We have all heard the romantic songs and watched the movies where obsession is painted as the ultimate expression of devotion. We are told that if you cannot sleep, eat, or breathe without someone, it must be true love. But modern psychology paints a very different, and much healthier, picture. There is a profound distinction between genuine love and what experts call emotional hunger, or emotional dependency. At its core, healthy love is built on a sense of safety and grounding. It is a secure bond where two people choose to be together while still maintaining their own individual emotional regulation. You can miss your partner, certainly, but you don't fall apart when they are temporarily unavailable. Emotional hunger, on the other hand, is driven by a nervous system stuck in threat mode. When you are emotionally dependent, your well-being is unhelpfully tethered to someone else, and you use that person as a bandage for your own past emotional wounds.

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