Happy Belated Birthday, Govinda!

I cannot tell you how important the work that you and Z and everyone involved in 20 on 20 is. It’s critical for us. The thing I find so difficult and I know many find difficult about ungodly thoughts is that after severe trauma from people that we trusted and loved and would’ve given our lives for....to fully realize what they thought of us in return is nearly unbearable. Many of us tried to play nice to the bitter end, hoping for a good outcome despite the slings and arrows, putting on a brave face knowing they needed to be crushed, but held back, only to be left without our dignity as they literally mocked, laughed at and you name it they did it. With pride to boot. So It’s humiliating. It’s atrocious and agonizing. So the thoughts of what we should have said, could have said, could have done start to linger and fester in our minds until not only are we throwing punches in the air pretending it’s our wicked loved ones, but the litigation of the cases, person by person is met with verdicts in our favor, yet it’s only a fantasy of restoration. . Prayers are almost useless and the mind is just going and going even when we are occupied with other things. We want it contrilolled. We know it’s wrong. We know God hates it. Yet, the agony of losing our dignity and the humiliation and ensuing pain seems a terminal sentence. The thoughts absolutely will not stop. This has me deeply concerned about my standing with God. I have faith. I know I do. But it seems the hatred I hold outweighs the faith and it’s just not clearing. It’s really scary. Thanks again for your uploads. It’s really really important work.

amen