Surviving Divorce Podcasthttps://www.spreaker.com/podcast/surviving-divorce-podcast--996884enSociety & CultureCopyright GD Lengacherhttps://d3wo5wojvuv7l.cloudfront.net/t_rss_itunes_square_1400/images.spreaker.com/original/e0bf98198a5a7dbad14b9b879280c74c.jpgSurviving Divorce Podcasthttps://www.spreaker.com/podcast/surviving-divorce-podcast--996884Fri, 22 Nov 2024 10:39:13 +0000GD LengacherGD Lengacherfeeds@spreaker.comHelping you find hope and healing after divorce. GD Lengacher is not a trained counselor, lawyer, or minister. He is simply a guy who's been through divorce and wants to help others not only survive but thrive after their divorce.cleanepisodic226 Back To Schoolhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/226-back-to-school--12500131http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=499Fri, 04 Aug 2017 00:47:40 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...732blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull225 Being Friendly With Your Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/225-being-friendly-with-your-ex--12383641http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=495Wed, 19 Jul 2017 03:11:30 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...785blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull224 Jealousy, Anger, and Your Ex Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/224-jealousy-anger-and-your-ex-dating--12229673http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=492Tue, 27 Jun 2017 23:39:44 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...702blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull223 Divorce Without Kidshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/223-divorce-without-kids--12170807http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=489Wed, 21 Jun 2017 00:25:59 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...741blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull222 Finding Contentmenthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/222-finding-contentment--12117107http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=487Wed, 14 Jun 2017 23:20:50 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...657blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull221 Summary Of The Grieving Processhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/221-summary-of-the-grieving-process--11977942http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=485Mon, 29 May 2017 01:10:50 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...584blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull220 Acceptancehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/220-acceptance--11922518http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=483Mon, 22 May 2017 02:48:58 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...639blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull219 Depressionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/219-depression--11742359http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=480Fri, 28 Apr 2017 21:06:04 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...785blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull218 Bargaininghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/218-bargaining--11661886http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=478Wed, 19 Apr 2017 02:18:38 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...631blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull217 Angerhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/217-anger--11608142http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=474Tue, 11 Apr 2017 22:11:02 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...737blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull216 Denialhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/216-denial--11547642http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=472Tue, 04 Apr 2017 03:10:14 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...791blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull215 Identifying Your Losseshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/215-identifying-your-losses--11459153http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=470Thu, 23 Mar 2017 03:30:32 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...828blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull214 Life Is Shorthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/214-life-is-short--11389934http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=467Wed, 15 Mar 2017 00:58:27 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...272blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull213 Griefhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/213-grief--11327890http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=465Tue, 07 Mar 2017 03:46:33 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...896blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull212 Don’t Burn Bridgeshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/212-don-t-burn-bridges--11189904http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=463Mon, 27 Feb 2017 01:31:46 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...754blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull211 You Survivedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/211-you-survived--10950553http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=460Mon, 20 Feb 2017 03:19:05 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...632blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull210 Divorcing With No Kidshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/210-divorcing-with-no-kids--10768987http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=458Tue, 14 Feb 2017 01:49:43 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...792blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull209 When It’s All Your Faulthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/209-when-it-s-all-your-fault--10588979http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=456Tue, 07 Feb 2017 02:42:44 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...601blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull208 Keeping It Realhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/208-keeping-it-real--10394492http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=454Thu, 26 Jan 2017 23:13:58 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...733blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull207 Happy New Yearhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/207-happy-new-year--10235845http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=452Wed, 04 Jan 2017 00:33:41 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...923blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull206 Merry Christmashttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/206-merry-christmas--10135899http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=450Sun, 18 Dec 2016 21:44:10 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...791blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull205 Opposite Sex Friendshipshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/205-opposite-sex-friendships--10060906http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=447Thu, 08 Dec 2016 01:56:25 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...803blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull204 Thanksgivinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/204-thanksgiving--9884092http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=445Wed, 16 Nov 2016 02:06:22 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...649blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull203 Taking Care Of Yourselfhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/203-taking-care-of-yourself--9815418http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=441Mon, 07 Nov 2016 03:31:49 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...774blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull202 Detaching From Your Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/202-detaching-from-your-ex--9741700http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=438Fri, 28 Oct 2016 03:15:26 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...785blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull201 When Your Ex Is An Addicthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/201-when-your-ex-is-an-addict--9684482http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=435Fri, 21 Oct 2016 01:28:55 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...785blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull200 Financeshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/200-finances--9578542http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=433Thu, 06 Oct 2016 18:09:24 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...899blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull199 Moving For The Kidshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/199-moving-for-the-kids--9519374http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=431Thu, 29 Sep 2016 01:10:03 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...785blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull198 My Ex Wanted A Divorce So We Could Start Overhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/198-my-ex-wanted-a-divorce-so-we-could-start-over--9395306http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=426Mon, 12 Sep 2016 23:01:42 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...801blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull197 When Your Child Doesn’t Want To Go With Youhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/197-when-your-child-doesn-t-want-to-go-with-you--9338999http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=424Mon, 05 Sep 2016 19:56:10 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...811blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull196 Dealing With An Overly Friendly Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/196-dealing-with-an-overly-friendly-ex--9243231http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=420Tue, 23 Aug 2016 01:50:29 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...781blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull195 Establishing Status Quohttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/195-establishing-status-quo--9198729http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=418Tue, 16 Aug 2016 01:24:45 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...868blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull194 Be Preparedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/194-be-prepared--9144654http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=416Sun, 07 Aug 2016 22:05:43 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...785blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull193 Housing Issues and Being Alonehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/193-housing-issues-and-being-alone--9098250http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=413Sun, 31 Jul 2016 21:05:09 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...1001blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull192 Mid-Life Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/192-mid-life-divorce--9051986http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=412Sun, 24 Jul 2016 20:01:04 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...1131blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull191 Letting Go And Moving Onhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/191-letting-go-and-moving-on--9017772http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=409Tue, 19 Jul 2016 20:48:52 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...985blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull190 The Pursuit Of Happinesshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/190-the-pursuit-of-happiness--8910979http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=407Sun, 03 Jul 2016 20:15:44 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...1057blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull189 Dealing With Rejectionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/189-dealing-with-rejection--8859214http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=405Sun, 26 Jun 2016 20:00:45 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...1032blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull188 Why Is My Ex So Unconcernedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/188-why-is-my-ex-so-unconcerned--8817565http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=403Tue, 21 Jun 2016 00:22:50 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...1145blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull187 When Am I Ready To Start Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/187-when-am-i-ready-to-start-dating--8753432http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=400Sun, 12 Jun 2016 19:30:02 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...1271blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull186 The Five Stages Of Griefhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/186-the-five-stages-of-grief--8697748http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=398Sun, 05 Jun 2016 19:13:07 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...1282blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull185 Don’t Let Divorce Define Youhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/185-don-t-let-divorce-define-you--8601502http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=396Wed, 25 May 2016 02:15:17 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...1035blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull184 A Change In The Weatherhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/184-a-change-in-the-weather--8519983http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=394Mon, 16 May 2016 00:14:24 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...659blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull183 Mother’s And Father’s Dayhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/183-mother-s-and-father-s-day--8474650http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=391Tue, 10 May 2016 23:39:45 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...678blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull182 Don’t Get Ahead Of Yourselfhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/182-don-t-get-ahead-of-yourself--8412038http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=389Wed, 04 May 2016 01:27:51 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...754blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull181 Do I Really Need A Lawyerhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/181-do-i-really-need-a-lawyer--8358027http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=387Wed, 27 Apr 2016 02:00:49 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...676blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull180 Forgiving Part 2https://www.spreaker.com/episode/180-forgiving-part-2--8285328http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=385Mon, 18 Apr 2016 02:57:49 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...911blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull179 The Importance Of Forgivinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/179-the-importance-of-forgiving--8230172http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=383Sun, 10 Apr 2016 22:21:13 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...881blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull178 The Early Days Of Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/178-the-early-days-of-divorce--8171388http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=381Mon, 04 Apr 2016 00:00:25 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...862blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull177 Second Chanceshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/177-second-chances--8123957http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=379Tue, 29 Mar 2016 00:31:51 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...618blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull176 When The Hurts Keep Cominghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/176-when-the-hurts-keep-coming--8059466http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=377Sun, 20 Mar 2016 23:21:48 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...887blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull175 Be Careful What You Say Around Your Kidshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/175-be-careful-what-you-say-around-your-kids--8006355http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=375Tue, 15 Mar 2016 03:08:01 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...831blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull174 Your Wife Says She Loves You But Wants A Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/174-your-wife-says-she-loves-you-but-wants-a-divorce--7941962http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=286Mon, 07 Mar 2016 02:25:39 +0000GD LengacherThe Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce. To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day trial go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce. If you have a question you would like answered...912blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull173 Be Smart With Your Financeshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/173-be-smart-with-your-finances--7891473http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=284Mon, 29 Feb 2016 03:25:48 +0000GD Lengacher784blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfullWhat Happened To The Podcasthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/what-happened-to-the-podcast--7862533http://survivingdivorcepodcast.com/?p=282Wed, 24 Feb 2016 23:29:46 +0000GD Lengacher175blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull082 Habits Of Financially Successful Peoplehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/082-habits-of-financially-successful-people--7856736http://141307c6c20b8fe2b16d4f70fbde7dd1Wed, 24 Feb 2016 06:17:13 +0000GD Lengacher1118blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull172 What The Super Bowl Can Teach Us About Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/172-what-the-super-bowl-can-teach-us-about-divorce--7737250
To get a free copy of Single, Married, Separated and Life after Divorce and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1421Sun, 07 Feb 2016 22:04:16 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free copy of Single, Married, Separated and Life after Divorce and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>727blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull172 What The Super Bowl Can Teach Us About Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/172-what-the-super-bowl-can-teach-us-about-divorce--7856649http://e26845e60c6c19949037c68d9f5d7a63Sun, 07 Feb 2016 22:03:40 +0000GD Lengacher727blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull171 Dealing With Your Ex’s Affair Partner After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/171-dealing-with-your-ex-s-affair-partner-after-divorce--7685574
To get a free copy of Single, Married, Separated and Life after Divorce and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1418Mon, 01 Feb 2016 01:27:07 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free copy of Single, Married, Separated and Life after Divorce and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>929blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull171 Dealing With Your Ex’s Affair Partner After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/171-dealing-with-your-ex-s-affair-partner-after-divorce--7856655http://e1504621728e1892df582b18fb951f55Mon, 01 Feb 2016 01:23:58 +0000GD Lengacher929blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull170 A Mom Feels Like She’s Being Replacedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/170-a-mom-feels-like-she-s-being-replaced--7632169
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1414Sun, 24 Jan 2016 22:13:40 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>889blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull170 A Mom Feels Like She’s Being Replacedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/170-a-mom-feels-like-she-s-being-replaced--7856653http://d707a66e07083b275d36fc1dfb798798Sun, 24 Jan 2016 22:07:48 +0000GD Lengacher889blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull169 Everyone Eventually Wants To Reconcilehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/169-everyone-eventually-wants-to-reconcile--7583119
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1410Mon, 18 Jan 2016 01:34:01 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>967blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull169 Everyone Eventually Wants To Reconcilehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/169-everyone-eventually-wants-to-reconcile--7856656http://6691cc85b8c77e69c58f83326b662ab5Mon, 18 Jan 2016 01:33:15 +0000GD Lengacher967blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull168 Be Preparedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/168-be-prepared--7534004
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1406Mon, 11 Jan 2016 00:29:57 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>852blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull168 Be Preparedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/168-be-prepared--7856654http://9a93acf6dd05f0cc54b70ba2a2f6252bMon, 11 Jan 2016 00:26:47 +0000GD Lengacher852blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull167 My Husband Is An Abusive Narcissisthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/167-my-husband-is-an-abusive-narcissist--7489492
To get a free copy of my book Surviving Divorce and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1402Mon, 04 Jan 2016 03:40:51 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free copy of my book Surviving Divorce and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>909blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull167 My Husband Is An Abusive Narcissisthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/167-my-husband-is-an-abusive-narcissist--7856652http://3eb9e5032d650e95a29bb186a858a3a4Mon, 04 Jan 2016 03:35:00 +0000GD Lengacher909blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull166 New Year Episodehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/166-new-year-episode--7448987
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1397Mon, 28 Dec 2015 04:09:27 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>484blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull166 New Year Episodehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/166-new-year-episode--7856648http://ce791a09c2944f2825acfd9ee07f8afaMon, 28 Dec 2015 03:28:09 +0000GD Lengacher484blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull165 Merry Christmashttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/165-merry-christmas--7413966
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1393Tue, 22 Dec 2015 01:29:32 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>728blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull165 Merry Christmashttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/165-merry-christmas--7856647http://0eda059aa9b86117032220bceeda1f7cTue, 22 Dec 2015 01:19:48 +0000GD Lengacher728blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull164 He Proposed! Now What?https://www.spreaker.com/episode/164-he-proposed-now-what--7362789
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1387Mon, 14 Dec 2015 00:39:07 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free audiobook and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>965blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull164 He Proposed! Now What?https://www.spreaker.com/episode/164-he-proposed-now-what--7856658http://6f8d20ecb564b3c627804ef853b1ce12Mon, 14 Dec 2015 00:35:52 +0000GD Lengacher965blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull163 Dealing With Regrethttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/163-dealing-with-regret--7311497
To get a free copy of Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: Live in the Present, Find Your Future and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1383Sun, 06 Dec 2015 22:25:41 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free copy of Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: Live in the Present, Find Your Future and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>860blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull163 Dealing With Regrethttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/163-dealing-with-regret--7856650http://698366b8af8a9857b231b429e59c93eaSun, 06 Dec 2015 22:23:48 +0000GD Lengacher860blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull162 Surviving The Holidayshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/162-surviving-the-holidays--7267281
To get a free audio book and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1379Mon, 30 Nov 2015 05:08:18 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free audio book and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>875blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull162 Surviving The Holidayshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/162-surviving-the-holidays--7856651http://c4eac086a92a9e2da0fbc2b9301f59baMon, 30 Nov 2015 04:52:31 +0000GD Lengacher875blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull161 Encore Thanksgiving Episodehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/161-encore-thanksgiving-episode--7219002
To get a free audio book and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1377Mon, 23 Nov 2015 01:56:18 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free audio book and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce]]>592blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull160 How Soon To Date After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/160-how-soon-to-date-after-divorce--7171285
To get a free copy of Boundaries in Dating and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1374Mon, 16 Nov 2015 00:47:13 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free copy of Boundaries in Dating and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>887blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull160 How Soon To Date After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/160-how-soon-to-date-after-divorce--7856657http://b9be2aa2409dde8be5d5ddbf0cabaf79Fri, 13 Nov 2015 01:11:00 +0000GD Lengacher887blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull159 Surviving An Affairhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/159-surviving-an-affair--7115729
To get a free copy of Surviving An Affair and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1371Mon, 09 Nov 2015 04:44:29 +0000GD LengacherCovering divorce recovery topics such as grief, healing, loneliness, anger, parenting, finances, career, etc., the Surviving Divorce Podcast is a weekly podcast dedicated to helping you find the hope and healing you need after your divorce. To get a...
To get a free copy of Surviving An Affair and start a 30 day free trial on Audible go to audibletrial.com/survivingdivorce ]]>768blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull159 Surviving An Affairhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/159-surviving-an-affair--7856659http://1caeb69b1884717c3c7b93773bda63f1Mon, 09 Nov 2015 04:44:00 +0000GD Lengacher768blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull158 The Importance Of Faithhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/158-the-importance-of-faith--7028344http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1294Mon, 02 Nov 2015 01:05:10 +0000GD Lengacher903blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull158 The Importance Of Faithhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/158-the-importance-of-faith--7856662http://ddb7b148bc9e1fbc43d91c5f12afbf2dMon, 02 Nov 2015 01:00:20 +0000GD Lengacher903blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull157 The Cycles Of Lifehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/157-the-cycles-of-life--6911925http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1288Sun, 25 Oct 2015 21:09:02 +0000GD Lengacher861blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull157 The Cycles Of Lifehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/157-the-cycles-of-life--7856661http://94fcd2c3fe91050d5f75bd330c387f53Sun, 25 Oct 2015 20:57:35 +0000GD Lengacher861blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull156 Quit Fighting Over Moneyhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/156-quit-fighting-over-money--7856660http://967af81aed96938d4e3ade763cb231c7Tue, 20 Oct 2015 02:24:31 +0000GD Lengacher772blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull156 Quit Fighting Over Moneyhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/156-quit-fighting-over-money--6877986http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1285Tue, 20 Oct 2015 02:16:01 +0000GD Lengacher772blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull155 Child Supporthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/155-child-support--6829180http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1281Mon, 12 Oct 2015 22:36:02 +0000GD Lengacher756blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull155 Child Supporthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/155-child-support--7856663http://4bd09744de6ff4e81e671f2448d94f57Mon, 12 Oct 2015 22:35:05 +0000GD Lengacher756blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull154 Identity Criseshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/154-identity-crises--6743351http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1277Sun, 04 Oct 2015 22:01:46 +0000GD Lengacher929blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull154 Identity Criseshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/154-identity-crises--7856664http://d64d3a894bd983e3d1ee5a1c5c23883aSun, 04 Oct 2015 21:58:34 +0000GD Lengacher929blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull153 Setting Boundarieshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/153-setting-boundaries--6701395http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1274Tue, 29 Sep 2015 00:56:33 +0000GD Lengacher884blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull153 Setting Boundarieshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/153-setting-boundaries--7856665http://bbb6cc53bd6a5d8b7a3f4ae6cdd0926bTue, 29 Sep 2015 00:56:07 +0000GD Lengacher884blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull152 Raw Emotionshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/152-raw-emotions--6654877http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1268Sun, 20 Sep 2015 22:51:54 +0000GD Lengacher1031blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull152 Raw Emotionshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/152-raw-emotions--7856666http://0f397ccf6ce0645bda2fb7fcd527d502Sun, 20 Sep 2015 22:51:29 +0000GD Lengacher1031blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull151 One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasurehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/151-one-man-s-trash-is-another-man-s-treasure--6620466http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1262Sun, 13 Sep 2015 21:27:54 +0000GD Lengacher719blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull151 One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Treasurehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/151-one-man-s-trash-is-another-man-s-treasure--7856667http://e5fb6fa7648068e4540bfb4ef24500d5Sun, 13 Sep 2015 21:24:46 +0000GD Lengacher719blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull150 Dealing With Lonelinesshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/150-dealing-with-loneliness--6593277http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1259Mon, 07 Sep 2015 21:51:39 +0000GD Lengacher764blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull150 Dealing With Lonelinesshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/150-dealing-with-loneliness--7856681http://5b58a6f25689f99de54de900affcf2beMon, 07 Sep 2015 21:50:16 +0000GD Lengacher764blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull149 Listener Q&Ahttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/149-listener-q-a--6563724
 

https://blab.im/g-d-lengacher-surviving-divorce-podcast-community-blab]]>http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1255Tue, 01 Sep 2015 02:09:34 +0000GD LengacherI will be hosting a live Q&A session on Friday, Sep 4 at 9 pm eastern/ 6 pacific.  The link to join the Q&A can be found below.  I will inviting one person at a time to join me for a few minutes and answer their questions.  You can just listen in if...
 

