https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-just-want-my-life-back--6781676enPersonal Journals2025https://d3wo5wojvuv7l.cloudfront.net/t_rss_itunes_square_1400/images.spreaker.com/original/c6714e7b5c9012f3c2b60232fc339b64.jpghttps://www.spreaker.com/podcast/i-just-want-my-life-back--6781676Sun, 30 Aug 2026 18:09:06 +0000Patricia J. RulloPatricia J. Rullopr@speakuptalkradio.comRaw thoughts from someone grieving. Grief is messy, confusing, and deeply personal. In this short-form audio journal podcast, I share thoughts, memories, and moments from my own journey after losing my spouse. No advice, no answers — just honest...falsec34935b8-c401-526b-a580-68642fce9f31serialhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/raw-thoughts-from-someone-grieving-inaugural-episode--68381315
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68381315Sun, 02 Nov 2025 14:28:47 +0000Patricia J. RulloPodcast debut. Through uninvited tears, I candidly share the profound and intimate thoughts that have emerged from my journey following the heartbreaking loss of my spouse. I feel an urge to open up and connect with others through this podcast format,...
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>372death,dying,grief,grieving,hopefalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/forecast-rain-episode-2--68381316
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68381316Sun, 02 Nov 2025 14:29:13 +0000Patricia J. RulloOne of the striking things about grief is that you often feel more empathy for the discomfort of others than you do for your own needs, especially when people say things that miss the mark. Empathy is complex and rough for everyone.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>219empathy,grief,grievingfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/fall-back-episode-3--68387505
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68387505Sun, 02 Nov 2025 14:29:33 +0000Patricia J. RulloThe time change can carry a lot of emotional weight for someone grieving, especially when everything else already feels off balance.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>167death,dying,fallback,grief,grieving,timechangefalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/grief-doesn-t-knock-episode-4--68401925
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68401925Mon, 03 Nov 2025 18:40:32 +0000Patricia J. RulloI’ve come to see grief as an uninvited guest—an unpredictable intruder who bursts into your life without warning. It fills your space with its heavy presence, only to vanish just as suddenly as it arrived.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>252dealingwithgrief,grief,grievingfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/welcome-to-paradise-episode-5--68389100
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68389100Wed, 05 Nov 2025 16:27:05 +0000Patricia J. RulloPhantom smells are strange. They feel real, vivid, almost tangible. And yet, they come entirely from memory, from emotion, from the part of your brain that holds people and moments you can’t let go of.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>192arizona,chocolatechipcookies,grief,grieving,memories,mesafleamarket,paradisebakery,phantomsmellsfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/the-garage-a-museum-of-memories-episode-6--68387632
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68387632Sun, 09 Nov 2025 15:09:27 +0000Patricia J. RulloHis garage was not just a storage space; it was a museum of memories, each item telling a story, just waiting to be unearthed.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>287garage,grief,grieving,memories,toolsfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/the-first-fire-episode-7--68523301
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68523301Fri, 14 Nov 2025 14:05:32 +0000Patricia J. RulloThe scent of smoke, the crackle of wood, the warmth of a first woodstove fire—moments that were once shared now feel heavy with memory. Today I reflect on loss, love, and keeping the hearth alive alone.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>244autumnreflections,emotionaljourney,fireplacestories,griefandloss,homeandhearth,lossandlove,memoriesandhealing,podcaststorytelling,quietmoments,rememberinglovedones,seasonalrituals,thefirstfire,winteriscomingfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/my-beef-with-grief-episode-8--68589756Because the heart can only process so much at a time?
Because certain truths take longer to absorb?
Because some bonds leave echoes that don’t fade on command?

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68589756Thu, 20 Nov 2025 14:44:37 +0000Patricia J. RulloMaybe grief comes back because healing happens in layers, not moments. Because the heart can only process so much at a time? Because certain truths take longer to absorb? Because some bonds leave echoes that don’t fade on command?Because the heart can only process so much at a time?
Because certain truths take longer to absorb?
Because some bonds leave echoes that don’t fade on command?

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>306emotionalwellness,griefjourney,griefreflection,healinginlayers,hopeafterloss,ijustwantmylifeback,lifeafterloss,mentalhealthmatters,mybeefwithgrief,processinggrief,upsanddownsfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/the-wishbone-episode-9--68833354
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68833354Tue, 02 Dec 2025 15:55:41 +0000Patricia J. RulloThanksgiving alone - Grief isn’t something I want to decorate over. In some twisted way, I want to allow myself to feel the sting of the empty chair, the silence in the room, the absence of a familiar laugh.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>386aloneforthanksgiving,grief,grieving,holidaydinneralone,pullybone,thanksgiving,turkeywishbonefalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/when-your-co-regulator-is-gone-episode-10--69032606
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/69032606Sat, 13 Dec 2025 20:29:39 +0000Patricia J. RulloGrief isn’t just emotional — it’s physical. Losing a spouse disrupts the balance your nervous system relied on. In this episode, I discover co-regulation and how I’m learning to live with his absence.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>504coregulation,emotionalstability,emotionalwhiplash,grief,grieving,nervoussystemfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/identity-under-reconstruction-episode-11--69233674Sadness isn’t simple—and neither is grief.
This episode unpacks how layered emotions inside sadness can lead to an identity crash, and what happens when the old version of you no longer fits.

