Culturally, we think that we need to ‘stop’ doing the things that we’re already doing in order to obtain a goal that we have. Human’s brains aren’t wired for that to be easy, though. Stopping something is hard and stressful for most of us.What we should be doing instead is ‘start doing’ the things we would like to replace those undesirable habits with. This inevitably ‘crowds out’ that which isn’t serving us and leaves only that which is in alignment with our true desires. This can be equated to any habits and intentionally and purposefully choosing our habits is exactly how we create new ones that help us reach our desired outcomes.Most everyone try to start with the action of the habit and trying to change it. A better starting place would be with the belief systems around the action.
- Why are you continuing to choose this habit?
- What do you believe it’s doing for you?
- When or where did this stem from? Where’s the root?
Even cravings are simply thoughts.Everyone has some sort of trauma. There’s no way to avoid it. There are, of course, varying degrees of severity. Some of us have very nurturing environments, support systems and the mindset to be able to take these events in stride. Most of us don’t, and we turn to all sorts of poor habits to help get us through the emotional turmoil and damage.We can become addicted to all sorts of things, not just substances. Shopping, gambling, working out, food or anything in between can become an addiction. In order to become who we want to be, deserve to be, were born to be, we have to learn how to overcome these addictions that are holding us back.Some addictions, like alcohol, food or maybe even working out, are seen as more or less socially acceptable. We know alcoholism is a problem but it’s also part of the culture to offer someone a glass of wine if they’ve had a hard day or something. Poor or excessive food choices are just as dangerous for us as other types of addictions, but it’s socially acceptable to pass out candy and cookies or serve up highly processed junk.There are a lot of misconceptions about addiction, like everyone who becomes addicted to something has history of trauma but this doesn’t seem to hold up to the research. Also, not everyone who turns to substance abuse becomes addicted.10:00 –Aside from trauma, there are a multitude of reasons that someone may end up addicted to something like alcohol. Culture is the biggest, not only culture from a community stand point but also the culture of the career you go into may have you repeatedly exposed. Genetics, how your parents were and government regulation of the substance can all have an effect on the likelihood of addiction on a certain individual.We tend to like to look down on these people, insisting that they should just do better and that we would never find ourselves making the same decisions as someone detrimentally addicted to something. The truth is though, if we were them, we would be making the same choices because their experiences and encounters have led them to make the decisions that they do/did. Whatever is going on with someone else could have just as easily been us given the right circumstances for it.Availability is a large factor. Addictions like alcohol are more readily available which lends to more people becoming addicted.Many get introduced to these things as teens or children. This makes it incredibly important to have a solid line of communication and trust set up between parents and their children in order to help them navigate these situations when they arise. “You can’t prepare the path for the children but you can prepare the children for the path.”You really have to work at cultivating the relationship with your children when their young so that when they become teens, they’ll consider your advice. They’re going to get advice from somewhere and if they don’t trust and respect you, they may be getting it from their friends who may not have their best interest at hand.“Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work. Children are going to copy the behavior they see modeled for the most part so we should be doing our best to model appropriate behavior in all things from substances to emotional regulation. Sheltering children from the struggles of life does them more harm than good. We should be preparing the to the best of our abilities for the struggles they may face and that means being honest with them about how things are when the time is appropriate to do so.Many people with autism and/or ADHD turn to alcohol because it helps their symptoms. Anxiety is also lessened with alcohol, making people attracted to it.30:45 –There are a lot of therapeutic modalities that we can use to help us gain control over our addictions. Yoga, massage, dance and other physical activities help to get us into our bodies and focusing on what we feel there. Often times what we’re trying to do with alcohol is mask the things we’re feeling. If instead we can sit with and work through these feelings, we can come out the other side healed and no longer needing the substance to numb it.We store the pain and trauma in our bodies. They continue to cause us pain and issues until we address them. It’s an ancient concept that’s only just now starting to become mainstream. We’ve equated emotions to being something that’s just in our heads but they’re very much physical and have a very real impact on our physical bodies.Children can often be the triggering point to make people second guess their decisions. Sitting back and looking at your priorities is what we all need to do anyway, regularly. That often means just having the space and opportunity to take the time to do so, which most of us don’t take in our very yang culture. We feel like we have to be filling every moment of our day with something productive but sometimes the most productive thing we can do is stare off into space and think about things.Most problems will go away if we have someone in our corner who is actively listening, validating and simply allowing the space for us to process what we need to process in a supportive tone.If you don’t do the inner work that’s causing the problem in the first place, if you attempt to just quit the habit you’ll often end up just replacing it with another.Our yang culture has us participating in everything excessively. The balance is in incorporating the yin as well. Entrepreneurs are widely known for this.We have to upkeep what we have. Our homes, our bodies, our relationships, etc and all between. If we don’t upkeep what we already have, we can’t hope to get more. This means allowing for the down time, the cleaning and some of the more seemingly mundane things that are a natural part of life, even if they may not be as fun as some of the counter parts.You have to consider the mundane things in life as also part of your job. It’s your job to take care of your body. Our job is to manage our mental health proactively. It’s our job to make sure we’re managing anything in our life that may become a problem. It’s all a mindset.
https://www.bhaskaranbrown.com/get-over-ukAbout Our Guest
Duncan Bhaskaran BrownSpeaker. Author. Morris Dancer.
www.BhaskaranBrown.comSome people say that Duncan can help you to go beyond alcohol. But that isn’t it. Duncan will help you increase your energy, power up your productivity, improve your relationships and enjoy the heck out of life.After 20 years of overdoing it, he cleaned up his act and trained with the world’s most successful stop smoking service. But that wasn’t enough. He studied at Cornell University, the Chartered Management Institute and in a windowless room in Peterborough. But that wasn’t enough.He wrote a couple of books, most recently ‘Real Men Quit’, the armchair macho guide to beating booze and finding the life you want. But that wasn’t enough. He’s started interviewing the sober superstars and conducting research projects which involved watching TV. But that wasn’t enough.What would be enough? Maybe if alcohol-free was the default, if sober was the new normal and if alcohol stops destroying people. Maybe then Duncan will sit down with a mint tea and sci-fi novel and relax. Maybe.