https://blab.im/g-d-lengacher-surviving-divorce-podcast-community-blab]]>410blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull149 Listener Q&Ahttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/149-listener-q-a--7856668http://1a8fa535319e50be3e105bb01e40b08aTue, 01 Sep 2015 02:09:05 +0000GD Lengacher410blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull148 Ashley Madison – If Your Marriage Ended As A Result Of An Affairhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/148-ashley-madison-if-your-marriage-ended-as-a-result-of-an-affair--6525868http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1249Mon, 24 Aug 2015 01:18:14 +0000GD Lengacher1072blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull148 Ashley Madison – If Your Marriage Ended As A Result Of An Affairhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/148-ashley-madison-if-your-marriage-ended-as-a-result-of-an-affair--7856674http://f98eb55bb83fce9f1c1da674388020ebMon, 24 Aug 2015 01:08:54 +0000GD Lengacher1072blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull147 4 Things To Do Nowhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/147-4-things-to-do-now--6500473http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1246Tue, 18 Aug 2015 01:34:28 +0000GD Lengacher769blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull147 Things To Do Nowhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/147-things-to-do-now--7856669http://ced18fe8f6419802fa095074ac9ed818Tue, 18 Aug 2015 01:31:26 +0000GD Lengacher769blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull146 Kermit and Miss Piggyhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/146-kermit-and-miss-piggy--6475209http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1217Sun, 09 Aug 2015 23:12:44 +0000GD Lengacher939blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull146 Kermit And Miss Piggyhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/146-kermit-and-miss-piggy--7856671http://d0bed3bc13656faa14fe0a5378a1c46aSun, 09 Aug 2015 21:37:34 +0000GD Lengacher939blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull145 Separationhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/145-separation--6442411http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1206Mon, 03 Aug 2015 23:30:42 +0000GD Lengacher966blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull145 Separationhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/145-separation--7856672http://26eaa49ec963761c7c6fe506b25809a9Mon, 03 Aug 2015 23:26:35 +0000GD Lengacher966blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull144 Reconciling / Restoring Your Marriagehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/144-reconciling-restoring-your-marriage--6411135http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1203Tue, 28 Jul 2015 01:18:25 +0000GD Lengacher758blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull144 Reconciling / Restoring Your Marriagehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/144-reconciling-restoring-your-marriage--7856688http://4d812a0694541f243bc5b40db0a6f819Tue, 28 Jul 2015 00:48:45 +0000GD Lengacher758blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull143 Becoming A Better Youhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/143-becoming-a-better-you--6380469http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1199Tue, 21 Jul 2015 02:06:56 +0000GD Lengacher764blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull143 Becoming A Better Youhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/143-becoming-a-better-you--7856673http://9c926f84b6be8b4ab68f2f3f8a6c5426Tue, 21 Jul 2015 02:01:43 +0000GD Lengacher764blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull142 Dealing With A Passive Aggressive Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/142-dealing-with-a-passive-aggressive-ex--6357206http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1189Wed, 15 Jul 2015 23:34:45 +0000GD Lengacher883blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull142 Dealing With A Passive Aggressive Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/142-dealing-with-a-passive-aggressive-ex--7856670http://1f6b9e88b5f43d37e85e5ce6617a4a18Wed, 15 Jul 2015 23:34:16 +0000GD Lengacher883blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull141 How Did I Forgivehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/141-how-did-i-forgive--6313652http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1186Mon, 06 Jul 2015 00:00:45 +0000GD Lengacher897blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull141 How Did I Forgivehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/141-how-did-i-forgive--7856676http://5fe75f5590ffbb587cf3c48601d545d7Thu, 02 Jul 2015 02:09:22 +0000GD Lengacher897blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull140 Freedomhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/140-freedom--6282611http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1182Mon, 29 Jun 2015 01:54:07 +0000GD Lengacher644blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull140 Freedomhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/140-freedom--7856675http://ac23b7e5f0e1636371dc4c101752ebeeSun, 28 Jun 2015 01:56:40 +0000GD Lengacher644blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull139 Starting Overhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/139-starting-over--6250610http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1184Mon, 22 Jun 2015 00:57:00 +0000GD Lengacher922blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull139 Starting Overhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/139-starting-over--7856677http://e0afdfb18a736a764dab0087b6e80280Sat, 20 Jun 2015 03:07:47 +0000GD Lengacher922blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull138 It’s Summertimehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/138-it-s-summertime--6217745http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1179Mon, 15 Jun 2015 01:31:45 +0000GD Lengacher582blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull138 It’s Summertimehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/138-it-s-summertime--7856678http://c2fb995cd4eb6deee1dbaf15081d963bMon, 15 Jun 2015 01:29:59 +0000GD Lengacher582blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull137 Co-Parenting With Gracehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/137-co-parenting-with-grace--6184129http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1177Sun, 07 Jun 2015 23:33:43 +0000GD Lengacher942blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull137 Co-Parenting With Gracehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/137-co-parenting-with-grace--7856680http://81a396182326635489d14f658fea5787Sun, 07 Jun 2015 23:31:04 +0000GD Lengacher942blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull136 The Masks We Wearhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/136-the-masks-we-wear--6131694http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1175Thu, 28 May 2015 04:20:02 +0000GD Lengacher735blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull136 The Masks We Wearhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/136-the-masks-we-wear--7856679http://097759b7be66689b2a91f33682134036Thu, 28 May 2015 04:18:56 +0000GD Lengacher735blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull135 Divorced With a Newbornhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/135-divorced-with-a-newborn--6093812http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1173Wed, 20 May 2015 01:57:34 +0000GD Lengacher736blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull135 Divorced With A Newbornhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/135-divorced-with-a-newborn--7856682http://8cbc3d11e5813d1c3b2307363e4522d2Wed, 20 May 2015 01:55:14 +0000GD Lengacher736blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull134 Dealing With An Angry Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/134-dealing-with-an-angry-ex--6028613http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1165Tue, 05 May 2015 23:43:48 +0000GD Lengacher785blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull134 Dealing With An Angry Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/134-dealing-with-an-angry-ex--7856683http://2068d33fe74b2c766bb1967c92fb3e75Tue, 05 May 2015 23:42:38 +0000GD Lengacher785blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull133 What’s Nexthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/133-what-s-next--5988510http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1162Mon, 27 Apr 2015 16:07:40 +0000GD Lengacher942blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull133 What’s Nexthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/133-what-s-next--7856684http://29ef0e609525c7d5d79f097e945e75f5Mon, 27 Apr 2015 02:19:07 +0000GD Lengacher942blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull132 ‘Encore’ Avoiding Isolationhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/132-encore-avoiding-isolation--5962119http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1160Wed, 22 Apr 2015 02:07:01 +0000GD Lengacher1073blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull132 ‘Encore’ Avoiding Isolationhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/132-encore-avoiding-isolation--7856685http://ceedeaa6c9ecbf6421c3403ee4087539Wed, 22 Apr 2015 02:06:17 +0000GD Lengacher1073blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull131 Jealousy And Friendshiphttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/131-jealousy-and-friendship--5884579http://www.supportafterdivorce.com/?p=1158Mon, 06 Apr 2015 03:14:32 +0000GD Lengacher900blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull131 Jealousy And Friendshiphttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/131-jealousy-and-friendship--7856711http://a51453e4c963b63e11dc1cf7e58dca2aMon, 06 Apr 2015 03:10:13 +0000GD Lengacher900blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull130 It’s Official, Divorce Hurtshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/130-it-s-official-divorce-hurts--5851430https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5851430Mon, 30 Mar 2015 01:45:08 +0000GD Lengacher1021blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull130 It’s Official, Divorce Hurtshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/130-it-s-official-divorce-hurts--7856686http://667aae2e6e4a8dd496e98c33d897f92dMon, 30 Mar 2015 01:44:01 +0000GD Lengacher1021blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull129 Breaking The Tieshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/129-breaking-the-ties--5809591https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5809591Sat, 21 Mar 2015 01:38:11 +0000GD Lengacher901blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull129 Breaking The Tieshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/129-breaking-the-ties--7856687http://9ce2e531f692f37393aed948fe6b9d0fSat, 21 Mar 2015 01:36:25 +0000GD Lengacher901blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull128 Addiction And Affairhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/128-addiction-and-affair--5784714https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5784714Sun, 15 Mar 2015 22:17:54 +0000GD Lengacher806blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull128 Addiction And Affairhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/128-addiction-and-affair--7856690http://2423484d690a37b47f2e2fee6a18ec93Sun, 15 Mar 2015 22:16:29 +0000GD Lengacher806blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull127 Listener Feedbackhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/127-listener-feedback--5742659https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5742659Sat, 07 Mar 2015 03:29:56 +0000GD Lengacher529blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull127 Listener Feedbackhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/127-listener-feedback--7856689http://8706b447d85983ccad17669d59d63e40Sat, 07 Mar 2015 03:28:58 +0000GD Lengacher529blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull126 Crimes Of Passionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/126-crimes-of-passion--5700956https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5700956Thu, 26 Feb 2015 03:39:48 +0000GD Lengacher582blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull126 Crimes Of Passionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/126-crimes-of-passion--7856691http://0eecf5b6c0719d7230a7d338eebbe54eThu, 26 Feb 2015 03:36:09 +0000GD Lengacher582blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull125 The 5 Stages Of Griefhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/125-the-5-stages-of-grief--5667502https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5667502Thu, 19 Feb 2015 04:17:06 +0000GD Lengacher1339blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull125 The 5 Stages Of Griefhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/125-the-5-stages-of-grief--7856692http://02014a27c4fab1262d5ff420c32c6c4cSat, 14 Feb 2015 04:19:25 +0000GD Lengacher1339blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull124 A Time For Everythinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/124-a-time-for-everything--5635495https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5635495Thu, 12 Feb 2015 01:04:53 +0000GD Lengacher479blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull124 A Time For Everythinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/124-a-time-for-everything--7856693http://41f424a13bcfc0035b0f2ffced26a231Wed, 11 Feb 2015 01:02:22 +0000GD Lengacher479blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull123 Why Are You Herehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/123-why-are-you-here--5617161https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5617161Sat, 07 Feb 2015 21:54:13 +0000GD Lengacher961blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull123 Why Are You Herehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/123-why-are-you-here--7856697http://f98f458c5c8189096899ea201f38a920Sat, 07 Feb 2015 21:34:42 +0000GD Lengacher961blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull122 Defined By Choicehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/122-defined-by-choice--5583773https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5583773Sat, 31 Jan 2015 05:02:42 +0000GD Lengacher844blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull121 How You View Your Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/121-how-you-view-your-ex--5534595https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5534595Wed, 21 Jan 2015 23:32:27 +0000GD Lengacher619blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull121 How You View Your Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/121-how-you-view-your-ex--7856694http://efe54e8bd13c9adf7b6067c540ef816bWed, 21 Jan 2015 23:31:29 +0000GD Lengacher619blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull120 Property Disputeshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/120-property-disputes--5490966https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5490966Thu, 15 Jan 2015 01:34:18 +0000GD Lengacher1009blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull120 Property Disputeshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/120-property-disputes--7856696http://771d8efbf840c0096185299b04bbe960Wed, 14 Jan 2015 00:43:49 +0000GD Lengacher1009blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull119 – It’s A New Year, Make The Best Of Ithttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/119-it-s-a-new-year-make-the-best-of-it--5419681https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5419681Thu, 01 Jan 2015 05:10:35 +0000GD Lengacher522blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull119 It’s A New Year, Make The Best Of Ithttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/119-it-s-a-new-year-make-the-best-of-it--7856698http://539478c55b39c7c9b67c3e079399ad80Wed, 31 Dec 2014 04:11:57 +0000GD Lengacher522blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull118 Why Do The Holidays Hurt So Muchhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/118-why-do-the-holidays-hurt-so-much--5369687https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5369687Fri, 19 Dec 2014 00:52:31 +0000GD Lengacher842blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull118 Why Do The Holidays Hurt So Muchhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/118-why-do-the-holidays-hurt-so-much--7856699http://d3de9f66a787ce235c9140174e261558Fri, 19 Dec 2014 00:51:54 +0000GD Lengacher842blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull117 When You’re Falsely Accusedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/117-when-you-re-falsely-accused--7856701http://ee9b461b690e99cebe90e0943a1768d1Wed, 10 Dec 2014 01:15:47 +0000GD Lengacher836blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfullHang In Therehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/hang-in-there--5305396https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5305396Thu, 04 Dec 2014 02:15:56 +0000GD Lengacher728blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull116 Why Does My Ex Dating Hurt So Muchhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/116-why-does-my-ex-dating-hurt-so-much--5230507https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5230507Thu, 20 Nov 2014 04:18:54 +0000GD Lengacher728blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull116 Why Does My Ex Dating Hurt So Muchhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/116-why-does-my-ex-dating-hurt-so-much--7856700http://2dc566e429bacbea41e64e33c1e997ebThu, 20 Nov 2014 04:18:28 +0000GD Lengacher728blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull115 Is He Confusedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/115-is-he-confused--5201902https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5201902Thu, 13 Nov 2014 02:56:39 +0000GD Lengacher801blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull115 Is He Confusedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/115-is-he-confused--7856702http://c6724439475486f327b4046e7853246bThu, 13 Nov 2014 02:52:10 +0000GD Lengacher801blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull114 Am I The Exceptionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/114-am-i-the-exception--5173975https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5173975Thu, 06 Nov 2014 05:05:00 +0000GD Lengacher801blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull114 Am I The Exceptionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/114-am-i-the-exception--7856703http://9341c9185ce8a455e4dcfd9028151e6cThu, 06 Nov 2014 05:04:26 +0000GD Lengacher801blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull113 Disappointment Rejection and Bitternesshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/113-disappointment-rejection-and-bitterness--5145476https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5145476Thu, 30 Oct 2014 03:16:56 +0000GD Lengacher927blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull113 Disappointment Rejection And Bitternesshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/113-disappointment-rejection-and-bitterness--7856720http://f0f4c0134584ac82f9688f5487632397Thu, 30 Oct 2014 03:12:39 +0000GD Lengacher927blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull112 Don’t Be Paralyzed By Fearhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/112-don-t-be-paralyzed-by-fear--5115111https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5115111Thu, 23 Oct 2014 01:48:01 +0000GD Lengacher723blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull112 Don’t Be Paralyzed By Fearhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/112-don-t-be-paralyzed-by-fear--7856704http://f5d44f0a79eccf1642a8578651e4e7dcThu, 23 Oct 2014 01:45:59 +0000GD Lengacher723blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull111 – When You Caused The Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/111-when-you-caused-the-divorce--5085354https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5085354Thu, 16 Oct 2014 01:26:49 +0000GD Lengacher775blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull111 When You Caused The Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/111-when-you-caused-the-divorce--7856705http://25d2e70e8240f80335086f3f13ab96ebThu, 16 Oct 2014 01:21:50 +0000GD Lengacher790blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull110 – Extreme Sadness and Deep Depressionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/110-extreme-sadness-and-deep-depression--5056930https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5056930Thu, 09 Oct 2014 00:48:01 +0000GD Lengacher822blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull110 Extreme Sadness And Deep Depressionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/110-extreme-sadness-and-deep-depression--7856706http://7d0fdd3d5cfedbac60f96201d73748a0Thu, 09 Oct 2014 00:46:06 +0000GD Lengacher822blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull109 – SDP – Dealing With Guilthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/109-sdp-dealing-with-guilt--5030860https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5030860Thu, 02 Oct 2014 03:59:54 +0000GD Lengacher857blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull109 Dealing With Guilthttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/109-dealing-with-guilt--7856707http://6977eda09306b429a21f7b0f7fe21927Thu, 02 Oct 2014 03:58:36 +0000GD Lengacher857blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull108 – SDP – Sometimes You Need A Little Helphttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/108-sdp-sometimes-you-need-a-little-help--5003947https://api.spreaker.com/episode/5003947Thu, 25 Sep 2014 02:00:01 +0000GD Lengacher848blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull108 Sometimes You Need A Little Helphttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/108-sometimes-you-need-a-little-help--7856708http://7c2fc8d4de5b5d13eeb074a966938caeThu, 25 Sep 2014 00:49:51 +0000GD Lengacher848blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull107 – SDP – Don’t Worry About Healing When You’re In The Battlehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/107-sdp-don-t-worry-about-healing-when-you-re-in-the-battle--4978114https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4978114Thu, 18 Sep 2014 04:14:45 +0000GD Lengacher939blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull107 Don’t Worry About Healing When You’re In The Battlehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/107-don-t-worry-about-healing-when-you-re-in-the-battle--7856709http://e01e6ba0886bc0cddf811848101b7632Thu, 18 Sep 2014 04:13:54 +0000GD Lengacher939blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull106 – SDP – Dealing With Regrethttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/106-sdp-dealing-with-regret--4950509https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4950509Thu, 11 Sep 2014 01:43:31 +0000GD Lengacher933blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull106 Dealing With Regrethttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/106-dealing-with-regret--7856710http://b62fb480888e7192cd9b6c3d6ad91323Thu, 11 Sep 2014 01:42:50 +0000GD Lengacher933blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull105 – SDP – When The Church Lets You Downhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/105-sdp-when-the-church-lets-you-down--4924803https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4924803Thu, 04 Sep 2014 00:15:43 +0000GD Lengacher1189blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull105 When The Church Lets You Downhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/105-when-the-church-lets-you-down--7856712http://6640dc3a44931be78dd19ca9e463643cTue, 02 Sep 2014 23:24:11 +0000GD Lengacher1189blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull104 – SDP – Encore – The Pursuit Of Happinesshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/104-sdp-encore-the-pursuit-of-happiness--4899066https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4899066Wed, 27 Aug 2014 23:46:33 +0000GD Lengacher1102blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull104 Encore – The Pursuit Of Happinesshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/104-encore-the-pursuit-of-happiness--7856715http://d8bd9b9cbdb608d00fc33654660670fbWed, 27 Aug 2014 23:45:55 +0000GD Lengacher1102blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull103 – SDP – Encore of Episode 35 – When You’re Forced To Leavehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/103-sdp-encore-of-episode-35-when-you-re-forced-to-leave--4874048https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4874048Thu, 21 Aug 2014 01:48:11 +0000GD Lengacher1209blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull102 – SDP – Fighting For Custody & Online Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/102-sdp-fighting-for-custody-online-dating--4849603https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4849603Thu, 14 Aug 2014 02:11:45 +0000GD Lengacher936blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull102 Fighting For Custody & Online Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/102-fighting-for-custody-online-dating--7856714http://905bcfa24fa53066de0ae10ea160adbfThu, 14 Aug 2014 02:10:46 +0000GD Lengacher936blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull101 – SDP – The Role Of Faith In Your Healinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/101-sdp-the-role-of-faith-in-your-healing--4823848https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4823848Thu, 07 Aug 2014 01:18:05 +0000GD Lengacher1098blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull101 The Role Of Faith In Your Healinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/101-the-role-of-faith-in-your-healing--7856713http://55798ca734343a9d25cd68cd25053356Thu, 07 Aug 2014 01:16:06 +0000GD Lengacher1098blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull100 – SDP – Rejection, Betrayal, and Regrethttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/100-sdp-rejection-betrayal-and-regret--4799981https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4799981Thu, 31 Jul 2014 23:24:19 +0000GD Lengacher1018blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull100 Rejection Betrayal And Regrethttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/100-rejection-betrayal-and-regret--7856716http://28f2901a350a89d0c0f874146a626eeeThu, 31 Jul 2014 23:22:52 +0000GD Lengacher1018blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull099 – SDP – Protect Yourself Onlinehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/099-sdp-protect-yourself-online--4774209https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4774209Fri, 25 Jul 2014 02:39:02 +0000GD Lengacher891blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull099 Protect Yourself Onlinehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/099-protect-yourself-online--7856717http://f312b457ad47138f689e13abbc797006Fri, 25 Jul 2014 02:37:54 +0000GD Lengacher891blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull098 – SDP – Rebound Or Much Worse?https://www.spreaker.com/episode/098-sdp-rebound-or-much-worse--4742722https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4742722Thu, 17 Jul 2014 02:39:19 +0000GD Lengacher888blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull098 Rebound Or Much Worsehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/098-rebound-or-much-worse--7856718http://aff62e6a0a567dc73b217247c554ffb5Thu, 17 Jul 2014 02:38:22 +0000GD Lengacher888blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull097 – SDP – Toxic Personalities / Toxic Peoplehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/097-sdp-toxic-personalities-toxic-people--4713290https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4713290Wed, 09 Jul 2014 22:49:10 +0000GD Lengacher1002blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull097 Toxic Personalities / Toxic Peoplehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/097-toxic-personalities-toxic-people--7856727http://1bd6d6297e783d8dc42941d9b1acb44dWed, 09 Jul 2014 22:30:25 +0000GD Lengacher1002blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull096 – SDP – Independence Dayhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/096-sdp-independence-day--4685585https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4685585Wed, 02 Jul 2014 16:29:50 +0000GD Lengacher688blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull096 Independence Dayhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/096-independence-day--7856722http://da19e00436c3aab5fbeedd0d0a0760ecThu, 26 Jun 2014 02:30:06 +0000GD Lengacher688blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull095 – SDP – It’s Finally Herehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/095-sdp-it-s-finally-here--4659205https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4659205Thu, 26 Jun 2014 02:28:07 +0000GD Lengacher831blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull095 It’s Finally Herehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/095-it-s-finally-here--7856723http://5c22be1872f5bb4bb46ad099b1903e8bThu, 26 Jun 2014 02:19:46 +0000GD Lengacher831blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull094 – SDP – Separated But Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/094-sdp-separated-but-dating--4629186https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4629186Thu, 19 Jun 2014 02:45:19 +0000GD Lengacher1000blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull094 Separated But Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/094-separated-but-dating--7856724http://9255738c6fb03e4e7c625a50ab2d2572Thu, 19 Jun 2014 02:37:47 +0000GD Lengacher1000blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull093 – SDP – 4 Things To Considerhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/093-sdp-4-things-to-consider--4600264https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4600264Wed, 11 Jun 2014 23:09:31 +0000GD Lengacher994blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull093 4 Things To Considerhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/093-4-things-to-consider--7856725http://aa356c69a6831507e4796417457c0916Wed, 11 Jun 2014 23:07:14 +0000GD Lengacher994blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull092 – SDP – Boundaries Revisitedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/092-sdp-boundaries-revisited--4575614https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4575614Fri, 06 Jun 2014 02:04:42 +0000GD LengacherThe recent podcast I did on Healthy Boundaries was one of the most popular recent podcasts.1048blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull092 Boundaries Revisitedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/092-boundaries-revisited--7856726http://f9c38992f6608d817217fee7f21eabdaFri, 06 Jun 2014 01:55:57 +0000GD Lengacher1048blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull091 – SDP – The Perils Of Dating Too Soonhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/091-sdp-the-perils-of-dating-too-soon--4536022https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4536022Wed, 28 May 2014 01:13:30 +0000GD Lengacher1076blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull091 The Perils Of Dating Too Soonhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/091-the-perils-of-dating-too-soon--7856738http://2548225223183d492fe352209342e7c1Wed, 28 May 2014 00:40:42 +0000GD Lengacher1076blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull090 – SDP – Seeing Your Ex For Who They Really Arehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/090-sdp-seeing-your-ex-for-who-they-really-are--4504201https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4504201Thu, 22 May 2014 00:42:46 +0000GD Lengacher940blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull090 Seeing Your Ex For Who They Really Arehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/090-seeing-your-ex-for-who-they-really-are--7856728http://51783789ca1238245d589f1c3b29e3e8Thu, 22 May 2014 00:28:55 +0000GD Lengacher940blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull089 – SDP – Co-Parenting Doesn’t Endhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/089-sdp-co-parenting-doesn-t-end--4471113https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4471113Thu, 15 May 2014 11:25:09 +0000GD Lengacher979blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull089 Co-Parenting Doesn’t Endhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/089-co-parenting-doesn-t-end--7856729http://b6fdef8ec625cd23599e048b1badd7c6Thu, 15 May 2014 11:03:06 +0000GD Lengacher979blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull088 – SDP – How Do I Get Unstuckhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/088-sdp-how-do-i-get-unstuck--4441733https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4441733Fri, 09 May 2014 01:30:13 +0000GD Lengacher1021blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull088 How Do I Get Unstuckhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/088-how-do-i-get-unstuck--7856730http://083a948dd2f3bc94fd68f1c1ae144ffdFri, 09 May 2014 01:00:26 +0000GD Lengacher1021blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull087 – SDP – The Languages Of Lovehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/087-sdp-the-languages-of-love--4403880www.5lovelanguages.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4403880Wed, 30 Apr 2014 01:04:53 +0000GD Lengacherwww.5lovelanguages.comwww.5lovelanguages.com]]>1181blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull087 The Languages Of Lovehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/087-the-languages-of-love--7856733http://c40c69fa5dc29516fdb8540bcc4d8404Wed, 30 Apr 2014 01:01:15 +0000GD Lengacher1181blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull086 – SDP – Pride Comes Before A Fallhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/086-sdp-pride-comes-before-a-fall--4374171https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4374171Wed, 23 Apr 2014 00:43:15 +0000GD Lengacher931blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull086 Pride Comes Before A Fallhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/086-pride-comes-before-a-fall--7856734http://e5df3438b580e2d40d09e9e0845a0cbaTue, 22 Apr 2014 22:30:57 +0000GD Lengacher931blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull085 – SDP – Healthy Boundarieshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/085-sdp-healthy-boundaries--4349860https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4349860Thu, 17 Apr 2014 12:31:21 +0000GD Lengacher927blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull085 Healthy Boundarieshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/085-healthy-boundaries--7856732http://6fef4f217c238180c6365b241f284403Wed, 16 Apr 2014 23:59:36 +0000GD Lengacher927blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull084 – SDP – Preparing For The Mountain Top While You’re In The Valleyhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/084-sdp-preparing-for-the-mountain-top-while-you-re-in-the-valley--4321653
Life is like that.  You are likely in the valley of divorce.  Now is the time to prepare for the next mountain top experience.  Now is the time to prepare for your forever marriage.  Now is the time for your dream job.  Just understand that whenever you reach that next mountain top, you won't stay there.  You must come back to the valley to prepare for what's in store next.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4321653Fri, 11 Apr 2014 02:47:37 +0000GD LengacherThis mountain was the inspiration for this episode.  I was traveling for work in the Salt Lake City area and the man I was meeting there took me on tour of the area.  On the way back to my hotel, he took me up into these mountains.  But, we could only...
Life is like that.  You are likely in the valley of divorce.  Now is the time to prepare for the next mountain top experience.  Now is the time to prepare for your forever marriage.  Now is the time for your dream job.  Just understand that whenever you reach that next mountain top, you won't stay there.  You must come back to the valley to prepare for what's in store next.]]>810blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull084 Preparing For The Mountain Top While You’re In The Valleyhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/084-preparing-for-the-mountain-top-while-you-re-in-the-valley--7856731http://19de8d9e17a1c3357531583d0f754a1dFri, 11 Apr 2014 00:30:40 +0000GD Lengacher810blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull083 – SDP – The Source Of True Healinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/083-sdp-the-source-of-true-healing--4287298https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4287298Fri, 04 Apr 2014 00:52:25 +0000GD Lengacher996blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull083 The Source Of True Healinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/083-the-source-of-true-healing--7856749http://fee8eb26241afde66da4f52df3e5ea41Thu, 03 Apr 2014 23:39:25 +0000GD Lengacher996blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull082 – SDP – Habits Of Financially Successful Peoplehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/082-sdp-habits-of-financially-successful-people--4247154https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4247154Wed, 26 Mar 2014 23:39:35 +0000GD Lengacher1118blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull081 – SDP – How To Deal With Your Ex Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/081-sdp-how-to-deal-with-your-ex-dating--4210527
Dating too soon after divorce is the single biggest mistake I see people make.  And, contrary to what it may seem like to you, it's a mistake made by both men and women.  It's a mistake made by the one wanting a divorce and the one who wants to stay married.   Young twenty-somethings with no kids make this mistake as do mid-life empty nesters.  Almost anyone is susceptible to falling in to this trap.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4210527Wed, 19 Mar 2014 01:19:04 +0000GD LengacherI recently received an email from Sandy with the following question: "Why do men rush in to dating and relationships so quickly after divorce?  I have a very hard time getting this, especially after 39 years together.  I am waiting longer than a year...
Dating too soon after divorce is the single biggest mistake I see people make.  And, contrary to what it may seem like to you, it's a mistake made by both men and women.  It's a mistake made by the one wanting a divorce and the one who wants to stay married.   Young twenty-somethings with no kids make this mistake as do mid-life empty nesters.  Almost anyone is susceptible to falling in to this trap.]]>1154blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull081 How To Deal With Your Ex Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/081-how-to-deal-with-your-ex-dating--7856737http://136370e63f866d816a8d10d93dddc797Tue, 18 Mar 2014 22:11:13 +0000GD Lengacher1154blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull080 – SDP – Housing & Being Alonehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/080-sdp-housing-being-alone--4182756https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4182756Thu, 13 Mar 2014 01:13:05 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I discuss housing issues and being alone after divorce.1032blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull080 Housing & Being Alonehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/080-housing-being-alone--7856740http://190e890af178a65b42c2b05450170b7bThu, 13 Mar 2014 01:11:01 +0000GD Lengacher1032blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull079 – SDP – Letting Go & Moving Onhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/079-sdp-letting-go-moving-on--4145173https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4145173Wed, 05 Mar 2014 01:45:21 +0000GD LengacherLetting go and moving on was the recurring theme in many of the responses to the question " What is you greatest struggle?" in the recent survey I asked you to complete.967blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull079 Letting Go & Moving Onhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/079-letting-go-moving-on--7856750http://6544f02ab76ac0e512d4aa5bc56d19e2Wed, 05 Mar 2014 01:43:38 +0000GD Lengacher967blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull078 – SDP – Divorce And Adult Childrenhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/078-sdp-divorce-and-adult-children--4110388https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4110388Wed, 26 Feb 2014 01:05:59 +0000GD Lengacher1106blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull078 Divorce And Adult Childrenhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/078-divorce-and-adult-children--7856739http://1d376e5a4805747176389ede41dafb8aWed, 26 Feb 2014 00:51:23 +0000GD Lengacher1106blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull077 – SDP – So You’re Getting Divorced, Now What?https://www.spreaker.com/episode/077-sdp-so-you-re-getting-divorced-now-what--4075369https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4075369Wed, 19 Feb 2014 02:39:25 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode we go back to the basics.1103blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull077 So Your’re Getting Divorced, Now Whathttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/077-so-your-re-getting-divorced-now-what--7856741http://e6992c2b6811dc3a57e6659f1553e282Wed, 19 Feb 2014 02:00:33 +0000GD Lengacher1103blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull076 – SDP – Learn To Love Yourselfhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/076-sdp-learn-to-love-yourself--4043896https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4043896Thu, 13 Feb 2014 02:36:13 +0000GD LengacherIt's coming up on Valentine's Day and even though you're hurting you need to learn to love yourself.965blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull076 Learn To Love Yourselfhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/076-learn-to-love-yourself--7856742http://f05e916da4c331ae1d17253550008aedThu, 13 Feb 2014 01:46:42 +0000GD Lengacher965blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull075 – SDP – Mid-Life Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/075-sdp-mid-life-divorce--4002598https://api.spreaker.com/episode/4002598Wed, 05 Feb 2014 04:23:26 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I discuss the topic of divorce during mid-life.1170blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull075 Mid-Life Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/075-mid-life-divorce--7856743http://62260d71ccea7b28872a40a4184127faWed, 05 Feb 2014 04:18:42 +0000GD Lengacher1170blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull074 – SDP – I Have No Idea What I’m Supposed To Dohttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/074-sdp-i-have-no-idea-what-i-m-supposed-to-do--3964666
"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, I only know what I can do"

This is a common feeling when going through divorce.  We just don't know what we are supposed to do.  But there are many things you can do.

You can take steps toward healing, better finances, better health, and a better career.

Here is a link to the survey:  http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/CTJ8HHG]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3964666Wed, 29 Jan 2014 04:42:12 +0000GD LengacherI recently watched Star Trek: Into Darkness and found the following quote intriguing "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, I only know what I can do" This is a common feeling when going through divorce.  We just don't know what we are supposed to...
"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, I only know what I can do"

This is a common feeling when going through divorce.  We just don't know what we are supposed to do.  But there are many things you can do.

You can take steps toward healing, better finances, better health, and a better career.

Here is a link to the survey:  http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/CTJ8HHG]]>905blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull074 I Have No Idea What I’m Supposed To Dohttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/074-i-have-no-idea-what-i-m-supposed-to-do--7856746http://6598cbff95cca55b3bb5393223be6706Wed, 29 Jan 2014 04:18:05 +0000GD Lengacher905blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull073 – SDP – When To Let Gohttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/073-sdp-when-to-let-go--3928482https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3928482Wed, 22 Jan 2014 03:19:21 +0000GD LengacherMatt from South Africa asks a question about how long to hold out hope for reconciliation1007blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull073 When To Let Gohttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/073-when-to-let-go--7856744http://49fc429a462a54ceffdc6b5de902c9efWed, 22 Jan 2014 03:08:46 +0000GD Lengacher1007blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull072 – SDP – Invest In Yourselfhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/072-sdp-invest-in-yourself--3897686
Learning
Career
Health
Relationships

Books mentioned in today's episode: (these are affiliate links and will generate a small commission for Support After Divorce)

48 Days To The Work You Love

No More Dreaded Mondays]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3897686Thu, 16 Jan 2014 00:53:09 +0000GD LengacherIt is important to keep investing in yourself.  You need to invest in: Learning Career Health Relationships Books mentioned in today's episode: (these are affiliate links and will generate a small commission for Support After Divorce) 48 Days...
Learning
Career
Health
Relationships

Books mentioned in today's episode: (these are affiliate links and will generate a small commission for Support After Divorce)

48 Days To The Work You Love

No More Dreaded Mondays]]>1175blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull072 – Surviving Divorce Podcast.mp3https://www.spreaker.com/episode/072-surviving-divorce-podcast-mp3--7856745http://af99545092f08ec5271537c9a603ee03Thu, 16 Jan 2014 00:49:30 +0000GD Lengacher1175blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull071 – SDP – When Your Ex Won’t Take Responsibilityhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/071-sdp-when-your-ex-won-t-take-responsibility--3858197https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3858197Wed, 08 Jan 2014 01:59:19 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I answer a question about how to co-parent when your ex won't admit their role in the breakdown of the marriage.717blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull071 – Surviving Divorce Podcast.mp3https://www.spreaker.com/episode/071-surviving-divorce-podcast-mp3--7856747http://56d03bec2021d9e4799093f6411222daFri, 03 Jan 2014 02:34:30 +0000GD Lengacher717blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull070 – SDP – Make 2014 Your Best Year Everhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/070-sdp-make-2014-your-best-year-ever--3831159https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3831159Wed, 01 Jan 2014 22:53:50 +0000GD Lengacher905blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull069 – SDP – Dealing With Holiday Stress Revisitedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/069-sdp-dealing-with-holiday-stress-revisited--3769659https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3769659Wed, 18 Dec 2013 05:19:11 +0000GD LengacherI know I just covered this before Thanksgiving but, I think it's important to cover again.818blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull068 – SDP – My Ex Dates People Who Look Like Mehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/068-sdp-my-ex-dates-people-who-look-like-me--3737843https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3737843Wed, 11 Dec 2013 03:24:00 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I answer a question about why an ex would date people who look just like you.850blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull067 – SDP – Why Does My Ex Want Sex?https://www.spreaker.com/episode/067-sdp-why-does-my-ex-want-sex--3707133https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3707133Wed, 04 Dec 2013 12:50:11 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I answer a listener's question about why her soon-to-be ex husband still wants to have sex with her.888blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull066 – SDP – Thanksgiving Episodehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/066-sdp-thanksgiving-episode--3673303https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3673303Wed, 27 Nov 2013 02:09:58 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I talk about the things I am thankful for and encourage you to find things you can be thankful for as well.592blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull065 – SDP – The Perfect Stormhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/065-sdp-the-perfect-storm--3643246
 

Join the Surviving Divorce Handbook Insider's Club and get advance copies of the book plus all the bonuses.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643246Wed, 20 Nov 2013 01:30:05 +0000GD LengacherIn this week's episode I address another question from Greg whose question I also answered in episode 55.  Greg has managed to complicate his life based on some poor choices he made.  Hopefully his story will be an example to those of you...
 

Join the Surviving Divorce Handbook Insider's Club and get advance copies of the book plus all the bonuses.]]>1047blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull064 – SDP – Holiday Blueshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/064-sdp-holiday-blues--3643251
Start planning now on how you are going to handle the holidays.  Invite single friends over, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or just enjoy the time alone.
Surviving Divorce Handbook Insiders
Join the Surviving Divorce Handbook Insiders Club.  Get early copies of the handbook as it is being developed. Get a free copy of the finished book and bonus material.
Click Here]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643251Wed, 13 Nov 2013 04:01:32 +0000GD LengacherWe all get the blues from time to time but the first holiday season after divorce can be especially tough.  You may be spending the holidays away from your kids for the first time.  Traditions with the in-laws that go back years are proceeding without...
Start planning now on how you are going to handle the holidays.  Invite single friends over, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or just enjoy the time alone.
Surviving Divorce Handbook Insiders
Join the Surviving Divorce Handbook Insiders Club.  Get early copies of the handbook as it is being developed. Get a free copy of the finished book and bonus material.
Click Here]]>989blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull063 – SDP – Bad Advice I Have Receivedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/063-sdp-bad-advice-i-have-received--3643249A listener recently asked about bad divorce advice I have received.

Tom asks “You have mentioned several times on your podcast that you received a lot of bad advice during the divorce process. Could you tell us what that bad advice was and how you dealt with it?”

Well, the most prevalent piece of bad advice I received as well as most of the people I have had the opportunity to work with was just to get back out there and find somebody. This is generally given with good intentions. Family and friends do not want to see you hurting and the know that a new relationship would ease the pain. Unfortunately, the pain relief from dating too soon is short lived and the pain that comes from another broken relationship just adds to the hurt you are already facing.

The right course of action is to wait. Wait at least a year and maybe longer to being dating. In my years of working with divorced people I have never had someone tell me the regretted waiting but I have had many people tell me that they started dating too soon.

Closely related to this is some terrible advice my wife received early in her divorce process. She was asked if her ex had a best friend and then encouraged to date him for revenge. Similarly, she was also given advice to seek out one-night-stands and have no strings attached sex. Both of these are really bad advice on so many levels but the people giving the advice were very serious.

Anything done for revenge will not help you in the healing process. Data your ex’s best friend would only complicate matters and keep the level of hostility at an unnecessarily high level. This will keep you angry far longer than you need to be. Likewise, no strings attached sex may feel good in the moment but will only delay healing. Plus, you expose yourself to STD’s and the potential of an unplanned pregnancy.

The final piece of bad relationship advice I received was to not ever even consider marrying again. This came from someone who experienced a very bitter and hurtful divorce and who never completed the healing process. As a result, he had become a very bitter man. I knew almost immediately that I wanted to be married again someday and God finally brought a woman who is perfect for me into my life.

On a spiritual level I had people tell me that God would restore my marriage if I had enough faith. The problem with that statement is that my ex did not want the marriage restored. If God were to grant me my request, it would have meant forcing her to do something against her will. The way I read scripture God gives us free will to choose whether to do the right thing or not even though He could. He would not force her to return to the marriage against her will.

Finally, I had someone tell me that God was punishing me. Now, I do believe that God corrects those He loves and that correction can sometimes feel like punishment, but I don’t think that God would ever use Divorce as a punishment. There are far too many people who are negatively impacted by divorce. It would not be punishment for just one person but a large group of innocent people. Kids, extended family, friends etc. all suffer because of divorce.

That being said, divorce may be a natural consequence for the bad behavior of a spouse. If you cheated, were abusive, or in some way abandoned the marriage divorce may be the outcome of the law of sowing and reaping.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643249Wed, 06 Nov 2013 03:37:08 +0000GD LengacherBad Advice I Have Received A listener recently asked about bad divorce advice I have received. Tom asks “You have mentioned several times on your podcast that you received a lot of bad advice during the divorce process. Could you tell us what that...A listener recently asked about bad divorce advice I have received.

Tom asks “You have mentioned several times on your podcast that you received a lot of bad advice during the divorce process. Could you tell us what that bad advice was and how you dealt with it?”

Well, the most prevalent piece of bad advice I received as well as most of the people I have had the opportunity to work with was just to get back out there and find somebody. This is generally given with good intentions. Family and friends do not want to see you hurting and the know that a new relationship would ease the pain. Unfortunately, the pain relief from dating too soon is short lived and the pain that comes from another broken relationship just adds to the hurt you are already facing.

The right course of action is to wait. Wait at least a year and maybe longer to being dating. In my years of working with divorced people I have never had someone tell me the regretted waiting but I have had many people tell me that they started dating too soon.

Closely related to this is some terrible advice my wife received early in her divorce process. She was asked if her ex had a best friend and then encouraged to date him for revenge. Similarly, she was also given advice to seek out one-night-stands and have no strings attached sex. Both of these are really bad advice on so many levels but the people giving the advice were very serious.

Anything done for revenge will not help you in the healing process. Data your ex’s best friend would only complicate matters and keep the level of hostility at an unnecessarily high level. This will keep you angry far longer than you need to be. Likewise, no strings attached sex may feel good in the moment but will only delay healing. Plus, you expose yourself to STD’s and the potential of an unplanned pregnancy.

The final piece of bad relationship advice I received was to not ever even consider marrying again. This came from someone who experienced a very bitter and hurtful divorce and who never completed the healing process. As a result, he had become a very bitter man. I knew almost immediately that I wanted to be married again someday and God finally brought a woman who is perfect for me into my life.

On a spiritual level I had people tell me that God would restore my marriage if I had enough faith. The problem with that statement is that my ex did not want the marriage restored. If God were to grant me my request, it would have meant forcing her to do something against her will. The way I read scripture God gives us free will to choose whether to do the right thing or not even though He could. He would not force her to return to the marriage against her will.

Finally, I had someone tell me that God was punishing me. Now, I do believe that God corrects those He loves and that correction can sometimes feel like punishment, but I don’t think that God would ever use Divorce as a punishment. There are far too many people who are negatively impacted by divorce. It would not be punishment for just one person but a large group of innocent people. Kids, extended family, friends etc. all suffer because of divorce.

That being said, divorce may be a natural consequence for the bad behavior of a spouse. If you cheated, were abusive, or in some way abandoned the marriage divorce may be the outcome of the law of sowing and reaping.]]>1043blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull062 – SDP – Budgeting For The Holidays – Encorehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/062-sdp-budgeting-for-the-holidays-encore--3643253https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643253Wed, 30 Oct 2013 02:25:59 +0000GD LengacherMy voice is still not back to normal so here is a replay of episode 14 : Budgeting For The Holidays1188blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfullEncore of Episode 36 – Don’t Let Divorce Define Youhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/encore-of-episode-36-don-t-let-divorce-define-you--3643247
 

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643247Tue, 22 Oct 2013 21:35:26 +0000GD LengacherI am suffering from an allergy induced fall cold and my voice is not up to recording this week.   I am re-airing one of the more popular episodes from the past - Don't Let Divorce Define You.    
 

 ]]>1006blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull061 – SDP – Life With Great Friends – Doug Terpeninghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/061-sdp-life-with-great-friends-doug-terpening--3643250
Doug can be found at www.lifewithgreatfriends.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643250Wed, 16 Oct 2013 01:30:27 +0000GD LengacherThis week I had the great pleasure of interviewing Doug Terpening from the Life With Great Friends Podcast.  Doug is passionate about helping people develop authentic friendships that are not only good, but great. Doug can be found at...
Doug can be found at www.lifewithgreatfriends.com]]>1242blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull060 – SDP – Finding Pleasure In Simple Thingshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/060-sdp-finding-pleasure-in-simple-things--3643248https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643248Thu, 10 Oct 2013 02:25:17 +0000GD LengacherThis week's topic is finding pleasure in the simple things in life802blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfullDealing With Rejectionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/dealing-with-rejection--3399536https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3399536Wed, 02 Oct 2013 03:06:44 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I discuss how to deal with the rejection that is almost always a part of the divorce process1092divorce,divorce recovery,rejectioncleanfull059 – SDP – Dealing With Rejectionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/059-sdp-dealing-with-rejection--3643258One of the most painful aspects about divorce is the rejection we feel. It doesn’t matter if you were the one to want the divorce or the one who was totally surprised by it. Rejection is part of the process.

The rejection often starts long before the divorce is even on the table. It can often be feelings of rejection that actually start the divorce process in motion.

For men, we can feel rejected in the marriage when our spouse chooses our children’s needs over ours. Not that men/father’s don’t love their children, we do. The issues arise when a wife is continually placing her priorities on the kids and has no energy or desire to keep the marriage healthy, a man will feel rejected.

Women will often feel rejected when their husbands put work above everything else. Like kids, a man’s job is important but it can easily become a higher priority in his life than it should be. When he only comes home to eat and sleep, the wife will soon feel rejected.

In cases such s these, the feelings of rejection may be a big part of one spouse wanting a divorce.

There are also many instances where the relationship seems to be doing OK and then one spouse is blindsided by the other’s request for a divorce. This kind of sudden action brings about strong feelings of rejection. These feelings haven’t festered for years but show up as a result of a sudden action.

One spouse having an affair will bring strong feelings of rejection to the faithful spouse. The feelings of rejection, betrayal and anger are so strong in these situations that they sometimes lead to crimes of passion. Just this year, a man stood up in a church and shot his preacher because the preacher was having an affair with the man’s wife.

We can be rejected by mutual friends. Friends rarely stay neutral in a divorce, they will typically choose one side or another. This can cause strong feelings of rejection.

Our own children can reject us, especially if they are adult children and perceive that one parent was primarily at fault. Children in these types of situations can and often do take sides.
So, how do you deal with rejection?
When you are feeling rejected, it’s often accompanied by feelings of anger, betrayal, depression, etc. These feelings only compound the issue.

First of all, know that you are not alone. The feelings you are experience are normal. Virtually everyone going through a divorce feels rejection in one form or another.

If you are the innocent party, don’t blame yourself. Determining where the blame lies in the breakdown of a marriage is seldom easy. There are usually plenty of things that each spouse could have done to improve the relationship. However, no one deserves to be cheated on, lied to, abused, etc.

If you are feeling rejected because of your actions, it’s time to try to make amends. Some relationships may be beyond saving but others could be salvaged if you would simply apologize for what you have done and start fresh.

Finally, if you are feeling rejected know that you are in good company. In Isaiah 53:3, part of a prophetic passage talking about Jesus, the Bible says “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.”

Jesus, the only perfect human to ever live, was rejected. He knows how it feels like and knows what you’re going through, He will be there for you even if it seems like nobody else is.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643258Wed, 02 Oct 2013 02:14:45 +0000GD LengacherRejection One of the most painful aspects about divorce is the rejection we feel. It doesn’t matter if you were the one to want the divorce or the one who was totally surprised by it. Rejection is part of the process. The rejection often starts long...One of the most painful aspects about divorce is the rejection we feel. It doesn’t matter if you were the one to want the divorce or the one who was totally surprised by it. Rejection is part of the process.

The rejection often starts long before the divorce is even on the table. It can often be feelings of rejection that actually start the divorce process in motion.

For men, we can feel rejected in the marriage when our spouse chooses our children’s needs over ours. Not that men/father’s don’t love their children, we do. The issues arise when a wife is continually placing her priorities on the kids and has no energy or desire to keep the marriage healthy, a man will feel rejected.

Women will often feel rejected when their husbands put work above everything else. Like kids, a man’s job is important but it can easily become a higher priority in his life than it should be. When he only comes home to eat and sleep, the wife will soon feel rejected.

In cases such s these, the feelings of rejection may be a big part of one spouse wanting a divorce.

There are also many instances where the relationship seems to be doing OK and then one spouse is blindsided by the other’s request for a divorce. This kind of sudden action brings about strong feelings of rejection. These feelings haven’t festered for years but show up as a result of a sudden action.

One spouse having an affair will bring strong feelings of rejection to the faithful spouse. The feelings of rejection, betrayal and anger are so strong in these situations that they sometimes lead to crimes of passion. Just this year, a man stood up in a church and shot his preacher because the preacher was having an affair with the man’s wife.

We can be rejected by mutual friends. Friends rarely stay neutral in a divorce, they will typically choose one side or another. This can cause strong feelings of rejection.

Our own children can reject us, especially if they are adult children and perceive that one parent was primarily at fault. Children in these types of situations can and often do take sides.
So, how do you deal with rejection?
When you are feeling rejected, it’s often accompanied by feelings of anger, betrayal, depression, etc. These feelings only compound the issue.

First of all, know that you are not alone. The feelings you are experience are normal. Virtually everyone going through a divorce feels rejection in one form or another.

If you are the innocent party, don’t blame yourself. Determining where the blame lies in the breakdown of a marriage is seldom easy. There are usually plenty of things that each spouse could have done to improve the relationship. However, no one deserves to be cheated on, lied to, abused, etc.

If you are feeling rejected because of your actions, it’s time to try to make amends. Some relationships may be beyond saving but others could be salvaged if you would simply apologize for what you have done and start fresh.

Finally, if you are feeling rejected know that you are in good company. In Isaiah 53:3, part of a prophetic passage talking about Jesus, the Bible says “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.”

Jesus, the only perfect human to ever live, was rejected. He knows how it feels like and knows what you’re going through, He will be there for you even if it seems like nobody else is.]]>1092blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull5 Rules For Dating After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/5-rules-for-dating-after-divorce--3386234https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3386234Sun, 29 Sep 2013 01:38:34 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I discuss 5 rules for dating after divorce without compromising your healing process.1107dating after divorce,divorce,divorce recoverycleanfullThe Importance Of Grievinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/the-importance-of-grieving--3386175https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3386175Sun, 29 Sep 2013 01:23:55 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I give an overview of the grieving process and how it relates to divorce.1038divorce,divorce recovery,grief,grievingcleanfullFinances After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/finances-after-divorce--3386122https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3386122Sun, 29 Sep 2013 01:09:19 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I discuss the importance of taking control of your finances after divorce.1162divorce,divorce recovery,finances after divorcecleanfullYou Are A Product Of Your Choiceshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/you-are-a-product-of-your-choices--3386104https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3386104Sun, 29 Sep 2013 01:03:54 +0000GD LengacherEven if you didn't choose to be divorced, the fact that you are divorced is a result of choices you have made. Take responsibility for where you are in life and make you future much brighter.1047divorce,divorce recovery,personal responsibilitycleanfullDealiing With Sex After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/dealiing-with-sex-after-divorce--3386024https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3386024Sun, 29 Sep 2013 00:46:41 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I discuss the subject of dealing with sex after divorce. Don't go against your beliefs and don't do anything you'll regret later.1216divorce,divorce recovery,sex after divorcecleanfullRelationships With Ex In-Lawshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/relationships-with-ex-in-laws--3385988https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3385988Sun, 29 Sep 2013 00:38:13 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I answer a listener's question about relationships with ex in-laws and another question on the healing process.1037divorce,divorce recovery,healing,hopecleanfull058 – SDP – Relationships With In-Laws And Healinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/058-sdp-relationships-with-in-laws-and-healing--3643252https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643252Wed, 25 Sep 2013 03:00:19 +0000GD LengacherIn today's episode I answer some listener questions.1037blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull057 – SDP – Dealing With Sexual Temptation After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/057-sdp-dealing-with-sexual-temptation-after-divorce--3643256
The topic of sex after a divorce is generally not spoken of very much. I recently received an email from a listener of my podcast so this gave me the push I needed to address this very delicate subject.

The listener...]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643256Wed, 18 Sep 2013 02:36:34 +0000GD LengacherDealing with Sexual Temptation The topic of sex after a divorce is generally not spoken of very much. I recently received an email from a listener of my podcast so this gave me the push I needed to address this very delicate subject. The listener...
The topic of sex after a divorce is generally not spoken of very much. I recently received an email from a listener of my podcast so this gave me the push I needed to address this very delicate subject.

The listener...]]>1216blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull056 – SDP – You Are A Product Of Your Choiceshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/056-sdp-you-are-a-product-of-your-choices--3643254https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643254Wed, 11 Sep 2013 01:56:16 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I discuss the fact that we are a product of our choices and that we can choose what our future looks like.1047blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull055 – SDP – Custody And Child Support Questionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/055-sdp-custody-and-child-support-question--3643261
 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643261Wed, 04 Sep 2013 01:56:55 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I answer a listener's question about obtaining custody after an adversarial start to the divorce process and why he pays child support when they have a temporary 50/50 custody order.  
 ]]>977blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull054 – SDP – Finances Revisitedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/054-sdp-finances-revisited--3643272Wrap Up
If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here

Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643272Wed, 28 Aug 2013 02:26:43 +0000GD LengacherShow notes coming soon Wrap Up If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation....Wrap Up
If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here

Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>1162blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull053 – SDP – Saving A Marriagehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/053-sdp-saving-a-marriage--3643260I received an email this week in which I was asked, “I think I am at the very beginning of the divorce process. My husband has mentioned that he is very unhappy. We decided to separate and I am aware that he has an inappropriate relationship with a younger woman on-line who lives far away. I believe he is going to visit her in the next month or so. He refuses to go to counseling which is very hard. I wonder if you might share some of what you did that first year after your ex shared with you that she wanted a divorce. You have mentioned you tried to save the marriage for a year and it didn’t work out and I’m curious about more of your experiences during that time.”

I would be happy to relate my experiences, but keep in mind that my marriage ended in divorce. I think I did many of the right things but ultimately my wife was just too far down the divorce road to come back.

So, what did I do when faced with the prospect of divorce? Well, the first thing I did was hit my knees.

I had always considered myself a man of faith, but when faced with an upheaval like divorce I experienced the love of God like never before. He was there for me when no one else could be. The Bible says our faith is refined in the fires of life and my experience is that is absolutely true. I found a relationship with God/Jesus that I had only dreamed of before.

I came to the realization for the first time in my life that the only person I can change is me. I can change the way someone feels by my actions. I can give them a reason to either like or dislike me but ultimately, I have no control over what anyone else does and this included my wife.

So, I truly listened to what my wife was saying, maybe for the first time. I tried to work on the things about me that were causing her to be unhappy. There were some things that I did not agree with, but those I could change I actively tried to do so.

I joined a Celebrate Recovery group at my church to deal with anger issues. This was an amazing experience that helped me come to grips with the fact that I was likely getting divorced. Working through this with a group of fellow Christians who were each dealing with hurts, habits or hang-ups of their own was a source of encouragement that I desperately needed at the time.

In general, when guys are faced with a problem we want to fix it. Being trained as an engineer, that tendency is exceptionally strong in me.

I poured myself into learning about relationships. I studied both what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship and what to do to try to repair a relationship that is damaged.

I highly recommend “His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters” by Willard Harley. There are worksheets in the books that, if you can get your Husband or Wife to participate, will give an idea of where you need to focus your attention. Since this husband in our question above is in an inappropriate relationship, I would also recommend “Surviving an Affair” also by Harley. Another good book is “When Love Dies” by Judy Bodmer.

There are likely many other great resources out there. These are just some that I read and felt like they helped me.

My advice to anyone suffering through marital issues is to learn all you can about what it takes to have a good marriage. Put what you’ve learned into practice in the hopes of saving your marriage. If you are not able to save your marriage you will at least be better prepared for future relationships and you will have the peace of

The following links are affiliate links that will earn a small commission for the podcast but will not cost you any more.

                 
Wrap Up
If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here

Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643260Wed, 21 Aug 2013 01:19:37 +0000GD LengacherSaving a Marriage I received an email this week in which I was asked, “I think I am at the very beginning of the divorce process. My husband has mentioned that he is very unhappy. We decided to separate and I am aware that he has an inappropriate...I received an email this week in which I was asked, “I think I am at the very beginning of the divorce process. My husband has mentioned that he is very unhappy. We decided to separate and I am aware that he has an inappropriate relationship with a younger woman on-line who lives far away. I believe he is going to visit her in the next month or so. He refuses to go to counseling which is very hard. I wonder if you might share some of what you did that first year after your ex shared with you that she wanted a divorce. You have mentioned you tried to save the marriage for a year and it didn’t work out and I’m curious about more of your experiences during that time.”

I would be happy to relate my experiences, but keep in mind that my marriage ended in divorce. I think I did many of the right things but ultimately my wife was just too far down the divorce road to come back.

So, what did I do when faced with the prospect of divorce? Well, the first thing I did was hit my knees.

I had always considered myself a man of faith, but when faced with an upheaval like divorce I experienced the love of God like never before. He was there for me when no one else could be. The Bible says our faith is refined in the fires of life and my experience is that is absolutely true. I found a relationship with God/Jesus that I had only dreamed of before.

I came to the realization for the first time in my life that the only person I can change is me. I can change the way someone feels by my actions. I can give them a reason to either like or dislike me but ultimately, I have no control over what anyone else does and this included my wife.

So, I truly listened to what my wife was saying, maybe for the first time. I tried to work on the things about me that were causing her to be unhappy. There were some things that I did not agree with, but those I could change I actively tried to do so.

I joined a Celebrate Recovery group at my church to deal with anger issues. This was an amazing experience that helped me come to grips with the fact that I was likely getting divorced. Working through this with a group of fellow Christians who were each dealing with hurts, habits or hang-ups of their own was a source of encouragement that I desperately needed at the time.

In general, when guys are faced with a problem we want to fix it. Being trained as an engineer, that tendency is exceptionally strong in me.

I poured myself into learning about relationships. I studied both what it takes to maintain a healthy relationship and what to do to try to repair a relationship that is damaged.

I highly recommend “His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters” by Willard Harley. There are worksheets in the books that, if you can get your Husband or Wife to participate, will give an idea of where you need to focus your attention. Since this husband in our question above is in an inappropriate relationship, I would also recommend “Surviving an Affair” also by Harley. Another good book is “When Love Dies” by Judy Bodmer.

There are likely many other great resources out there. These are just some that I read and felt like they helped me.

My advice to anyone suffering through marital issues is to learn all you can about what it takes to have a good marriage. Put what you’ve learned into practice in the hopes of saving your marriage. If you are not able to save your marriage you will at least be better prepared for future relationships and you will have the peace of

The following links are affiliate links that will earn a small commission for the podcast but will not cost you any more.

                 
Wrap Up
If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here

Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and...]]>1164blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull052 – SDP – More Effects Of Divorce On Kidshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/052-sdp-more-effects-of-divorce-on-kids--3643257Wrap Up
If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here

Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643257Wed, 14 Aug 2013 00:52:41 +0000GD LengacherShow notes coming soon Wrap Up If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation....Wrap Up
If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here

Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>1120parenting after divorce,relationships after divorcecleanfull051 – SDP – The Importance Of Grievinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/051-sdp-the-importance-of-grieving--3643263Wrap Up
If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here

Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.co]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643263Wed, 07 Aug 2013 01:43:13 +0000GD LengacherShow notes coming soon Wrap Up If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation....Wrap Up
If you need a little extra help getting through your divorce you can see the coaching packages we offer here

Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.co]]>1038blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull050 – SDP – You Can Only Change Yourselfhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/050-sdp-you-can-only-change-yourself--3643259A listener writes in with another question about adult children and divorce. It was a rather lengthy email so I will summarize it here.

Mary writes: “I was divorced 6 months ago after a 3 year divorce p...]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643259Tue, 30 Jul 2013 21:05:53 +0000GD LengacherChildren and Divorce: You Can’t Change Others A listener writes in with another question about adult children and divorce. It was a rather lengthy email so I will summarize it here. Mary writes: “I was divorced 6 months ago after a 3 year divorce p...A listener writes in with another question about adult children and divorce. It was a rather lengthy email so I will summarize it here.

Mary writes: “I was divorced 6 months ago after a 3 year divorce p...]]>1042blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull049 – SDP – 5 Rules For Dating After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/049-sdp-5-rules-for-dating-after-divorce--3643264It’s been a while since I talked about dating so I thought I could revisit it this week.

For some of you, dating is the farthest thing from your mind. You can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again because of the pain your last one has brought you. If there was a local chapter of the “He-man Woman Haters Club” You’d sign up immediately.

But for others you can’t wait to get “back in the game.” Some of you even started dating before the divorce was final. The thought of being alone terrifies you.

That brings me to...
Rule #1: Don’t start dating too soon.
We live in a couples-oriented society. Everything we do seems to be geared for couples. This is never more evident than in the weeks and months after the breakup of a marriage.

The temptation is great to jump back into the dating game. You want to know that you still “have it” or better yet, you want to prove to your ex that you are capable of attracting the opposite sex.

But there is a great danger on jumping back into a relationship too soon. If you haven’t taken the time to heal from your divorce, you will be bringing all the baggage from that relationship into your new one. This makes it very difficult to have a healthy attitude towards dating.

If you feel like you need to be in a relationship, you will not be in a position to make wise decisions. You may find yourself settling for someone who really isn’t a good fit. It’s very likely that you will eventually realize you’ve made a poor choice and then you’ll have another failed relationship from which to heal.

An extension of this rule is not to date anyone who is dating too soon. If you have only been divorces a short while, or worse yet, their divorce isn’t final, you are asking for a broken heart if you get involved.
Rule #2: Know what you want.
eHarmony has lists of must haves and can’t stands. I like to call them deal breakers. Whatever name you use, it is wise to go into dating with an idea of what you want.

There should be some non-negotiables on your list. If you can’t stand smokers, don’t start dating someone who smokes thinking you can get them to quit. If faith is important to you, only date people who have similar beliefs. If you are a parent it may be wise to only date other parents. Your list will be unique to you, but you need a list.

For me, someone who was never married or didn’t have kids was not an option. Likewise, I was only willing to date other Christians. Relationships are hard enough without having major differences to deal with.
Rule #3: Approach dating with an open mind.
Don’t have your list of qualifications so long that you will never find someone who measures up. The way to meet people seems to have moved to the internet. I met my wife through one of the online dating sites and we couldn’t be happier. She almost didn’t agree to a first date because my style of facial hair and the fact that I like motorcycling gave her the impression I was the rough biker type, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

My point is that you need to develop a relatively short list of deal breakers, use that as a starting point, then go out and have fun.

Don’t make hasty decisions about someone based on a photo or something they may write in a dating profile. Be quick to agree to a first date and then make a decision in person.
Rule #4: Get counsel before dating.
Talk to your Pastor of another trusted advisor before beginning to date. There are many factors that play into whether or not you are ready. Someone who knows you and can give you sound, reasoned advice may see something that you don’t see. They may tell you need to work on X, Y, or Z before you step back into the dating world.
Rule #5: Don’t date if reconciliation is possible.
Finally, if there is any chance that you can reconcile with your ex, you have no business dating. Even if it’s very unlikely, but you would take him or her back, don’t date.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643264Wed, 24 Jul 2013 01:22:43 +0000GD Lengacher5 Rules For Dating After Divorce It’s been a while since I talked about dating so I thought I could revisit it this week. For some of you, dating is the farthest thing from your mind. You can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again...It’s been a while since I talked about dating so I thought I could revisit it this week.

For some of you, dating is the farthest thing from your mind. You can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship again because of the pain your last one has brought you. If there was a local chapter of the “He-man Woman Haters Club” You’d sign up immediately.

But for others you can’t wait to get “back in the game.” Some of you even started dating before the divorce was final. The thought of being alone terrifies you.

That brings me to...
Rule #1: Don’t start dating too soon.
We live in a couples-oriented society. Everything we do seems to be geared for couples. This is never more evident than in the weeks and months after the breakup of a marriage.

The temptation is great to jump back into the dating game. You want to know that you still “have it” or better yet, you want to prove to your ex that you are capable of attracting the opposite sex.

But there is a great danger on jumping back into a relationship too soon. If you haven’t taken the time to heal from your divorce, you will be bringing all the baggage from that relationship into your new one. This makes it very difficult to have a healthy attitude towards dating.

If you feel like you need to be in a relationship, you will not be in a position to make wise decisions. You may find yourself settling for someone who really isn’t a good fit. It’s very likely that you will eventually realize you’ve made a poor choice and then you’ll have another failed relationship from which to heal.

An extension of this rule is not to date anyone who is dating too soon. If you have only been divorces a short while, or worse yet, their divorce isn’t final, you are asking for a broken heart if you get involved.
Rule #2: Know what you want.
eHarmony has lists of must haves and can’t stands. I like to call them deal breakers. Whatever name you use, it is wise to go into dating with an idea of what you want.

There should be some non-negotiables on your list. If you can’t stand smokers, don’t start dating someone who smokes thinking you can get them to quit. If faith is important to you, only date people who have similar beliefs. If you are a parent it may be wise to only date other parents. Your list will be unique to you, but you need a list.

For me, someone who was never married or didn’t have kids was not an option. Likewise, I was only willing to date other Christians. Relationships are hard enough without having major differences to deal with.
Rule #3: Approach dating with an open mind.
Don’t have your list of qualifications so long that you will never find someone who measures up. The way to meet people seems to have moved to the internet. I met my wife through one of the online dating sites and we couldn’t be happier. She almost didn’t agree to a first date because my style of facial hair and the fact that I like motorcycling gave her the impression I was the rough biker type, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

My point is that you need to develop a relatively short list of deal breakers, use that as a starting point, then go out and have fun.

Don’t make hasty decisions about someone based on a photo or something they may write in a dating profile. Be quick to agree to a first date and then make a decision in person.
Rule #4: Get counsel before dating.
Talk to your Pastor of another trusted advisor before beginning to date. There are many factors that play into whether or not you are ready. Someone who knows you and can give you sound, reasoned advice may see something that you don’t see. They may tell you need to work on X, Y, or Z before you step back into the dating world.
Rule #5: Don’t date if reconciliation is possible.
Finally, if there is any chance that you can reconcile...]]>1107dating,divorce,divorce advice,hope,personal relationshipcleanfull048 – SDP – It’s Just Not Fairhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/048-sdp-it-s-just-not-fair--3643262This week a listener writes in with the following story and question. She writes:

“My story is my soon to be ex-husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for a little under 7 when he told me he, “I thought you were what I wanted but you are not.” I found out shortly after he was having an affair with a co-worker and they had a child together…

I am 2 years into the divorce process and I am working through all the pain of this and sometimes feel and think, where is the justice? How do people do things like this with no consequence? More importantly, I want to let go of all my feelings of this loss and move on. Every now and then the thoughts surface and I am hurt and angry and crave justice for this wrong.

Can you offer advice on how I get past this need for justice and fairness? I am trying so hard to heal, I want it so badly. I don’t like these overwhelming emotions coming and crying like it’s new.”

Life is not fair. That’s a phrase my children wish they would never hear again. Whenever my kids start to complain about perceived unequal treatment that was/is my standard reply.

So my initial response to you is “Life’s not fair.” But that’s not a very constructive answer and doesn’t give you any tools you can use to cope with your feelings, so let’s back up and start over.

In last week’s podcast I discussed the pain of being surprised by the divorce and how it can seem that the party wanting out is cold and uncaring. It sounds like you were surprised and it’s taking you awhile to work through the healing process.

Two years after a divorce from a 16 year relationship it is normal for you to still be ambushed by emotions. It will likely take you 4-5 years to get to the point where you can say you are healed.

It’s only normal to view your situation as unfair, because it is. It’s not fair that you invested 16 years of your life in a relationship that your husband threw away. It’s not fair that your children don’t have a father around full-time. It’s not fair that your ex is in a new relationship and you are left to pick up the pieces.

Let’s take a deeper look at your ex’s situation. He has to live with the knowledge that he walked out on his family. He’s in a relationship that started as an illicit affair. He is trying to support a new family as well as paying child support (I assume.)

So he is coming out of this with no consequences. I can’t imagine how trust could develop in a relationship that started as an affair. You know your partner was capable of cheating so it will only be a matter of time until they get bored and cheat again.

Every week he has to see a portion of his paycheck go to support the family he abandoned. The regret must be horrendous.

You may think he doesn’t have consequences, but I assure you he does.

You, on the other hand, can be free in the knowledge that this wasn’t your fault. Sure you weren’t the perfect spouse, no one is. But you didn’t cheat.

You now have the opportunity to learn from this situation. You can become the best you possible, and when the time is right you can have a new relationship that’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

As foreign as the concept may seem, the best thing you can do is forgive your ex: This was one of the biggest steps in my own journey towards healing. Forgiving him doesn’t mean that what he did was OK, it simply means that you are not going to let his past actions control you anymore. You are placing him in God’s hands.

“The Lord is slow to anger but great in power; the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished.” – Nahum 1:3

But, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” – Proverbs 28:13

When you forgive your ex, you are letting God deal with him however He sees fit.

You are then free to claim the promise of Joel 2:24-26.

“The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643262Wed, 17 Jul 2013 01:45:10 +0000GD LengacherIt’s Just Not Fair This week a listener writes in with the following story and question. She writes: “My story is my soon to be ex-husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for a little under 7 when he told me he, “I thought you were...This week a listener writes in with the following story and question. She writes:

“My story is my soon to be ex-husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for a little under 7 when he told me he, “I thought you were what I wanted but you are not.” I found out shortly after he was having an affair with a co-worker and they had a child together…

I am 2 years into the divorce process and I am working through all the pain of this and sometimes feel and think, where is the justice? How do people do things like this with no consequence? More importantly, I want to let go of all my feelings of this loss and move on. Every now and then the thoughts surface and I am hurt and angry and crave justice for this wrong.

Can you offer advice on how I get past this need for justice and fairness? I am trying so hard to heal, I want it so badly. I don’t like these overwhelming emotions coming and crying like it’s new.”

Life is not fair. That’s a phrase my children wish they would never hear again. Whenever my kids start to complain about perceived unequal treatment that was/is my standard reply.

So my initial response to you is “Life’s not fair.” But that’s not a very constructive answer and doesn’t give you any tools you can use to cope with your feelings, so let’s back up and start over.

In last week’s podcast I discussed the pain of being surprised by the divorce and how it can seem that the party wanting out is cold and uncaring. It sounds like you were surprised and it’s taking you awhile to work through the healing process.

Two years after a divorce from a 16 year relationship it is normal for you to still be ambushed by emotions. It will likely take you 4-5 years to get to the point where you can say you are healed.

It’s only normal to view your situation as unfair, because it is. It’s not fair that you invested 16 years of your life in a relationship that your husband threw away. It’s not fair that your children don’t have a father around full-time. It’s not fair that your ex is in a new relationship and you are left to pick up the pieces.

Let’s take a deeper look at your ex’s situation. He has to live with the knowledge that he walked out on his family. He’s in a relationship that started as an illicit affair. He is trying to support a new family as well as paying child support (I assume.)

So he is coming out of this with no consequences. I can’t imagine how trust could develop in a relationship that started as an affair. You know your partner was capable of cheating so it will only be a matter of time until they get bored and cheat again.

Every week he has to see a portion of his paycheck go to support the family he abandoned. The regret must be horrendous.

You may think he doesn’t have consequences, but I assure you he does.

You, on the other hand, can be free in the knowledge that this wasn’t your fault. Sure you weren’t the perfect spouse, no one is. But you didn’t cheat.

You now have the opportunity to learn from this situation. You can become the best you possible, and when the time is right you can have a new relationship that’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

As foreign as the concept may seem, the best thing you can do is forgive your ex: This was one of the biggest steps in my own journey towards healing. Forgiving him doesn’t mean that what he did was OK, it simply means that you are not going to let his past actions control you anymore. You are placing him in God’s hands.

“The Lord is slow to anger but great in power; the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished.” – Nahum 1:3

But, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” – Proverbs 28:13

When you forgive your ex, you are letting God deal with him however He sees fit.899divorce recovery,going through divorce,recovery,surviving divorcecleanfull047 – SDP – Why Is My Ex So Coldhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/047-sdp-why-is-my-ex-so-cold--3643270A listener wrote in with the following question: “I was wondering if you could address how a person can totally appear to have no concern about the person they knew and loved for more than 23 years? It just hurts so very much! Why do my thoughts just go to him? It doesn’t help that all I can do is think right now…”

An analogy:

It’s a couple hundred years ago and let’s say you are going on a six month journey where you will not be able to communicate with folks back home. It may be sailing around the world, hiking the amazon, an expedition to Antarctica, whatever it is you have no way to communicate with loved ones for six months.

You make preparations to leave and say your goodbyes and then you are out of touch for six months. When you return you are expecting your parents to meet you, but upon arrival only your father is there. You don’t think too much of it, assuming something has prevented you mother from meeting you.

When you finally reach your father, you can tell that something is wrong. He informs you that your mother passed away in a tragic accident the day after you left.

You are distraught with a whole host of emotions bombarding you at once. You are in denial that your mother is gone, angry at yourself for not being there, and all the while in disbelief that your father is taking this so calmly.

Well, he’s had six months to deal with his grief, but it’s fresh and raw to you. You are six months behind him in the grieving process. This is exactly what happens very often in the divorce process. For whatever reason, one spouse begins to pull away from the marriage, the changes can be so subtle that the other spouse doesn’t even realize what’s happening or they think this is just a low spot in the marriage they will eventually work through.
The Grieving Process
The events may transpire something like this: For this illustration we will assume the husband is leaving the wife to follow on from the initial question.

The marriage is in a rut: Both spouses know that something isn’t right but neither really knows what to do. During this time something draws the husbands attention away from the marriage; work, midlife crisis, another woman, whatever it is doesn’t matter, what matters is that saving his marriage is no longer a top priority.

He is in denial at first, but when reality sinks in he becomes angry. His anger may or may not be directed at his wife, but she can definitely tell that something is wrong when she confronts him and he denies it, or they end up fighting.

He may or may not enter a bargaining phase where he is trying to bring his conflicting emotions into harmony with each other; this may dump him back into an anger phase.

He will eventually enter a depressed state because he realizes he can’t have it all. Something has to go. His wife thinks things are improving because he is not angry any more but in fact their marriage is moving rapidly toward divorce.

His mood will start to improve when he finally decides that his marriage is what’s holding him back and a divorce is the answer. His wife sees his improved mood as a sign that things are indeed getting better, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Now that he’s decided on divorce he goes into a planning phase. He contacts his lawyer, makes a plan for life after divorce and makes preparations to tell his wife.

His love is gone.

He is determined that a divorce is the best course of action and it comes down to a business transaction. A business transaction with an old friend who he’s lost touch with.

When he finally tells his wife she is totally taken by surprise. There was no indication he was planning this.

And just like the traveler returning to find out his mother was dead, the wife is months or years behind the husband in the grieving process.

The husband seems cold and uncaring because he is. He has accepted the divorce as a forgone conclusion.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643270Mon, 08 Jul 2013 23:57:59 +0000GD LengacherWhy Is He So Unconcerned? A listener wrote in with the following question: “I was wondering if you could address how a person can totally appear to have no concern about the person they knew and loved for more than 23 years? It just hurts so very...A listener wrote in with the following question: “I was wondering if you could address how a person can totally appear to have no concern about the person they knew and loved for more than 23 years? It just hurts so very much! Why do my thoughts just go to him? It doesn’t help that all I can do is think right now…”

An analogy:

It’s a couple hundred years ago and let’s say you are going on a six month journey where you will not be able to communicate with folks back home. It may be sailing around the world, hiking the amazon, an expedition to Antarctica, whatever it is you have no way to communicate with loved ones for six months.

You make preparations to leave and say your goodbyes and then you are out of touch for six months. When you return you are expecting your parents to meet you, but upon arrival only your father is there. You don’t think too much of it, assuming something has prevented you mother from meeting you.

When you finally reach your father, you can tell that something is wrong. He informs you that your mother passed away in a tragic accident the day after you left.

You are distraught with a whole host of emotions bombarding you at once. You are in denial that your mother is gone, angry at yourself for not being there, and all the while in disbelief that your father is taking this so calmly.

Well, he’s had six months to deal with his grief, but it’s fresh and raw to you. You are six months behind him in the grieving process. This is exactly what happens very often in the divorce process. For whatever reason, one spouse begins to pull away from the marriage, the changes can be so subtle that the other spouse doesn’t even realize what’s happening or they think this is just a low spot in the marriage they will eventually work through.
The Grieving Process
The events may transpire something like this: For this illustration we will assume the husband is leaving the wife to follow on from the initial question.

The marriage is in a rut: Both spouses know that something isn’t right but neither really knows what to do. During this time something draws the husbands attention away from the marriage; work, midlife crisis, another woman, whatever it is doesn’t matter, what matters is that saving his marriage is no longer a top priority.

He is in denial at first, but when reality sinks in he becomes angry. His anger may or may not be directed at his wife, but she can definitely tell that something is wrong when she confronts him and he denies it, or they end up fighting.

He may or may not enter a bargaining phase where he is trying to bring his conflicting emotions into harmony with each other; this may dump him back into an anger phase.

He will eventually enter a depressed state because he realizes he can’t have it all. Something has to go. His wife thinks things are improving because he is not angry any more but in fact their marriage is moving rapidly toward divorce.

His mood will start to improve when he finally decides that his marriage is what’s holding him back and a divorce is the answer. His wife sees his improved mood as a sign that things are indeed getting better, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Now that he’s decided on divorce he goes into a planning phase. He contacts his lawyer, makes a plan for life after divorce and makes preparations to tell his wife.

His love is gone.

He is determined that a divorce is the best course of action and it comes down to a business transaction. A business transaction with an old friend who he’s lost touch with.

When he finally tells his wife she is totally taken by surprise. There was no indication he was planning this.

And just like the traveler returning to find out his mother was dead, the wife is months or years behind the husband in the grieving...]]>1140blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull046 – SDP – If You’re Going through Hellhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/046-sdp-if-you-re-going-through-hell--3643280There was a popular country song by Rodney Atkins titled “If You’re Going Through Hell” that went like this:

“If you’re going through Hell, keep on going. Don’t slow down. If you’re scared don’t show it, you might get out before the Devil even knows you’re there.”

While I don’t agree with the theology of the song, I do think we can learn something from the principle.

Going through divorce could easily be described as going through Hell. The emotional pain is unlike any other you will face. I’m not saying it’s the worst pain you can face, but it’s right up there in the top two or three. I’m sure that the death of a spouse or child would be as bad or worse in some respects, but it’s not usually accompanied by the feelings of rejection, failure, loss of self-worth, etc. that are associated with divorce.

The inspiration for this podcast came from the sermon at church Sunday morning. Our pastor was preaching on Isaiah 40:31:

“…But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

When you are going through a divorce you are not soaring through life like an eagle and you are not running toward some prize. You are simply trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other without fainting.

Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is all you can seem to do. But it’s extremely important to keep moving forward in your journey toward healing.

The process of healing after a divorce can seem never-ending. There will be a temptation to just give up and not finish the grieving process. When this happens it’s likely that you will get stuck in either the anger or depression phase which in turn leads to bitterness.

Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643280Wed, 03 Jul 2013 02:28:05 +0000GD LengacherDivorce Is Hell There was a popular country song by Rodney Atkins titled “If You’re Going Through Hell” that went like this: “If you’re going through Hell, keep on going. Don’t slow down. If you’re scared don’t show it, you might get out before the...There was a popular country song by Rodney Atkins titled “If You’re Going Through Hell” that went like this:

“If you’re going through Hell, keep on going. Don’t slow down. If you’re scared don’t show it, you might get out before the Devil even knows you’re there.”

While I don’t agree with the theology of the song, I do think we can learn something from the principle.

Going through divorce could easily be described as going through Hell. The emotional pain is unlike any other you will face. I’m not saying it’s the worst pain you can face, but it’s right up there in the top two or three. I’m sure that the death of a spouse or child would be as bad or worse in some respects, but it’s not usually accompanied by the feelings of rejection, failure, loss of self-worth, etc. that are associated with divorce.

The inspiration for this podcast came from the sermon at church Sunday morning. Our pastor was preaching on Isaiah 40:31:

“…But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

When you are going through a divorce you are not soaring through life like an eagle and you are not running toward some prize. You are simply trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other without fainting.

Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is all you can seem to do. But it’s extremely important to keep moving forward in your journey toward healing.

The process of healing after a divorce can seem never-ending. There will be a temptation to just give up and not finish the grieving process. When this happens it’s likely that you will get stuck in either the anger or depression phase which in turn leads to bitterness.

Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>1138blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull045 – SDP – Dont Let Fear Control Youhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/045-sdp-dont-let-fear-control-you--3643268Divorce is scary!! The loss of control of your life and your unknown future will make even the most macho of men afraid.

There are many things to fear:

Fear of being alone
Fear of losing relationship with children
...]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643268Tue, 25 Jun 2013 03:31:45 +0000GD LengacherDon’t Let Fear Control You Divorce is scary!! The loss of control of your life and your unknown future will make even the most macho of men afraid. There are many things to fear: Fear of being alone Fear of losing relationship with children ...Divorce is scary!! The loss of control of your life and your unknown future will make even the most macho of men afraid.

There are many things to fear:

Fear of being alone
Fear of losing relationship with children
...]]>1020blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull044 – SDP – Listener Question – Adult Childrenhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/044-sdp-listener-question-adult-children--3643266
 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643266Fri, 21 Jun 2013 02:41:42 +0000GD LengacherListener question about adult children and their relationship with their father.  
 ]]>495blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull043 – SDP – Is It Time To Quit Prayinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/043-sdp-is-it-time-to-quit-praying--3643267
If you are praying for reconciliation, better finances, a better co-parenting relationship, etc., don't just pray, do something to make it happen.

 
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643267Tue, 04 Jun 2013 02:32:16 +0000GD LengacherIs it time to quit praying?  No, but it is time to quit only praying and do something.  In Exodus 14:15 when the Israelites were trapped between the Red Sea and Pharoa's army  "the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites...
If you are praying for reconciliation, better finances, a better co-parenting relationship, etc., don't just pray, do something to make it happen.

 
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>501blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull042 – SDP – Q&A – Emotionshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/042-sdp-q-a-emotions--3643271In this episode I answer a listener's question about dealing with emotions.
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643271Mon, 27 May 2013 23:24:55 +0000GD LengacherQ&A In this episode I answer a listener's question about dealing with emotions. Wrap Up Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation. You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon....In this episode I answer a listener's question about dealing with emotions.
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>1059blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull041 – SDP – Reconciling During Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/041-sdp-reconciling-during-divorce--3643277I received the following question from a listener:

" How do I know if my husband wants to seriously reconcile? How do reconcile when both partners were unfaithful? But are willing to reconcile because they love each other and each did wrong, where do you start? We live in separate homes and the divorce is still in process, lawyers are still present. "

First of all, if you are both willing to consider reconciliation, stop the divorce.  The divorce process just drives couples apart by planning the end of the marriage, dividing assets, dealing with child custody, etc.  You need to push pause on the divorce process immediately.

You also need to put your lawyers on hold.  I don't have anything against lawyers and I think everyone needs one when going through a divorce; however, in your case your lawyers are probably not interested in helping you reconcile.  You may have a good one that would be thrilled to see you not divorce, but in general the lawyer's goal is to get you divorced because that's what you hired them to do.  Also, keeping your lawyers while trying to reconcile will only escalate your legal bills.

Now, on to your question.  How do you know if he's serious?  If you've lived with him any length of time your gut feel is as good as anything.  You should have a pretty good idea if he's serious or not.  It ultimately comes down to the fact that you are going to have to trust him and learning to trust after infidelity is probably the hardest part of the reconciliation process.

The marriage bond has been broken at such a fundamental level that trust can be a long time coming.  If you are to have any hope of rebuilding trust you need to be transparently honest with each other.  I would go so far as to share all login information for email and social media accounts.  Use the old cold war philosophy of "trust but verify".  The more you verify, the more you will trust and you each have a lot of trust to win back.

The most important thing you can do is get marriage counseling.  I would recommend a faith-based counselor who is committed to saving marriages and is willing to do the hard work required to get you on the track to healing.  Unless you can find a counselor through your church or another ministry, counseling will likely be expensive.  But no matter how expensive it is your marriage is worth it.
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643277Fri, 10 May 2013 03:38:10 +0000GD LengacherHow do I know if my husband is serious about reconciling? I received the following question from a listener: " How do I know if my husband wants to seriously reconcile? How do reconcile when both partners were unfaithful? But are willing to reconcile...I received the following question from a listener:

" How do I know if my husband wants to seriously reconcile? How do reconcile when both partners were unfaithful? But are willing to reconcile because they love each other and each did wrong, where do you start? We live in separate homes and the divorce is still in process, lawyers are still present. "

First of all, if you are both willing to consider reconciliation, stop the divorce.  The divorce process just drives couples apart by planning the end of the marriage, dividing assets, dealing with child custody, etc.  You need to push pause on the divorce process immediately.

You also need to put your lawyers on hold.  I don't have anything against lawyers and I think everyone needs one when going through a divorce; however, in your case your lawyers are probably not interested in helping you reconcile.  You may have a good one that would be thrilled to see you not divorce, but in general the lawyer's goal is to get you divorced because that's what you hired them to do.  Also, keeping your lawyers while trying to reconcile will only escalate your legal bills.

Now, on to your question.  How do you know if he's serious?  If you've lived with him any length of time your gut feel is as good as anything.  You should have a pretty good idea if he's serious or not.  It ultimately comes down to the fact that you are going to have to trust him and learning to trust after infidelity is probably the hardest part of the reconciliation process.

The marriage bond has been broken at such a fundamental level that trust can be a long time coming.  If you are to have any hope of rebuilding trust you need to be transparently honest with each other.  I would go so far as to share all login information for email and social media accounts.  Use the old cold war philosophy of "trust but verify".  The more you verify, the more you will trust and you each have a lot of trust to win back.

The most important thing you can do is get marriage counseling.  I would recommend a faith-based counselor who is committed to saving marriages and is willing to do the hard work required to get you on the track to healing.  Unless you can find a counselor through your church or another ministry, counseling will likely be expensive.  But no matter how expensive it is your marriage is worth it.
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>795blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull040 – SDP – 6 Tips For Co-Parenting And Summer Vacationhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/040-sdp-6-tips-for-co-parenting-and-summer-vacation--3648420This past Saturday was the junior senior prom at our local high school. My son is a junior this year, that's grade 11 for you non-US folks, and this was his first time attending. He was dressed in a sharp gray suit with a red vest, and his date had a frilly red dress. The kids had a wonderful time. Many parents devoted dozens of hours to making prom night a special evening.

Just like an event like a prom takes cooperation and hard work from many people, successfully parenting your children after divorce takes cooperation and hard work as well. With summer vacation coming up here in the US, working together is essential to keep your kid’s lives as stress-free as possible.

Kids need both parents involved in their lives if at all possible. Men and women bring a different perspective to life that is beneficial for the child. Actually just having two individuals is helpful because opposites attract and a child will have the opportunity to see how different individuals handle situations.

Now I know some of you want desperately to be an active part of your kid’s lives. But your ex is having making that difficult for whatever reason and there are others who wish their ex would be more involved I was fortunate that, although not always ideal, my ex and I have been able to co-parent effectively.

But to those of you who do have another parent involved, at least for visitations, here are tips to make this summer better for everyone involved.
Visitation
If you and your ex live far enough apart that a standard visitation/custody arrangement just isn't possible, your children will likely spend an extended time with their other parent over the summer. It's important that you are supportive of this. As I stated before, kids need time with both parents. And by supportive, I mean totally be supportive. Don't tell your kids things like, "I wish you didn't have to go" or "It's only three weeks then you get to come home" even if that's how you feel. Instead tell them they are going with your blessing and encourage them to have fun

Use this time without parent duties for some much-needed "you" time. Do things that are difficult when your children are home, sleep in, go out with friends, get lost in a good book, tackle a project around the house that you've been putting off for lack of time, etc. If you have a plan and are looking forward to some alone time it will make it much easier for you to send your kids away for a few weeks.
Vacations
Summer is the season of family vacations. One of the few perks of having divorced parents is the opportunity to have two separate vacations. You need to plan your vacation dates early. You will need to work with your ex on this so that your dates won't converge. It's also a must to be flexible with the visitation schedule. Vacations often require coordinating multiple work schedules and kid's schedules. If your ex request a vacation time that would be when you normally have your kids, be accommodating. The more you can work with your ex, the better your kids’ lives will be.
Sports
While sports can be a year-round activity for some kids, summer is an exceptionally busy time. Baseball, softball, soccer, etc. all could have multiple games per week. If you live close by, make it a priority to be involved with your children's activities. If you are a long distance parent, stay informed via phone calls, Facebook, etc.
Summer Camp
If your kids regularly attended church camps, Scout camps, or any of the dozens of other camps, make sure they get to continue these activities after the divorce if at all possible. The more your kids can stay involved in their pre-divorce activities, the better their adjustment will be.
Finances
After having just said to keep your kids involved in their pre-divorce activities, if it doesn't make sense financially, don't do it. There are times when you must make tough decisions. If you have to put the summer camp fees on a credit card,]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648420Sat, 04 May 2013 02:33:42 +0000GD LengacherCo-parenting: Summer Vacation This past Saturday was the junior senior prom at our local high school. My son is a junior this year, that's grade 11 for you non-US folks, and this was his first time attending. He was dressed in a sharp gray suit with a...This past Saturday was the junior senior prom at our local high school. My son is a junior this year, that's grade 11 for you non-US folks, and this was his first time attending. He was dressed in a sharp gray suit with a red vest, and his date had a frilly red dress. The kids had a wonderful time. Many parents devoted dozens of hours to making prom night a special evening.

Just like an event like a prom takes cooperation and hard work from many people, successfully parenting your children after divorce takes cooperation and hard work as well. With summer vacation coming up here in the US, working together is essential to keep your kid’s lives as stress-free as possible.

Kids need both parents involved in their lives if at all possible. Men and women bring a different perspective to life that is beneficial for the child. Actually just having two individuals is helpful because opposites attract and a child will have the opportunity to see how different individuals handle situations.

Now I know some of you want desperately to be an active part of your kid’s lives. But your ex is having making that difficult for whatever reason and there are others who wish their ex would be more involved I was fortunate that, although not always ideal, my ex and I have been able to co-parent effectively.

But to those of you who do have another parent involved, at least for visitations, here are tips to make this summer better for everyone involved.
Visitation
If you and your ex live far enough apart that a standard visitation/custody arrangement just isn't possible, your children will likely spend an extended time with their other parent over the summer. It's important that you are supportive of this. As I stated before, kids need time with both parents. And by supportive, I mean totally be supportive. Don't tell your kids things like, "I wish you didn't have to go" or "It's only three weeks then you get to come home" even if that's how you feel. Instead tell them they are going with your blessing and encourage them to have fun

Use this time without parent duties for some much-needed "you" time. Do things that are difficult when your children are home, sleep in, go out with friends, get lost in a good book, tackle a project around the house that you've been putting off for lack of time, etc. If you have a plan and are looking forward to some alone time it will make it much easier for you to send your kids away for a few weeks.
Vacations
Summer is the season of family vacations. One of the few perks of having divorced parents is the opportunity to have two separate vacations. You need to plan your vacation dates early. You will need to work with your ex on this so that your dates won't converge. It's also a must to be flexible with the visitation schedule. Vacations often require coordinating multiple work schedules and kid's schedules. If your ex request a vacation time that would be when you normally have your kids, be accommodating. The more you can work with your ex, the better your kids’ lives will be.
Sports
While sports can be a year-round activity for some kids, summer is an exceptionally busy time. Baseball, softball, soccer, etc. all could have multiple games per week. If you live close by, make it a priority to be involved with your children's activities. If you are a long distance parent, stay informed via phone calls, Facebook, etc.
Summer Camp
If your kids regularly attended church camps, Scout camps, or any of the dozens of other camps, make sure they get to continue these activities after the divorce if at all possible. The more your kids can stay involved in their pre-divorce activities, the better their adjustment will be.
Finances
After having just said to keep your kids involved in their pre-divorce activities, if it doesn't make sense financially, don't do it. There are times when you...]]>1030blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull039 – SDP – What’s Your Foundationhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/039-sdp-what-s-your-foundation--3643279As I am writing this there are severe storms moving in to the southern Indiana area. The morning was bright and sunny but by noon there were storm clouds on the horizon. The weather service is forecasting severe storms with dama...]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643279Wed, 24 Apr 2013 03:23:29 +0000GD LengacherWhat's Your Foundation As I am writing this there are severe storms moving in to the southern Indiana area. The morning was bright and sunny but by noon there were storm clouds on the horizon. The weather service is forecasting severe storms with dama...As I am writing this there are severe storms moving in to the southern Indiana area. The morning was bright and sunny but by noon there were storm clouds on the horizon. The weather service is forecasting severe storms with dama...]]>1102foundation,permanent foundation,solid foundation,your foundationcleanfull038 – SDP – Question & Answerhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/038-sdp-question-answer--3643269In this episode I address a couple of questions sent in by listeners.

1. Am I ready to date after 4 months?

2. How do I co-parent with an angry ex?

 
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won't cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643269Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:57:09 +0000GD LengacherQuestion & Answer In this episode I address a couple of questions sent in by listeners. 1. Am I ready to date after 4 months? 2. How do I co-parent with an angry ex?   Wrap Up Click on the banner to the right or go...In this episode I address a couple of questions sent in by listeners.

1. Am I ready to date after 4 months?

2. How do I co-parent with an angry ex?

 
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by shopping on Amazon.  Just go to www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/amazon and bookmark the page.  Then whenever you shop on Amazon just use the bookmarked page and I will get a small commission and it won't cost you any more.

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on the Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>982blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull037 – SDP – Divorce Recovery: An Overviewhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/037-sdp-divorce-recovery-an-overview--3643273
Along with burying a spouse or child, divorce is one of the most painful events you can face in life. The pain can be just as intense as the death of a loved one but it is also accompanied by feelings of anger, betrayal, rejection, etc. that are not typically associated with such a death. We don't expect someone who has lost a spouse to just snap back immediately, so why is it that so many expect divorced people to go on as if nothing happened?
How Long Will It Take?
It's just not reasonable to think that you can come through a major life event such as divorce without taking considerable time to recover. One of the first questions people have is "how long will it take for me to get over this?" Unfortunately there is no easy answer. It depends on several factors.

One of the primary factors that determines how long it will take to recover is the length of the marriage. If you were only married for one year, your recovery time will be significantly shorter than someone who was married for 30 years. This only makes sense. Other factors such as whether children are involved, if there was a significant betrayal, and how amicable the divorce process was will impact how long it takes to heal.

No matter how short the marriage was, you need to give yourself at least a year to process your grief. Getting to the point of recovery for longer marriages can take as long as one year for every three years of marriage so a person who has been married for 30 years may not be completely over the divorce for as long as 10 years. The average for longer marriages where an intentional effort is made to work through the healing process is about 5 years.
What Can You Expect During The Healing Process?
Divorce is a significant loss and we deal with losses by grieving those losses. We expect a widow or widower to grieve, unfortunately society seems to expect a newly divorced person to go out and live it up and have a good time. This only delays the grieving that must take place. It's important to treat a divorce more like a death than a promotion and give yourself a chance to heal.

As you grieve the loss of your marriage you will likely go through a series of emotional stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; however, the grieving process is not a progression through the stages. As you begin to work through the stages you will find new hurts and losses that you need to grieve and you will start the process from the beginning for each. You will also find that you move back and forth between stages as you progress.

For example, you may have been progressing through the stages at a fairly rapid rate and then find yourself stuck in depression for awhile. Then your ex does or says something that throws you back into full blown anger. Then as your anger lessens you go straight back to depression without going through a bargaining phase.

The stages don't always come in order and you won't always experience all five after the divorce. Grieving almost always starts with denial. Anger, bargaining, and depression may not come in that order or they may not come at all. You may move straight from denial to bargaining where you are begging your soon-to-be ex not to leave, offering to do whatever it take to make them stay. Or your marriage may have been so bad that you actually feel relief that it's finally over. After the initial relief you find yourself depressed. In this case the denial, anger, and bargaining likely took place in the months or years leading up to the divorce.
Other Losses
Even if you are not overly upset about the divorce itself, you will soon identify other losses that you will need to grieve.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643273Thu, 11 Apr 2013 02:57:42 +0000GD LengacherI want to go back and revisit some of the basics of divorce recovery. I know that some of you have listened to all of the episodes to date and I want to thank you for that, but for those that have just found the podcast I want to give an overview of...
Along with burying a spouse or child, divorce is one of the most painful events you can face in life. The pain can be just as intense as the death of a loved one but it is also accompanied by feelings of anger, betrayal, rejection, etc. that are not typically associated with such a death. We don't expect someone who has lost a spouse to just snap back immediately, so why is it that so many expect divorced people to go on as if nothing happened?
How Long Will It Take?
It's just not reasonable to think that you can come through a major life event such as divorce without taking considerable time to recover. One of the first questions people have is "how long will it take for me to get over this?" Unfortunately there is no easy answer. It depends on several factors.

One of the primary factors that determines how long it will take to recover is the length of the marriage. If you were only married for one year, your recovery time will be significantly shorter than someone who was married for 30 years. This only makes sense. Other factors such as whether children are involved, if there was a significant betrayal, and how amicable the divorce process was will impact how long it takes to heal.

No matter how short the marriage was, you need to give yourself at least a year to process your grief. Getting to the point of recovery for longer marriages can take as long as one year for every three years of marriage so a person who has been married for 30 years may not be completely over the divorce for as long as 10 years. The average for longer marriages where an intentional effort is made to work through the healing process is about 5 years.
What Can You Expect During The Healing Process?
Divorce is a significant loss and we deal with losses by grieving those losses. We expect a widow or widower to grieve, unfortunately society seems to expect a newly divorced person to go out and live it up and have a good time. This only delays the grieving that must take place. It's important to treat a divorce more like a death than a promotion and give yourself a chance to heal.

As you grieve the loss of your marriage you will likely go through a series of emotional stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; however, the grieving process is not a progression through the stages. As you begin to work through the stages you will find new hurts and losses that you need to grieve and you will start the process from the beginning for each. You will also find that you move back and forth between stages as you progress.

For example, you may have been progressing through the stages at a fairly rapid rate and then find yourself stuck in depression for awhile. Then your ex does or says something that throws you back into full blown anger. Then as your anger lessens you go straight back to depression without going through a bargaining phase.

The stages don't always come in order and you won't always experience all five after the divorce. Grieving almost always starts with denial. Anger, bargaining, and depression may not come in that order or they may not come at all. You may move straight from denial to bargaining where you are begging your soon-to-be ex not to leave, offering to do whatever it take to make them stay. Or your marriage may have been so bad that you actually feel relief that it's finally over. After the initial relief you find yourself depressed. In this case the denial, anger, and bargaining likely took place in the months or years leading up to the divorce.
Other Losses
Even if you are not overly upset about the divorce itself, you will soon...]]>1354anger,bargaining,divorce recovery,healing after divorce,recovery,surviving divorcecleanfull036 – SDP – Don’t Let Divorce Define Youhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/036-sdp-don-t-let-divorce-define-you--3643265The pain of divorce is real.

