25 AUG 2020 · This episode is greatly inspired by this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHZ48AE3TOI Paraphrasing Yngwie Malmsteen… You tell me something that you perceive to be true in good faith for it is obvious to you that I don't know "Less" you say, "is more" But how can less be more? What form of alien math do you practice to make this calculation? For it makes no sense. Only more is more, you fool and one plus that must always be one more. If less was more A farmer might plant less seed and grow more crops next season or perhaps the heat of the fire would be less by adding more coals So less can never be more Unless by less you mean to add another special ingredient which was not there before In which case, it's still more. If less was more A fisherman might put less bait on a hook, and expect to catch more fish or maybe then he could just throw away the fishing line altogether and catch more fish with his bare hands. Then again, why even have hands? He'll catch more fish if you chop his hands off. But why then keep his arms? and so on. So you see, eventually you are left without even a person! This philosophy can only lead to nothing And we all know, of course that there is something, even if we're unsure of exactly what that is. So less, can never be more Only more is more How can less by fucking more? you idiots.

1 JUL 2020 · I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival With live theatre, but quite comedic It will involve hand puppets and some animatronics It's also about sustainability but not too woke I want to make a show for the Fringe Festival about electronic circuits with contemporary dance. There'll be some cool video projections and an explosive door prize entry is just 5 bucks I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival with maybe, a bit of magic and a few surprises Instead of a rabbit coming out of a hat, it's a koala! And the audience sits in the trees while the performers build a fire   But I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival with a live band and a sword-swallowing amputee Picture belly dancers with reptiles while members of the audience recite anonymous stories of disastrous first dates Then, I want to make this show for the Fringe Festival A kind of, burlesque science fiction Dinner will be served on vinyl records And there’s an upside-down DJ and a children’s choir live streamed, of course   But I really want to make this show for the Fringe Festival with a naked lady covered in glitter, who makes love to a transgender sex worker, on James St, in a box made of mirrors.

26 MAY 2020 · If buildings could speak they'd have much to say about their creaky concrete bones and how sore they are from the weight of all the things that happen inside them They have so many belly aches from mountains of documents still in filing cabinets and computer systems and furniture and floor coverings and wall hangings They'd probably tell you about the migraines from all the footstepsthrough hallways and talking and shuffling and coffee brewing and business making Maybe they'd be worried about the future as their lungs filled up with stale air through dirty air conditioner filters and old machines with noisy fans and stale cookingand breathing Still, mostly at night the buildings go to sleep and sometimes, they dream dream that they could speak and for once, only in their dreams everyone would listen and understand their important musings if buildings could speak

19 MAY 2020 · This week I failed Sorry

10 MAY 2020 · The quantum computer is coming They're just trying to make those little qubit things immune to interference from the big world Because when the big world leaks in the qubits stop working and the solutions are all wrong Once they work out an answer to this problem they'll be able to calculate bigger numbers than we ever imagined The big world Is like the real world The one that you and I can see It's just a problem That it keeps leaking in to the little one It makes that little qubit sound a bit like a nice dream that you're fighting to stay inside on the verge of waking up and when you do wake up you may be sad because you can't fly you don't have 600 million dollars and the cat you tried putting in a box with some radioactive material is still dead But recently, they discovered something else Those little qubit things Don't need to be completely isolated from the big world Because they can correct for the errors later But even then, there's a problem The quantum computer can calculate so much information that there is no computer big enough to test if the answer Is correct So as you can see it's nice to dream but there's really no point in building a quantum computer thank you

4 MAY 2020 · If only the way forward was clear instead, it's like watching a movie on a faulty monitor screen that keeps flashing on and off If only the way forward was clear but it's like walking through a storm and the wind is blowing you backwards while the rain stings your face If only the way forward was clear but it's like trying to see a beautiful body through glass bricks in a bathroom if only the way forward, could be clear but it's like trying to play a game that no-one ever taught you where the rules are always changing If only the way forward was clear there'd be a sign, pointing clearly in one direction instead of spinning in the wind If only the way forward was clear there'd be trails of bodies on the paths that shouldn't be taken piling up and blocking the way If only the way forward was clear then the world wouldn't sound like an orchestra forever tuning their instrumentswhile the first note of the concert is never played (move forward take a couple of steps turn right take two steps forward again turn left) If only the way forward was clear but it's like someone whispering directions in your left ear while another voice recites poetry in your right If only the way forward was clear...

