https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-ranches-podcast--5448902enParentingCopyright The Rancheshttps://d3wo5wojvuv7l.cloudfront.net/t_rss_itunes_square_1400/images.spreaker.com/original/759c3851ca4348d0b41194096c637164.jpghttps://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-ranches-podcast--5448902Thu, 01 Dec 2022 21:55:20 +0000The RanchesThe Ranchesfeeds@spreaker.comRaise Them Upfalseepisodichttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/overprotective-parents-podcast-episode-49--52060496https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060496Thu, 01 Dec 2022 21:55:19 +0000The Ranches573false149fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/toxicity-shame-podcast-episode-50--52060503https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060503Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:28:56 +0000The RanchesNote: This isn’t an intellectual paper written with the expectation that intellectuals will intellectualize my intellect and reduce said intellect into shards of insecurity and shame. It’s just my view and my experiences. You can take it or you can...870false150fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/10-commandments-of-parenting-podcast-episode-51--52060277https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060277Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:27:15 +0000The RanchesMost of us are familiar with the 10 commandments and are at least aware that they form the basis for both Judeo-Christian ethics and our legal system. And technically, they represent the first download from the cloud to a tablet. While they may seem...754false151fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/comfort-zone-vs-growth-zone-podcast-episode-52--52060505https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060505Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:25:55 +0000The Ranches"Many families today struggle to find a balance between being connected to each other and the hectic demands of today’s fast paced world. This is understandable as we are all busy and we all are seemingly attached to our smartphones and other devices...592false152fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/back-to-school-podcast-episode-53--52060507https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060507Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:23:52 +0000The Ranches536false153fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/moral-relativism-podcast-episode-54--52060508https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060508Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:16:35 +0000The Ranches1356false154fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/they-re-not-looking-for-signs-that-they-are-not-awesome-podcast-episode-55--52060509https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060509Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:15:12 +0000The Ranches1120false155fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/expectations-isolation-and-shame-podcast-episode-56--52060510https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060510Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:13:56 +0000The Ranches"Expectations, fears and the predictable isolation that comes from those expectations and fears is a part of everyone’s life at times. I was, thankfully, taught to take risks, to pursue my ambitions and my dreams and to not submit to other people’s...791false156fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/trust-podcast-episode-59--52060511https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060511Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:12:11 +0000The RanchesWith the kids at The Ranch we tend to focus a lot on dealing with trust. Why would they trust us? We have to earn it from scratch. In a family setting there are four elements that create trust.1224false159fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/bullying-podcast-episode-60--52060512https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060512Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:10:19 +0000The RanchesBullying itself is all about control. Bully’s are trying to control the things around them.1209false160fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/catalog-of-hope-podcast-episode-61--52060513https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060513Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:08:44 +0000The RanchesChristmas is a special time for most of us. We are looking forward to spending some time with family and friends. But for many of the kids, Christmas comes with a host of mixed emotions. While the gifts and celebrations are a welcome distraction from...585false161fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/a-mile-in-their-shoes-podcast-episode-62--52060167https://api.spreaker.com/episode/52060167Wed, 30 Nov 2022 23:07:56 +0000The RanchesThere’s a lot of talk about Empathy in the world today and how we need more of it. Empathy is the ability to see something from somebody else’s perspective. As a result they can “walk a mile in their shoes”.729false162fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/grateful-or-covetous-podcast-episode-79--51573449


If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9996Tue, 06 Oct 2020 15:52:26 +0000The RanchesAs a family do you subscribe to a grateful or covetous spirit? Is your time and energy focused on being grateful for what you have and what you have done? Do the possessions and accomplishments of those around you capture your attention? If you...


If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>534false79fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/do-you-know-how-to-rest-podcast-episode-78--51573450


Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!



If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=10013Mon, 21 Sep 2020 21:37:46 +0000The RanchesDo you know how to rest? One of the things that's really critical for kids, that starts at home, is rest. As an adult do you teach your kids or show them how important it is to rest? Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!...


Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!



If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>414false78fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/are-you-teaching-your-kids-to-lie-podcast-episode-77--51573456


Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!



If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9987Tue, 08 Sep 2020 21:21:18 +0000The RanchesDoes your family lie? We all lie. It's pretty common to have little white lies here, little white lies there. But do your kids watch you lie on a regular basis? