Delusions Of Grandeur

Vision of the Future Ch. 34 - 36

Wed, 01 Jul 2026 17:11:31 +0000

Mara Jade, welcome to the war on cars.

Mara stops the Hand of Thrawn from making a huge mistake (and maybe becomes a Jedi?) while Luke takes a nap. Bel Iblis puts the finishing touches on his suicide plan. On Bothawui, Moranda puts a clever plan into motion but forgets her Imperial counterparts might have a death wish of their own. Pellaeon takes a call from an unknown number (possibly the bravest thing anyone has done in this book??) and we hear a familiar voice just out of sight on stage left. And Leia benches Han for the rest of the diplomatic fight.

Vision of the Future Ch. 31-33

Wed, 24 Jun 2026 19:00:02 +0000

We race towards the thrilling conclusion of this fine novel, when one thousand carefully placed space dominoes will come tumbling down. For now, after helping to defeat Rei'kas's slavers with the power of friendship (and incredible violence), Karrde and Shada confront the final boss of manic pixie dream bosses: Jorj Car'das after a nap. In his stately pleasure-dome/conversation pit/library to the stars, we learn about his wild ride through various Force-based religions and the non-Caamas document he has that just might save the galaxy after all. Back on Bothawui, Leia and Elegos arrive just in time for the Falcon's reputation as a poorly maintained shitbox to do some heavy diplomatic lifting. Our Imperial friends are digging a business pit, only to be rudely interrupted by the mysterious (and impressively spry) old woman following them around. Ponc Gavrisom regrets ever becoming president. And Threepio makes a computer friend. That last part's not really important plot-wise, but Mr. Threep deserves a break!

Vision of the Future Ch. 28-30

Wed, 17 Jun 2026 17:50:02 +0000

Luke Skywalker finally gets a chance to shine as a both a Jedi and a general contractor. Artoo unleashes his murderous side. Mara manages to avoid getting shot a second time. Han proves conclusively that he simply doesn't know metadata exists. Moranda gets drunk in a box. Flim has some fun playing galactic Risk on the big board. And Admiral Pellaeon puts on his favorite boots to make a dramatic entrance.

Vision of the Future Ch. 25-27

Wed, 10 Jun 2026 19:00:02 +0000

Did your intrepid hosts yell at eachother for over an hour and half and still only make it through three chapters? Well, yes but...you guys, things are getting good. Kliff and Navette finally start putting their plan in motion on Bothawui, only to spot those New Rep military types up close and personal in their pet shop with some old lady. Unfortunately for the Imperials, one of them is a guy off the goddamn space Wheaties box. While they debate whether or not to kill confirmed hero Wedge Antilles and whoever that short Corellian following him around is, Garm "Dad" Bel Iblis calls to summon them back to like, do actual army stuff. Mara wakes up to find Luke is waiting with a rotisserie chicken and five days of slightly insane thoughts about her life -- including the unnerving idea that maybe the Threateners have been trying to get in touch with her, specifically, this entire time. And we meet a fun new, non-Jedi religion in the Outer Rim, patiently waiting for their messiah to rise again (should be any day now).

Vision of the Future Ch. 22 - 24

Wed, 03 Jun 2026 19:00:03 +0000

"What is a hallway but a series of open-ended storage compartments?" --Karoly, probably.

Gilad Pellaeon breaks into one ivoory desk to steal floppy disks and now he's all, "let's go break my friend out of prison!" Meanwhile, despite his boss' critical feedback, Flim is out here doing an incredible job being fake-Thrawn. He's convincing pirates to give him their super deadly shipyards for free. He's got a Mistryl assassin convinced she should probably get her assassin sisterhood to join the Empire. And (for now) he's convinced Han and Lando that they have a copy of the Camaas Document. Get this man a high ball and keep him alive for a while longer, he earned it.

Speaking of leadership, manic pixie dream boss Talon Karrde thinks he's about to reach the end of his mid-life crisis (though he also thinks the end is death-by-former-employer). Joke's on him: his menty b hasn't even started! For once, C-3PO is the only one out here having a great time. In fairness, that might be because he doesn't know what's going on.

Vision of the Future Ch. 19 - 21

Wed, 27 May 2026 19:00:02 +0000

Leia hastily sweeps some fast food wrappers off the dash as she and Pelleaon sit down to negotiate lasting galactic peace in the Falcon. Back on Bastion, the Imperial Triumvirate of Messy B*tches rides again as Han and Lando race against the best spy craft the space 1970s can buy, while Pelleaon casually violates Disra's 4th Amendment rights. Luthen Rael, eat your heart out.

Vision of the Future Ch. 16 - 18

Wed, 20 May 2026 19:00:02 +0000

We open on a very skeptical Lando who, having been guilt tripped by Han Solo YET AGAIN for casually betraying him and his lady friend ~15 years ago, is struggling to put his faith in a clone. Actually, it's more intense than that: Lando is incredibly anti-clone. Like, to the point where I can't repeat what he says here, in case clones are reading this.

Turns out, the clone just loves farming and will put up with whatever schemes Han Solo has in mind in order to get back to his crops. #cropwatch

Meanwhile, our Cave Pals™️ break through some drywall into an otherwise impenetrable fortress filled with Thrawn's...cousins? Mara and Luke find themselves in a classic Ao3 hurt/comfort, if-only-the-beetles-had-left-us-at-least-one-sleeping-bag situation. Except it's not even that spicy — it's just creepy — and we are, unfortunately, not into it.

Finally: slightly buzzed on a morning margarita or three, Moranda leads our hapless army buddies (Corran and Wedge) through the proper steps for successful espionage: 1. tap the phones, 2. pilfer the schematics, 3. case the exotic pet store.

Vision of the Future Ch. 12 - 15

Wed, 13 May 2026 19:00:02 +0000

This future vision is starting to get spicy! Leia is (diplomatically) ambushed by Corran Horn's former butler Elegos Ak'la -- who was always too good for him, right?? Right. Oh, and he brought along this 30 year old kid named Ghent, too. Shada and Karrde have a rough day out as it becomes clear Jorge Car'das definitely knows they're coming -- and as Karrde leaves Shada out in the cold during Operation Strategic Use of Local Jackets. By way of apology, he tells her about the time Jorge Car'das was carjacked by a group of Dark Jedi and came back a much more terrifying man. And Mara and Luke, forced to do an almost endless corporate-retreat-style, totally unromantic trust fall for completely legitimate plot reasons, start to unpack some Dark Jedi shit of their own.

Vision of the Future Ch. 9 - 11

Wed, 06 May 2026 18:26:44 +0000

The Council of Imperial Bitches make it through their first battle with the help of Wookipedia. Lando is interrupted on his quest to invent an underwater version of Nevada by a phone call from an old friend. Karoly D'ulin shoves herself into ever-smaller closets. Corran and Wedge fail at their mission seconds after stetting foot on Bothawui. And Mara sits down for a good-old fashioned therapy ambush after 12 hours of hiking through a cave with Luke Skywalker.

Vision of the Future Ch 5-8

Wed, 22 Apr 2026 19:00:02 +0000

Luke and Mara reunite and begin an emotionally fraught camping trip to sneak into a heavily fortified military base while being forced to hold hands. Han attempts to seduce his wife (presumably in a sarong) only to be foiled by the Solo Embarrassment Factor (and a bunch of unmarked starfighters). Our Imperial saboteurs roll up on Bothawui with frankly offensive space-Italian accents, a dream of opening a pet store, and a perfectly calculated, insultingly small bribe. The Clone Club convenes with a proposition for Han and Leia. And Pellaeon discovers his ex might have returned from the dead only to move on with a new Moff. But he's happy for the Empire, he really is.

Vision of the Future Ch. 1-4

Wed, 15 Apr 2026 19:14:38 +0000

We press on in the Hand of Thrawn duology. The cover: full of amazing hair for all our principals: Luke, Mara, and...Han? The dedication: from the author to his friends, but aren't we the real friends he made along the way??? The plot: we catch up with a variety of Imperial officers gazing pensively into space (and one scheming quite effectively to pry worlds away from the New Republic). Luke should have sprung for cave valet, as his X-wing is immediately jacked the moment he parks. The Force is surprisingly cool with grand larceny. Wedge and Corran are tapped by Bel Iblis for some planet side maneuvers that satisfy the letter of army law if not the spirit. Shada D'ukal befriends C-3P0 and then immediately unfriends some bikers. And we find out Talon Karrde did not take Corellian Lit in space college.

Specter of the Past Ch. 22-24

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 19:00:02 +0000

We reach the epic conclusion of this (possibly?) New York Times bestselling novel. Lando learns the downsides of the caped lifestyle. Shada's job interview goes slightly sideways. Talon Karrde offers to work for free (!?). Wedge and the Rogues simply cannot catch a break (or a cake). Our hosts wonder if finding the Camaas document can even fix what's broken in the New Republic. And friend of the pod Gilad Pellaeon starts a Thrawn cover band while he waits for Bel Iblis.

We shall return with book two, Vision of the Future!

Specter of tbe Past Ch. 19-21

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 19:10:02 +0000

Lando gets hustled: first at sabacc, and then by Flim and co. New Republic C-SPAN gets juicy as they debate whether or not Imperial warlords can come back from the dead. We get a crash course Alderaniaan design philosophy. Shada D'ukal phones customer service and asks TO SPEAK WITH A REPRESENTATIVE. And Talon Karrde sips some fine brandy while inviting you to get comfortable in your own conversation pit.

Specter of the Past Ch. 16 - 18

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 19:00:02 +0000

We rejoin Pellaeon, sippin' some brandy on his galactic frenemies tour. He starts to realize that Moff Disra is probably up to worse shenanigans than money laundering, but can't quite figure out what it could be. No time to linger for a second brandy, though: he's late for a meeting with Bel Iblis (...who has not yet accepted the cal invite).

Luke Skywalker trusted the Force and it rewarded him with some kick ass architecture. Unfortunately, the splendor of Bridge World and its philosophically-minded peaceful protesters weren't enough to convince him to stick around. Instead of popping into a tapcafe to speak with their local Enjolras, Luke decides to fly off and rescue Mara from that cave (and reluctantly agrees to take more than just his X-Wing).

Bel Iblis and Rogue Squadron skip dessert and engage in entrapment — never forget that ACAB. Even in space. And especially your favorite Corellians.

Specter of the Past Ch. 13 - 15

Wed, 11 Mar 2026 19:00:02 +0000

[Extremely Ron Howard Voice] "Now the story of a wealthy Empire who lost everything...and the one Captain who had no choice but to keep them all together..."

While your man Pellaeon can't sleep well, he sure can scheme. His investigations into Imperial corruption are going swimmingly and he's plotting an elaborate library heist. Meanwhile, Han and Leia get caught between a mob and a Bothan staircase. C3P0 is blasted to smithereens but apparently, "he'll be alright" (WTF?! Droids' rights!). Mara Jade is trapped in an ugly ass cave, going cuckoo bananas and yelling about Skywalkers to any bats who will listen. And Lando has unwittingly become a pawn in Disra's latest plot to blue the Imperial remnant.

Specter of the Past Ch. 10-12

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 20:00:02 +0000

The Bothan people continue their crime spree with a turn into massive financial fraud. Talon Karrde shows up with a gift and a threat. Mara just parked in the driveway but she has to turn around and go to the corner store for more intel. Luke might finally understand what the Force is all about. And Pellaeon continues his gofundme tour of the remnants of the Empire.

Specter of the Past Ch. 7 - 9

Wed, 25 Feb 2026 20:00:02 +0000

The Senate is in an uproar about how to dish out justice in the face of genocide — but at least they agree that their new interior decorator has impeccable taste. Han Solo casually commits Watergate-adjacent political crimes so that he can argue over payment plans for espionage with Talon Karrde. And Luke Skywalker goes on a bonkers undercover mission with the help of stage makeup and a rack of ribs — but without the help of the Force. As per yuzh, Mara Jade saves his farmboy butt.

Specter of the Past Ch. 4-6

Thu, 19 Feb 2026 18:15:07 +0000

The High Council of Imperial Bitches has their inaugural meeting. An extremely stable political alliance forms. A Smuggle Buddy begins to doubt her life choices. Pellaeon puts on his detective hat. Wedge tries to back out of buying a melon.

Specter of the Past Ch. 1-3

Wed, 11 Feb 2026 20:00:02 +0000

Once again, we find ourselves on the bridge of the Chimera with one Gilad Pellaeon, staring thoughtfully into space. Only this time, there's no more Thrawn and Pellaeon is having a bad case of the Mondays. 19 years after the Battle of Yavin, the galaxy is completely changed, with the Empire controlling scraps and the New Republic (theoretically, at least) large and in charge. While Pellaeon is pondering surrender, Han Solo is trying to do some diplomacy in order to ensure his wife gets an actual break from running the galaxy. Luke is having a mental breakdown while flying when he realizes that not everyone likes him -- even if they have read his wiki page!! And Leia has an unexpected meet up with Talon Karrde and the smuggle buddies, in which they come to the horrifying conclusion that Borsk Fey'lya might actually have a point.

Interview: Dr. Chris Kempshall

Wed, 04 Feb 2026 20:00:02 +0000

This week, we chat with the delightful author of The Rise and Fall of the Galactic Empire. Dr. Kempshall walks us through what an Imperial archive might include (or not include), which EU character he could imagine ghostwriting for, and finally gives us an answer to the persistent question: "how often should Luke Skywalker be thrown in the brig for stealing an X-Wing?" (tl;dr just like...maybe don't recruit any space wizards to your military.)

We loved this book. So our only remaining question is this: what Chandrillan palms do we have to grease to get Chris assigned to write Artistically Done: The Life and Times of Grand Admiral Thrawn?

The Rise & Fall of the Galactic Empire: Recap

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 20:00:08 +0000

If all goes according to plan, we'll start our new year and next season with an interview with Dr. Chris Kempshall — author of "The Rise and Fall of the Galactic Empire."

The book traces how and why Palpatine took power (spoiler: Sith crap) and how middle managers, bureaucrats, and neutral evil civilians held the Empire together. It also tries to make the most rational case we've encountered so far for the "return of Palpatine" and his Vegas residency on Exegol. It's an in-universe history, written from the perspective of an in-universe historian who is slowly losing his mind with the realization that you can't snuff out fascism just 'cause you blew up a Death Star. Or...three?

Stay tuned after a small break for an interview with this galaxy's author. And then we'll embark on the HAND OF THRAWN DUOLOGY (I know, right?! It's finally happening!).

A Brief Vision of the Future (Hint)

Tue, 30 Dec 2025 18:18:31 +0000

A quick pre-cap of what you can look forward to from us in early 2026, so you can scour the used bookshelves now! (Hey-la, hey-la, the Grand Admiral's back.)

Rebel Dawn Ch. 13 - Epilogue

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 20:00:08 +0000

As this novel and trilogy draw to a close, the universe seems to be conspiring to make Han the grumpiest space pirate this side of Nar Shadda.

Actually, it's not the universe. It's Bria and Han's inability to hear one another, despite a surprising amount of honesty (okay, and maybe the teensiest bit of betrayal). After a firm business handshake leads to a naughty coin flip and sexy times on the cat warrior planet, Han and Bria are separately convinced that the other one is going to ditch their respective dreams in order to keep the party going. Uh..."spoiler"...? No.In the end, Kelly gives A.C. Crispin's Han Solo trilogy 1,000/12 parsecs and Emily is left longing for more close-up magic and Wookie sandwiches. And for some reason, we're strangely compelled to go watch Rogue One.......... 🤔

Rebel Dawn Ch. 10-13

Wed, 03 Dec 2025 22:05:07 +0000

Sit yourself down, my lads, as we delve into ever more Hutt schemes and ever wilder seating arrangements. Hutt clans are squaring off both metaphorically and literally. Xizor and Guri are using the power of Black Sun and electronic butts that just don't quit to take over the galaxy's spice production. Chewie is practicing self care and going to bed early. And, in the true spirit of Space Thanksgiving, Han is grabbing a series of increasingly emotionally fraught catch-up drinks with old friends and exes now that he's back in his hometown after doing a study abroad.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

Rebel Dawn Ch. 7 - 9

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 20:00:08 +0000

Han Solo takes a break from this trilogy to pop over into the Brian Daley series of adventures on the Outer Rim. Meanwhile, Bria is back in the field, baby! She's taking her crew's temperatures, mercing slavers left and right, and posing as a middling but hot lounge singer, where she meets a rakish mustache by the name of Lando. After narrowly escaping the clutches of Boba Fett (thanks to Lando's square pirate lady ex), Bria invites the Hutts to fund an all-out rebel attack on Ylesia. Jabba's in, but Aunt Jiliac has reservations and so the Hutt-y Dune-y schemes continue.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

Rebel Dawn Ch. 4 - 6

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 20:00:08 +0000

"Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam..." We are gathered here today to witness a Wookie wedding (humans: DO NOT DRINK THE BOOZE, YOU WILL DIE). Despite being surrounded by love, flying the ship of his dreams, and enjoying a moderate amount of smuggling success, Han Solo does not want to get married. Unfortunately, he also doesn't really want to talk about his feelings. So while Hutts be schemin' and Fetts be huntin', Solos be ghostin'.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

Rebel Dawn Ch. 1-3

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 20:00:10 +0000

But soft! What light through yonder airbrush breaks -- it is the east, and the book is A.C. Crispin's Rebel Dawn. We're creeping closer to to the moment Han and Chewie walk through the cantina doors in Mos Eisley, but for now we have several scheming Hutts, Chewie romancing his lady friend with some fresh porcupine, and everyone converging on beautiful Cloud City, Bespin -- Han and Lando to play some cards, Bria and Winter (!!) to propose some kind of Rebel study group, and get a nice cup of vine-coffee. Plus, patrons get inventive on galactic Reddit.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Hutt Gambit Ch. 13 - Epilogue

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 20:00:08 +0000

Han Solo is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Join Zoom Meeting
huttp://webdotzoomdotcorellia/YT492727ZED

Meeting ID: YT492727ZED

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Hutt Gambit Ch. 10-12

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Chewie contemplates the true meaning of a Wookie life debt after an incredibly annoying car ride with his human, Han finds out the perils of competency as he is sent to bribe yet another Imperial commander...and that he loves being on stage, even when not in a sparkly bodysuit. Bria finds out the Imperial Moff she's hitched her wagon to has lost his mind. Hutts continue to Hutt as battles and poisoning schemes approach their inevitable conclusions.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Hutt Gambit Ch. 7 - 9

Wed, 22 Oct 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Everything seems to be coming up Han. Boba Fett hasn't shot him with a butt-dart in months. After being dumped by his close-magic girlfriend, he finds a new lady in a Corellian bar (and this new lady doesn't make him wear spangly bodysuits). His buddy Lando bought a shipyard with life-crystal money and leases Han and Chewie their very own ship!! (So what if it's a total lemon and not the Falcon?) All of the Nar Shadda Smuggle Buddies (TM) get together in a space barn on the daily to fix up their ships and trade hot goss. Life is prettay prettay prettayyyyy good...

...until it isn't. For some reason, old Empy P decides to 'crack down on crime', which means going after the Hutts, which means the National Guard is about to get deployed to Nar Shadda. The Hutts think that the best way to smooth this over is to call the only human they know (guess who) to try to make some bargains with the Imperials...

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Hutt Gambit Ch. 4-6

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 19:00:08 +0000

Where to BEGIN. Han and Chewie are living in a shitty apartment and driving a giant space bus while on the run from many a bounty hunter when they end up taking a quick jaunt to Kessel to escape from a very handsy lady Wookie. A.C. Crispin does her level best to explain why you might measure the Kessel Run in parsecs...and more importantly, how Han is, of course, a natural at flying through asteroid fields. Back on Nal Hutta, he finally gets a meeting with Jabba and Jiliac, which leads to a new job and the opportunity to romance a famous (and very serious) magician. Not even magic can save him from Boba Fett, who hits him in the butt with a dart filled with the old "Ella Enchanted" juice. But you know who can? A very handsome, stylishly dressed man who needs some flying lessons in the old hunk of junk freighter he just won in a card game.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Hutt Gambit Ch. 1 - 3

Wed, 08 Oct 2025 19:10:07 +0000

Smash cut to our next book...and one Han Solo, recently kicked out of the Imperial Navy after five years of faithful (?) service. He's getting very drunk in a bar and getting very nostalgic about his cool Corellian pants while he tries to get rid of an annoying Wookie who won't stop following him around. It's a good thing Chewbacca did adopt this rescue human at the shelter though, because Han spends the rest of these chapters writing checks his body can't cash. And maybe, just maybe seeing his ex across a crowd of potential pilgrims...

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Paradise Snare Ch. 13-Epilogue

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Han and Bria head to Corellia, where they have an incredibly awkward long weekend with her family ending in Han getting recognized as the swoop champion of all Corellia by Bria's ex. To be fair, he seems hella stoked she's sleeping with such a good swoop pilot. Then it's off for an even more disastrous mini break on Coruscant that ends with Han (failing at) robbing a bank, Bria realizing she needs to deal with her addiction before she can be in a relationship, and Han getting his retinas burned off. Luckily, the Imperial Naval Academy doesn't care if you heart is now a hard empty shell because your girlfriend left you...but they do care if you know about like, jizz and art and stuff. Shrike also doesn't care about the breakup or any of that culture stuff, although he would like the bounty on Han's head. Can't a man enjoy his new retinas and eat his nerf medallions in peace??

