I watched the new limited series “Halston” last night, about the rise and fall of fashion designer Roy Halston. Whenever I experience some biopic about the trials and tribulations of some legendary figure fighting toward their definition of success it gets me thinking about my own definition of success.

Now, it’s not my place to tell you what your definition of success should be, but I think it’s ok if I encourage you to understand what it is, so you know where you’re headed, and so you’ll know when you’ve arrived.

Even more important than knowing what your definition of success is, is knowing why it is. When it comes to knowing oneself “why” is perhaps the most important question you could ever ask, and often the most difficult one to answer. Why do we want a particular thing? Why do we think a particular way? Why do we want what we want? To know such things can only come from the hard work of knowing oneself.

And it is hard work. I know this not only because knowing myself continues to be one of the great labors of my own life, but also because it lies at the heart of my design career. If you’ve ever been a client or had us over for a consult or just been a faithful listener to the show, then you know how interested I am in knowing not only what you want but why you want it. I became ten times the designer—almost overnight—once I learned to search for my client’s “why.” Once I know my client’s “why,” that’s when I’m best able to meet their needs with “what” I’m going to create for them.

Knowing the “why” has helped my business in other ways. Once I know a client’s “why” I know why I’m there at all. I kid you not, there have been projects where I discovered I wasn’t there to design a home but rather to save a marriage. That’s not what the clients were thinking or saying out loud but that was the subtext every time I watched them bicker over details. I design homes. I can’t save marriages. I can’t heal childhood traumas. I can’t satiate endless ambitions driven by unknown or unattended emotional wounds. So my chances of satisfying such clients? Slim to none. So now, when there’s just too much of that kind of thing going on, those are projects I respectfully decline.

Knowing the “why” of my own definition of success has also made me better at knowing when to get to work and when to stop working. My son—who is running his own construction firm and juggling the endless responsibilities that come with it—once asked me, “When there’s hours and hours more work than there is time in a day, when every client wants everything yesterday, when you’re the boss and everything is your responsibility, and to top it all off … when you actually love and find fulfillment in what you do … how do you pull away and end the work day?”

My answer was …eh … I think one of the better ones I’ve given him …

You pull yourself away from your projects because you remember they’re not the only things you’re building. You’re also building a marriage, a family, and meaningful friendships. You pull yourself away because you’re not just building homes … you’re building a whole life." If you truly understand the “why’s” of your life then you’ll find a way for them all to make it into your schedule.

And now it’s time to honor my “other than work” projects and bring our time together to a close. Hopefully I’ve done my work this morning but, either way, now everything else can wait until tomorrow. If you can, you should try to do the same. Don’t just chase after some unconscious definition of success. Define success yourself. Understand your “why.” Then, get busy building not just a career, but a beautiful life.