I've spent a lot of time on this podcast discussing how to deal with the aftermath of divorce. Today I want to turn the discussion toward your future.

I'm a fan of Disney movies and one of my favorites is "The Lion King". If you're not familiar with it, "The Lion King" is the story of Simba, the son of Mufasa, King of the Pride Lands. Simba's uncle Scar murder's Mufasa and convinces Simba that Mufasa's death was his fault.

The young Simba runs away. He meets Timon, a meerkat, and Pumbaa, a warthog. They can tell that something is wrong and ask if there is anything they can do. Simba responds with "not unless you can change the past." At this point Timon and Pumbaa tell him to put his past behind him. Simba takes their advice and we see him grow to adulthood with them and living a seemingly carefree life.

Eventually Simba's childhood friend Nala comes to find help because Scar has destroyed the Pride Lands. When confronted with the devastation that Nala is describing, Simba intially resists going back but is eventually convinced to go back and confront Scar. Simba rallys the other lions, defeats Scar, and takes his rightful place as king of the Pride Lands.
So what does this have to do with divorce?
Well, it is nearly impossible to come through a divorce without some significant scars. And just like Simba we often let those scars define us. We blame ourselves for the divorce when it's not justified. We won't forgive ourselves if we caused it. We think of ourselves as damaged goods.

We can't seem to get past the hurt and we let that cloud our vision of the future. We find an emotional place that's comfortable and stay there. We can't see that the future is full of hope and we can't see the opportunities before us. All we can see is this fog of despair that is around us and we think things will never get better.

In Isaiah 43:18-19 God tells the Israelites "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

If you are reading this, it's likely that you either are divorced or soon will be.

Life has changed for you in many ways that make it extremely difficult not to dwell on the past; however, if you continue to live your life based on things that you have done or things that were done to you, you will never break free from those past hurts and move on to what God has in store for you next.

You are no longer married.

The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on to whatever is in store for you. I believe what Paul said in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." In all things, even divorce, God is working for your good. As he said in Isaiah, He will make a way through the desert.

There is hope for a better tomorrow. "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

God has a plan to take everything that has happened to you. Everything, including your divorce, and ultimately work it together for your good in a way that will prosper you.

In other words, just like I say at the beginning of every podcast episode, you can come through the divorce process a better person. I can personally attest to this. I am definitely an overall better person now than I was before my divorce. And I can definitely say that I am filled with hope and my future looks very bright.

This was not an easy process. It took some intense soul searching and self examination but now I am no longer defined by my divorce. My goal is to help you reach that same place. A place where your divorce is just a distant memory and you can see your future before you and you are filled with hope.

It will not be an easy process for you.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643265Wed, 03 Apr 2013 03:09:41 +0000GD LengacherDon't Let Divorce Define You The pain of divorce is real. I've spent a lot of time on this podcast discussing how to deal with the aftermath of divorce. Today I want to turn the discussion toward your future. I'm a fan of Disney movies and one of my...The pain of divorce is real.

I've spent a lot of time on this podcast discussing how to deal with the aftermath of divorce. Today I want to turn the discussion toward your future.

I'm a fan of Disney movies and one of my favorites is "The Lion King". If you're not familiar with it, "The Lion King" is the story of Simba, the son of Mufasa, King of the Pride Lands. Simba's uncle Scar murder's Mufasa and convinces Simba that Mufasa's death was his fault.

The young Simba runs away. He meets Timon, a meerkat, and Pumbaa, a warthog. They can tell that something is wrong and ask if there is anything they can do. Simba responds with "not unless you can change the past." At this point Timon and Pumbaa tell him to put his past behind him. Simba takes their advice and we see him grow to adulthood with them and living a seemingly carefree life.

Eventually Simba's childhood friend Nala comes to find help because Scar has destroyed the Pride Lands. When confronted with the devastation that Nala is describing, Simba intially resists going back but is eventually convinced to go back and confront Scar. Simba rallys the other lions, defeats Scar, and takes his rightful place as king of the Pride Lands.
So what does this have to do with divorce?
Well, it is nearly impossible to come through a divorce without some significant scars. And just like Simba we often let those scars define us. We blame ourselves for the divorce when it's not justified. We won't forgive ourselves if we caused it. We think of ourselves as damaged goods.

We can't seem to get past the hurt and we let that cloud our vision of the future. We find an emotional place that's comfortable and stay there. We can't see that the future is full of hope and we can't see the opportunities before us. All we can see is this fog of despair that is around us and we think things will never get better.

In Isaiah 43:18-19 God tells the Israelites "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

If you are reading this, it's likely that you either are divorced or soon will be.

Life has changed for you in many ways that make it extremely difficult not to dwell on the past; however, if you continue to live your life based on things that you have done or things that were done to you, you will never break free from those past hurts and move on to what God has in store for you next.

You are no longer married.

The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on to whatever is in store for you. I believe what Paul said in Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." In all things, even divorce, God is working for your good. As he said in Isaiah, He will make a way through the desert.

There is hope for a better tomorrow. "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

God has a plan to take everything that has happened to you. Everything, including your divorce, and ultimately work it together for your good in a way that will prosper you.

In other words, just like I say at the beginning of every podcast episode, you can come through the divorce process a better person. I can personally attest to this. I am definitely an overall better person now than I was before my divorce. And I can definitely say that I am filled with hope and my future looks very bright.

This was not an easy process. It took some intense soul searching and self examination but now I am no longer defined by my divorce. My goal is to help you reach that same place. A place where your divorce is just a...]]>1006divorce,god has a plan,pain of divorce,surviving divorce,your divorcecleanfull035 – SDP – When You’re Forced To Leavehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/035-sdp-when-you-re-forced-to-leave--3643276A listener asked if I could give some advice to those of you who were forced to leave your marriage for whatever reason. While I don't have direct experience with this, my fiance was in a situation where she had ...]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643276Fri, 29 Mar 2013 03:45:17 +0000GD LengacherWhat To Do If You Were Forced To Leave A listener asked if I could give some advice to those of you who were forced to leave your marriage for whatever reason. While I don't have direct experience with this, my fiance was in a situation where she had ...A listener asked if I could give some advice to those of you who were forced to leave your marriage for whatever reason. While I don't have direct experience with this, my fiance was in a situation where she had ...]]>1209broken marriage,christian views on divorce,grounds for divorce,leave,leaving the marriage,marriage,you'recleanfull034 – SDP – 4 Reasons Why You Can’t Commithttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/034-sdp-4-reasons-why-you-can-t-commit--3643275I recently had a conversation with a gentleman who has been divorced for several years. I don't remember exactly how many, but it was enough that he should be able to move on; however, he can't seem to commit to new relationships. He has a desire to be in a new relationship and is dating but as soon as the relationship starts to look "official" he runs.

The question is why? Why is he scared of commitment?

As I've said many times before, one of the biggest mistakes I see people make after a divorce is seeking a new relationship too soon. Because of this, I would never encourage someone to date who just isn't ready. But that's not the case in this situation. He is already actively dating and he has been divorced long enough that it shouldn't be an issue, yet he just can't seem to commit to relationships.

Now this was just a passing conversation with someone I had just met so I can't make any judgements as to why he is having difficultly with commitment; however, if you find yourself in this situation here are 4 possible reasons why moving on is proving difficult.
You Still Love Your Ex
Even though you are divorced, and have been for many years, given the right set of circumstances you would take your ex back. You would gladly remarry him/her if only they would make some changes.

If this is the case you need to stop dating. It's not fair to the guys or gals you are seeing if you are emotionally unavailable. Find a good group of friends to hand out with, get involved in church or community activities, volunteer at a local charity, but don't start dating until you can categorically say that your marriage is over forever.
You Haven't Worked Through The Grieving Process
If you find yourself with continuing anger toward your ex or you are battling depression that was caused by the divorce you are stuck in the grieving process. Your ex still has power over you and moving on will be extremely difficult.

Take some time off from dating and work through the issues that are causing your emotional pain. Only when you have truly reached the point of accepting the divorce will you be ready to give your all to a new relationship.
You Keep Choosing Your Ex
Well not really your ex, but you keep choosing people to date who have many of the same qualities as your ex. It may be because that's the type of person you are comfortable with many years of marriage or could just be that what attracted you to your ex initially is still attractive to you. In either case, as you get to know this new love interest you begin to see things that remind you of your ex and you want to run.

When this happens you need to take a step back and reevaluate what you are looking for in a date / future spouse. If you can't figure out on your own why you are attracted to people who are not a good fit for you then you may need to seek the help of a counselor to guide you through the process. There may be things from your childhood that are subconsciously influencing your decisions now. Continuing to date people who are just like your ex is most likely not a good plan for future happiness.
Fear Of Failure
Maybe you are afraid of another failed marriage. You're afraid that there is something wrong with you and you will never make a good husband or wife. Maybe you just don't think it's worth the risk of another divorce.

I don't really have any sage advice if this is the case. I would suggest talking to your pastor or a counselor to work through your fears. It may also be that you're just not ready to date.

 
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643275Wed, 20 Mar 2013 02:29:20 +0000GD LengacherWhen You Can't Commit I recently had a conversation with a gentleman who has been divorced for several years. I don't remember exactly how many, but it was enough that he should be able to move on; however, he can't seem to commit to new...I recently had a conversation with a gentleman who has been divorced for several years. I don't remember exactly how many, but it was enough that he should be able to move on; however, he can't seem to commit to new relationships. He has a desire to be in a new relationship and is dating but as soon as the relationship starts to look "official" he runs.

The question is why? Why is he scared of commitment?

As I've said many times before, one of the biggest mistakes I see people make after a divorce is seeking a new relationship too soon. Because of this, I would never encourage someone to date who just isn't ready. But that's not the case in this situation. He is already actively dating and he has been divorced long enough that it shouldn't be an issue, yet he just can't seem to commit to relationships.

Now this was just a passing conversation with someone I had just met so I can't make any judgements as to why he is having difficultly with commitment; however, if you find yourself in this situation here are 4 possible reasons why moving on is proving difficult.
You Still Love Your Ex
Even though you are divorced, and have been for many years, given the right set of circumstances you would take your ex back. You would gladly remarry him/her if only they would make some changes.

If this is the case you need to stop dating. It's not fair to the guys or gals you are seeing if you are emotionally unavailable. Find a good group of friends to hand out with, get involved in church or community activities, volunteer at a local charity, but don't start dating until you can categorically say that your marriage is over forever.
You Haven't Worked Through The Grieving Process
If you find yourself with continuing anger toward your ex or you are battling depression that was caused by the divorce you are stuck in the grieving process. Your ex still has power over you and moving on will be extremely difficult.

Take some time off from dating and work through the issues that are causing your emotional pain. Only when you have truly reached the point of accepting the divorce will you be ready to give your all to a new relationship.
You Keep Choosing Your Ex
Well not really your ex, but you keep choosing people to date who have many of the same qualities as your ex. It may be because that's the type of person you are comfortable with many years of marriage or could just be that what attracted you to your ex initially is still attractive to you. In either case, as you get to know this new love interest you begin to see things that remind you of your ex and you want to run.

When this happens you need to take a step back and reevaluate what you are looking for in a date / future spouse. If you can't figure out on your own why you are attracted to people who are not a good fit for you then you may need to seek the help of a counselor to guide you through the process. There may be things from your childhood that are subconsciously influencing your decisions now. Continuing to date people who are just like your ex is most likely not a good plan for future happiness.
Fear Of Failure
Maybe you are afraid of another failed marriage. You're afraid that there is something wrong with you and you will never make a good husband or wife. Maybe you just don't think it's worth the risk of another divorce.

I don't really have any sage advice if this is the case. I would suggest talking to your pastor or a counselor to work through your fears. It may also be that you're just not ready to date.

 
Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible...]]>766relationships,relationships after divorce,surviving divorcecleanfull033- SDP – The Pursuit Of Happinesshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/033-sdp-the-pursuit-of-happiness--3648395Those of you from the United States are very familiar with the following quotation: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

If you're not from the US, or you have forgotten your history lessons from high school, this quotation is from the Declaration Of Independence. Our founding fathers got a lot of things right when they were birthing a nation and I am truly thankful for the freedoms I have and the sacrifices they made to secure those freedoms; however, research has shown that striving for ( or pursuing) happiness is not the best way to achieve it.

In fact, research conducted by the University of California at Berkeley and the University of Denver indicates that pursuing happiness can actually damage personal relationships and lead to loneliness.

My ex told me as we were divorcing that I couldn't make her happy and that God wanted her to be happy. I believe she was right on both counts. But I do not believe that God wanted her to find happiness through divorce.

There is no way that I could make her happy. I don't have the power to make anyone happy. I can contribute to the overall happiness or unhappiness of another person by my words and actions but I cannot make someone happy if they are otherwise unhappy.

Dr. Mark Epstein wrote in Psychology Today that happiness is the ability to receive the pleasant without grasping and the unpleasant without condemning." We tend to think that happiness comes when all sources of displeasure and stress are eliminated from our lives. But that just isn't true. Dr. Epstein also writes that "as adults we rarely come to terms with the fact that good and bad are two sides to the same coin, that those who make pleasure possible are also the source of our misery... However much we as adults think we have come to terms with the fact that no one can be all good or all bad, we are still intolerant of frustrations to our own pleasure."
Happiness Comes From The Inside.
We all know people who are able to roll with the punches of life and still maintain a positive attitude. We also know people who no matter how good things are they still want more. So why are some people perpetually happy and some never seem to find happiness?

Those who seem to be happy all the time are usually those who focus more on the needs of others and less on themselves. On the other hand, those who never seem to be happy are often very self-centered individuals.
Does God Want Us To Be Happy?
Does God want us to be happy? Of course he does. He is a loving father and what father doesn't want to see their children happy. I have certain rules for my children that they don't always like. They can't see that by following these rules their lives will be better in the long run. The same is true with God. He wants us to be happy so he has set in place certain boundaries for his children that when followed will lead to a more fulfilled and happy life.

Psalms 68:3 says "But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful."

And Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes 7:14 "When times are good be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other."

We live in a fallen world so there will be rough patches throughout life. Our attitude is what determines how we will handle those rough spots.

Paul writes in Philippians 4:11-13, " for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength." Paul says that he learned to be content. Contentment comes easier for some than others, but it can learned.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648395Wed, 13 Mar 2013 05:52:23 +0000GD LengacherThe Pursuit Of Happiness Those of you from the United States are very familiar with the following quotation: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable...Those of you from the United States are very familiar with the following quotation: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

If you're not from the US, or you have forgotten your history lessons from high school, this quotation is from the Declaration Of Independence. Our founding fathers got a lot of things right when they were birthing a nation and I am truly thankful for the freedoms I have and the sacrifices they made to secure those freedoms; however, research has shown that striving for ( or pursuing) happiness is not the best way to achieve it.

In fact, research conducted by the University of California at Berkeley and the University of Denver indicates that pursuing happiness can actually damage personal relationships and lead to loneliness.

My ex told me as we were divorcing that I couldn't make her happy and that God wanted her to be happy. I believe she was right on both counts. But I do not believe that God wanted her to find happiness through divorce.

There is no way that I could make her happy. I don't have the power to make anyone happy. I can contribute to the overall happiness or unhappiness of another person by my words and actions but I cannot make someone happy if they are otherwise unhappy.

Dr. Mark Epstein wrote in Psychology Today that happiness is the ability to receive the pleasant without grasping and the unpleasant without condemning." We tend to think that happiness comes when all sources of displeasure and stress are eliminated from our lives. But that just isn't true. Dr. Epstein also writes that "as adults we rarely come to terms with the fact that good and bad are two sides to the same coin, that those who make pleasure possible are also the source of our misery... However much we as adults think we have come to terms with the fact that no one can be all good or all bad, we are still intolerant of frustrations to our own pleasure."
Happiness Comes From The Inside.
We all know people who are able to roll with the punches of life and still maintain a positive attitude. We also know people who no matter how good things are they still want more. So why are some people perpetually happy and some never seem to find happiness?

Those who seem to be happy all the time are usually those who focus more on the needs of others and less on themselves. On the other hand, those who never seem to be happy are often very self-centered individuals.
Does God Want Us To Be Happy?
Does God want us to be happy? Of course he does. He is a loving father and what father doesn't want to see their children happy. I have certain rules for my children that they don't always like. They can't see that by following these rules their lives will be better in the long run. The same is true with God. He wants us to be happy so he has set in place certain boundaries for his children that when followed will lead to a more fulfilled and happy life.

Psalms 68:3 says "But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful."

And Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes 7:14 "When times are good be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other."

We live in a fallen world so there will be rough patches throughout life. Our attitude is what determines how we will handle those rough spots.

Paul writes in Philippians 4:11-13, " for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength." Paul says...]]>1076contentment,happiness,personal relationship,pursuing happiness,pursuit of happiness,surviving divorce,the pursuit of happinesscleanfull032 – SDP – How And What To Tell Childrenhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/032-sdp-how-and-what-to-tell-children--3643278I received the following question a few weeks ago about how and what to tell children about the divorce.

"Here's my problem. I am willing to do anything to save the marriage. I am willing particularly to go to marriage counseling. My wife refuses to go. Our child's therapist even asked my wife to go. She refuses to go so the divorce continues on. On the one hand I do not want to say anything negative about my wife to my daughter. On the other hand I do not want my daughter to think that I was willing, that I willingly gave up half of her life, half of my time with her. And I don't know how to express that to her to make her understand that her father is not another person who has decided to abandon her. That her father is not the person who has decided to give up time with her. I don't know how to say that without it in some way sounding negative about my wife. I don't want to indulge in the lie that so many couples say that the divorce is mutual. We're both decided to do this. We're both happy. This is something that is being completely forced upon me. So I'm wondering what recommendations you might have, how to deal with these conflicting ideas?"

This question hits close to home for me. I was in a very similar situation. My wife wanted the divorce and I was doing everything in my power to save the marriage. Like your wife, she refused to go to counseling so I went on my own. When it came time to tell the kids, I did go along with putting up a united front because I was still hopeful she would change her mind and I didn't want to do anything to drive her further away. I covered for her for years before telling my side of the story to my kids. I have regretted this decision many times. It has caused pain and confusion for my kids that could have been avoided.
Speak The Truth
I have come to the opinion that the best thing to do is to just tell your kids the truth, but not necessarily the whole truth. For example, if your spouse is having an affair they don't really need to know, they only need to know that you don't agree with the divorce. You also need to adjust what you tell your children based on their age. A child of three has a different level of understanding than a child of seven, and a child of seven has a different level of understanding than a teenager.
Children Blame Themselves
Many children will blame themselves for their parent's divorce. This is normal but it is something that can be minimized if both parents reassure the child that this is something between mom and dad and has nothing to do with them. If you daughter has experienced feelings of abandonment before, which you allude to in your question, then this can be especially important. She may be inclined to think there is something wrong with her and you need to make sure she knows that is not true.
Avoid Bashing Your Spouse
You are right to want to avoid speaking negatively about your wife. She is, and always will be, your daughter's mother and your daughter loves her. You need to do everything you can to help your daughter maintain a healthy relationship with her. Some of the best advice I received from the DivorcCare material was that the truth will come out. You don't have to be the one to tell you daughter what really happened.
Answer Her Questions
Answer your daughter's questions as truthfully as you can without giving in to negativity. This can be difficult, especially with older children. They can sense when there is more to the story and will often probe to find out what it is you are leaving out. If you are faced with an overly inquisitive child, just reiterate that the divorce was an issue between the parents and some details are private.
Let Her Know What's Happening
One of the greatest sources of fear for children during a divorce is the uncertainty of how life is going to change. Try to give your daughter as much information as possible about how her life will be different after the divorce.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643278Tue, 05 Mar 2013 04:40:06 +0000GD LengacherHow And What To Tell Children I received the following question a few weeks ago about how and what to tell children about the divorce. "Here's my problem. I am willing to do anything to save the marriage. I am willing particularly to go to marriage...I received the following question a few weeks ago about how and what to tell children about the divorce.

"Here's my problem. I am willing to do anything to save the marriage. I am willing particularly to go to marriage counseling. My wife refuses to go. Our child's therapist even asked my wife to go. She refuses to go so the divorce continues on. On the one hand I do not want to say anything negative about my wife to my daughter. On the other hand I do not want my daughter to think that I was willing, that I willingly gave up half of her life, half of my time with her. And I don't know how to express that to her to make her understand that her father is not another person who has decided to abandon her. That her father is not the person who has decided to give up time with her. I don't know how to say that without it in some way sounding negative about my wife. I don't want to indulge in the lie that so many couples say that the divorce is mutual. We're both decided to do this. We're both happy. This is something that is being completely forced upon me. So I'm wondering what recommendations you might have, how to deal with these conflicting ideas?"

This question hits close to home for me. I was in a very similar situation. My wife wanted the divorce and I was doing everything in my power to save the marriage. Like your wife, she refused to go to counseling so I went on my own. When it came time to tell the kids, I did go along with putting up a united front because I was still hopeful she would change her mind and I didn't want to do anything to drive her further away. I covered for her for years before telling my side of the story to my kids. I have regretted this decision many times. It has caused pain and confusion for my kids that could have been avoided.
Speak The Truth
I have come to the opinion that the best thing to do is to just tell your kids the truth, but not necessarily the whole truth. For example, if your spouse is having an affair they don't really need to know, they only need to know that you don't agree with the divorce. You also need to adjust what you tell your children based on their age. A child of three has a different level of understanding than a child of seven, and a child of seven has a different level of understanding than a teenager.
Children Blame Themselves
Many children will blame themselves for their parent's divorce. This is normal but it is something that can be minimized if both parents reassure the child that this is something between mom and dad and has nothing to do with them. If you daughter has experienced feelings of abandonment before, which you allude to in your question, then this can be especially important. She may be inclined to think there is something wrong with her and you need to make sure she knows that is not true.
Avoid Bashing Your Spouse
You are right to want to avoid speaking negatively about your wife. She is, and always will be, your daughter's mother and your daughter loves her. You need to do everything you can to help your daughter maintain a healthy relationship with her. Some of the best advice I received from the DivorcCare material was that the truth will come out. You don't have to be the one to tell you daughter what really happened.
Answer Her Questions
Answer your daughter's questions as truthfully as you can without giving in to negativity. This can be difficult, especially with older children. They can sense when there is more to the story and will often probe to find out what it is you are leaving out. If you are faced with an overly inquisitive child, just reiterate that the divorce was an issue between the parents and some details are private.
Let Her Know What's Happening
One of the greatest sources of fear for children during a divorce is the uncertainty of how life is going to change. Try to give your daughter as much information as...]]>1084children,surviving divorce,tell your child,tell your kids,truthcleanfull031 – SDP – Grief Revisitedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/031-sdp-grief-revisited--3648396I covered grieving in Episode 2 but I wanted to come back to it because grieving is a process. It's not something that you deal with and then move on. You will continue to be thrust back into the grieving cycle as you identify new losses.

A few weeks ago I shared how I was blindsided by emotions when my son was facing anxiety attacks. Nine years after my divorce this brought back feelings of failure and responsibility because he didn't have an intact two-parent home. I briefly felt angry toward my ex-wife for making poor decisions nine years ago, but it didn't last very long. In turned out the anxiety was most likely a reaction to an albuterol inhaler my son was taking for some breathing difficulty and not a psychological issue at all. The key point is that even after nine years events can trigger an emotional response in me that puts me back in the grieving process.
Grief
While we often associate grieving with death, dictionary.com defines grief as "keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret". Divorce involves all of these: affliction, loss, sorrow, and regret. That is why the hurt of divorce is so great, we are not just dealing with one cause of grief, but all of them.

Overcoming grief is a process. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross proposed that the grieving process consists of 5 steps: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The grieving process moves from denial to acceptance but there can be a lot of moving between steps on the way. You may be bargaining for your spouse to reconsider one day and so angry you wouldn't think of taking them back the next.

So now let's look at the 5 steps.
Denial
Denial is the first step because we usually find ourselves in denial when faced with a major loss. When we lose a loved one to death, it takes awhile for it to sink in that they are really gone. The same is true with divorce. When we are faced with the prospect of divorce we will often be in denial for quite a while. We can think that our ex will come to their senses and either cancel the divorce process or change the behavior that is making us contemplate divorce. But eventually the denial ends and we move on to anger.
Anger
Anger is usually the second step in the grieving process. After we come to grips with the fact that a divorce is inevitable we become angry. We may feel anger at our spouse, angry at ourselves, anger at God, anger at family or friends. The ways anger can be directed are almost limitless, but I don't know of anyone who comes through a divorce without being angry at some point. There is a great danger in getting stuck in this phase and becoming bitter.
Bargaining
The next step is often bargaining. This is where we are getting over the initial anger and we just want things to be back to "normal" and we are willing to do just about anything to stop the divorce. This when we make statements like "If you'll come back home I will _____" . I was in the bargaining phase for quite a while. I thought I could stop the divorce but it just wasn't meant to be. Now there are instances where your ex has done something that is so bad in your eyes that you never enter the bargaining phase. For many this is infidelity, but other things such as drug use, alcoholism, abuse, etc. can also prevent you from having any desire to save the marriage.
Depression
Depression is next on the list and most people will experience some sort of depression during the divorce process. It may be just a bad case of the blues or it may be a serious depression that requires medical attention. You may find that all you want to do is sleep or you may have difficulty focusing at work. Depression effects many areas of our lives including our health, relationships, work, etc. If you find yourself stuck in depression, please seek medical help.
Acceptance
After we have worked our way through the first four steps we finally reach acceptance.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648396Tue, 26 Feb 2013 06:06:08 +0000GD LengacherGrieving Revisited I covered grieving in Episode 2 but I wanted to come back to it because grieving is a process. It's not something that you deal with and then move on. You will continue to be thrust back into the grieving cycle as you identify new...I covered grieving in Episode 2 but I wanted to come back to it because grieving is a process. It's not something that you deal with and then move on. You will continue to be thrust back into the grieving cycle as you identify new losses.

A few weeks ago I shared how I was blindsided by emotions when my son was facing anxiety attacks. Nine years after my divorce this brought back feelings of failure and responsibility because he didn't have an intact two-parent home. I briefly felt angry toward my ex-wife for making poor decisions nine years ago, but it didn't last very long. In turned out the anxiety was most likely a reaction to an albuterol inhaler my son was taking for some breathing difficulty and not a psychological issue at all. The key point is that even after nine years events can trigger an emotional response in me that puts me back in the grieving process.
Grief
While we often associate grieving with death, dictionary.com defines grief as "keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret". Divorce involves all of these: affliction, loss, sorrow, and regret. That is why the hurt of divorce is so great, we are not just dealing with one cause of grief, but all of them.

Overcoming grief is a process. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross proposed that the grieving process consists of 5 steps: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The grieving process moves from denial to acceptance but there can be a lot of moving between steps on the way. You may be bargaining for your spouse to reconsider one day and so angry you wouldn't think of taking them back the next.

So now let's look at the 5 steps.
Denial
Denial is the first step because we usually find ourselves in denial when faced with a major loss. When we lose a loved one to death, it takes awhile for it to sink in that they are really gone. The same is true with divorce. When we are faced with the prospect of divorce we will often be in denial for quite a while. We can think that our ex will come to their senses and either cancel the divorce process or change the behavior that is making us contemplate divorce. But eventually the denial ends and we move on to anger.
Anger
Anger is usually the second step in the grieving process. After we come to grips with the fact that a divorce is inevitable we become angry. We may feel anger at our spouse, angry at ourselves, anger at God, anger at family or friends. The ways anger can be directed are almost limitless, but I don't know of anyone who comes through a divorce without being angry at some point. There is a great danger in getting stuck in this phase and becoming bitter.
Bargaining
The next step is often bargaining. This is where we are getting over the initial anger and we just want things to be back to "normal" and we are willing to do just about anything to stop the divorce. This when we make statements like "If you'll come back home I will _____" . I was in the bargaining phase for quite a while. I thought I could stop the divorce but it just wasn't meant to be. Now there are instances where your ex has done something that is so bad in your eyes that you never enter the bargaining phase. For many this is infidelity, but other things such as drug use, alcoholism, abuse, etc. can also prevent you from having any desire to save the marriage.
Depression
Depression is next on the list and most people will experience some sort of depression during the divorce process. It may be just a bad case of the blues or it may be a serious depression that requires medical attention. You may find that all you want to do is sleep or you may have difficulty focusing at work. Depression effects many areas of our lives including our health, relationships, work, etc. If you find yourself stuck in depression, please seek medical help.
Acceptance
After we have worked our way through the...]]>1184anger,divorce,grief,loss,the grieving processcleanfull030 – SDP – Discussing My Faithhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/030-sdp-discussing-my-faith--3643274Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3643274Tue, 19 Feb 2013 04:41:12 +0000GD LengacherI received an email this week from a listener concerned with my use of scripture in last weeks podcast.  In this episode I address why I occasionally use scripture and will continue to do so. Wrap Up Click on the banner to the right or go...Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>735blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull029 – SDP – Feeling Like A Failurehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/029-sdp-feeling-like-a-failure--3648398In the survey I recently conducted (www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/survey) I asked you to tell me what you are currently struggling with. Feeling like a failure was a common response.
First of all I want to tell you that feeling like a failure is normal. Our marriages ended. In some ways those of us who are divorced are failures. We had the best intentions of being married for life but that's not how things turned out. Our plans of growing old together have suddenly been ripped out from under us. We are no longer with our kids all of the time. Income has probably taken a significant hit.
But we can't look at our failure at marriage as the defining point in our lives. Studies show that close to 80% of divorced people will eventually remarry. So given that fact, it's important to learn from our mistakes so that we don't repeat them
Taking Ownership
I've talked before about taking ownership for your part in breakdown of your marriage. No one is perfect so you share some of the blame for your divorce. It may be that you broke the trust of your ex and the divorce is largely on your shoulders. You may have just grown apart and the blame can be place equally on both parties. It's also quite possible that your ex was largely to blame and you had a very small role in your marital problems. At the very least you may have made a poor choice in a marriage partner.
Whatever the case, taking ownership for your part in the divorce will allow you to avoid making the same mistakes again.
Successful Failures
Many of the most successful people have major failures in their past.
Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, was cut from his high school basketball team. It's said that he went home, locked himself in his room, and cried.
Oprah was demoted from her job as a news anchor because she wasn't fit for television
Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper job for lacking imagination and having no original ideas.
It took Thomas Edison over 10,000 tries to get the light bulb design perfected.
What does this have to do with divorce?
You may have been "cut" or "fired" from your marriage because you just didn't measure up. Your ex effectively announced to the world that you were not a suitable spouse. Maybe you were the one that ended the marriage for very valid reasons.
Whatever your specific situation is, in the eyes of many you failed at marriage.
To think that someone could describe Walt Disney as lacking imagination is hard to comprehend knowing what we know today. How Oprah could be described as not fit for television is almost unbelievable.
These very successful people had one thing in common, they did not let failure define them. And you can't let your failed marriage define you.
Taking Stock And Making Changes
The key to overcoming your failed marriage is to take stock of your situation.
Make an honest accounting of what went wrong in your marriage. This may require you to get some input from someone who knew you well as couple. We are often too close to the situation to look at it without bias. This will help you figure out where you need to take responsibility.
After you know where you are to blame, make appropriate changes. You may need to seek counseling to correct aspects of your character or personality that contributed to your divorce. If you have a history of choosing poor romantic partners counseling may help you understand why.
Moving On
In Jeremiah 29:11 God tells the Children of Israel, "I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
As a Christian I believe that God has a plan for each of our lives. The psalmist says in Psalm 139: 13-16, "For You formed my inward parts, You wove me in my mother's womb... You're eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in your book were written all the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them."]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648398Tue, 12 Feb 2013 04:08:48 +0000GD LengacherFeeling Like A Failure In the survey I recently conducted (www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/survey) I asked you to tell me what you are currently struggling with. Feeling like a failure was a common response. First of all I want to tell you that...In the survey I recently conducted (www.survivingdivorcepodcast.com/survey) I asked you to tell me what you are currently struggling with. Feeling like a failure was a common response.
First of all I want to tell you that feeling like a failure is normal. Our marriages ended. In some ways those of us who are divorced are failures. We had the best intentions of being married for life but that's not how things turned out. Our plans of growing old together have suddenly been ripped out from under us. We are no longer with our kids all of the time. Income has probably taken a significant hit.
But we can't look at our failure at marriage as the defining point in our lives. Studies show that close to 80% of divorced people will eventually remarry. So given that fact, it's important to learn from our mistakes so that we don't repeat them
Taking Ownership
I've talked before about taking ownership for your part in breakdown of your marriage. No one is perfect so you share some of the blame for your divorce. It may be that you broke the trust of your ex and the divorce is largely on your shoulders. You may have just grown apart and the blame can be place equally on both parties. It's also quite possible that your ex was largely to blame and you had a very small role in your marital problems. At the very least you may have made a poor choice in a marriage partner.
Whatever the case, taking ownership for your part in the divorce will allow you to avoid making the same mistakes again.
Successful Failures
Many of the most successful people have major failures in their past.
Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, was cut from his high school basketball team. It's said that he went home, locked himself in his room, and cried.
Oprah was demoted from her job as a news anchor because she wasn't fit for television
Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper job for lacking imagination and having no original ideas.
It took Thomas Edison over 10,000 tries to get the light bulb design perfected.
What does this have to do with divorce?
You may have been "cut" or "fired" from your marriage because you just didn't measure up. Your ex effectively announced to the world that you were not a suitable spouse. Maybe you were the one that ended the marriage for very valid reasons.
Whatever your specific situation is, in the eyes of many you failed at marriage.
To think that someone could describe Walt Disney as lacking imagination is hard to comprehend knowing what we know today. How Oprah could be described as not fit for television is almost unbelievable.
These very successful people had one thing in common, they did not let failure define them. And you can't let your failed marriage define you.
Taking Stock And Making Changes
The key to overcoming your failed marriage is to take stock of your situation.
Make an honest accounting of what went wrong in your marriage. This may require you to get some input from someone who knew you well as couple. We are often too close to the situation to look at it without bias. This will help you figure out where you need to take responsibility.
After you know where you are to blame, make appropriate changes. You may need to seek counseling to correct aspects of your character or personality that contributed to your divorce. If you have a history of choosing poor romantic partners counseling may help you understand why.
Moving On
In Jeremiah 29:11 God tells the Children of Israel, "I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
As a Christian I believe that God has a plan for each of our lives. The psalmist says in Psalm 139: 13-16, "For You formed my inward parts, You wove me in my mother's womb... You're eyes have...]]>1077blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull028 – SDP – Blindsided By Emotionshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/028-sdp-blindsided-by-emotions--3648397Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648397Wed, 06 Feb 2013 03:06:21 +0000GD LengacherLife threw me a curve ball this week and I was blindsided by some emotions that I thought I had worked through.  My son is dealing with anxiety and I can't help but wonder if it is partly due to the divorce of his parents.  It may not be related but...Wrap Up
Click on the banner to the right or go to  facebook.com/survivingdivorcepodcast and join the conversation.

You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you’d like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I’ll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>536blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull027 – SDP – But My Ex Is _____https://www.spreaker.com/episode/027-sdp-but-my-ex-is--3648399I recently received the following question: "Do you have any podcasts on how to deal with a narcissist post-divorce via co-parenting and negotiating? This is a difficult personality to be married too. I thought life would get better after divorce but I have accepted he will always be a pain and seek to be in control."

I have heard many variations of this question down through the years. My ex is bi-polar, by ex is controlling, my ex is angry, my ex suffers from depression, my ex is a pathological liar so how can I co-parent with them. Each of these situations has it's own set of difficulties that a licensed counselor or therapist would be more qualified to address, but there are some things you can do to make life easier when dealing with someone who may not be easy to work with.
Dealing With Any Ex Isn't Easy
First of all I want to say that if your ex has been diagnosed with a psychological disorder it does not mean that they cannot be dealt with. If he or she is seeking treatment, following through with counseling and taking any prescribed medications your experience should not be significantly different than the norm.

If your ex has an untreated psychological disorder, or just a basic character flaw, co-parenting can be nearly impossible. There are situations where you need to determine if it's safe for your children to be alone with your ex. If at any time you think you or your children may be in an unsafe situation you need to take the appropriate actions to ensure everyone's safety.

Dealing with an ex is rarely easy. Something broke down in your marriage that caused you to get a divorce so there is no reason to think your relationship will suddenly get better after the divorce. The pain and ill will caused by the divorce process can linger for a long time making joint parenting decisions difficult. Take some time to exam yourself to make sure you are not using your ex's issues as an excuse to avoid the difficult task of working with them.

If you are dealing with a difficult ex, here are some tips to help you manage the situation:
Remember: Your're Doing This For Your Kids
In an ideal world, kids would grow up in the household with both of their parents. But life isn't ideal and you are divorced (or divorcing). The next best thing for your children is for both of their parents to work together. If you have a difficult ex this may mean that you have to work extra hard to keep things civil between you. Sometimes you have to choose to be the adult and not let them drag you down to their level.
Pick Your Battles
You cannot effectively co-parent in a situation where you are constantly fighting with your ex. Even if you disagree you have to allow them to be right sometimes. There has to be some give and take. If you are dealing with a narcissist, you may have to do more giving than taking to have a functional co-parenting relationship. If you are dealing with a pathological liar you may have to get everything in writing. If your ex is a hothead you may need to avoid confrontation unless it's very important to you.
Your goal is to get your kids raised with the fewest possible ill effects from the divorce. Keep this in mind when deciding what to fight for.
Don't Push Their Hot Buttons
You were married to this person. You probably know better than anyone else how to really set them off. Avoid the temptation to use that knowledge to trigger an outburst or any other kind of confrontation. If they are bi-polar you can probably tell within a few seconds of conversation if they are having a manic or depressive episode. If they are, it would not be a good time to bring up a major issue with the kids.
Don't Be A Doormat
Even though you need to work together for the best interest of your children, don't let your ex walk all over you. If your ex has a very controlling personality, you may have let them have their way in your marriage just to keep the peace.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648399Tue, 29 Jan 2013 04:10:11 +0000GD LengacherBut My Ex Is _____ I recently received the following question: "Do you have any podcasts on how to deal with a narcissist post-divorce via co-parenting and negotiating? This is a difficult personality to be married too. I thought life would get better...I recently received the following question: "Do you have any podcasts on how to deal with a narcissist post-divorce via co-parenting and negotiating? This is a difficult personality to be married too. I thought life would get better after divorce but I have accepted he will always be a pain and seek to be in control."

I have heard many variations of this question down through the years. My ex is bi-polar, by ex is controlling, my ex is angry, my ex suffers from depression, my ex is a pathological liar so how can I co-parent with them. Each of these situations has it's own set of difficulties that a licensed counselor or therapist would be more qualified to address, but there are some things you can do to make life easier when dealing with someone who may not be easy to work with.
Dealing With Any Ex Isn't Easy
First of all I want to say that if your ex has been diagnosed with a psychological disorder it does not mean that they cannot be dealt with. If he or she is seeking treatment, following through with counseling and taking any prescribed medications your experience should not be significantly different than the norm.

If your ex has an untreated psychological disorder, or just a basic character flaw, co-parenting can be nearly impossible. There are situations where you need to determine if it's safe for your children to be alone with your ex. If at any time you think you or your children may be in an unsafe situation you need to take the appropriate actions to ensure everyone's safety.

Dealing with an ex is rarely easy. Something broke down in your marriage that caused you to get a divorce so there is no reason to think your relationship will suddenly get better after the divorce. The pain and ill will caused by the divorce process can linger for a long time making joint parenting decisions difficult. Take some time to exam yourself to make sure you are not using your ex's issues as an excuse to avoid the difficult task of working with them.

If you are dealing with a difficult ex, here are some tips to help you manage the situation:
Remember: Your're Doing This For Your Kids
In an ideal world, kids would grow up in the household with both of their parents. But life isn't ideal and you are divorced (or divorcing). The next best thing for your children is for both of their parents to work together. If you have a difficult ex this may mean that you have to work extra hard to keep things civil between you. Sometimes you have to choose to be the adult and not let them drag you down to their level.
Pick Your Battles
You cannot effectively co-parent in a situation where you are constantly fighting with your ex. Even if you disagree you have to allow them to be right sometimes. There has to be some give and take. If you are dealing with a narcissist, you may have to do more giving than taking to have a functional co-parenting relationship. If you are dealing with a pathological liar you may have to get everything in writing. If your ex is a hothead you may need to avoid confrontation unless it's very important to you.
Your goal is to get your kids raised with the fewest possible ill effects from the divorce. Keep this in mind when deciding what to fight for.
Don't Push Their Hot Buttons
You were married to this person. You probably know better than anyone else how to really set them off. Avoid the temptation to use that knowledge to trigger an outburst or any other kind of confrontation. If they are bi-polar you can probably tell within a few seconds of conversation if they are having a manic or depressive episode. If they are, it would not be a good time to bring up a major issue with the kids.
Don't Be A Doormat
Even though you need to work together for the best interest of your children, don't let your ex walk all over you. If your ex has a very controlling personality, you may have let them have their...]]>992blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull026 – SDP – Taxes After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/026-sdp-taxes-after-divorce--3648401https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648401Tue, 22 Jan 2013 07:22:04 +0000GD LengacherIt's the beginning of a new year and that means tax time. If you are newly divorced then your tax situation will definitely be different this year. Between a change in filing status and likely loss of deductions your tax bill could be considerably high...1247blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull025 – SDP – 5 Tips For Avoiding Isolationhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/025-sdp-5-tips-for-avoiding-isolation--3648402
It may feel like the foundations of your life have been pulled out from under you.

But this is not the time to isolate yourself. You need the support of family and friends more than ever before to help you get through this trying time. It can be especially hard if you have an introverted personality. I am a very strong introvert and enjoy my alone time, but during and after a divorce is no time to let your introverted tendencies take over.

Here are 5 tips to help you get through this time without isolating yourself.
Exercise Regularly
Here's one where I am not good at following my own advice, but exercising just makes you feel good. When you exercise the brain releases endorphins that trigger a feeling of well being. It's often referred to as a "runner's high" but any type of prolonged physical activity will get the job done.

There are also the obvious physical benefits to excersing, Staying physically fit and possibly even losing a few extra pounds is always a good thing to do.
When we exercise we just feel better about ourselves. And when you feel better it's much easier to consider the thought of interacting with others.
Get Cleaned Up And "Ready To Go"
It's amazing how this can change your outlook, especially on weekends. Avoid the temptation to lounge around in your pajamas all day. There's something about the routine of getting ready to go out into the world that can make you more willing to be social. If your friends call at the last minute wanting to do something and your still in your pjs it's much easier to say no.

Ladies, fix your hair and put your makeup on. Guy's, shower and shave. Take away any excuses you have to stay home. Now for those who know me well, the shaving part may seem hypocritical as I'm not a big fan of shaving and will often go days without. But even I must admit that it does make me feel better having a clean shaven face, well at least the part not covered in hair.
The key is that if you feel presentable you will be more likely to seek out the company of others.
Don't Wait For Others To Call
Be the one to make the plans. Don't wait for others to call you instead find something exciting to do and invite someone to tag along. Something as simple as going out for coffee or ice cream can really help break the cycle of staying home alone.

Also, don't overlook the importance of staying connected with co-workers. Just going out for lunch occasionally can keep you plugged in to the social side of life and keep your from isolating further.
Get Involved
Find a ministry at your church, volunteer for your favorite charity, or help out at your kid's school. One of the best things you can do to take your mind off your own problems is to help someone else. It can seem daunting, but there are many understaffed programs in any community that would be glad for the extra help and you just might make some new friends.

I was hired as an assistant football coach at our local high school shortly before I found out I was getting divorced. I truly believe that God put that in my life to keep me active during the divorce process. Even though guys, especially football coaches, are not known for their emotional depth, having a group of quality men to spend time with on a regular basis was one thing that kept me going.
Avoid Dating Too Soon
This is contrary to the advice you are likely getting from well meaning friends and family, but dating too soon is counter productive. When you start dating again, you will likely forget about the pain of the divorce; however, if you haven't taken the time to heal from your deep emotional wounds, any new relationships will be doomed to failure.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648402Tue, 15 Jan 2013 05:36:56 +0000GD LengacherYou've been hurt very very deeply. It may seem like the world is against you. There will be times that you feel like retreating inside the safety of your house or apartment and not come out except when it's absolutely necessary. And if you're still...
It may feel like the foundations of your life have been pulled out from under you.

But this is not the time to isolate yourself. You need the support of family and friends more than ever before to help you get through this trying time. It can be especially hard if you have an introverted personality. I am a very strong introvert and enjoy my alone time, but during and after a divorce is no time to let your introverted tendencies take over.

Here are 5 tips to help you get through this time without isolating yourself.
Exercise Regularly
Here's one where I am not good at following my own advice, but exercising just makes you feel good. When you exercise the brain releases endorphins that trigger a feeling of well being. It's often referred to as a "runner's high" but any type of prolonged physical activity will get the job done.

There are also the obvious physical benefits to excersing, Staying physically fit and possibly even losing a few extra pounds is always a good thing to do.
When we exercise we just feel better about ourselves. And when you feel better it's much easier to consider the thought of interacting with others.
Get Cleaned Up And "Ready To Go"
It's amazing how this can change your outlook, especially on weekends. Avoid the temptation to lounge around in your pajamas all day. There's something about the routine of getting ready to go out into the world that can make you more willing to be social. If your friends call at the last minute wanting to do something and your still in your pjs it's much easier to say no.

Ladies, fix your hair and put your makeup on. Guy's, shower and shave. Take away any excuses you have to stay home. Now for those who know me well, the shaving part may seem hypocritical as I'm not a big fan of shaving and will often go days without. But even I must admit that it does make me feel better having a clean shaven face, well at least the part not covered in hair.
The key is that if you feel presentable you will be more likely to seek out the company of others.
Don't Wait For Others To Call
Be the one to make the plans. Don't wait for others to call you instead find something exciting to do and invite someone to tag along. Something as simple as going out for coffee or ice cream can really help break the cycle of staying home alone.

Also, don't overlook the importance of staying connected with co-workers. Just going out for lunch occasionally can keep you plugged in to the social side of life and keep your from isolating further.
Get Involved
Find a ministry at your church, volunteer for your favorite charity, or help out at your kid's school. One of the best things you can do to take your mind off your own problems is to help someone else. It can seem daunting, but there are many understaffed programs in any community that would be glad for the extra help and you just might make some new friends.

I was hired as an assistant football coach at our local high school shortly before I found out I was getting divorced. I truly believe that God put that in my life to keep me active during the divorce process. Even though guys, especially football coaches, are not known for their emotional depth, having a group of quality men to spend time with on a regular basis was one thing that kept me going.
Avoid Dating Too Soon
This is contrary to the advice you are likely getting from well meaning friends and family, but dating too soon is counter productive. When you start dating again, you will likely forget about the pain of the divorce; however, if you...]]>1071blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull024 – SPD – A Plan For The New Yearhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/024-spd-a-plan-for-the-new-year--3648422
Well it's a new year so that means many of you have made New Years resolutions.  You may have resolved to quit smoking, lose weight, find a new job, or just make 2013 a better year than 2012 because if your listening to this podcast there's a good chance that 2012 wasn't a very good year.

Now we all know that New Year's resolutions very seldom stick.  Why? Well it's because they are typically pie in the sky ideas that are often too big to realistically tackle.

I've given up on New Year's resolutions and I think you should too.  Now I'm not saying give up on making yourself or your life better, just give up on the resolutions.  Instead, I like to spend the some time at the New Year to develop a plan for the coming year.

A plan is different than a resolution in that it has very specific, measurable goals with dates attached.

If I resolve to lose weight next year, which I desparately need to do, that is too vague.  So instead, I have a goal to lose at least 40 lbs. by my wedding date of May 31.  What's the difference?  Losing 40 lbs by May 31st is a very specific goal that can be measured and tracked.  May 31st is 21 weeks from the date I'm recording this podcast.  I need to average losing 2 lbs per week to meet my goal.

So how does this relate to to surviving divorce?  Well, you need to make a plan on how 2013 is going to be a better year for you.  Getting over the hurt and anger is not something that is easy to measure, but you can find things that will help you on that path.  You may decide to find a support group to attend and go to your first meeting by Feb 1st.  You may decide you need a better job to take some of the financial stress off.  Your goals in that case may be to update your resume by Jan 15th, read 48 Days To The Work You Love by Feb 1st, and have a new job by April 1st.   Those are actionable goals that will make you life post divorce better.

I've been working on my plan for the Surviving Divorce Podcast over the past few days and I would like to ask for your help.  Go to SurvivingDivorcePodcast.com/survey and you will be taken to a brief ( 8 question ) survey that will give me some insight into who is listening and what your need's are.  This show is really all about helping you so the more I know about you the better I can help.

I'd like to give a shout out to Bethany Perkin for leaving a review on iTunes.  If you haven't done so yet, please consider going to iTunes and leaving a review.  It helps iTunes know that people are getting value from the podcast and keeps it up in the search results so that others can find it.

If you have a question or comment you can email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com or call the listener feedback hotline at 347-433-7664.  I'd like to hear what some of your new years goals are so leave a comment below and let me know how you're going to make 2013 a better year]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648422Sat, 05 Jan 2013 05:23:51 +0000GD LengacherThis will be another shorter episode.  I have been busy during the holidays and honestly just didn't feel much like recording for the last week.  I will be out of town next week so I'm releasing this one on Friday instead of my normal Tuesday.  I...
Well it's a new year so that means many of you have made New Years resolutions.  You may have resolved to quit smoking, lose weight, find a new job, or just make 2013 a better year than 2012 because if your listening to this podcast there's a good chance that 2012 wasn't a very good year.

Now we all know that New Year's resolutions very seldom stick.  Why? Well it's because they are typically pie in the sky ideas that are often too big to realistically tackle.

I've given up on New Year's resolutions and I think you should too.  Now I'm not saying give up on making yourself or your life better, just give up on the resolutions.  Instead, I like to spend the some time at the New Year to develop a plan for the coming year.

A plan is different than a resolution in that it has very specific, measurable goals with dates attached.

If I resolve to lose weight next year, which I desparately need to do, that is too vague.  So instead, I have a goal to lose at least 40 lbs. by my wedding date of May 31.  What's the difference?  Losing 40 lbs by May 31st is a very specific goal that can be measured and tracked.  May 31st is 21 weeks from the date I'm recording this podcast.  I need to average losing 2 lbs per week to meet my goal.

So how does this relate to to surviving divorce?  Well, you need to make a plan on how 2013 is going to be a better year for you.  Getting over the hurt and anger is not something that is easy to measure, but you can find things that will help you on that path.  You may decide to find a support group to attend and go to your first meeting by Feb 1st.  You may decide you need a better job to take some of the financial stress off.  Your goals in that case may be to update your resume by Jan 15th, read 48 Days To The Work You Love by Feb 1st, and have a new job by April 1st.   Those are actionable goals that will make you life post divorce better.

I've been working on my plan for the Surviving Divorce Podcast over the past few days and I would like to ask for your help.  Go to SurvivingDivorcePodcast.com/survey and you will be taken to a brief ( 8 question ) survey that will give me some insight into who is listening and what your need's are.  This show is really all about helping you so the more I know about you the better I can help.

I'd like to give a shout out to Bethany Perkin for leaving a review on iTunes.  If you haven't done so yet, please consider going to iTunes and leaving a review.  It helps iTunes know that people are getting value from the podcast and keeps it up in the search results so that others can find it.

If you have a question or comment you can email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com or call the listener feedback hotline at 347-433-7664.  I'd like to hear what some of your new years goals are so leave a comment below and let me know how you're going to make 2013 a better year]]>487blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull023 – SDP – Merry Christmashttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/023-sdp-merry-christmas--3648400
For many of you this Christmas season has not been a merry one. If this is your first holiday season post divorce, just know that it's rough for everybody that goes through it. You are not alone.

You may not have the loved ones around you that you would like to have there. If you have kids, they are likely spending time with their other parent that in years past was spent with you. Long standing holiday traditions must be adjusted to fit with parenting schedules or because you always did things with your ex's family.

This can be an extremely lonely and depressing time of year. Just keep your chin up. Things will get better eventually. You will one day look back on this time of your life and the pain will be a distant memory.

I've said it many times on the show, I am a Christian and for me Christmas is a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We give gifts to express our love for those we care about and this is the time of year when we celebrate the greatest gift of all, the chance at eternal life with God in heaven because he sent his Son to be born in the little town of Bethlehem. Jesus lived the life that we should live but are not capable of living. He died on the cross to show just how much he loved us and to take away the guilt and shame that comes from knowing we don't measure up. Now all he asks is that we accept the gift that he gave his life to give us and that we love him and treat others with love.

So if you're feeling down this Christmas just remember what we're celebrating and that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."  John 3:16-17

Merry Christmas]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648400Tue, 25 Dec 2012 06:33:26 +0000GD LengacherI am recording this on Christmas Eve 2012.  It's going to be a short episode but I wanted to wish you Merry Christmas. For many of you this Christmas season has not been a merry one. If this is your first holiday season post divorce, just know that...
For many of you this Christmas season has not been a merry one. If this is your first holiday season post divorce, just know that it's rough for everybody that goes through it. You are not alone.

You may not have the loved ones around you that you would like to have there. If you have kids, they are likely spending time with their other parent that in years past was spent with you. Long standing holiday traditions must be adjusted to fit with parenting schedules or because you always did things with your ex's family.

This can be an extremely lonely and depressing time of year. Just keep your chin up. Things will get better eventually. You will one day look back on this time of your life and the pain will be a distant memory.

I've said it many times on the show, I am a Christian and for me Christmas is a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus. We give gifts to express our love for those we care about and this is the time of year when we celebrate the greatest gift of all, the chance at eternal life with God in heaven because he sent his Son to be born in the little town of Bethlehem. Jesus lived the life that we should live but are not capable of living. He died on the cross to show just how much he loved us and to take away the guilt and shame that comes from knowing we don't measure up. Now all he asks is that we accept the gift that he gave his life to give us and that we love him and treat others with love.

So if you're feeling down this Christmas just remember what we're celebrating and that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."  John 3:16-17

Merry Christmas]]>228blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull022 – SDP – How To Deal With Your Ex Datinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/022-sdp-how-to-deal-with-your-ex-dating--3648418I Feel Your Pain
I've been there.  The thought of your ex giving their heart and body to another person can be almost more than you can take especially if you were caught off guard and didn't want the divorce.
You Still Love Your Ex
It's normal to still love your ex even though they've done and said things to hurt you deeply.  It takes time to untangle the web of emotions that a divorce brings.  I think Scripture says it best in Gen 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."  When a marriage ends, the husband and wife are not separated by a precision cut, but rather they are torn apart.  Each spouse carries a little of the other one with them for a long time after the divorce.
You May Feel You Still Have Rights
You may still feel like you have a right to know what's happening in your ex's life. You don't. Period.  Unless it involves your kids and even then you have a limited right.  Your marriage has been reduced to a business partnership.  You have no more right to know what your ex is doing than you would a co-worker.
What Can You Do?

Find new things to do to take you mind off your ex.
Change up your routine to avoid seeing him/her.
Find a local support group such as DivorceCare.
Give it time.
Get Professional Help.

Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648418Tue, 18 Dec 2012 05:25:14 +0000GD LengacherIn today's episode I answer a question from Carl about how to deal with feelings that surround your ex moving on and dating again. I Feel Your Pain I've been there.  The thought of your ex giving their heart and body to another person can be almost...I Feel Your Pain
I've been there.  The thought of your ex giving their heart and body to another person can be almost more than you can take especially if you were caught off guard and didn't want the divorce.
You Still Love Your Ex
It's normal to still love your ex even though they've done and said things to hurt you deeply.  It takes time to untangle the web of emotions that a divorce brings.  I think Scripture says it best in Gen 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."  When a marriage ends, the husband and wife are not separated by a precision cut, but rather they are torn apart.  Each spouse carries a little of the other one with them for a long time after the divorce.
You May Feel You Still Have Rights
You may still feel like you have a right to know what's happening in your ex's life. You don't. Period.  Unless it involves your kids and even then you have a limited right.  Your marriage has been reduced to a business partnership.  You have no more right to know what your ex is doing than you would a co-worker.
What Can You Do?

Find new things to do to take you mind off your ex.
Change up your routine to avoid seeing him/her.
Find a local support group such as DivorceCare.
Give it time.
Get Professional Help.

Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>1068blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull021A – SDP – 4 Things You Need To Do Right Nowhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/021a-sdp-4-things-you-need-to-do-right-now--3648403
A few of you downloaded the first attempt at releasing this podcast which consisted of intro music, 19 minutes of dead air, then closing music.  I wish I could blame that on my technical issues over the last few weeks but I can't.  I just screwed up.

You see, I blew up my computer while trying to upgrade it a couple of weeks ago and lost all the data on my hard drive because I didn't have a good backup plan in place.

So how does this relate to divorce?

There are few things that you need to do right now.  Don't procrastinate or you can create major headaches for yourself or your loved ones.
Update Your Will
You need to update your will or make one if you don't have one.
Update Beneficiaries On Life Insurance and Retirement Accounts
If you just used the standard beneficiary order when signing up this may take care of itself, but you really need to check.
Untangle Your Finances
Make sure your ex is removed from all bank accounts, real estate, autos, and anything else you held jointly.
Get Your Own Health Insurance
Finally get your own health/life insurance.  It is very reasonable for high deductible  health insurance that may keep you out of bankruptcy should you face a catastrophic medical bill.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648403Tue, 11 Dec 2012 10:39:19 +0000GD LengacherLet's try this again.... A few of you downloaded the first attempt at releasing this podcast which consisted of intro music, 19 minutes of dead air, then closing music.  I wish I could blame that on my technical issues over the last few weeks but I...
A few of you downloaded the first attempt at releasing this podcast which consisted of intro music, 19 minutes of dead air, then closing music.  I wish I could blame that on my technical issues over the last few weeks but I can't.  I just screwed up.

You see, I blew up my computer while trying to upgrade it a couple of weeks ago and lost all the data on my hard drive because I didn't have a good backup plan in place.

So how does this relate to divorce?

There are few things that you need to do right now.  Don't procrastinate or you can create major headaches for yourself or your loved ones.
Update Your Will
You need to update your will or make one if you don't have one.
Update Beneficiaries On Life Insurance and Retirement Accounts
If you just used the standard beneficiary order when signing up this may take care of itself, but you really need to check.
Untangle Your Finances
Make sure your ex is removed from all bank accounts, real estate, autos, and anything else you held jointly.
Get Your Own Health Insurance
Finally get your own health/life insurance.  It is very reasonable for high deductible  health insurance that may keep you out of bankruptcy should you face a catastrophic medical bill.]]>1192blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull020 – SDP – Listener Question: How To Deal With Your Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/020-sdp-listener-question-how-to-deal-with-your-ex--3648404I received a voicemail question this week asking how to deal with an ex that won't accept the divorce and thinks you're cheating when you date 2 1/2 years after the divorce.