Plus, the chat has spoken: we'll continue on to book two, The Hutt Gambit.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Paradise Snare Ch. 10 - 12

Wed, 17 Sep 2025 19:00:08 +0000

The action's really pickin' up, pardners. Han and Muurgh both race to rescue their respective partners from horrible, cult-based slavery with some tastefully designed explosions. Also, they stuff a bunch of antiques into a backpack, do some fancy flying, attend a space-cat wedding, and have some tastefully off-screen sexy times. Plus, we ask: what do we read next?

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Paradise Snare Ch. 7-9

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 00:28:08 +0000

Emily gets her laptop back. Han Solo does some hand smoochies and gets a reluctant mud bath. Bria gets high and realizes her religion is a sham. Muuurgh plots a murder and goes for a run.

The Paradise Snare Ch. 4-6

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 19:56:35 +0000

This episode is coming to you late as Emily's solar panels got connected to the grid. We are proud to say that makes Delusions of Grandeur a bi-coastal and (theoretically) carbon-free production thanks to two roofs full of spook crystals!But back to the book: our intrepid hosts describe a whole lotta drugs as Han learns more about the world he's found himself on -- and how the whole 'religion' thing is a front for the drugs thing. Han also meets his 'bodyguard', Muurgh, a high priest with his own museum, and a possibly hot Corellian archeologist wearing a dumb hat while she makes spice. Plus, Han goes on his first drug run, is attacked by pirates, and is forced to touch down on some dumb college planet called Alderaan.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

The Paradise Snare Ch. 1 - 3

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 19:00:08 +0000

Welcome to a new book, a new trilogy, and some classic Dickensian capers! We've got a young Han [neé Solo], some bleak living conditions, a gang of juvenile pickpockets, brutal adults, furry best friends slash 'bodyguards', and a Bel Iblis cameo. Join us as we uncover the true story of how Han Solo became the galaxy's premier grump by the ripe old age of 29...ish.

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

Special Episode: A Four Hour* Bix-cast**

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 19:00:08 +0000

Gather 'round, fellow #GilroyGirls. In response to the INJUSTICE of Andor Season 2's Emmys snubs, we bring you this special episode where we yell about all that we loved about Andor (both seasons) and what we thought was missing and what we could have done without.

*Not actually four hours

**Ended up being about more than just Bix

Tyranny got you down? Find one of our favorite Andor meme-makers on Insta @ wolfwrentruther for incredible Andor memes and links to donate to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund. The galaxy is watching!

Join the Patreon for early episode releases, a chat full of spicy takes, and infrequent but invaluable giveaways!

I, Jedi Ch. 43-Epilogue

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 17:27:47 +0000

Our resident cop/fighter jock races to rescue his wife and tie up many an outstanding plot point with a mere 7 chapters of runway. He and Elegos team up as space Batman and Alfred as they spook a bunch of superstitious pilots into panic calling Tavira -- and almost get rumbled when Corran finds himself sprinting through the city buck naked and clutching a lightsaber. Their plan works, and Tavira and her secret Force user allies show up...and so do Luke Skywalker and Corran's bff Ooryl. After a surprisingly effective round of good cop, bad cop, ysalamiri cop, Corran et al head off to find Mirax, defeat sexy baby space pirates, and blow up Exar Kun's statue just for fun. 10/12 parsecs. Plus, we reveal the results of our next book poll!

I, Jedi Ch. 38-42

Wed, 23 Jul 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Boy howdy, folks. After juping around in space, Corran gets into a fistfight with the concept of Dark Side/his annoying rival and meets a very interesting twice-dispossessed refugee. In a just galaxy he would then be sent straight to horny jail after an interrogation by Admiral Tavira turns into a blood-soaked make out sesh. Alas, we do not read in a just galaxy. This leads our hosts to ponder the eternal questions of fanfic: sure, Star Wars should always be more horny, but Debbie...like this? And, of course: are you truly cheating on your spouse if the only way to get them out of a coma is to fuck a homicidal baddie?

I, Jedi Ch. 33-37

Wed, 16 Jul 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Corran makes nice with some of the Invids by bringing them that fancy shuttle they were trying to steal, starting a months-long (!?!) project of working his way up the ladder to get onto the Invidious as crew and find Mirax. His new wingwoman tells him there's two ways: fancy flying or fucking the captain. In this fic, Corran chooses the flying, which brings him face to face with Rogue Squadron...and with Kelly's hardest challenge yet: describing a protracted space battle solo.

I, Jedi Ch. 29-32

Wed, 09 Jul 2025 19:00:08 +0000

The Horn boys do some gardening (revealing a whole bunch of Jedi secrets under a pile of literal bullshit), then go out to dinner at Corellia's fanciest new molecular gastronomy restaurant, much to Corran's delight. But big steaks and big secrets make for bad dreams, and Corran wakes up determined to go back to his old self to save his wife. Conveniently, that was the guy who went undercover with pirates all the time! But first, he's got to stop a teenage Rouge Squadron fanboy from draxxing some sklounsts his body can't draxx, do some fancy flying, and critique Mara Jade's wardrobe (perhaps the most dangerous mission of all).

I, Jedi Ch. 25-28

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 19:00:07 +0000

After making a terrible executive decision that lacerates his kidneys, Corran IDGAF Horn is rescued from Exar Kun by his Verbally Confirmed Friend Mara Jade. The other Jedi do some magic or something and Exar Kun gets Exar-cised. Don't think about it too much — Corran doesn't. Luke wakes up from his coma (or was it the nap he was actually looking for all along?), pardons genocidal maniac Kyp Durron, and we can finally leave this wizard shit behind to get into some real Corellian noir investigations.

We're here for the descriptions of Booster Terrik's Errant Venture (TV series, when?) and Corran's horticulturalist political puppet-master grandpa (Tony Gilroy, you would love this guy).

I, Jedi Ch. 21-24

Wed, 18 Jun 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Much happens in these chapters, a lot of it off screen for Jedi Academy (and maybe copyright?) reasons. Luke falls into a Sith-induced coma! Corran and R2 engage in light espionage! Leia sweeps in looking like a hero of the Rebellion! Han Solo cooks a delicious meal and abandons his family! And we see one strong advantage the books have over the movies as Kyp destroys Carida and our apprentices feel the horror in real time. Plus, the Last Temptation of Corran Horn (directed by Exar Kun) debuts to less than rave reviews.

I, Jedi Ch. 17-20

Wed, 11 Jun 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Things are heating up on Yavin 4. Mara Jade arrives in a tasteful jumpsuit, only to have her car jacked almost as soon as she parks. Rough neighborhood! Now, she is forced to hang out with her cool friend's meathead husband for a whole week. Corran's various investigations aren't going particularly well, but he does use his skills as a Corellian to cook everyone a succulent Yavanese meal . And what thanks does he get? Being Force-slammed into a wall by one Kyp Durron, then having to do all the dishes and be Luke Skywalker's part time therapist. What's the point of being a Jedi if you can't even get out of the third shift?

I, Jedi Ch. 13-16

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Corran shows up late to class on the one day someone's trying to kill Luke Skywalker -- who seems weirdly unconcerned that one of his students came at him with a freshly built lightsaber. He is more concerned when Gantoris and said lightsaber are found freshly Force barbecued, alone in his room. Finally, Corran has a chance to shine...as a detective and a TA. Not so much as a Jedi. Most unfortunately, Corran becomes increasingly distracted by how hot Tionne looks in green library lighting, while Luke is increasingly distracted by the latest sadboi to show up at the Academy -- one Kyp Durron.

I Jedi Ch. 9 - 12

Wed, 21 May 2025 19:00:07 +0000

This is a fun set of chapters, although not a lot of plot happens. Corran comes to terms with the fact that although he can run really, really far, he is not a "boy genius" when in comes to the Force -- and might actually be the most repressed sentient on the planet. Slowly, he comes to trust his fellow students and his own emotions (on a good day). But he also worries he will be seduced by a woman who clearly has no romantic interest in him and who is definitely way more interested in floating rocks. We see first hand that Luke was a home schooled kid whose teachers thought he would die and is now a man who has no idea how to actually run a school. Despite all that, the hot tub time machine/Force field trip experience M. Skywalker takes his students on does sound rad. The Force: it's pretty neat!

I, Jedi 5-8

Wed, 14 May 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Wedge drives like a maniac across Coruscant and we get some glimpses of the Imperial Palace (tacky!!!), as well as the successful Force-based therapy practice Luke Skywalker could have run if he wasn't so obsessed with being a Jedi Master. He and Wedge agree: the way to get Mirax back is for Corran to become a Jedi. Corran isn't totally convinced until he listens to an old voice mail from his dead dad. Before he leaves for Yavin, he starts running a couple two three five k's a day just to make sure he can win at Jedi on day one. And he has lunch with his old friend Iella, who helps him dye his hair, drops some hot goss about the Invids, and gently reminds him that he's a highly competitive, overly analytical maniac who just signed up for a master's degree in how to be in touch with his emotions. As patrons have warned in the chat, a tidal wave of misogyny and sexy baby pirate baddie is coming down the pike, so we will cherish Corran's entirely platonic lunch with a female friend who is written like a real person (and a person who has been to therapy!) while we have it. Despite Iella's warning, Corran is still shocked to arrive on Yavin and learn that Luke's plan for him is not to do jungle work outs and spy on his fellow students, but rather to not worry about what time it is and feel feelings. What is this hippie bullcrap! Plus, some light Andor chat.

I, Jedi Ch. 1 - 4

Wed, 07 May 2025 19:00:07 +0000

The chat has spoken and we dive in to the first few chapters of I, Jedi -- which (as advertised) is a first person account of being a Jedi. Luckily for us, that first person is Corran Horn: noted fighter pilot, recovering narc, short king, and galactic-level grump doing his best Sam Spade impression. We follow Corran as he battles space pirates, his own insecurities over becoming a father, and watching his good friend Ooryl eat breakfast. But just as Corran triumphantly returns home via Coruscant Municipal Transit ready to get his wife hella pregnant, he realizes Mirax is gone. And not just on a work trip, but also in a more mysterious, extra-gone Jedi way. Luckily everyone's BFF Wedge has taken a break from starfightering to have a midlife crisis doing architecture on Coruscant and helps Corran assemble an elite team of Corellian wife guys to get Mirax back. Oh, and wouldn't you know it - his friend Luke (the Jedi one) is also in town and might be able to help, too.

The Crystal Star Ch. 9-13

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Our intrepid hosts valiantly struggle against a sinus infection and the city of Denver to bring you the THRILLING CONCLUSION to the NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING SAGA of The Crystal Star. The twins escape with the help of the true star of this novel, Mistress Dragon. Leia, Chewie and their new friend Rallao consult an elephant who never forgets (the name of any being enslaved in the galaxy) and have an incredible run of showing up just where they need to be for the plot to move forward. Han finally gets the perfect amount of drunk on vacation, only to have it wasted on an afternoon of saving his brother-in-law from a cult leader preying on his untreated depression. Anakin steals a space Turkish delight and is almost eaten by an evil chair. Mr. Threep's purple paint job does not survive, but all our heroes do, and the fly off into the sunset as evil sofa Waru is finally able to phone home.

