Your piece rings so true for me. I am fortunate that I did not go into Theology. After I went through catechism in the Anglican (Episcopal) church, my church’s minister approached my mother and told her that I should go into the ministry, reasoning being that I asked the most interesting questions. She told me this many years after it happened. I understand the struggle, as I struggled with my indoctrinated faith for many years, which a lot of it involved fear. My studying of Pure Mathematics helped me immensely but that early indoctrination will always be there in the background. When I look a my moral compass today some of it comes from that indoctrination but a huge portion of it comes from my mother and to a lesser extent my father.