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/69233674Sun, 28 Dec 2025 22:19:01 +0000Patricia J. RulloSadness isn’t simple—and neither is grief. This episode unpacks how layered emotions inside sadness can lead to an identity crash, and what happens when the old version of you no longer fits.Sadness isn’t simple—and neither is grief.
This episode unpacks how layered emotions inside sadness can lead to an identity crash, and what happens when the old version of you no longer fits.

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>414grief,grieving,identitycrash,sadnessfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/standing-whole-again-a-new-year-s-eve-decision-episode-12--69262727But it does not get to carry you, and you do not have to carry it into the new year.

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/69262727Wed, 31 Dec 2025 20:45:19 +0000Patricia J. RulloThis year, grief can walk beside you — But it does not get to carry you, and you do not have to carry it into the new year.But it does not get to carry you, and you do not have to carry it into the new year.

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>192grief,grieving,loss,movingforwardingrieffalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/when-we-becomes-i-episode-13--69622037
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/69622037Tue, 27 Jan 2026 14:58:51 +0000Patricia J. RulloLosing your person doesn’t just break your heart—it can dismantle who you thought you were. This episode explores the quiet identity collapse that follows and the slow, gentle becoming that comes after.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>365falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/cutting-through-the-work-and-silence-episode-14--70234437
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/70234437Mon, 23 Feb 2026 18:55:10 +0000Patricia J. RulloGrief isn’t just emotional — it’s physical and mental. From the tasks they used to handle, to the conversations that are now missing, we explore the hidden labor of loss and the unexpected strength it can reveal.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>381grief,grieving,lifeafterlossfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/moving-at-the-pace-of-you-finding-your-rhythm-when-adhd-was-part-of-your-life-episode-15--70852390
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/70852390Tue, 24 Mar 2026 14:36:41 +0000Patricia J. RulloLiving in someone else’s ADHD-driven rhythm for years can leave a surprising mark on your body, mind, and emotions. What happens when that pace disappears?
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>610adhd,findingyourrhythm,grief,lifeafterloss,relationships,selfcarefalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/grocery-shopping-episode-16--68381317
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/68381317Tue, 28 Apr 2026 15:03:14 +0000Patricia J. RulloShopping for one is an experience filled with bittersweet memories. As I wander through the aisles, it feels like I'm tracing the footsteps of someone who once enjoyed this routine. Now it's all mine, and I don't much care for it.
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>167falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/what-the-dumpster-couldn-t-take-episode-17--72330540
In this episode, I explore the unexpected emotional weight of sorting through the possessions of loved ones who are gone, the guilt that can come with letting things go, and the realization that memories don't live inside objects. If you've ever found yourself as the last keeper of family history, standing at the intersection of remembrance and practicality, this conversation may resonate with you.

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/72330540Wed, 03 Jun 2026 19:44:06 +0000Patricia J. RulloAfter renting and filling a 20-foot dumpster by myself, I discovered that the physical labor was only part of the challenge. The real work was deciding what to do with decades of belongings left behind by my husband, his parents, my parents, and even...
In this episode, I explore the unexpected emotional weight of sorting through the possessions of loved ones who are gone, the guilt that can come with letting things go, and the realization that memories don't live inside objects. If you've ever found yourself as the last keeper of family history, standing at the intersection of remembrance and practicality, this conversation may resonate with you.

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>488bereavement,declutteringafterloss,familyhistory,griefjourney,griefsupport,healingthroughgrief,legacy,lettinggo,lifeafterloss,lifetransitions,memoriesandmeaning,personalgrowth,podcastlife,storiesthatmatter,thedumpsterwastheeasypartfalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/grief-brain-episode-18--71745356
🎧 Listen now and give yourself permission to heal—one moment at a time.

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/71745356Sun, 05 Jul 2026 13:50:50 +0000Patricia J. RulloGrief doesn’t just affect the heart—it changes the brain. If you’ve felt forgetful, distracted, or mentally foggy after losing a spouse or partner, you’re not alone. What many call “grief brain” is a real, natural response to profound loss—not a sign...
🎧 Listen now and give yourself permission to heal—one moment at a time.

I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>284brainfog,emotionalhealing,griefjourney,griefsupport,healingafterloss,lifeafterloss,mentalhealthawareness,widowlifefalsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/grief-is-a-privilege-episode-19--72827408
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>https://api.spreaker.com/episode/72827408Sat, 01 Aug 2026 18:26:34 +0000Patricia J. RulloIn this episode, I explore the idea that while none of us would choose the pain of losing someone we love, our grief reflects the extraordinary gift of having loved deeply in the first place. It's a quiet reflection on love, loss, gratitude, and why...
I Just Want My Life Back is my personal audio journal — small, quiet reflections from a life reshaped by loss. It’s separate from my professional work with the International Firebird Book Awards, yet deeply connected in spirit: both are about truth-telling, expression, and finding meaning through words. These are qualities I also value deeply in the books and authors we honor.]]>350falsefull