And speaking of Correllian wife guys who are really annoyed Luke Skywalker is harshing their vibe... our next book will be as the chat wills it. Michael A Stackpole's I, Jedi.

The Crystal Star Ch 5-8

Thu, 17 Apr 2025 04:05:43 +0000

Please enjoy this latest effort, late and paltry though it is - our hosts unfortunately live in the United States, which is going through some [redacted] times and also a gnarly flu season. In a galaxy far far away, most of our heroes are having a time of it as well. Han is really regretting his choice to vacation with a Jedi, especially after they run into his ex-girl friend, who introduces them to an all-powerful living sofa. Leia and Chewie try to find the kidnapped children with the power of the Dark Side (?) and expired eye shadow. Jacen and Jaina are reunited through the power of Force hi jinks.

The Crystal Star Ch. 1 - 4

Wed, 26 Mar 2025 19:00:07 +0000

Our latest entry starts with a bang. Literally. Chewbacca gets blown up and the three Organa-Solo kids are kidnapped. Everyone around Leia gaslights her into thinking maybe it's an unserious kidnapping (because apparently that's a thing!) — except master detective R2 Freakin' D2 who is on the case and fully prepared to do a murder if necessary to solve it. Luke Skywalker and Han Solo would probably have some feelings about the kidnapping, but they're on vacation near a black hole that blocks all cell service so they have no idea. Jaina Solo is pretty pissed about having to survive on crappy soup and being forcibly separated from her brothers. She makes a friend only to have that kid immediately sold into slavery by a Force-sensitive Empire-revival cultist — but hey, there's a cool dragon!

Also, 3PO is purple.

Who knows how the Force really works?

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 19:00:07 +0000

As the New York Times best-selling saga of the Callista trilogy draws to a close, Kelly and Emily are joined by a surprise guest who weighs in on who gets to decide what's in a Star Wars novel, why Han Solo is totally cool being a Wife Guy, and the power of body swaps.

Planet of Twilight Ch. 17-22

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 20:00:07 +0000

It's a Lunar New Year Miracle (we finished more than 3 chapters of a Hambly!). Leia and Callista have some dorm room conversations on the nature of power and its uses. Luke returns to his first love (hotwiring speeders and driving across the desert like a lunatic). Leia returns to her first love (small artillery fire). Threepio and Artoo continue bouncing around the galactic postal system. We find out that the Spook crystals ARE talking and Luke becomes their Lorax. Han Solo finally gets to hug his wife. Callista continues on her own path. GMOs are revealed as the ultimate evil. And one of Star Wars’ most baffling ‘ships appears like a Death Star on the horizon. 11.5/12 parsecs.

If you want to vote on what comes next, join us over on the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Planet of Twlight Ch. 13-16

Wed, 26 Feb 2025 19:55:06 +0000

Leia decides it's time get up off the couch. Seti Ashgad gets a horrifying makeover. Dyzym's whole deal is revealed and it's NOT COOL. Luke gets a late night Force call and heads into the desert. Threepio gets a wig and gets creative but refuses to get impolite. Han and Lando continue to breathe somewhere in the galaxy. Callista shows up, mostly to roast Luke. And we find out that no matter where you are in the galaxy everything evolves back to CRABS eventually.

Planet of Twilight Ch. 9 - 12

Wed, 19 Feb 2025 20:00:07 +0000

Sure, a lot of plot-related things happen in these chapters and all of our main characters seem to have new careers — Luke's a mechanic, Leia's an expert locksmith, and Han is a space EMT. But let's be real. THE MOST important thing to focus on is: what should Threepio and R2 call their family band?!

Goldenrod and the Twerp?
NSFW(ookies)?
Festering Jizzboxes?

Please send us any and all ideas: swdelusionspod at gmail dot com. There is no wrong answer.

Planet of Twilight Ch. 5-8

Wed, 12 Feb 2025 20:00:07 +0000

Things are picking up, pilgrims. Han and Chewie's poolside vacation at a former concubine's condo is derailed when Leia doesn't show up as planned. Leia is once again forced to deal with two-bit aristocrats while high. Luke embraces his inner desert rat, leading him straight to his favorite kind of teacher: an obviously insane elderly Jedi. Artoo and Threepio are stolen by a two-bit Alderaanian version of Han Solo. Artoo refuses to let the loss of his voice or his wheelies stop him from committing aggravated assault.

Planet of Twilight Ch. 1-4

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 20:00:09 +0000

We're back in the beautiful dappled light of a Barbara Hambly joint after many chapters in the wilderness! Leia and a couple of New Republic ships (along with her brother) have come to the world of Nom Nom Cheerio, a planet full of crystals, the Force, and possibly even Callista to meet with a politician desperate for the New Republic's help. He and some other colonists settled on Nom Nom Cheerio knowing full well older inhabitants were very, very not interested in joining the Republic or having any contact with the galaxy at all, and they think Leia should fix it. Now everyone on board the ships are dying. Leia finds herself stoned on a couch in Joshua Tree. Luke crashed his car while stalking his ex but is having fun doing desert rat stuff with some new desert friends. And Threepio is throwing a funeral at 2.5x speed.

Last Poem of Jedha

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 20:00:07 +0000

We take a short break from our regularly scheduled program of recapping professional Star Wars fan fiction to highlight a piece from someone who's only in it for the love of the game. The Last Poem of Jedha asks questions like "what happens if the crew of Rogue One live?" and "what do you owe to your dead world if you got a master's degree in poetry while flying Imperial shuttles?" and "why am I crying about a poem I've never read?" We'll be back next week with the next installment in the Callista trilogy - Madame Barbara Hambly's Planet of Twilight.

Darksaber Ch. 51-63

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 20:00:09 +0000

Like Callista, we are finally freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. The Hutts learn the perils of accepting the lowest bid on materials and services. Callista decides that if she can't use the Force, that won't stop her from trying to blow up yet another Imperial super ship. Luke gets some help moving a log. Crix Madine dies for literally nothing. The New Republic may have poisoned a bunch of parade goers. Emily finally loses it. And the Jedi academy seems to be doing...just fine with out a Skywalker around. Also, do not insult them by implying they would misuse the mails. There is no plan. What's the plan? Should we plan?

This will be the last episode of our second season. We recorded just before the holidays, so we'll have short break in the new year as patrons choose our next book. Want to help choose? Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Darksaber Ch. 40 - 50

Wed, 25 Dec 2024 18:40:06 +0000

Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Dorsk 81 the Cloned? I thought not. It's not a story Barbara Hambly would tell you.

Dorsk 81 was super good at his desk job, but he was the first Dorsk to ever get bored and he decided to be a space cop instead. He graduated police academy in the most unceremonious way possible and then his best friend forced him to go to a N*zi rally "just to see what they're up to." Turns out, they were up to genocides (duh). But since Dorsk 81 wasn't super populer...lar...back home, the mayor ignored his warnings and now most of their planet is dead. Dorsk 81 himself got internally fried trying to cosplay as Sailor Moon in defense of the Jedi Temple — though he did manage to use the Force to hip check 17 Star Destroyers so hard it sent Gilad Pellaeon's mustache a'quivering. The best we can say about these chapters is: .................the book is almost over. Also, KNIGHT HAMMER. 💀

Darksaber Ch. 30-39

Wed, 18 Dec 2024 20:00:07 +0000

Folks, this book is rough enough that maybe even fat free flavor crystals sprinkled on a sarcastic omniscient space clam can't save it. Everyone is getting done dirty in this section, from the entire Wampa race down to Wedge Antilles. Our heroes hop all over the galaxy, finding out things that other people already know and gaslighting their significant others, friends, and/or protégées. Even more upsetting are the gratuitous mentions of Pellaeon's depression mustache. Our hosts dive deep into Crix Madine's baffling uniform to distract themselves from the impossible task of figuring out how much time has elapsed so far in this book (Five years? Two days? The galaxy may never know).

Darksaber Ch. 20 - 29

Wed, 11 Dec 2024 20:00:06 +0000

Fair warning: if you identify as a woman or a Mon Calamari, there's not much to appreciate about these chapters. Leia finally gets to go out with her family — to eat a salad. Admiral Ackbar can't even make it past the Corneria mission in Star Fox 64 — despite being a revered war vet. Qwi Xux is supposedly a brilliant scientist — but more importantly, Wedge thinks she's hot. And even though Callista tried to break up with Luke Skywalker, she continues to follow him around the galaxy — enduring Wampa attacks and an endless barrage of stories about his gap year on Dagobah.

Darksaber Ch. 13-19

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 20:00:08 +0000

This is really a book about getting the gang back together if you think about it! Luke asks the New Republic for some PTO to head off with Callista to find the Force on an ice resort for rich people (we don't get it either). Kyp Durran is allowed to graduate to full Jedi and just...peace out to go after a vague hunch (talk about the Luke Skywalker school of Jedi-ing). Han and Leia ponder what to do about the whole Hutt situation. And Admirals Daala and Pelleon (and his mustache) prep for a Very Important Meeting.

Darksaber Ch 6 - 12

Wed, 27 Nov 2024 20:00:07 +0000

Now that we're done with the Dune stuff, things are getting stranger. The Hutts raid Coruscant's central computer with the help of slapstick weasels. Luke decides to graduate three students who just "feel ready" - including tipped turbolaser Kyp Durron, so that he can get the New Republic to approve his PTO. No one on Yavin 4 acknowledges the total body horror of Callista taking the body of their friend and fellow student. Luke and Callista engage in performative PDA that is giving us the ick through space and time. And HOOOO BOY...do we get why Timmy Zahn might have wanted to lock down future appearances by one Mara Jade after this little flyby. But whatever is written here, the Delulu crew knows the truth: Mara deserves better...and Mara and Lando totally boned.

Darksaber Ch 1-5

Thu, 14 Nov 2024 21:40:06 +0000

With great personal bravery, we continue with the "Callista Trilogy" and crack open Kevin J. Anderson's Darksaber: a book that would like you to find fellow Star Wars Fans on the World Wide Web. Although the cover would suggest that an Empire era Luke Skywalker is embracing life as a bisexual icon alongside his devoted friend Kurt Russell, most of these chapters take place on Tatooine! Han and Luke go undercover with some Tusken Raiders (who appear to have some culture after all...) and break into Jabba's Palace to try and find out what his fellow Hutts are up to (no good, obviously). And we meet lovable Imperial bumbler/David Lynch clone Bevil Lemelisk: a man who just wants get some lunch in his tum tum but sadly must oversee an evil mining operation instead.