If your ex hasn't accepted the divorce after that length of time there are at least two possible scenarios:

1. Your ex is stuck in the healing process, possibly still in denial.

2. Your ex comes from a religious tradition that does not accept any dating/re-marriage after divorce.

In either case, there's not much you can do.  Just be firm and let your ex know that there is no hope of reconciliation.
How Are Adult Children Impacted By Divorce
Adult children are deeply impacted by divorce.  They are hurting as much as younger children do and maybe even more.  Adult children may understand more about what caused the divorce and, therefore, may pull away from the parent they think is at fault. The best thing you can do is just love them.  If they are pulling away from you, give it time.  Things will probably return to normal in time.  If they are pulling away from your ex, let them know that you will not be hurt if they maintain a relationship with the other parent.  You may secretly relish in the fact that they are siding with you, but it's in your kids best interest to maintain a relationship with both parents.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648404Tue, 27 Nov 2012 04:42:42 +0000GD LengacherHow To Deal With Your Ex I received a voicemail question this week asking how to deal with an ex that won't accept the divorce and thinks you're cheating when you date 2 1/2 years after the divorce. If your ex hasn't accepted the divorce after that...I received a voicemail question this week asking how to deal with an ex that won't accept the divorce and thinks you're cheating when you date 2 1/2 years after the divorce.

If your ex hasn't accepted the divorce after that length of time there are at least two possible scenarios:

1. Your ex is stuck in the healing process, possibly still in denial.

2. Your ex comes from a religious tradition that does not accept any dating/re-marriage after divorce.

In either case, there's not much you can do.  Just be firm and let your ex know that there is no hope of reconciliation.
How Are Adult Children Impacted By Divorce
Adult children are deeply impacted by divorce.  They are hurting as much as younger children do and maybe even more.  Adult children may understand more about what caused the divorce and, therefore, may pull away from the parent they think is at fault. The best thing you can do is just love them.  If they are pulling away from you, give it time.  Things will probably return to normal in time.  If they are pulling away from your ex, let them know that you will not be hurt if they maintain a relationship with the other parent.  You may secretly relish in the fact that they are siding with you, but it's in your kids best interest to maintain a relationship with both parents.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>1032blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull019 – SDP – Thanksgiving Special Episodehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/019-sdp-thanksgiving-special-episode--3648407
 

Have a blessed holiday weekend,

G.D.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648407Thu, 22 Nov 2012 06:26:25 +0000GD LengacherJust a quick episode to wish you a happy Thanksgiving and to encourage you to take some time this holiday season to take stock of all you have to be thankful for.   Have a blessed holiday weekend, G.D.
 

Have a blessed holiday weekend,

G.D.]]>179blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull018 – SDP -Taking Ownership After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/018-sdp-taking-ownership-after-divorce--3648406In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I talk about the importance of taking ownership of the area's in our life that have caused us pain in the divorce process. This is a perfect time to take stock of where you are and figure out where you want to be at the end of this process.
Marriage
If you're divorced then you had some role to play in the breakdown of your marriage. It may be that it was largely your fault. You may have cheated on your spouse, been emotionally distant, or devoted all of your time to your family and neglected the marriage relationship.  If that is the case, now is the time to figure out what it is about your character that caused you to sabotage your marriage.

It's possible that you were a nearly perfect spouse. Other people looking at your marriage can't figure out why your ex would divorce you. If this is the case it may be that you simply chose poorly. You may have ignored the advice of others or been so blinded by love that you didn't see the faults in the person you were marrying.   You need to understand what attracted you to the person you married so you can avoid making the same mistake again.
Healing
You also need to take ownership of the healing process. If you don't take charge of your own healing you will just float along and be more likely to repeat the mistakes you made in your first marriage.

Taking ownership of your healing means that you actively seek out people or resources that will help you. One of the best ways I've found to chart your progress is to make a list of the losses you faced during the divorce. As you identify new losses you add them to the list. This is a good visual reminder of why it can take so long to truly heal from the divorce.
Finances
Another area you need to take ownership of after divorce is your finances. The vast majority of people come through a divorce in worse financial shape than when they were married. For some it's the loss of the primary breadwinner that causes the hardship, for others paying child support while adding additional living expenses makes things tight, and even for couples without children who had very similar incomes the loss of an income plus the doubling of living expenses is tough.
Future
The period after divorce is an excellent time to evaluate where you are in life and where you want to be. Your life is in such a state of upheaval that reinventing yourself is not that much added pressure. Other than your marriage you in essence get a do over. You have the opportunity to decide what you want to be when you grow up. It's a great time to change careers and/or where you live.

I highly recommend the following two books by Dan Miller.

" 48 Days To The Work You Love"                                   " No More Dreaded Mondays"

                                                              

These are affiliate links to the books on Amazon. If you choose to purchase these books through these links the web site will earn a small commission to help cover expenses.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648406Tue, 20 Nov 2012 04:11:46 +0000GD LengacherTaking Ownership In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I talk about the importance of taking ownership of the area's in our life that have caused us pain in the divorce process. This is a perfect time to take stock of where you are and...In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I talk about the importance of taking ownership of the area's in our life that have caused us pain in the divorce process. This is a perfect time to take stock of where you are and figure out where you want to be at the end of this process.
Marriage
If you're divorced then you had some role to play in the breakdown of your marriage. It may be that it was largely your fault. You may have cheated on your spouse, been emotionally distant, or devoted all of your time to your family and neglected the marriage relationship.  If that is the case, now is the time to figure out what it is about your character that caused you to sabotage your marriage.

It's possible that you were a nearly perfect spouse. Other people looking at your marriage can't figure out why your ex would divorce you. If this is the case it may be that you simply chose poorly. You may have ignored the advice of others or been so blinded by love that you didn't see the faults in the person you were marrying.   You need to understand what attracted you to the person you married so you can avoid making the same mistake again.
Healing
You also need to take ownership of the healing process. If you don't take charge of your own healing you will just float along and be more likely to repeat the mistakes you made in your first marriage.

Taking ownership of your healing means that you actively seek out people or resources that will help you. One of the best ways I've found to chart your progress is to make a list of the losses you faced during the divorce. As you identify new losses you add them to the list. This is a good visual reminder of why it can take so long to truly heal from the divorce.
Finances
Another area you need to take ownership of after divorce is your finances. The vast majority of people come through a divorce in worse financial shape than when they were married. For some it's the loss of the primary breadwinner that causes the hardship, for others paying child support while adding additional living expenses makes things tight, and even for couples without children who had very similar incomes the loss of an income plus the doubling of living expenses is tough.
Future
The period after divorce is an excellent time to evaluate where you are in life and where you want to be. Your life is in such a state of upheaval that reinventing yourself is not that much added pressure. Other than your marriage you in essence get a do over. You have the opportunity to decide what you want to be when you grow up. It's a great time to change careers and/or where you live.

I highly recommend the following two books by Dan Miller.

" 48 Days To The Work You Love"                                   " No More Dreaded Mondays"

                                                              

These are affiliate links to the books on Amazon. If you choose to purchase these books through these links the web site will earn a small commission to help cover expenses.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>1187blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull017 – SDP – Dating After Divorce Revisitedhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/017-sdp-dating-after-divorce-revisited--3648409
More coming soon....]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648409Tue, 13 Nov 2012 06:01:26 +0000GD LengacherI discussed dating after divorce back in Episode 3, but I received an anonymous question this week asking "How do I know I'm able to start dating and what about my kids?"  So, this week we will revisit the topic of dating after divorce. More coming...
More coming soon....]]>1439blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull016 – SDP – Dealing With Depressionhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/016-sdp-dealing-with-depression--3648424Dealing With Depression After Divorce
Depression is a normal part of the grieving process.  It typically comes after the bargaining phase when we are starting to come to grips with the fact that the marriage is truly over.  It's a phase that most people go through before finally reaching acceptance and moving on.
Signs Of Depression
Some common signs of depression include sleep disruptions, appetite changes, fatigue and general lack of energy, loneliness, feelings of isolation and emptiness.  Most grief induced depressions are temporary and will pass; however, if you have several of these symptoms that last for days or weeks without end you may be facing clinical depression.  If that's the case, or if you ever have suicidal thoughts, contact a health care professional who is trained to deal with depression immediately.
How Depression Shows Up
Depression after divorce may show its ugly head in several ways:

Letting the house go

Dishes may pile up for days or weeks
Laundry may go unwashed


Losing interest in favorite activities

hobbies
exercise
volunteering


Lack of focus at work
Wanting to sleep all the time
Lack of interest in personal appearance
Distancing yourself from friends and family
Over or under eating

Combating Depression
You really need to find something to take your mind off of your current situation.  Reading a good book where you can escape into the story may help.  Volunteering at your church or favorite charity can put your focus on others rather than yourself.  Re-engaging with friends or changing up your routine can also help.
How Do You Know You're Making Progress
Progress can be measured in small steps.  You get the dishes done every couple of days.  Laundry may actually get washed (even if it doesn't get folded).  Your appetite returns to normal.  You are able to focus better on you tasks at work and home.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648424Tue, 06 Nov 2012 02:43:54 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode I continue the discussion of the stages of the grieving process. Dealing With Depression After Divorce Depression is a normal part of the grieving process.  It typically comes after the bargaining phase when we are starting to come to...Dealing With Depression After Divorce
Depression is a normal part of the grieving process.  It typically comes after the bargaining phase when we are starting to come to grips with the fact that the marriage is truly over.  It's a phase that most people go through before finally reaching acceptance and moving on.
Signs Of Depression
Some common signs of depression include sleep disruptions, appetite changes, fatigue and general lack of energy, loneliness, feelings of isolation and emptiness.  Most grief induced depressions are temporary and will pass; however, if you have several of these symptoms that last for days or weeks without end you may be facing clinical depression.  If that's the case, or if you ever have suicidal thoughts, contact a health care professional who is trained to deal with depression immediately.
How Depression Shows Up
Depression after divorce may show its ugly head in several ways:

Letting the house go

Dishes may pile up for days or weeks
Laundry may go unwashed


Losing interest in favorite activities

hobbies
exercise
volunteering


Lack of focus at work
Wanting to sleep all the time
Lack of interest in personal appearance
Distancing yourself from friends and family
Over or under eating

Combating Depression
You really need to find something to take your mind off of your current situation.  Reading a good book where you can escape into the story may help.  Volunteering at your church or favorite charity can put your focus on others rather than yourself.  Re-engaging with friends or changing up your routine can also help.
How Do You Know You're Making Progress
Progress can be measured in small steps.  You get the dishes done every couple of days.  Laundry may actually get washed (even if it doesn't get folded).  Your appetite returns to normal.  You are able to focus better on you tasks at work and home.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com

 ]]>1208blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull015 – SDP – Dealing With Angerhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/015-sdp-dealing-with-anger--3648410Dealing With Anger
I can't imagine going through divorce without being angry.  You are facing a time when your dreams are crashing down around you. You've possibly been rejected by the person you pledged the rest of your life to.  Your ex may have cheated on you or you may be facing extreme financial difficulties.
Anger Is Normal
You will most likely be angry at your ex or soon-to-be ex.  You may also be angry at friends who took your ex's side in the divorce.  Family may not be as supportive as you would like them to be and this can cause you to be angry.  You may find you're just angry at life in general and if you're a person of faith you may find you are angry at God.
Anger Is Healthy
Dealing with anger is a part of the normal grieving process.  When you come through denial and realize that you, in fact, are either divorce or soon to be divorced, anger is the normal response for all the reasons listed above.  Suppressing your anger is not healthy and can lead to bitterness and depression.  Learning to express you anger in a non-destructive way is essential.
Destructive Anger
There are numerous destructive ways of dealing with anger.  A common destructive way of dealing with anger is lashing out.  You may yell at your kids, family, friends, or coworkers who are just innocent bystanders.  It's likely you will lash out at your ex but this is not productive.  Divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction.  Your best hope of getting the best possible settlement is to negotiate in a businesslike fashion with your ex.  Being angry and trying to "punish" your ex will only pad the pockets of the lawyers.

There are also many other destructive ways of expressing anger.  From throwing your ex's belongings on the front lawn to slashing their tires.  These types of behaviors can get you a restraining order if your lucky or criminal charges if your ex isn't in a forgiving mood.
How To Deal With Anger
I don't have any revolutionary advice for dealing with the anger.  The proverbial "count to 10" is one of the best strategies for dealing with anger.  If you just take away the knee jerk response and think about what to do you will usually make a much better decision.  After the fact, you can analyze what is making you angry and decide if you can do anything about it.  If you can do something... do it.  If not, then you need to work on accepting it and move on.  Easier said than done.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648410Tue, 30 Oct 2012 01:54:23 +0000GD LengacherIn Episode 2 I discussed how the grieving process applies to divorce.  In the next few podcasts I will discuss the stages in more detail. Dealing With Anger I can't imagine going through divorce without being angry.  You are facing a time when your...Dealing With Anger
I can't imagine going through divorce without being angry.  You are facing a time when your dreams are crashing down around you. You've possibly been rejected by the person you pledged the rest of your life to.  Your ex may have cheated on you or you may be facing extreme financial difficulties.
Anger Is Normal
You will most likely be angry at your ex or soon-to-be ex.  You may also be angry at friends who took your ex's side in the divorce.  Family may not be as supportive as you would like them to be and this can cause you to be angry.  You may find you're just angry at life in general and if you're a person of faith you may find you are angry at God.
Anger Is Healthy
Dealing with anger is a part of the normal grieving process.  When you come through denial and realize that you, in fact, are either divorce or soon to be divorced, anger is the normal response for all the reasons listed above.  Suppressing your anger is not healthy and can lead to bitterness and depression.  Learning to express you anger in a non-destructive way is essential.
Destructive Anger
There are numerous destructive ways of dealing with anger.  A common destructive way of dealing with anger is lashing out.  You may yell at your kids, family, friends, or coworkers who are just innocent bystanders.  It's likely you will lash out at your ex but this is not productive.  Divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction.  Your best hope of getting the best possible settlement is to negotiate in a businesslike fashion with your ex.  Being angry and trying to "punish" your ex will only pad the pockets of the lawyers.

There are also many other destructive ways of expressing anger.  From throwing your ex's belongings on the front lawn to slashing their tires.  These types of behaviors can get you a restraining order if your lucky or criminal charges if your ex isn't in a forgiving mood.
How To Deal With Anger
I don't have any revolutionary advice for dealing with the anger.  The proverbial "count to 10" is one of the best strategies for dealing with anger.  If you just take away the knee jerk response and think about what to do you will usually make a much better decision.  After the fact, you can analyze what is making you angry and decide if you can do anything about it.  If you can do something... do it.  If not, then you need to work on accepting it and move on.  Easier said than done.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com

 ]]>1159blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull014 – SDP – Budgeting For The Holidayshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/014-sdp-budgeting-for-the-holidays--3648423I covered budgeting in general in Episode 4 of the Surviving Divorce Podcast, but with the holiday season approaching I wanted to revisit it.  I've seen several news articles and blog posts about Black Friday lately and thought I should give you some advice for dealing with the holidays.
A Budgeting Review
Most of us will be worse off financially after a divorce.  A very few of you may be better off but that is definitely not the norm. The rest of you need to:

Creat a budget - This a monthly budget that you do every month.  Each month is different and you need to plan in advance how you will spend your money
Avoid using credit cards - If you don't have the money now you probably won't have it when the bill comes due.
Make the tough decisions - you probably can't maintain your pre-divorce lifestyle.  Things like cell phones, cable, etc. may need to be cut

Holidays - Halloween
I'm writing this in late October and Halloween is fast approaching.  If this is a holiday you have historically celebrated you may need to adjust your plans for this year.

Make costumes for your kids
Make treats to give out or just leave your light off

Thanksgiving
You may not be able to afford traveling across the country to see family at Thanksgiving.  Have family come to you if possible or be creative and have a Skype Thanksgiving.  Don't have credit card bills from travel expenses come due right before Christmas
Christmas
Your kids need you not a pile of gifts. Don't try to make up for not being there by overspending.

Create a budget for the holidays including for your gift giving
Create lasting memories by spending time together
Do NOT get in a gift giving competition with your ex.  It's not good for the kids and will wreck your finances.


Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com


 

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648423Tue, 23 Oct 2012 00:32:19 +0000GD LengacherBudgeting For The Holidays I covered budgeting in general in Episode 4 of the Surviving Divorce Podcast, but with the holiday season approaching I wanted to revisit it.  I've seen several news articles and blog posts about Black Friday lately and...I covered budgeting in general in Episode 4 of the Surviving Divorce Podcast, but with the holiday season approaching I wanted to revisit it.  I've seen several news articles and blog posts about Black Friday lately and thought I should give you some advice for dealing with the holidays.
A Budgeting Review
Most of us will be worse off financially after a divorce.  A very few of you may be better off but that is definitely not the norm. The rest of you need to:

Creat a budget - This a monthly budget that you do every month.  Each month is different and you need to plan in advance how you will spend your money
Avoid using credit cards - If you don't have the money now you probably won't have it when the bill comes due.
Make the tough decisions - you probably can't maintain your pre-divorce lifestyle.  Things like cell phones, cable, etc. may need to be cut

Holidays - Halloween
I'm writing this in late October and Halloween is fast approaching.  If this is a holiday you have historically celebrated you may need to adjust your plans for this year.

Make costumes for your kids
Make treats to give out or just leave your light off

Thanksgiving
You may not be able to afford traveling across the country to see family at Thanksgiving.  Have family come to you if possible or be creative and have a Skype Thanksgiving.  Don't have credit card bills from travel expenses come due right before Christmas
Christmas
Your kids need you not a pile of gifts. Don't try to make up for not being there by overspending.

Create a budget for the holidays including for your gift giving
Create lasting memories by spending time together
Do NOT get in a gift giving competition with your ex.  It's not good for the kids and will wreck your finances.


Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com


 

 ]]>1113blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull013 – SDP – From We To Mehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/013-sdp-from-we-to-me--3648408We Live In A Couples Oriented Society
Things like eating out, going to a movie, sporting events, worship services, vacation, etc. are all things that you've been doing as a couple for some time.  The thought of asking for a table for 1 at a restaurant or sitting by yourself at a movie seems terrifying.

Going to church was very difficult for me.  Sitting down for Sunday worship services without my wife brought waves of sadness and regret.  Many well meaning people tried to cheer me up but it didn't really help.
Doing Things On Your Own
Your ex may have taken care of the money, did all the cooking, did the shopping, fixed things around the house, or taken care of the car maintenance.  These are all things that you may now have to learn to do.

You will now have to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.  If you're a custodial parent you now have full responsibility for caring for the children.  You can't come home after a stressful day at work and just relax because there are mouths to feed, homework to do and all of the other things associated with kids.

You may have to learn to do things for the first time.  Cooking, laundry, vehicle maintenance, household repairs are all things that must be done even if you're not sure where to start.
Q&A
I answered an anonymous question about divorce after a long term marriage.  Basically it takes time and don't rush it.  Don't rush in to a new relationship but also don't write off the possibility of a new relationship down the road.  Your kids are hurting as much or more than your are so give them the freedom to grieve as well, but try not to bash your ex in front of your kids.  Don't vent to them about your problems with their other parent.  That's what friends and support groups are for.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648408Wed, 17 Oct 2012 06:55:07 +0000GD LengacherGoing through divorce is a time of great change.  One of the most significant changes is learning to live again as a single person. Going from "we" to "me" can seem daunting. We Live In A Couples Oriented Society Things like eating out, going to a...We Live In A Couples Oriented Society
Things like eating out, going to a movie, sporting events, worship services, vacation, etc. are all things that you've been doing as a couple for some time.  The thought of asking for a table for 1 at a restaurant or sitting by yourself at a movie seems terrifying.

Going to church was very difficult for me.  Sitting down for Sunday worship services without my wife brought waves of sadness and regret.  Many well meaning people tried to cheer me up but it didn't really help.
Doing Things On Your Own
Your ex may have taken care of the money, did all the cooking, did the shopping, fixed things around the house, or taken care of the car maintenance.  These are all things that you may now have to learn to do.

You will now have to do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.  If you're a custodial parent you now have full responsibility for caring for the children.  You can't come home after a stressful day at work and just relax because there are mouths to feed, homework to do and all of the other things associated with kids.

You may have to learn to do things for the first time.  Cooking, laundry, vehicle maintenance, household repairs are all things that must be done even if you're not sure where to start.
Q&A
I answered an anonymous question about divorce after a long term marriage.  Basically it takes time and don't rush it.  Don't rush in to a new relationship but also don't write off the possibility of a new relationship down the road.  Your kids are hurting as much or more than your are so give them the freedom to grieve as well, but try not to bash your ex in front of your kids.  Don't vent to them about your problems with their other parent.  That's what friends and support groups are for.
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com]]>1314going through divorce,learningcleanfull012 – SDP – Mental Attitude and Going Through Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/012-sdp-mental-attitude-and-going-through-divorce--3648425Your mental attitude can play a significant role in your experience healing from divorce.  If you are a glass half full kind of person, you will likely forge through the healing process but may not take the time you need to truly heal.  If your glass is always half empty then you are likely to get stuck in the anger or depression stages of the healing process.
A Tale of Two Divorcees
I recently heard a podcast from Dan Miller where he used the opening lines of Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" to compare peoples' responses to the economy and I thought it also would make a good illustration for the impact of your mental attitude on your reaction to the divorce process.  The book starts like this:
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times,
it was the age of wisdom,
it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief,
it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of Light,
it was the season of Darkness,
it was the spring of hope,
it was the winter of despair,
we had everything before us,
we had nothing before us,
we were all going direct to Heaven,
we were all going direct the other way."
Divorce can be both the best of times and the worst of times. For me it was the worst of times. I was blind-sided by my divorce and really spiraled down for awhile until I realized that it was an opportunity to grow and have an even better life than I had before. Even for those who wanted the divorce it can often feel like the worst of times. Divorce is such an upheaval that few can get through it without going through a significant amount of pain.

The time immediately following a divorce is often marked by many foolish behaviors such as dating too soon, becoming promiscuous, and even drug and alcohol addiction. But this time can also be a time of great wisdom. An ancient Chinese proverb states that wisdom is knowing what you know and knowing what you don't know. Realizing that you are in unknown territory and seeking help after your divorce is one of the wisest things you can do.
What Now?
If you are a glass half empty kind of person, I would suggest doing some introspection to see what it is about you that makes you that way. A more positive mental attitude can greatly increase your likelihood of successfully completing the healing process after divorce.
Feedback:
If you have feedback for me please email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com or call the listener feedback line at (347) 433-7664.  If you have a question I will answer it on an upcoming episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast.

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648425Wed, 10 Oct 2012 01:54:24 +0000GD LengacherIs Your Glass Half Full or Half Empty? Your mental attitude can play a significant role in your experience healing from divorce.  If you are a glass half full kind of person, you will likely forge through the healing process but may not take the time...Your mental attitude can play a significant role in your experience healing from divorce.  If you are a glass half full kind of person, you will likely forge through the healing process but may not take the time you need to truly heal.  If your glass is always half empty then you are likely to get stuck in the anger or depression stages of the healing process.
A Tale of Two Divorcees
I recently heard a podcast from Dan Miller where he used the opening lines of Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" to compare peoples' responses to the economy and I thought it also would make a good illustration for the impact of your mental attitude on your reaction to the divorce process.  The book starts like this:
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times,
it was the age of wisdom,
it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief,
it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of Light,
it was the season of Darkness,
it was the spring of hope,
it was the winter of despair,
we had everything before us,
we had nothing before us,
we were all going direct to Heaven,
we were all going direct the other way."
Divorce can be both the best of times and the worst of times. For me it was the worst of times. I was blind-sided by my divorce and really spiraled down for awhile until I realized that it was an opportunity to grow and have an even better life than I had before. Even for those who wanted the divorce it can often feel like the worst of times. Divorce is such an upheaval that few can get through it without going through a significant amount of pain.

The time immediately following a divorce is often marked by many foolish behaviors such as dating too soon, becoming promiscuous, and even drug and alcohol addiction. But this time can also be a time of great wisdom. An ancient Chinese proverb states that wisdom is knowing what you know and knowing what you don't know. Realizing that you are in unknown territory and seeking help after your divorce is one of the wisest things you can do.
What Now?
If you are a glass half empty kind of person, I would suggest doing some introspection to see what it is about you that makes you that way. A more positive mental attitude can greatly increase your likelihood of successfully completing the healing process after divorce.
Feedback:
If you have feedback for me please email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com or call the listener feedback line at (347) 433-7664.  If you have a question I will answer it on an upcoming episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast.

 ]]>1111blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull011 – SDP – Facing Firsts After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/011-sdp-facing-firsts-after-divorce--3648428
First night/weekend without your kids

This can be very emotional.  Even though you've most likely been away from your kids for periods of time in the past, the fact that it is court ordered and you don't have a choice can bring a flood of emotions


First church service

This was tough for me.  Sitting there without my wife beside me was almost more than I could take.  I also had to face the fact that I was angry with God for allowing my divorce to happen


First Birthdays

Yours
Your kid's
Your ex's
Parties are tough especially if you try to have a combined party for your kids


First Holidays

With family gatherings, work parties, and dealing with not having your kids over the holidays you can be set up for an ambush of emotions.  From anger to depression, the first holidays after your divorce can be anything but happy.


First Time You See Your Ex With A New BF/GF

This can be especially tough because it is usually not planned.  The ambush of emotions that come flooding in can overwhelm you.



How To Deal With Firsts
In the first months or even a year after your divorce you really need to lean on your friends and family for support.  Don't be too proud to tell people how you are feeling.   This is not a time to "man up".   You also need to lean on your faith.  I clung tightly to my faith in the months and years after my divorce and it helped to pull me through.  As it says in Phil 4:13 we really can do all things through him who gives us strength.
Tell Me What You Think
Leave a comment below or call the feedback hotline at (347) 433-7664 and leave a message. If you have a question I will try to answer it on an upcoming show.

 

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648428Wed, 03 Oct 2012 03:21:10 +0000GD LengacherThe year after your divorce is filled with "firsts" First night/weekend without your kids This can be very emotional.  Even though you've most likely been away from your kids for periods of time in the past, the fact that it is court ordered and...
First night/weekend without your kids

This can be very emotional.  Even though you've most likely been away from your kids for periods of time in the past, the fact that it is court ordered and you don't have a choice can bring a flood of emotions


First church service

This was tough for me.  Sitting there without my wife beside me was almost more than I could take.  I also had to face the fact that I was angry with God for allowing my divorce to happen


First Birthdays

Yours
Your kid's
Your ex's
Parties are tough especially if you try to have a combined party for your kids


First Holidays

With family gatherings, work parties, and dealing with not having your kids over the holidays you can be set up for an ambush of emotions.  From anger to depression, the first holidays after your divorce can be anything but happy.


First Time You See Your Ex With A New BF/GF

This can be especially tough because it is usually not planned.  The ambush of emotions that come flooding in can overwhelm you.



How To Deal With Firsts
In the first months or even a year after your divorce you really need to lean on your friends and family for support.  Don't be too proud to tell people how you are feeling.   This is not a time to "man up".   You also need to lean on your faith.  I clung tightly to my faith in the months and years after my divorce and it helped to pull me through.  As it says in Phil 4:13 we really can do all things through him who gives us strength.
Tell Me What You Think
Leave a comment below or call the feedback hotline at (347) 433-7664 and leave a message. If you have a question I will try to answer it on an upcoming show.

 

 ]]>1339blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull010 – SDP – Facebook Stalking and Baggagehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/010-sdp-facebook-stalking-and-baggage--3648412I recently read an article detailing a study conducted by Dr. Tara Marshall of Brunel University in London where she studied the effects of ongoing  monitoring of an ex's activities via Facebook (Facebook Stalking).

She "sought to fill this research gap by examining whether remaining Facebook friends with a former partner and checking his or her Facebook profile is associated with continuing breakup-related distress, negative feelings, desire for the ex-partner, and inhibited personal growth."

She studied two groups of people.  The first group were those who de-friended their ex after the break-up but continued to monitor his/her activities using Facebook.  The second were those who remained Facebook friends.

Her results were not exactly what she expected.  Those who "stalked"  were associated with "greater current distress over the breakup, negative feelings, sexual desire, longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth."  And "people who remained Facebook friends with an ex-partner were lower in negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the former partner than people who were not Facebook friends but still exhibited lower personal growth."

My take on this is that continued interest in your ex's activities often indicates a continued attachment or jealousy, either of which would indicate that you have not moved through the grieving process and reached the acceptance stage.

You may be stuck in any of the four previous stages and continued monitoring of your ex's activities just keeps adding new things to your list of losses that need to be dealt with.



Baggage
Diane called in with a question about how to avoid bringing baggage from her previous marriage into a new one.  My advice is to make sure you have grieved and forgiven your ex.  Also don't project your feeling for your ex onto your new partner.  Talk things out and if that doesn't work seek out professional help.
Questions
If you have a question you would like answered on the show, please call the listener feedback line at (347) 433-7664 or just click on the feedback tab to the right and leave a message with your computer microphone.

Leave a comment in the comments section and start a conversation.

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648412Tue, 25 Sep 2012 06:10:13 +0000GD LengacherFacebook Stalking: I recently read an article detailing a study conducted by Dr. Tara Marshall of Brunel University in London where she studied the effects of ongoing  monitoring of an ex's activities via Facebook (Facebook Stalking). She "sought to...I recently read an article detailing a study conducted by Dr. Tara Marshall of Brunel University in London where she studied the effects of ongoing  monitoring of an ex's activities via Facebook (Facebook Stalking).

She "sought to fill this research gap by examining whether remaining Facebook friends with a former partner and checking his or her Facebook profile is associated with continuing breakup-related distress, negative feelings, desire for the ex-partner, and inhibited personal growth."

She studied two groups of people.  The first group were those who de-friended their ex after the break-up but continued to monitor his/her activities using Facebook.  The second were those who remained Facebook friends.

Her results were not exactly what she expected.  Those who "stalked"  were associated with "greater current distress over the breakup, negative feelings, sexual desire, longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth."  And "people who remained Facebook friends with an ex-partner were lower in negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the former partner than people who were not Facebook friends but still exhibited lower personal growth."

My take on this is that continued interest in your ex's activities often indicates a continued attachment or jealousy, either of which would indicate that you have not moved through the grieving process and reached the acceptance stage.

You may be stuck in any of the four previous stages and continued monitoring of your ex's activities just keeps adding new things to your list of losses that need to be dealt with.



