of personifying animal relationships to solve and explain my own issues. the forest is a place (but really, a being) that understands me!
an open discussion on what started out as me picking up a hobby of hiking, & how it morphed into a living relationship that has made me completely rethink the ethics surrounding land ownership. honoring indigenous peoples and recognizing that the earth doesn’t need us- we need it. why all people- including christians, (many of whom have historically voted in ways that are detrimental to the planet), should honor creation and advocate for its protection. as even 7 day creationists agree that this beautiful & divine place has been here before us!
feeling frustrated? maybe go sit under a tree and eat some fruit- it’s there that i always find the wisdom to put up with humanity lol
11 JUL 2022 · in high school, i first stopped shaving my armpits because it made my family uncomfortable (& bc i adore hippies). what truthfully started out as me rebelling and being stubborn to irritate my mom, morphed into something that became very gender affirming for me as i got older.
the teasing regarding my body hair didn’t bother me when i did it to prove a point- it wasn’t until i began feeling uncomfortable in my body when i shaved that it felt like an identity attack rather than a silly feminist ideology that was separate from my existence. it was then that i realized how radical it was to exist pleasurably in our natural bodies!
we can blame capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy, lots of big systems- but we can also grab the roots of these issues (haha pun intended) by dissecting how their impact manifests in our bodily presentations. reimagining a system of justice that teaches people who are shaming, to live unashamedly in their bodies. this alternative justice heals wounds and focuses on rehabilitation rather than punishment and throwing stones back in a cycle of harm.
my hope is that we find liberation through the simple things (like existing with body hair)! and from this, we become empowered enough to exist unapologetically (therefore showing others that it’s okay to do the same) & from this connection- together we’ll all show up for the big things like standing up for the marginalized.
ironically enough, existing with body hair turned me into someone who deeply cares about social justice- people are not political, they’re people existing!
here you'll find whatever's on my mind. hopefully you feel like we're on facetime! you are loved even (& especially) when you're not feelin' it!
Information
| Author | Natalie Willyerd |
| Organization | Natalie Willyerd |
| Categories | Personal Journals |
| Website | - |
| nataliewillyerd@gmail.com |
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