Lando Calrissian and the Mindharp of Sharu Ch 11 - 20

Wed, 30 Oct 2024 18:25:02 +0000

What is there to say about these chapters? Our intrepid hosts take a cue from Lando, light up a metaphorical cigarette with our electronic space jackets, and lie down on a cosmic people mover to be passively borne towards an unsatisfying conclusion. In the end, Vuffi Raa abandons his brief career as a fashion accessory to chose true love over being a narc, Mohs loses his eyeballs but gains the knowledge of how his ancestors sold him out, Lando flies off into the sunset, and the Mindharp phones home.

Lando Calrissian and the Mindharp of Sharu Ch. 1 - 10

Wed, 23 Oct 2024 19:00:02 +0000

Patreon's prompt for this description is, "Why do you create?" And honestly, when the source material is this bad, it's a great question. Mostly to yell about someone else's art, I guess? Anyway: join us as we traipse from sabacc table to sabacc table — from tapcafé to tapcafé — at the whim of a threatening magician, to discover what the actual heck a mindharp is. The good news is that there is a lot of goofiness (dinosaurs! jackalopes!) sprinkled among some terrible eugenicist nonsense. We learn (unsurprisingly) that Lando Calrissian can never be without a cumberbund. Even in bed. Even tied to a cactus. Even, somehow, while also wearing a loincloth.

Children of the Jedi Ch. 21 - 26

Wed, 16 Oct 2024 19:00:01 +0000

Don't you just wish, though. Don't you just wish in your heart of hearts that some Skywalker would come up in here trying something froggy...and then two very intelligent women would stun him right in the face? In the exciting conclusion to this mostly incredible novel: Luke's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week comes to a close and he gets that office romance he's been dreaming about (at least, for now!). As we all know, with great power comes great reshpronsatrilatrix — and it's Callista who pays the price for messing with how the Force works.

Meanwhile, Leia gets temporarily lost in the k-hole before outwitting Roganda and her asshole teen using her extensive knowledge of aristocratic rules and some dope Force jumps. Han and Lando remain supportive side pieces to their very angry and very competent lady partners. R2 and 3PO reunite to continue what is possibly the healthiest relationship in all of Star Wars (?).

Oh! And here's that Billy Dee Williams clip. Enjoy.

Children of the Jedi Ch. 17 - 20

Wed, 09 Oct 2024 19:00:02 +0000

Luke Skywalker, whose leg is about to fall off, processes his trauma by banging it out on the astral plane. Leia Organa of the Alderaanian Organas leans on her training in royal eyelash batting to avoid execution and spends a night in white-collar prison curled up with a good book.

This week's chapters are full of $5 words...including ones made up by a friend of the show! We are proud to present you with "Trümmernverliebtheittyp," a brand new word that means "a-guy-who-only-has-a-crush-when-his-life-is-in-shambles" (aka: Luke Skywalker).

Children of the Jedi Ch 13-16

Wed, 02 Oct 2024 19:00:02 +0000

Another valiant battle to make it through four chapters of this fine novel! Luke and Callista come up with a plan to distract the Gamorreans holding Cray. While they're building it, they lie around on the office floor having deep freshman year conversations about their childhoods and why the Force is just like, the best. Threepio uses the power of diplomacy and tasty recipes to save the day. Leia figures out who is following her through the goddamn mists, and is forced to confront the cold dead hand of the galactic aristocracy once more.

Children of the Jedi Ch. 9 - 12

Wed, 25 Sep 2024 19:00:02 +0000

Luke Skywalker's no good, very bad day continues as he and Threepio amp up their search for Cray (now on trial for treason) and he runs into some old Tatooine acquaintances. It becomes more and more clear that the Will has absolutely noticed what Luke's up to and is trying its best to ensure he has a convenient accident. But there's another, more helpful presence on the ship. Perhaps that of a fellow Jedi and colleague who liked whales a whole lot and doesn't currently have a body (but does still have an amazing head of spiritual hair).

Meanwhile, Han and Chewie have an extremely bad day of their own in Belsavis' smugger tunnels. After throwing up a lot of sulfur water, Han manages to get Mara Jade on the phone... and then get himself into a tasteful sarong to seduce his wife through the strategic use of bare forearms. Sadly, a night that began in the beautiful light of 1996's finest floating candles ends with a bang as Artoo fails to execute an extremely elaborate homicide. Stay strong lil buddy!!

Children of the Jedi Ch. 4 - 8

Wed, 18 Sep 2024 19:00:01 +0000

We're not entirely sure what it says about us or him, but we love a concussed Luke Skywalker. 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you thought the trauma of needing his bones replaced in Truce at Bakura was bad, wait til you get a load of this Luke: he's got migraines, he's got collapsing lungs, he's taken an axe to his Achilles...and somehow he's still exploring an enormous spaceship, hanging out with 3PO, and refusing to swear. Meanwhile, Leia Organa Solo manages to go on a hiking tour of a multi-biome planet, slum it up in a row of dive bars, and plan a visit to the archives all in one day because she's the somehow unrecognizable and also most famous girl boss in the entire galaxy.

Children of the Jedi Ch. 1-3

Wed, 11 Sep 2024 19:00:02 +0000

Sometimes, you simply cannot get through five chapters of a Star Wars because there is TOO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT. A cover that gives Luke Skywalker an insane glow-up (and a normal haircut for once), and shows the Falcon at her best (flying off into a romantic sunset). A book that's unafraid to begin with the number one scourge of the 90s (ACID RAIN) and takes us to worlds where New Republican citizens are building beautiful solar punk futures and also partying hard. A love so true there ain't no mountain high enough (or valley uncanny enough) to keep 'em apart. Not to mention Luke Skywalker having a scary/sad dream about the distinctive sound of Aunt Beru's yoghurt maker in the middle of the night. Oh, and evil has awakened somewhere out in the galaxy, blah blah blah. You know the drill: a Skywalker's gotta stop it.

Rogue Squadron Ch. 36 - 40

Wed, 28 Aug 2024 18:50:02 +0000

Our intrepid hosts finish this best-selling book! Before we dive into the action, we undertake a wide ranging investigation into Corran Horn's height, and whether or not he qualifies not only as Best Boy, but also Short King. Then it's back to Black(moon), baby, for a rollercoaster of emotion as Wedge does what Wedge does best and Corran hides in a cave contemplating his rapidly approaching death. Luckily, Mirax and Tycho swoop in for a last minute rescue/shoot out/bake off/prank on Wedge. And we learn the secret of Emtrey's scrounge capabilities thanks to a well researched Han Mail. Small spoiler for the next X-Wing book, which we'll likely return to in the future. It's been a fun ride!

Rogue Squadron Ch. 31 - 35

Wed, 21 Aug 2024 19:00:02 +0000

How come they always read like fan fic except in the ways you want them to?! These chapters are full of horniness and a big ol' flirt triangle...but have absolutely no making out whatsoever for incredibly convoluted reasons we just can't parse. Wedge (aka "Veggie") leads most of the gang back to Blackmoon (except for Erisi who is pining for Corran and Ooryl who is pining for an arm). Mirax uncovers Emtrey's wildly complicated insider trading scheme involving Alderaanian pork bellies and super hot super baddie Ysanne Isard forces Kirtan Loor into the worst workplace punishment imaginable: a group project.

Rogue Squadron Ch. 26-30

Wed, 14 Aug 2024 19:00:04 +0000

We could call this Ch. 26-30 of Rogue Squadron but it's maybe more accurate to say we're diving in to How To Blow Up A Pipeline by Horton Salm? Rogue Squadron et al. get their shit rocked at Blackmoon thanks to Bothan overconfidence. Corran dreams of making out with Erisi in a Windows '95 desktop image. Just as he's on his way to getting well and truly drunk with a new commando friend, Emtrey and Whistler team up in a rare double scrounge that could change the fate of the New Republic. Kirtan Loor gets dusty. Wedge does his best as a matchmaker. Plus, we annouce our next book (picked in an authentically New Republic fashion that's democratic if you squint really, really hard)!

Rogue Squadron Ch. 21 - 25

Wed, 31 Jul 2024 19:00:04 +0000

Corran Horn pulls off a bonkers maneuver that saves the whole Squadron — and also gets him accused of Lite Treason (TM) / confined to his quarters. The rest of the crew feels sorry for him, but not so sorry that they refrain from either making out with each other in said quarters...or trying to make out with him due to battle victory horniness. Mirax is the only person who knows that the way to a true Corellian Man's heart is through cake. (Also: is Corellia called "COREllia" because it's in the Core? Because if so.......don't tell me, it'll just make me mad.)

Rogue Squadron Ch. 16-20

Wed, 24 Jul 2024 19:00:04 +0000

Buckle up as our hosts follow Rogue Squadron into combat once more! First, there's some very fancy flying, followed by much unfancy drinking out of what one can only assume are space Solo cups (is Han Solo secret heir to a cup fortune? Is this where the $ for his teen swoop racing career came from?). The drinking leads to some extremely complex emotional math over who is the squad's Best Boy and who is Chump of the Week. But all Best Boy math is on the back burner as Kirtan Loor pinpoints the location of the Rogues' base with his own math based investigation. Corran and Ooryl race to prevent a late night massacre. And Admiral Ackbar once again begs his officers to take a nap.

Rogue Squadron Ch. 11-15

Wed, 17 Jul 2024 19:00:01 +0000

Our intrepid hosts survive their first space battle alongside Corran Horn (with heavy assist from patrons who explained how gravity actually works). Wedge engages in a battle of bureaucracy and gets his ass handed to him. We learn more about Ysanne "Iceheart" Isard's background and her mysterious ability to be both middle aged and attractive AT THE SAME TIME. And speaking of attractive women, Corran struggles with the paradox that a certain smuggler can be a criminal and also a tall drink of water. Also also (through the law of plot devices, subsection "Corellia," paragraph "everyone in this galaxy knows each other"), they can be his CO's childhood bff. Emtrey finally lets loose. And New Republic procurement stands firm in the face of at least one X-wing pilot who uses government maintenance to repair their privately owned spacecraft.

Rogue Squadron Ch. 6 - 10

Wed, 10 Jul 2024 19:00:03 +0000

Okay so you know how we've talked before about the lack of sex in Star Wars...well, that doesn't mean that there's a total lack of intimacy, as evidenced by Wedge Antilles' VERY HOT, VERY PUBLIC relationship with his X-Wing. A lot of stuff happens in these chapters (solid legal counsel, team bonding, Han Solo hot goss, a terrifying journey through the Coruscant atmosphere...). But nothing etches itself in the brain like Wedge stroking the cockpit of his spaceship and making sure that everyone can see him do it.

Rogue Squadron Ch. 1 - 5

Wed, 03 Jul 2024 19:00:58 +0000

WEDGE WATCH!