Baggage
Diane called in with a question about how to avoid bringing baggage from her previous marriage into a new one.  My advice is to make sure you have grieved and forgiven your ex.  Also don't project your feeling for your ex onto your new partner.  Talk things out and if that doesn't work seek out professional help.
Questions
If you have a question you would like answered on the show, please call the listener feedback line at (347) 433-7664 or just click on the feedback tab to the right and leave a message with your computer microphone.

Leave a comment in the comments section and start a conversation.

 ]]>1087blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull009 – SDP – Forgiving Your Exhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/009-sdp-forgiving-your-ex--3648413After going through the pain of divorce even the thought of forgiving your ex can seem impossible.  But forgiving is one of the keys to truly healing after your divorce.
5 Stages of Grief
In episode 2 we discussed the 5 stages of grief in detail.  In summary they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Somewhere during this process you need to forgive your ex.
Why Forgive?
As a Christian I believe that forgiving is not an option, it is a command.  Jesus states in Luke 6:37 "...Forgive and you will be forgiven".  Our receiving God's forgiveness is tied to our willingness to forgive those that have hurt us..

A recent article from the Huffington Post titled "Seven Reasons To Forgive Your Ex"  caught my eye.  The seven reasons given are (paraphrased):

Forgiveness is for you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean you condone what your ex did to you.
Forgiveness helps you turn the corner.
Forgiveness allows you to release difficult emotions.
Anger and resentment are toxic.
It's good for the kids.
The pleasure of getting even is short lived.

These match very closely with what I've learned and observed from leading a DivorceCare support group for 6 years.

Now let's look at those in a little more depth.

Forgiveness is for you and it doesn't mean you condone what your ex did.  It's not for your ex, it's for you.  Forgiving releases your hold on your ex and puts them in God's hands.  Until you can truly forgive your ex, their actions will continue to control your emotions and cloud future relationships.  They obviously hurt you in some way and forgiving doesn't say that was OK.  It simply means you are choosing to move beyond the hurt and let healing start.

Forgiveness allows you to turn the corner toward a healthy you and release all those toxic emotions you have pent up inside.  If you hold on to your anger it will soon turn to resentment and eventually bitterness.  No one likes to be around an angry and bitter person. It's been said that bitterness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
But there are some things that forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice.  If you wait until you feel like forgiving you probably never will.  From a Christian perspective you need to choose to forgive and then let God work on your feelings.

Forgiveness is not a one time event.  As you work through the grieving process there will be new things come up that require you to forgive your ex again in order to move on through the process.

And finally, forgiveness does not mean the restoration of the marriage.  It may simply mean you release your anger.  It may mean you can be civil.  It may mean you can actually be friendly.  In a few cases you may actually become friends again.  And it could actually be the first step that leads to a rekindling of the relationship and restoration of the marriage.
But you don't understand.
You may be say "but you don't understand, they did ________" (fill in the blank).  The Bible doesn't give us a choice.  If we want to be forgiven of our sins, we must be willing to forgive others.
So what do you think?
Leave a comment below or call the listener feedback line at (347) 433-7664]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648413Tue, 18 Sep 2012 01:54:24 +0000GD LengacherForgiving Your Ex is Tough After going through the pain of divorce even the thought of forgiving your ex can seem impossible.  But forgiving is one of the keys to truly healing after your divorce. 5 Stages of Grief In episode 2 we discussed the 5...After going through the pain of divorce even the thought of forgiving your ex can seem impossible.  But forgiving is one of the keys to truly healing after your divorce.
5 Stages of Grief
In episode 2 we discussed the 5 stages of grief in detail.  In summary they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Somewhere during this process you need to forgive your ex.
Why Forgive?
As a Christian I believe that forgiving is not an option, it is a command.  Jesus states in Luke 6:37 "...Forgive and you will be forgiven".  Our receiving God's forgiveness is tied to our willingness to forgive those that have hurt us..

A recent article from the Huffington Post titled "Seven Reasons To Forgive Your Ex"  caught my eye.  The seven reasons given are (paraphrased):

Forgiveness is for you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean you condone what your ex did to you.
Forgiveness helps you turn the corner.
Forgiveness allows you to release difficult emotions.
Anger and resentment are toxic.
It's good for the kids.
The pleasure of getting even is short lived.

These match very closely with what I've learned and observed from leading a DivorceCare support group for 6 years.

Now let's look at those in a little more depth.

Forgiveness is for you and it doesn't mean you condone what your ex did.  It's not for your ex, it's for you.  Forgiving releases your hold on your ex and puts them in God's hands.  Until you can truly forgive your ex, their actions will continue to control your emotions and cloud future relationships.  They obviously hurt you in some way and forgiving doesn't say that was OK.  It simply means you are choosing to move beyond the hurt and let healing start.

Forgiveness allows you to turn the corner toward a healthy you and release all those toxic emotions you have pent up inside.  If you hold on to your anger it will soon turn to resentment and eventually bitterness.  No one likes to be around an angry and bitter person. It's been said that bitterness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
But there are some things that forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice.  If you wait until you feel like forgiving you probably never will.  From a Christian perspective you need to choose to forgive and then let God work on your feelings.

Forgiveness is not a one time event.  As you work through the grieving process there will be new things come up that require you to forgive your ex again in order to move on through the process.

And finally, forgiveness does not mean the restoration of the marriage.  It may simply mean you release your anger.  It may mean you can be civil.  It may mean you can actually be friendly.  In a few cases you may actually become friends again.  And it could actually be the first step that leads to a rekindling of the relationship and restoration of the marriage.
But you don't understand.
You may be say "but you don't understand, they did ________" (fill in the blank).  The Bible doesn't give us a choice.  If we want to be forgiven of our sins, we must be willing to forgive others.
So what do you think?
Leave a comment below or call the listener feedback line at (347) 433-7664]]>1214blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull008 – SDP – New Beginningshttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/008-sdp-new-beginnings--3648414Divorce is a time of tragic endings.  It means the end of your marriage, family, dreams, and many more.  You must take time to grieve and heal or will be left with deep emotional wounds that will surface later.  You need time to become emotionally stable and adjust to being single.

Divorce is also a time of new beginnings.  Most people will eventually venture into a new relationship.  You will most likely be moving into a new home and may be starting a new job.
Who Are You, And Why Are You Here?
You should use this time to do some soul searching and figure out who you are.  You will be a different person after divorce and you are definitely a different person than you were before you were married.

I am currently reading "Wisdom Meets Passion" by Dan Miller and Jared Angaza.    In it Dan tells a story about a monk who stumbles on a Roman garrison and is asked by a sentry "Who are you, and why are you here?"  the monk then offers to pay the sentry to stand outside his door and ask him the same question every morning.

So who are YOU, and why are YOU here?
Turn Evil To Good
At the end of the book of Genesis Joseph is speaking to his brothers who had sold him into slavery and makes the statement that "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done" Gen 50:20.  You see, by being sold into slavery Joseph was later in a position to save his family from a famine.

Paul tells us in Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

How can you take the experience of divorce and use it to better yourself and the lives of others?
Feedback
Please leave a comment and tell me how you are listening to the show and if you are listening in iTunes, please consider leaving some feedback there.  That will help keep the show visible so others can find it.

You can leave a voicemail question by calling 347-433-7664 or by clicking on the button to the right.

If your interested in purchasing "Wisdom Meets Passion" you can click here.  This is an affiliate link with Amazon and any purchases made through the link will help support the podcast.

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648414Thu, 13 Sep 2012 04:11:51 +0000GD LengacherEndings & Beginnings Divorce is a time of tragic endings.  It means the end of your marriage, family, dreams, and many more.  You must take time to grieve and heal or will be left with deep emotional wounds that will surface later.  You need time to...Divorce is a time of tragic endings.  It means the end of your marriage, family, dreams, and many more.  You must take time to grieve and heal or will be left with deep emotional wounds that will surface later.  You need time to become emotionally stable and adjust to being single.

Divorce is also a time of new beginnings.  Most people will eventually venture into a new relationship.  You will most likely be moving into a new home and may be starting a new job.
Who Are You, And Why Are You Here?
You should use this time to do some soul searching and figure out who you are.  You will be a different person after divorce and you are definitely a different person than you were before you were married.

I am currently reading "Wisdom Meets Passion" by Dan Miller and Jared Angaza.    In it Dan tells a story about a monk who stumbles on a Roman garrison and is asked by a sentry "Who are you, and why are you here?"  the monk then offers to pay the sentry to stand outside his door and ask him the same question every morning.

So who are YOU, and why are YOU here?
Turn Evil To Good
At the end of the book of Genesis Joseph is speaking to his brothers who had sold him into slavery and makes the statement that "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done" Gen 50:20.  You see, by being sold into slavery Joseph was later in a position to save his family from a famine.

Paul tells us in Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

How can you take the experience of divorce and use it to better yourself and the lives of others?
Feedback
Please leave a comment and tell me how you are listening to the show and if you are listening in iTunes, please consider leaving some feedback there.  That will help keep the show visible so others can find it.

You can leave a voicemail question by calling 347-433-7664 or by clicking on the button to the right.

If your interested in purchasing "Wisdom Meets Passion" you can click here.  This is an affiliate link with Amazon and any purchases made through the link will help support the podcast.

 ]]>971blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull007 – SDP – Co-Parentinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/007-sdp-co-parenting--3648431In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I discuss co-parenting, why it's a good idea and when it's not a good idea.
Why You Should Co-Parent With Your Ex:
Children need both parents involved in their lives.  They need both a mom's perspective and a dad's perspective.  Mother's tend to be more nurturing and Dad's tend to be the disciplinarian.  That's not always the case and some of you may accuse me of stereotyping, but kids really do need both genders involved in there lives in a positive way

Co-parenting can help you present a united front to your kids.  Kids will push the boundaries and often try to play parents against each other.  This even happens in in-tact families but can be even more of an issue for divorced parents.

Keeping major rules and expectations consistent between households can help your children feel stable and less confused.  Bedtimes for younger children should be the same and routines for things such and homework and chores should be as similar as possible.

Working together on financial needs and parenting schedules can also help children feel secure.  It's often said that divorce turns a marriage into a business arrangement, but when it comes to the kids, their needs should come first.  Being flexible with visitations schedules can make everyone feel more comfortable and can ease the stress of having two homes.
When Co-Parenting is Not a Good Idea
If your ex has a history of abuse, has court ordered supervised visitation, or is mentally unstable then trying to keep them involved can do more harm than good.  In this case, stick to the court ordered arrangements and try not to put your ex down in front of your children.

Also, if your ex just doesn't want to be involved there isn't much you can do.  You can't push a rope.  You still need to try, but if they just don't want to be involved then there isn't much you can do.
iTunes
Please consider leaving a review and rating on iTunes for the podcast.  This will help keep it visible so others can find it.
Questions / Comments
If you have a question or comment you can call the listener feedback line at 347-433-7664 or just click the feedback link to the right and use your computer's microphone.  I will try to answer questions on the air.  You can also leave a comment below.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648431Wed, 05 Sep 2012 03:52:03 +0000GD LengacherCo-Parenting In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I discuss co-parenting, why it's a good idea and when it's not a good idea. Why You Should Co-Parent With Your Ex: Children need both parents involved in their lives.  They need both a...In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I discuss co-parenting, why it's a good idea and when it's not a good idea.
Why You Should Co-Parent With Your Ex:
Children need both parents involved in their lives.  They need both a mom's perspective and a dad's perspective.  Mother's tend to be more nurturing and Dad's tend to be the disciplinarian.  That's not always the case and some of you may accuse me of stereotyping, but kids really do need both genders involved in there lives in a positive way

Co-parenting can help you present a united front to your kids.  Kids will push the boundaries and often try to play parents against each other.  This even happens in in-tact families but can be even more of an issue for divorced parents.

Keeping major rules and expectations consistent between households can help your children feel stable and less confused.  Bedtimes for younger children should be the same and routines for things such and homework and chores should be as similar as possible.

Working together on financial needs and parenting schedules can also help children feel secure.  It's often said that divorce turns a marriage into a business arrangement, but when it comes to the kids, their needs should come first.  Being flexible with visitations schedules can make everyone feel more comfortable and can ease the stress of having two homes.
When Co-Parenting is Not a Good Idea
If your ex has a history of abuse, has court ordered supervised visitation, or is mentally unstable then trying to keep them involved can do more harm than good.  In this case, stick to the court ordered arrangements and try not to put your ex down in front of your children.

Also, if your ex just doesn't want to be involved there isn't much you can do.  You can't push a rope.  You still need to try, but if they just don't want to be involved then there isn't much you can do.
iTunes
Please consider leaving a review and rating on iTunes for the podcast.  This will help keep it visible so others can find it.
Questions / Comments
If you have a question or comment you can call the listener feedback line at 347-433-7664 or just click the feedback link to the right and use your computer's microphone.  I will try to answer questions on the air.  You can also leave a comment below.]]>1170blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull006 – SDP – Divorced Parents – Tips For Parenting After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/006-sdp-divorced-parents-tips-for-parenting-after-divorce--3648415


Divorced Parents have it rough.  In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I rehash some tips for divorced parents that were shared previously on the blog.
For All Divorced Parents:

Your children are hurting as much or more than you are
Don't try to get them to take sides
Your children still need two parents involved in their lives
Try to make major parenting decisions together
Be flexible with visitation schedules when possible
Give your kids as much say as possible on when they see their other parent
Your children will likely still have hopes of you re-uniting with your ex for years after the divorce
Your children may not be supportive of you dating
Your children don't want to hear you bad-mouthing their other parent
Your children don't want to be used as messengers
Don't over-extend yourself financially to maintain all of their pre-divorce activities and lifestyle.

For Custodial Parents:

Your children still love and miss the non-custodial parent
Keep the non-custodial parent informed of school, sports, and church events
Don't use the excuse that the child support was late for not doing things, even if that is the reason.

For Non-Custodial Parents:

Your children want to know you care by spending time with them
Your children are hurt deeply if you don't show up when you are supposed to
Don't substitute money or gifts for spending time with your children
Your children want you to come to their school, sports, or church activities
Your children want to hear from you regularly even if you can't be with them
You have a moral and legal obligation to pay child support. Just do it.
Don't expect all of your support money to be spent specifically on the kids, That's not how it works

This is the first in a series of podcasts dealing with divorced parents.  The podcasts in this series will probably be spread out over the next few months.

If you enjoy and value the podcast, please consider leaving a favorable review in iTunes.  It will help keep the podcast visible in the search results. Also comment below or leave me a voice message by clicking on the tab to the right or calling 347-433-7664

And don't forget to sign up for the free budgeting toolkit.

Have a blessed week

G.D.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648415Wed, 29 Aug 2012 05:25:46 +0000GD Lengacher  Divorced Parents have it rough.  In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I rehash some tips for divorced parents that were shared previously on the blog. For All Divorced Parents: Your children are hurting as much or more than you are...


Divorced Parents have it rough.  In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I rehash some tips for divorced parents that were shared previously on the blog.
For All Divorced Parents:

Your children are hurting as much or more than you are
Don't try to get them to take sides
Your children still need two parents involved in their lives
Try to make major parenting decisions together
Be flexible with visitation schedules when possible
Give your kids as much say as possible on when they see their other parent
Your children will likely still have hopes of you re-uniting with your ex for years after the divorce
Your children may not be supportive of you dating
Your children don't want to hear you bad-mouthing their other parent
Your children don't want to be used as messengers
Don't over-extend yourself financially to maintain all of their pre-divorce activities and lifestyle.

For Custodial Parents:

Your children still love and miss the non-custodial parent
Keep the non-custodial parent informed of school, sports, and church events
Don't use the excuse that the child support was late for not doing things, even if that is the reason.

For Non-Custodial Parents:

Your children want to know you care by spending time with them
Your children are hurt deeply if you don't show up when you are supposed to
Don't substitute money or gifts for spending time with your children
Your children want you to come to their school, sports, or church activities
Your children want to hear from you regularly even if you can't be with them
You have a moral and legal obligation to pay child support. Just do it.
Don't expect all of your support money to be spent specifically on the kids, That's not how it works

This is the first in a series of podcasts dealing with divorced parents.  The podcasts in this series will probably be spread out over the next few months.

If you enjoy and value the podcast, please consider leaving a favorable review in iTunes.  It will help keep the podcast visible in the search results. Also comment below or leave me a voice message by clicking on the tab to the right or calling 347-433-7664

And don't forget to sign up for the free budgeting toolkit.

Have a blessed week

G.D.]]>1237divorce advice,parenting after divorce,podcastcleanfull005 – SDP – Making Time For Youhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/005-sdp-making-time-for-you--3648426
Life can seem overwhelming in the months and years following a divorce.  You are riding an emotional roller coaster and you just don't have the emotional energy to keep up with your pre-divorce schedule.  The depression, anger, and loneliness stemming from the divorce process take a toll on you and make it hard to bounce back.

Work, the pressures of running a household by yourself, and the pressures of single parenting can take their toll.  Having to handle all of the household chores by yourself can be a major adjustment, especially if you shared those duties in your marriage.

Becoming a single parent is arguably the biggest cause of added stress after a divorce.  Your children are hurting as much or more than you are and tensions are high in the family.

It is important for you to make some time for yourself to relax and de-stress on  a regular basis.  You may want to read, go for a walk, go to the gym, or anything else that you enjoy.  Your children and those around you will thank you for spending some time on yourself.  You will be a better parent, employee, friend, etc. if you take care of yourself first.

It's like the pre-flight instructions flight attendants give before a flight.  They tell you that if the cabin loses pressure and you are sitting next to someone who needs help, put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.  You can't help them if you pass out due to lack of oxygen.

You can't be the best you can be if you are running on empty.

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think.

If you have a question you would like answered on the podcast leave a voicemail at 347-433-7664 or click on the link to the right and use your computer microphone.

God Bless,

G.D.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648426Fri, 24 Aug 2012 05:22:16 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode of the surviving divorce podcast I discuss the importance of taking time for yourself. Life can seem overwhelming in the months and years following a divorce.  You are riding an emotional roller coaster and you just don't have the...
Life can seem overwhelming in the months and years following a divorce.  You are riding an emotional roller coaster and you just don't have the emotional energy to keep up with your pre-divorce schedule.  The depression, anger, and loneliness stemming from the divorce process take a toll on you and make it hard to bounce back.

Work, the pressures of running a household by yourself, and the pressures of single parenting can take their toll.  Having to handle all of the household chores by yourself can be a major adjustment, especially if you shared those duties in your marriage.

Becoming a single parent is arguably the biggest cause of added stress after a divorce.  Your children are hurting as much or more than you are and tensions are high in the family.

It is important for you to make some time for yourself to relax and de-stress on  a regular basis.  You may want to read, go for a walk, go to the gym, or anything else that you enjoy.  Your children and those around you will thank you for spending some time on yourself.  You will be a better parent, employee, friend, etc. if you take care of yourself first.

It's like the pre-flight instructions flight attendants give before a flight.  They tell you that if the cabin loses pressure and you are sitting next to someone who needs help, put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.  You can't help them if you pass out due to lack of oxygen.

You can't be the best you can be if you are running on empty.

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think.

If you have a question you would like answered on the podcast leave a voicemail at 347-433-7664 or click on the link to the right and use your computer microphone.

God Bless,

G.D.]]>704divorce advice,healing,podcastcleanfull004 – Surviving Divorce Podcast – Budgetinghttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/004-surviving-divorce-podcast-budgeting--3648432
Most of us who are divorced experienced a loss of income and the associated living standard as a result of the divorce.  There are a select few who will actually be better off financially after a divorce but they are the exception, not the rule.

I was the primary breadwinner in my household.  My ex-wife was a stay-at-home-mom for the last few years of our marriage and had just re-entered the workforce prior to our divorce.  I thought that I would be better off financially, and probably would have been, but I bought a big screen TV, home theater system, and motorcycle immediately after my divorce.  This set me back a few grand and started a period of overspending that took me deeper into debt.

Fortunately I happened on Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover" and got my finances back on track.

If you find yourself struggling with finances, one of the best things you can do is create a budget and stick to it.  One of the biggest mistakes people make when creating a budget is trying to fabricated the ultimate budget that handles all situations.

The best way to budget is to create a new budget every month that accounts for the income and expenses of that month.  Take care of the essentials first (food, housing, utilities, and transportation) before spending money on other things.

If you create a budget and find that you don't have enough money to cover your expenses you will have to make some tough decisions. but don't panic.  Your budget is tool that can help you get your spending under control and start making progress.

I have created a budgeting toolkit to help you get started.  Get your free Surviving Divorce Podcast Budgeting Toolkit here.

God Bless

G.D.

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648432Thu, 16 Aug 2012 01:13:31 +0000GD LengacherIn my latest blog post I discussed the tough financial decisions that often must be made following divorce.  In this podcast episode I dig a little deeper into that and give you the budgeting tools you will need to gain control of your financial...
Most of us who are divorced experienced a loss of income and the associated living standard as a result of the divorce.  There are a select few who will actually be better off financially after a divorce but they are the exception, not the rule.

I was the primary breadwinner in my household.  My ex-wife was a stay-at-home-mom for the last few years of our marriage and had just re-entered the workforce prior to our divorce.  I thought that I would be better off financially, and probably would have been, but I bought a big screen TV, home theater system, and motorcycle immediately after my divorce.  This set me back a few grand and started a period of overspending that took me deeper into debt.

Fortunately I happened on Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover" and got my finances back on track.

If you find yourself struggling with finances, one of the best things you can do is create a budget and stick to it.  One of the biggest mistakes people make when creating a budget is trying to fabricated the ultimate budget that handles all situations.

The best way to budget is to create a new budget every month that accounts for the income and expenses of that month.  Take care of the essentials first (food, housing, utilities, and transportation) before spending money on other things.

If you create a budget and find that you don't have enough money to cover your expenses you will have to make some tough decisions. but don't panic.  Your budget is tool that can help you get your spending under control and start making progress.

I have created a budgeting toolkit to help you get started.  Get your free Surviving Divorce Podcast Budgeting Toolkit here.

God Bless

G.D.

 ]]>1129divorce advice,divorce advice for men,divorce advice for women,finances,hopecleanfull003 – Surviving Divorce Podcast – Dating After Divorcehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/003-surviving-divorce-podcast-dating-after-divorce--3648416
One of the questions I am asked most often is "When can I start dating again after divorce?"  I've covered this topic in the blog but thought it deserved a podcast episode as well.

It's only natural to want a new relationship after a divorce.  You want to know if you've still "got it", you may want revenge, and you just want the pain to go away.

Unfortunately there are significant dangers to dating too soon.  You may be having a rebound relationship which come with a host of problems and very seldom last.

So when are you ready?

If there is a chance of reconciliation with your ex-spouse then dating will only confuse matters.  If you still have strong feelings for your ex, either good or bad, you likely aren't ready.  If you are overwhelmed by life after divorce you probably don't have the emotional energy to invest. And, if you haven't worked through the stages of grief you will probably bring baggage into the relationship that will sabotage it.

There are also spiritual considerations to consider when choosing to date.  Please seek the counsel of a pastor or spiritual adviser before jumping in.

So how long will it be before you're ready?

There is no easy answer, but there are some guidelines that I have seen hold the test of time.

Most experts agree that you need to wait at least one year before dating.  Beyond that, opinions vary widely.  The DivorceCare material that I taught for years suggested that it takes 1 year of healing for every 3-4 years of marriage.

My personal experience closely mirrors this timeline.  I was married for nearly 13 years and started dating after about two but I was not really ready for a serious relationship until about five years after my divorce.

So please, don't rush in to a new relationship.  Second marriages have a divorce rate of over 60% and for third marriages this raises to over 70%.

Only you can know if your ready.  If you think you are then begin slowly but don't be afraid to pull back and wait awhile if you find you aren't.

If you have feedback or questions for the Surviving Divorce Podcast please call 347-433-7664 and leave a message.

You can find some recommended resources here.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648416Wed, 08 Aug 2012 01:15:57 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I will cover dating after divorce. One of the questions I am asked most often is "When can I start dating again after divorce?"  I've covered this topic in the blog but thought it deserved a podcast...
One of the questions I am asked most often is "When can I start dating again after divorce?"  I've covered this topic in the blog but thought it deserved a podcast episode as well.

It's only natural to want a new relationship after a divorce.  You want to know if you've still "got it", you may want revenge, and you just want the pain to go away.

Unfortunately there are significant dangers to dating too soon.  You may be having a rebound relationship which come with a host of problems and very seldom last.

So when are you ready?

If there is a chance of reconciliation with your ex-spouse then dating will only confuse matters.  If you still have strong feelings for your ex, either good or bad, you likely aren't ready.  If you are overwhelmed by life after divorce you probably don't have the emotional energy to invest. And, if you haven't worked through the stages of grief you will probably bring baggage into the relationship that will sabotage it.

There are also spiritual considerations to consider when choosing to date.  Please seek the counsel of a pastor or spiritual adviser before jumping in.

So how long will it be before you're ready?

There is no easy answer, but there are some guidelines that I have seen hold the test of time.

Most experts agree that you need to wait at least one year before dating.  Beyond that, opinions vary widely.  The DivorceCare material that I taught for years suggested that it takes 1 year of healing for every 3-4 years of marriage.

My personal experience closely mirrors this timeline.  I was married for nearly 13 years and started dating after about two but I was not really ready for a serious relationship until about five years after my divorce.

So please, don't rush in to a new relationship.  Second marriages have a divorce rate of over 60% and for third marriages this raises to over 70%.

Only you can know if your ready.  If you think you are then begin slowly but don't be afraid to pull back and wait awhile if you find you aren't.

If you have feedback or questions for the Surviving Divorce Podcast please call 347-433-7664 and leave a message.

You can find some recommended resources here.]]>1254dating,divorce advice,podcastcleanfull002 – Surviving Divorce Podcast – 5 Stages of Griefhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/002-surviving-divorce-podcast-5-stages-of-grief--3648417
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first proposed that there are 5 stages of grief that a person typically experiences when faced with the loss of a loved one.  These are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  Ross was initially concerned with people who had lost a loved one to death but soon realized these principles applied to any major loss in one's life.  Surviving divorce requires that you identify and grieve the losses you have faced.
Losses From Divorce
Divorce brings many losses.  From loss of one's companion and spouse to loss of financial stability there are many things that are lost during the divorce process.  Following is a list of a few of them:

Loss of a companion
Loss of a dream
Loss of pride
Loss of financial security
Loss of a co-parent
Loss of insurance
Loss of your home

Taking Inventory
It is much easier to understand why divorce hurts so much when you take proper inventory of the losses you have faced.  I have developed a Losses Inventory Check Sheet to help you identify your losses so you can assess your progress along the road to healing from divorce.  You can get your copy  and be notified of new content by signing up for the newsletter in the right sidebar.
Related Podcast Episodes
Dating After Divorce

Making Time For You

Forgiving Your Ex 

Dealing With Anger

From We To Me
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com

 ]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648417Tue, 31 Jul 2012 06:28:51 +0000GD LengacherIn this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I discuss the 5 stages of grief and how they apply to healing from divorce. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first proposed that there are 5 stages of grief that a person typically experiences when faced with the...
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first proposed that there are 5 stages of grief that a person typically experiences when faced with the loss of a loved one.  These are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.  Ross was initially concerned with people who had lost a loved one to death but soon realized these principles applied to any major loss in one's life.  Surviving divorce requires that you identify and grieve the losses you have faced.
Losses From Divorce
Divorce brings many losses.  From loss of one's companion and spouse to loss of financial stability there are many things that are lost during the divorce process.  Following is a list of a few of them:

Loss of a companion
Loss of a dream
Loss of pride
Loss of financial security
Loss of a co-parent
Loss of insurance
Loss of your home

Taking Inventory
It is much easier to understand why divorce hurts so much when you take proper inventory of the losses you have faced.  I have developed a Losses Inventory Check Sheet to help you identify your losses so you can assess your progress along the road to healing from divorce.  You can get your copy  and be notified of new content by signing up for the newsletter in the right sidebar.
Related Podcast Episodes
Dating After Divorce

Making Time For You

Forgiving Your Ex 

Dealing With Anger

From We To Me
Wrap-up
You can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com here

Please consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.

If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at feedback@survivingdivorcepodcast.com

 ]]>1251divorce advice,healing,hopecleanfull001 – Surviving Divorce Podcast – Introductory Episodehttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/001-surviving-divorce-podcast-introductory-episode--3648421
If you are divorced or know someone who is divorced, this podcast will help give you the tools you need to heal after your divorce.

The plan is for this to be a weekly 30 - 45 min podcast, but I may alter the time somewhat as the show develops.

I am a life coach focusing on helping people heal after suffering the pain of divorce.  I went through an unexpected and unwanted divorce in 2003 and after finding help in a DivorceCare support group I developed a passion for helping others find hope and healing after their divorce.

The insight I have gained over the past 8 years is not always popular but it works.  I have had the joy of helping many people come through the devastation of divorce a better person who is prepared for their next relationship.

Please leave a comment and give some feedback or ask a question for a later podcast.

God Bless,

G.D.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/3648421Sat, 21 Jul 2012 05:01:15 +0000GD LengacherThis is the introductory episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast. If you are divorced or know someone who is divorced, this podcast will help give you the tools you need to heal after your divorce. The plan is for this to be a weekly 30 - 45 min...
If you are divorced or know someone who is divorced, this podcast will help give you the tools you need to heal after your divorce.

The plan is for this to be a weekly 30 - 45 min podcast, but I may alter the time somewhat as the show develops.

I am a life coach focusing on helping people heal after suffering the pain of divorce.  I went through an unexpected and unwanted divorce in 2003 and after finding help in a DivorceCare support group I developed a passion for helping others find hope and healing after their divorce.

The insight I have gained over the past 8 years is not always popular but it works.  I have had the joy of helping many people come through the devastation of divorce a better person who is prepared for their next relationship.

Please leave a comment and give some feedback or ask a question for a later podcast.

God Bless,

G.D.]]>839blended,christian,dating,divorce,divorced,family,healing,hope,parents,recovery,single,survivingcleanfull