5 Rules For Dating After Divorce
It’s been a while since I talked about dating so I thought I could revisit it this week.

For some of you, dating is the farthest thing from your mind. You can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again because of the pain your last one has brought you. If there was a local chapter of the “He-man Woman Haters Club” You’d sign up immediately.

But for others you can’t wait to get “back in the game.” Some of you even started dating before the divorce was final. The thought of being alone terrifies you.

That brings me to...
Rule #1: Don’t start dating too soon.
We live in a couples-oriented society. Everything we do seems to be geared for couples. This is never more evident than in the weeks and months after the breakup of a marriage.

The temptation is great to jump back into the dating game. You want to know that you still “have it” or better yet, you want to prove to your ex that you are capable of attracting the opposite sex.

But there is a great danger on jumping back into a relationship too soon. If you haven’t taken the time to heal from your divorce, you will be bringing all the baggage from that relationship into your new one. This makes it very difficult to have a healthy attitude towards dating.

If you feel like you need to be in a relationship, you will not be in a position to make wise decisions. You may find yourself settling for someone who really isn’t a good fit. It’s very likely that you will eventually realize you’ve made a poor choice and then you’ll have another failed relationship from which to heal.

An extension of this rule is not to date anyone who is dating too soon. If you have only been divorces a short while, or worse yet, their divorce isn’t final, you are asking for a broken heart if you get involved.
Rule #2: Know what you want.
eHarmony has lists of must haves and can’t stands. I like to call them deal breakers. Whatever name you use, it is wise to go into dating with an idea of what you want.

There should be some non-negotiables on your list. If you can’t stand smokers, don’t start dating someone who smokes thinking you can get them to quit. If faith is important to you, only date people who have similar beliefs. If you are a parent it may be wise to only date other parents. Your list will be unique to you, but you need a list.

For me, someone who was never married or didn’t have kids was not an option. Likewise, I was only willing to date other Christians. Relationships are hard enough without having major differences to deal with.
Rule #3: Approach dating with an open mind.
Don’t have your list of qualifications so long that you will never find someone who measures up. The way to meet people seems to have moved to the internet. I met my wife through one of the online dating sites and we couldn’t be happier. She almost didn’t agree to a first date because my style of facial hair and the fact that I like motorcycling gave her the impression I was the rough biker type, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

My point is that you need to develop a relatively short list of deal breakers, use that as a starting point, then go out and have fun.

Don’t make hasty decisions about someone based on a photo or something they may write in a dating profile. Be quick to agree to a first date and then make a decision in person.
Rule #4: Get counsel before dating.
Talk to your Pastor of another trusted advisor before beginning to date. There are many factors that play into whether or not you are ready. Someone who knows you and can give you sound, reasoned advice may see something that you don’t see. They may tell you need to work on X, Y, or Z before you step back into the dating world.
Rule #5: Don’t date if reconciliation is possible.
Finally, if there is any chance that you can reconcile with your ex, you have no business dating. Even if it’s very unlikely, but you would take him or her back, don’t date.