By super popular demand, it's time to embark on our epic one-book* foray into the X-Wing Series with Rogue Squadron by Michael A. Stackpole. Right away, we've got a simulated space battle (because of course), some highly questionable military decision-making (slash: war crimes), and a bad guy who fancies himself a taller, hotter Grand Moff Tarkin (impossible). Much like that "Gimble" Darklighter kid, or whatever his name is, the book already has heart. (Unlike Gimble, this book is old enough to rent a car.)

PLUS: check us out on the TrekWars pod where we join their crew in debating which is better: "We Don't Do Weddings" from Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina or "Bar Association" from Deep Space 9.

*for now!

Tales from Jabba's Palace

Wed, 26 Jun 2024 19:00:03 +0000

Coming at you with a quick palate cleanser between Shadows of the Empire and Rogue Squadron — and a kind of literal one, too, since one of these stories involves the madcap adventures of Jabba's classically-trained chef as he tries to clear his name in the wake of a slew of murders-by-beignet. We've also got a story from a Canadian-American husband and wife writing team that maybe delves a little too greedily and too deep into the question of whether droids can feel pain. And yes, of course, we got that Mara Jade — who maybe should've spent more time scheming and less time rehearsing for her dance audition.

Shadows of the Empire Ch. 36 - 40

Wed, 19 Jun 2024 18:00:04 +0000

In the final chapters of this saga, a book that started off at a jewelry-making retreat before taking a hard left into sexual assault finally resolves in full-out slapstick comedy. Our heroes trek through a sewer and douse themselves in literal shit. Chewie, bless his heart, goes sprawling in the middle of an ambush following a Looney Tunes-style slip n' slide. And best of all: everyone's favorite droid odd couple pilot the f**king Millennium Falcon. Is this a massive cover-up for the fact that the gang essentially pulls off a Coruscant-based 9/11? (Yes.) Meanwhile, Darth Vader has the kind of phenomenal day that comes around once a century: where your one-liners land every time and your boss finally recognizes all that overtime you've been putting in.

Now....who could use a strong dose of Mara Jade?

Shadows of the Empire Ch. 30-35

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 19:00:04 +0000

We're back, baby! What's going on again? Ah, yes: Xizor's recovering from getting kicked in the balls by eating some rare and exotic fruit. No sooner do Luke and Lando park the Falcon in Coruscant’s famed frozen shrimps district than they are joined somewhat inexplicably by Dash Rendar. Leia brushes off her old gymnastics routine. Vader painstakingly assembles a PowerPoint (whyxizorsucks.final.FINAL.pptx) for the Emperor. And we are cruelly cheated of the Lando Calrissian shopping montage we both need and deserve.

A Quick Break and New Book Announcement (don't worry, we'll be back with more Shadows soon)

Wed, 29 May 2024 19:00:03 +0000

Hey, all! We'll be back from an unanticipated break with the last two episodes of Shadows soon. But we wanted to let you know that our patrons have selected our next book: we'll be diving into Michael A. Stackpole's Rogue Squadron, the first X-Wing novel (as soon as we wrap things up with Xizor and co., that is). If you want to read along, you'll have a few few weeks to track down a copy from your bookseller or library of choice.

As always, if you'd like a voice in future book selections, head on over to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

For $7/month, you'll get new episodes early, have a vote on future books, and have access to our ongoing group chats for each book.

Shadows of the Empire Ch. 25-29

Wed, 22 May 2024 19:00:03 +0000

We know some of our listeners are reading along with your kids, so a content warning: these chapters includes discussion of an extended sexual assault scene that’s probably not appropriate for younger listeners (and maybe not a choice for all adults, either).

Before we dive in, Kelly reports back from the 25th anniversary screening of The Phantom Menace (spoiler alert: it’s still not great, but we forgot all about Darth Maul’s sick Lime scooter and the guy that yells about sports).

 Leia finally comes face-to-face with Xizor and initially likes what she sees before realizing something is very, very wrong. Luke and Lando take an extended road trip in the Falcon. Artoo and Threepio finally get a chance to catch up. Chewie and his terrible haircut escape Black Sun. And Vader feels sure he can avoid the pitfalls of the Dark Side (he’s just built different, duh).

Shadows of the Empire Ch. 20-24

Wed, 15 May 2024 19:00:03 +0000

Did something finally happen in these chapters or do Kelly and Emily just have space Stockholm syndrome?? The action is finally picking up: Xizor contemplates creating some deepfake nudes of Leia and then trims his bonsai (not a metaphor). Vader gets real mad his boss sent him to pick up his son from jail. Threepio commits a felony with a cheerful wink. Guri shows off her pottery skills. Leia hits the strip mall on Coruscant before her business meeting with Xizor. Some (perhaps many) more Bothans die to bring us this information. And just as on Myrkr, Luke truly thrives in captivity.

Also - if you went to watch the prequels on the big screen, tell us all about it!

Shadows of the Empire Ch. 15-19

Wed, 08 May 2024 19:00:02 +0000

Vader and Xizor ratchet up their game of mutual spying and lying. Leia waits around a casino until Guri’s busy schedule of murdering unruly Black Sun associates clears up. Luke and Dash intercept a message from a Bothan spy who may or may not be just a human guy (?) and end up hijacking a load of literal bullshit. And we are left asking what a Twi’lek dye job might entail.

Shadows of the Empire Ch. 10-14

Wed, 01 May 2024 19:30:03 +0000

Some things happen in these chapters! Vader stares down a midlife crisis, wondering why being an all-powerful middle manager is not sparking more joy. Xizor and Vader engage in a battle of wits both IRL and over Zoom. Our hosts wonder if schemes are indeed like plants. We find out the basis of the Emperor and Xizor’s friendship (competing over weird rich guy shit and murdering skilled tradespeople). Lando uses the power of spreadsheets and charisma to advance the plot and win a ton of credits. Luke is exiled on Tatooine and manages to build a lightsaber that doesn’t explode with all his free time. And Dash Rendar may be able to fly, but he can’t outrun his own cringe.

And as always, we want to hear from you! Drop us a line over at the Han Mail, or come find us in the "book of the month club" chat over at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Shadows of the Empire Ch. 5-9

Wed, 24 Apr 2024 19:00:04 +0000

We start off with some very important Han Mail as we defend the honor of a woman who definitely did NOT write us a nuanced and thorough review on Audible. And after a digression into the net worth of two of literature's greatest manic pixie dream bosses (Talon Karrde and Mr. Darcy), we dive into Shadows again. We get some insight into our villains as they both take some time for self care: Vader spends the day in the med spa getting incandescently angry at Obi-Wan and his own lungs, and Xizor grabs a spontaneous dinner after his sex/murder droid dumps his mistress. Meanwhile, the gang heads off to try and steal Han back from Boba Fett before he can get to Tatooine. Wedge Antilles does all the work and pays his taxes on time while Han Solo stand-in Dash Rendar does all of the quips. A Mara Jade knock-off tries and fails to kill Luke. And we are left asking for justice for Lando, who is *clearly* the best home cook in the EU.

Shadows of the Empire Ch. 1-4

Wed, 17 Apr 2024 17:24:28 +0000

We are finally diving into Shadows of the Empire, by which we mean Lucasfilm's Death Star sized 90's marketing machine. For this is no mere book: it is a weird conglomerate of a novel, several comic books, a video game, collectable figurines, an original soundtrack (!) and probably something else we missed.

Before we dive into the book itself, Kelly reports back on the first level of the N64 game. We also learn a little about the process of writing it, and the unbelievably specific inspiration for Shadow's sexy villain, Prince Xizor.

Ok, now for the actual book! We flash between flashbacks of Empire Strikes Back, incredibly bitchy Imperial brunches, Leia hanging out in a dive bar, and Luke's post breakdown residency in Sedona (complete with circus training and jewelry making). Plus, we confront the eternal questions of the EU: how many people know Vader and Luke are related, and when will the rebellion finally court martial a man who has spent most of his time in army stealing equipment and going on vacation?

Most of our fun facts on the processes of making Shadows came from Stephen Harber's article How Shadows of the Empire Became A Gritty 90s Epic. It's full of great tidbits and also SPOILERS for a thirty year old book most of us have already read.

And we have a whole new book chat for Shadows over at our Patreon, stop on by: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Bonus! Han Mail Bag and A Forest Apart (for real this time)

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 19:35:19 +0000

Ok, here is the actual show for this week! Apooglies from your very tired delulu crew. It's time for some Han Mail! Plus, a sneak peak of our Patreon bonus episode, A Forest Apart. Listen to chapter one here, or head to our Patreon for the thrilling conclusion: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod.

Join us on an adventure where we actually get to know what the f*ck Chewbacca is talking about for once! His partner and video game obsessed kid join him on Coruscant for a little family time, but they've barely gotten settled before some vitamin deficient mole people break into the Solos' apartment. The whole family heads to Coruscant's underworld to stop these undernourished Imperial saboteurs from wreaking havoc at the fancy diplomatic reception where Han will be unveiling a new hat.

We'll be back next week with a whole new book...er, multimedia experience: Shadows of the Empire.

Tatooine Ghost Ch. 21 - 25

Wed, 03 Apr 2024 21:15:02 +0000

It's the last set of chapters for Tatooine Ghost! Han Solo finally has a topic for his art history project and it's: "Why My Wife and Her Entire Culture Is Wrong and I Am Right: A Han Solo Thesis." In probably their most relatable moment to date, stormtroopers complain about nepotism (whew brother, wait 'til they learn the truth about the Skywalkers!). Leia Organa Solo has two minutes of talk therapy with her father's childhood best friend and it's just what she needs to decide she wants to get pregnant (that seems.....fine). And most importantly: Chewie is still really good at flying. Don't ever forget it.

You can head to our Patreon for Chewie (and his nerdy, disobedient teenage son) next week when we cover the BONUS story in this book: A Forest Apart! https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Tatooine Ghost Ch. 17-20

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 19:30:06 +0000

Our intrepid heroes finally catch up to the Jawas' sandcrawler only to discover a massive droids' rights violation (and a lot of dead Jawas), but no Kitster. Leia has to pause her grandma's diary to rescue Han from certain death (with a key assist from the Squibs). We find out what stormtrooper armor is actually good for (that sweet built in AC). Han is forced to confess he's still got feelings for Killik Twilight. Leia is forced to confess she's got those old Skywalker Force-feelings (ugh). And by the law of Skywalkers/plot devices, she's got a feeling they should head out to old Ben Kenobi's place.

Plus, a very special announcement. We may be getting towards the end of this book, but we won't be leaving Tatooine anytime soon: the patrons have spoken with one voice, and our next book will be Shadows of the Empire!

