March 14, 2001: Reshaped vows

This journey shall be looked at as one of getting caught, while taking no risks at lifting all truths to their rightful place. Countless times, I wish I had been writing during the final months of 1993—within those chapters are the well documented expressions of the purposes leading to all steps taken. I’ve got nothing to study! I’m given only memories, which have been shaved away into tiny specs of light, making them almost invisible. I’ve hurt for six years—I knew the rules were shattered and I’ve hated myself ever since. In the past two weeks, I’ve been forced to look in the mirror and stop running. I’ve run too long and for no reason other than to hide. Unlike my father, I can’t turn from the horror I’ve created. I shall face you, eye-to-eye and heart to heart and receive the judgment that best fits my crime. I’ll not cry a tear, for I knew what I was doing. I was sick when I walked into this relationship. I offered nothing for you to help heal.