26 APR 2020 · The vibration began in Jesus' pocket It wouldn't normally be a problem but Jesus was in the middle of a live stream with his iPhone connected to his AirPods Unfortunately, there was a bug in the software which sent the vibrating and buzzing over the top of his audible address to millions of his fans and followers Meanwhile, Kanye had joined the room and was also live on the voice channel along with Taylor Swift, who was already there She's always been a big fan of Jesus The buzzing didn't stop Indeed, it only got louder across the airwaves awakening in Kanye a certain sense of artistic absurdism He began to repeat the phrase 'doo doo dum dum?' The pitch went up at the end like that apparently signifying a question He kept saying it, over and over while the buzzing continued 'doo doo dum dum?' Taylor started giggling and whispered a question to Jesus with imitation tears 'Jesus, what are you trying to say to us?' Jesus knew that this entire live stream was compromised He couldn't work out how to stop the buzzing which was still growing louder And Kanye continued, 'doo doo dum dum?' Jesus replied to Taylor with as much authority as he could manage aided by turning up the reverb on his console 'I don't know' The words echoed around the globe For some followers this was all too much and they tuned out Others waited to see what would happen next 'doo doo dum dum?' Thousands of trolls were now typing into the live chat window insensitive comments and hurtful remarks however true, difficult to read for the small number of true followers left But none of this had any effect on Jesus He had removed his headphones and was no longer listening, to anyone He's been missing ever since

20 APR 2020 · Did you hear what Elon's up to? He wants to plug our brains directly into computers so we don't have to wait so long when we Google something He's also going to send some of us into space He's already launched a car up there It's still flying around the sun It has travelled further than any other car in the history of cars Elon, his name even sounds like a planet Did you hear what he did in South Australia when they had problems with their power infrastructure? He made them a big battery, the biggest ever. Did you hear what Elon said about Lidar? Lidar is like radar for self-driving cars But Elon worked out you don't even need it Because you can do it all with regular cameras Huh Did you see Elon on Joe Rogan when he smoked that joint? He didn't even get high I guess because he's already such a space man or maybe just because he bumsucked What about Elon's tunnel drilling company? It's called the 'Boring' company which some people might say is ironic But it's not really When Elon's Cybertruck got a broken window at the product launch It could've been a PR disaster Instead, a toy company made a remote control version With a cracked window decal and everyone had a laugh Also, you know that project you're working on Do you know what Elon would do? He'd strip it right back to first principles You might get a little frustrated because you thought you were almost there, almost finished But Elon would explain that you didn't think it through hard enough yet You didn't really break it down into first principles like he would In a strange way, Elon can see into the future But that's hardly surprising really because he's making the future Thanks Elon.

13 APR 2020 · music and prose by Roly Skender I arrive at the palace by bus The Queen and I are getting on surprisingly well She’s dressed elegantly in red In the giant hall we dance beneath chandeliers and cameras flash around us Family, dignitaries and the press watch on We talk about history and philosophy She confides in me some little-known annoyances, that she experiences in her role as monarch It’s a job in which, she discloses, she does her best She’s so easy to talk to Then, mid-conversation, she reaches down and grabs hold of my genitals I push her hand away and say ‘that’s not why I’m here’ but I don’t really know why I’m here Her strength is surprising With knees bent, I push her wrist away from my crotch We eventually drop to the floor together I apologise Men arrive to take her away from me, but she breaks free of them and rushes towards me This time I catch the force of her underarm grab with both hands at her forearm and the force is re-directed I remain in a broad, bent-knee stance as my feet slide backwards across the dance floor I narrowly avoid contact with a table of canapes Quite suddenly, it’s time to leave But I enjoyed dancing with the queen

5 APR 2020 · Guitar by Roly Skender Cool Vibes by Kevin MacLeod https://incompetech.com/ Promoted by MrSnooze https://youtu.be/iYOvAO1rAM0 License: CC BY 3.0 https://goo.gl/Yibru5 This tiger king What's the deal? A story of arseholes somehow spreading across the globe like a virus Is it any surprise,watching caged animals from cages of our own? So I've been listening to jazz The soft, detective kind and thinking up tropes about bad guys there's the bad guy in a bar The new bad guy that you start rooting for because he's now fucking over the original bad guy The bad guy that starts off good The bad guy with a weakness Usually in the form of a female child for whom he is also the protector the bad guy that keeps coming back the bad guy that plays pool the bad guy that tricks you the bad guy whose dad was a bad guy the bad guy that eats people and the bad guy that's a nihilist Netflix shares are up the rest is a bloodbath and somehow we know it's for the best Because the Tiger King is on TVHe can teach you how to lie to yourself so you don't have to feel the pain Only in America But beware of false prophets copycats, with mullets looking for their own throne and a kingdom to rule