Want a say in future books? Head on over to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Tatooine Ghost Ch. 13 - 16

Wed, 20 Mar 2024 19:00:01 +0000

INT. TATOOINE'S FINEST HOTEL AND DAY SPA — MID-MORNING

Leia discovers the Tatooine Dream of a Hutt-style jacuzzi. Han unceremoniously rips an IV from his arm for some very dehydrated but only strongly implied sexy times. Shmi's diary entries continue to reveal her inner life, despite how much podracing recaps try to interrupt. Stormtroopers — led by a suspiciously competent officer — track our heroes to the spa and wreak havoc. The gang escapes with the help of the Squibs, a case of Dasani, and Chewie's special Wookie decapitation move...but not before we get one of the most controversial cameos in the galaxy — one that leaves our hosts somewhat divided (gasp)!

You can find more exclusive, hot off the presses commentary about this 20 year old book on our Patreon, plus a great read along book club with fellow listeners AND the priceless opportunity to choose future books: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Tatooine Ghost Ch. 9-12

Wed, 13 Mar 2024 19:30:01 +0000

Now that Han Solo is alone with this swoop, things are gonna get more explicit between him and this glorified motorcycle than they ever have with him and Leia. Unfortunately, he does crash and spends the rest of these chapters trying to wring three drops of water out of Tatooine's atmosphere. Leia, Chewie, 3PO, and the Squibs mount a rescue campaign with the help of Biggs Darklighter's family who have taken over the Lars family murder-- sorry, moisture farm. And Biggs's mom [correction: aunt!] hands Leia a key to unlocking a new dungeon in the land of Skywalker Spirals.

To correct us on the intricacies of the Darklighter family tree in real time, head on over to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Tatooine Ghost Ch. 5-8

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 20:00:01 +0000

Our heroes engage in *some* light espionage and *much* dramatic removal of hoods as they chase Killik Twilight and Kitster Banai across Mos Espa. Kitster isn’t home, but they do find the love of C-3P0’s life (Par Ontham’s Guide to Etiquette). And they meet not one, but two of Kitster’s wives, leading to a very tense happy hour. Chewbacca struggles to maintain his new hairstyle as Squibs crawl all over him and low-flying TIE fighters give everyone a static charge. Leia struggles with learning her genocidaire father was once a small and vulnerable enslaved child. Han Solo gets the zoomies.

If you need more Tatooine Dreams (or Ghosts), head on over to our Patreon for more episodes, a read-along book club, and the chance to vote for our next book: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Tatooine Ghost Ch. 1-4

Wed, 28 Feb 2024 20:00:02 +0000

Last night, I dreamt I went to Tatooine again.

That's right, we’re diving into the New York Times bestseller Tatooine Ghost! So far, this book has it all: a pit stop at the galaxy’s premiere make-out point, a heavily implied Thrawn cameo, an absolutely insane New Republic prosthetics budget, enough contradictory Darth Vader knowledge to give Emily a small aneurysm, and a win-or-die art auction that’s trending towards die.

This is also the first episode on our new Patreon. For seven whole American dollars a month, you'll be able to access episodes two weeks early - there's three full episodes up there now if you just can't wait for more Tatooine-based schenanagans. Plus, we've got a Tatooine Ghost (orTatooine Dreams, depending on how you pronounce it) book club going in the chat, with fellow listeners sharing insights on the incredible cover art, as well as some pretty compelling Star Wars cocktails. And you'll be able to vote on what book we read next.

Check it out here: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

If that's not your bag, no worries! Each episode will also get posted in this feed, just a bit later. And we're absolutely still checking that Han Mail, so send us thoughts/queries/support in this trying time as we try to understand how everyone on Tatooine knows Anakin Skywalker = Darth Vader.

Season 2: Patreon Announcement

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 04:16:39 +0000

Season two is on the way next week for Patreon subscribers! We'll be kicking things off with "Tatooine Ghost," an incredible Thrawn-adjacent art heist. Check us out here: patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Non-subscribers get free access to episodes two weeks later (but you won't get to vote on upcoming books or chat with your fellow Deluded Star Wars fans).

The Last Command Ch. 25-29

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 14:04:06 +0000

Hold onto your butts, it's the action-packed conclusion to all the clone madness! And also the end to the regular everyday madness you feel when you’ve got Emperor Palpatine’s voice rattling around in your head in ALL CAPS! But here they are: the final chapters in Timothy Zahn’s glorious Thrawn Trilogy. Plus some Han Mail with trilogy trivia and a hint at what we’re reading in Season Two! Keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming listener blog post all about cloones (not a typo, iykyk).

The Last Command Ch. 21-24

Fri, 29 Dec 2023 00:53:39 +0000

Jedi training during a camping trip means getting creative with lightsabers. Wedge gets sent on yet another side mission where he has to try to blend in at a cantina. While Thrawn and the New Republic prepare to duke it out in space, our usual suspects...uh, "heroes"...make a plan to storm the mountain that contains all of the clone madness.

The Last Command Ch. 17-20

Thu, 21 Dec 2023 14:04:23 +0000

We finally figure out the secret of DELTA SOURCE!! And don’t worry, it’s way cooler than anything you had in mind (yes, even cooler than: “Sounds like Coruscant’s most popular dispensary”). Talon Karrde’s Smuggle Buddies reunite and almost turn on him (gasp!) but he is saved at the last minute due to Niles Ferrier being incredibly bad at his job. Luke Skywalker forces Mara Jade to let him teach her how to stack pebbles with her mind on their doomed camping trip, part deux. And Thrawn uses the pottery that Admiral Ackbar made in a college elective to determine what the New Republic’s next scheme will be.

The Last Command Ch. 13-16

Thu, 14 Dec 2023 13:41:26 +0000

Sorry we missed you last week! Like Luke Skywalker, we desperately needed a nap. On today’s episode, an astute Han Mail makes us question if Han Solo hails from Space France. Thrawn traps the New Republic high command in the prison of *their own minds* (plus a very real wall of invisible asteroids). Mon Mothma and Bel Iblis finally have a heart-to-heart. Karrde and the smuggle buddies check out some new real estate. Threepio gets a dent (gasp). And Han and Mara find some common ground: there is nothing more annoying than camping with a Jedi.

The Last Command Ch. 9-12

Thu, 30 Nov 2023 15:14:32 +0000

Barely on the outside, Leia & Han’s twins are already under threat. They get saved by none other than Mara Jade…who is repaid with house arrest?! Uncool, New Republic. Talon Karrde is out there doing smuggler stuff and longing to get his super-competent second-in-command back. And poor Lando continues to learn that bureaucracy is as much of a pain in the ass as the Empire could be.

PLUS: we have received the absolute best Han Mail in the form of a bespoke SONG. Feast your ears!

The Last Command Ch. 5-8

Thu, 23 Nov 2023 11:38:15 +0000

Have you ever wondered: can women even be friends in space? This week, in addition to our regularly scheduled shenanigans, we've got an answer. Inspired by ongoing conversations between Mara Jade and Leia Organa Solo, one of our listeners has contributed to our blog. That's right! We read novels from 30 years ago and we write on the internet like it's 30 years ago. Listen to this episode and then go check it out: delusionspod.com/blog.

The Last Command Ch. 1-4

Thu, 16 Nov 2023 04:33:26 +0000

It’s the beginning of the thrilling conclusion to the Thrawn Trilogy! We’ve got CLONE MADNESS! - we’ve got Luke Skywalker learning from past mistakes! - we’ve got Wedge Antilles doing something called the “Cracken Twist” (???) - and we’ve got Mara Jade finding a hidden blaster in a library book (…she’s gonna need it!). Also: keep that Han Mail coming. The question of the week is: if Bel Iblis could take a BuzzFeed quiz, which historical figure would he be?

Dark Force Rising Ch. 25-29

Thu, 02 Nov 2023 22:03:45 +0000

It’s the LAST EPISODE for this book! But in lieu of jokes about space agriculture or dreamy management styles, we’re asking you to lend your time and/or money to calling your reps and donating to relief organizations combatting the genocide in Palestine. Here are two options to get you started:

American Friends Service Committee

Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund

Dark Force Rising Ch. 21-24

Thu, 19 Oct 2023 13:36:32 +0000

We open on Jomark where Mara Jade and Joruus C’baoth are keeping the entire B&B awake with their shouting match in the courtyard. Zoom forward four days and Luke Skywalker gets to do a Death-Star-style-break-in-and-prisoner-heist redo (it’s the same, but in reverse!). And then…we get the incredible and dramatic conclusion of the Hongorian GRASS SAGA! Leia does a full-court Alderaanian royalty press. Chewbacca does some backseat Wookie science. And with their powers combined, 40-some years of colonialism turns to dust.

Dark Force Rising Ch. 17-20

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 00:54:38 +0000

“Tall and tan and young and ANGRY / a woman named Mara Jade goes walking…” right into Thrawn’s clutches, unfortunately. Captured after a hilarious cloak-and-dagger mission in Space Portugal that involves a random Wedge Antilles cameo, Mara Jade spends these chapters reckoning with some hard truths, passing fashion exams with flying colors, and feeling guilty enough about getting Talon Karrde locked up that she decides to go ask Luke Skywalker for help…

Dark Force Rising Ch. 13-16

Thu, 05 Oct 2023 03:09:27 +0000

In what is possibly our most philosophical/theological episode yet, we get into whether droids are categorically “Neat Little Guys” or “uncanny abominations” — we speculate about what the New Republic’s PR firm might be up to (now that we finally know it exists!) — we are thrilled to follow this galaxy’s own Belgian detective, Lando “Poirot” Calrissian on his upholstery-based investigations — and Grand Admiral Thrawn receives an intriguing telegram that leaves us on a cliffhanger.

Dark Force Rising Ch. 9-12

Thu, 28 Sep 2023 02:31:45 +0000

Luke Skywalker is nowhere to be seen this week! Lando remains unimpressed while Han Solo meets his childhood hero: The Flying Dutchman, Space Edition.™ Thrawn arrives on the Noghri homeworld for tea and accusations. Leia and Chewie wake up in a locally owned artisanal bakery. And we GET INTO IT on the history of colonialist grasses, baby!! Once you’re done reading these chapters, get grass-pilled with a few Earth-related gems:

California’s Lying Fields of Gold

1493: Uncovering the New World Columbus Created

The Mushroom at the End of the World: On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins

Dark Force Rising Ch. 5-8

Thu, 21 Sep 2023 03:48:08 +0000

Mara Jade unenthusiastically trades the jungle for a bustling market in Space Morrocco. Talon Karrde shares a secret: he accidentally discovered the location of the infamous Katana Fleet — 200 super dope ships all tethered together by Bluetooth but which were thought to be “lost.” Joruus C’baoth is still around and still weird and still fascist. Han, Lando, and Luke get into MUCH CHICANERY on New Cov — a pharmaceutical planet that’s basically Little Shop of Horrors meets Bio-Dome (1996).

Dark Force Rising Ch. 1-4

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 03:13:34 +0000

This week, we start off with Talon Karrde hiding behind the galactic equivalent of a lamppost—his love for the hot goss almost destroys him and his crew. Luke and Lando complete a neat side quest spurred by Lando’s excellent sense of smell and crafty negotiating tactics. An ambitious Bothan is trying to take down Admiral Ackbar with dirty money and sly interior decorating. WE GO BACK TO THE ARCHIVES, BABY, where we discover some weird stuff about the original Jorus C’Baoth. And Han Solo finally becomes the partner we all knew he could be by just…getting the heck out of the way. <3

Heir to the Empire Ch. 27-32

Thu, 24 Aug 2023 03:43:38 +0000

It’s the thrilling conclusion to the first novel of the Thrawn Trilogy! And it has answers to all the most pressing questions raised so far: what else was Palpatine keeping in his secret mountain lair (besides his diaries and a crazy ‘bonuus’ dark Jedi) and how will Thrawn put it to use? What happens when you cover Luke Skywalker in poison ivy? Why does Wedge Antilles drink SO MUCH tea? Join us as we say goodbye to Myrkr and—by the law of plot devices—end up in the Sluis Van Shipyards with literally all of the important human men in the galaxy…at the same time.

Heir to the Empire Ch. 22-26

Thu, 17 Aug 2023 03:34:50 +0000

Inside you, there are two wolves. One wolf realizes that he’s on a planet that cuts people off from the Force and—even though he’s camping out in a deadly jungle with a woman whose life’s ambition is to murder him—he decides to take a nap about it. The other wolf is actually that very same murder-y woman whose survival instincts tell her to pop amphetamines and stay awake for three days straight. Somehow, both of the wolves are also eldest daughters. Listen, okay: it’s a metaphor for Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade. But…tell us we’re wrong! You can’t, ‘cause we’re not.

Heir to the Empire Ch. 17-21

Thu, 10 Aug 2023 03:23:24 +0000

True confession: I spend way too much time browsing Galactic Zillow looking at planets I can’t afford and honestly it’s a toss-up between Kashyyyk and Myrkr. On the one hand: a badass jungle where Wookies (who regularly disarm other beings—and I mean DIS-arm!) are the cuddliest residents. On the other: a mostly forested smuggler’s paradise where you get decent healthcare and no Jedi will ever bother you. All that is to say: there’s not a lot of Thrawn in this week’s chapters, but there’s still so much to rant about.

Heir to the Empire Ch. 12-16

Thu, 03 Aug 2023 03:26:14 +0000

Why is it that everyone always decides to pay Lando a visit a) at the most inconvenient time and b) at the SAME time?! Poor scoundrel (we love him). This week: Han Solo’s study abroad buddy gets robbed—Leia and Luke solve an interesting Yoda-related conundrum—C3P0 gets a non-consensual ‘upgrade’—and Grand Admiral Thrawn deduces the best way to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of grain across a river…but like, Space Edition.™

Heir to the Empire Ch. 6-11

Thu, 27 Jul 2023 02:14:59 +0000

This week, Luke very capably fends off some Jedi-nappers—proving once again that he’s meant for the field and not for EITHER middle management OR academia. Leia is starting to use her Force abilities a little more here and there—first for a very funny pretend jewelry robbery and then to detect a FAKE MILLENNIUM FALCON! We’ve got ourselves some Wedge Watch; Thrawn does an epic and (more importantly) well-written space battle; and as always, please don’t ever forget that Mara Jade is angry about everything and she rules for it.

Heir to the Empire Ch. 1-5

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 01:56:46 +0000

It's finally here, the one you've been waiting for: the first of Timothy Zahn's original Thrawn trilogy Heir to the Empire. We've got THE MOST competent bad guy (a regular Space Napoleon) who can predict his opponents' maneuvers by studying their art. Good thing Uncle Owen never paid for Luke to go off to Tosche Station for that pottery class...

Interlude: Tales From The Mos Eisley Cantina I

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 03:33:51 +0000

Sit back. Relax. Let us pour you a tall glass of cool blue milk as we spin fascinating yarns about some of the galaxy’s most villainous scum—and how they came to frequent a certain wretched hive. That’s right: we’re unpacking the first six stories in Tales From The Mos Eisley Cantina. We’ve got mistaken identities, townhouse robberies, and sentient trees. And who would’ve thought that Greedo’s story would be the most tragic thing we’ve ever read? Or that two of these stories seem eerily similar to two musicals you can find on a list of 2023 Tony nominees?

The Courtship of Princess Leia Ch. 21-27

Thu, 06 Jul 2023 02:11:49 +0000

THE EXCITING CONCLUSION* to this novel has arrived! Han Solo botches a mission to sacrifice himself for the greater good and loses a great number of molars in the process. Luke Skywalker is paired with his soulmate, R2D2, for a romantic rancor ride and makes a meaningful connection with a lizard. And Leia finally chooses who she wants to marry—a decision not based on diplomacy or love, necessarily, but mostly based on whose pants fit best.

*We would say "climax," but let's be real. There's none of that here.

The Courtship of Princess Leia Ch. 16-20

Thu, 29 Jun 2023 03:07:48 +0000

This week, our heroes are doing some sexy cave camping; arguing over who they get to sit next to on their rancor field trip; breaking INTO prison via berry-picking hoppers; and trying (unsuccessfully) to unhear C3P0’s original multi-versed ballad about Han Solo. That instant classic is either an homage to the Star Wars galaxy’s Frank Sinatra—or Dave Wolverton listened to a lot of Salt-N-Pepa in the mid-90s, who can say? Delusions of Grandeur: come for the promise of courtship, stay for the unhinged nonsense!

This episode was scored by June Jones.

The Courtship of Princess Leia Ch. 11-15

Thu, 22 Jun 2023 04:03:52 +0000

The galaxy’s hottest club is…Dathomir. Literally everyone is crash landing there (on purpose, for some reason?). There’s an evil warlord in the skies and warring witches riding rancors on the ground. Luke has been hiding a maxi dress in his jumpsuit THIS WHOLE TIME. Han is captured but actually kind of enjoys being put to work fishing freaky Tremors/Dune worms out of beer-filled holes in the ground. And despite this book having Leia in the title, we hear surprisingly little from her in these (and uh…future) chapters.

BUT in better news: we got our first fan mail!

The Courtship of Princess Leia Ch. 6-10

Thu, 15 Jun 2023 02:48:20 +0000

OH BOY. This is where things really take a turn for the absolute worst. Han Solo makes all of the galaxy's worst decisions, from the innocuous—asking C3P0 for relationship advice—to the insane—zapping his on-the-rocks-girlfriend with a mind control ray, stuffing her in a smuggling compartment with no oxygen, and flying her to a planet blockaded by a vicious warlord. Coooool. Cool cool cool.

It's enough to make one pull a Padmé (aka just...die of sadness).

Transcript here.

The Courtship of Princess Leia Ch. 1-5

Thu, 08 Jun 2023 04:09:47 +0000

**New Novel Alert!** Join us as we (somewhat willingly) return to the book that answers the pressing question, “Did Princess Leia and Han Solo end up getting married? How did that…happen?” The first five chapters feature a lot of really hot, deeply cis and celibate people trying to do diplomacy; a trip to a Jedi archive in a bombed-out bunker where we discover some hard truths about Yoda; Han Solo winning a planet in a game of Space Poker; and some foreshadowing of the toxic masculinity to come.

Interview: Kathy Tyers

Thu, 01 Jun 2023 02:11:52 +0000

Did you know that you can just CALL UP YOUR FAVORITE LIVING CHILDHOOD AUTHOR and have a chat with them?? You can—and we did. Join us and our plus one, Kathy Tyers, author of the New York Times bestselling novel The Truce at Bakura! Listen to us gab about everyone’s favorite family of force-strong farmboys, how Kathy developed Dev and the Ssi-ruuk, and the different rules that governed how to write 1990s Star Wars novels. You can find out more about Kathy and check out her Firebird series at kathytyers.com!

The Truce At Bakura Ch. 16-21

Thu, 25 May 2023 01:30:36 +0000

It's the thrilling conclusion to the Truce at Bakura! Luke and Dev join forces to triumph over the Ssi-ruuk, one "freed" soul at a time. Han and Leia misuse repulsor chairs (not like that, get your mind right). An Imperial bureaucrat must face the ultimate punishment: being handcuffed to Threepio for 24 hours. And 132-year-old hacker grandma Eppie Belden does a coup with the help of R2D2 and her home health aide. In the end, everyone is a mess, no one is getting laid, and no one is becoming an apprentice to the galaxy's most well-meaning, most incompetent Jedi master. 10/12 parsecs.

Transcript is here.

The Truce At Bakura Ch. 11-15

Thu, 18 May 2023 00:54:41 +0000

Things are really starting to get going now. Governor Nereus poisons Luke with some worms hidden inside space ceviche (but he doesn't know it yet!). We meet Eppie Belden, who turns out to be an emo-hacker-grandma that commands an army of Bakuran rebels from her living room console. Leia resists arrest!...but is captured anyway. Threepio intercepts a secret plan and becomes the hero we need. Han Solo hides in the chimney of a log cabin and becomes the hero we deserve. Everything ends on a cliffhanger as the Ssi-ruuk finally arrive!

Transcript here.

The Truce At Bakura Ch. 6-10

Thu, 11 May 2023 03:47:54 +0000

The gang has landed on Bakura and made contact with the Imperials they're trying to help. They attend a surprising number of formal gatherings—including a dinner in the space equivalent of that mansion from Parasite, so surely things will go well. Skywalker family drama continues as Leia confronts the ghost of Darth Vader while Luke pines for a woman who is not his sister and who hates his guts! On the plus side: PEOPLE SEEM TO ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT A JEDI IS, which is a miracle.

Transcript here.

The Truce At Bakura Ch. 1-5

Thu, 04 May 2023 01:46:20 +0000

Barely 36 hours after cremating his redeemed dad and reuniting with his friends at an all-night Ewok rager, Luke Skywalker faces a tough choice: take a goddamn nap or a droid will have to replace all of his bones. Suddenly, the Rebels intercept a spooky message from some Imperials that don’t know the Emperor is dead. Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie, R2, and 3PO are sent on a diplomatic/rescue mission where stakes are high: there’s an alien species that wants to capture and imprison human souls. All naps will have to wait.

Transcript here.

Prologue

Thu, 27 Apr 2023 18:12:28 +0000

Our hosts fell in love with Star Wars because it was exciting & relatable. It gave them their first insights into justice, fascism, relationships, belief, displacement, sacrifice, & power. Familiar themes continue throughout the expanded universe novels & we will address them all. (No previous Star Wars knowledge necessary!)

delusionspod.com

Introducing Delusions of Grandeur

Thu, 27 Apr 2023 18:06:47 +0000

COMING SOON: Delusions of Grandeur. A Star Wars novels recap podcast.

Emily & Kelly fell in love with Star Wars because it was exciting and relatable. Then, the extended universe novels from the 1990s gave them their first insights into justice, fascism, relationships, belief, displacement, sacrifice, and power. Star Wars has never been so cool…or so primed for critical analysis.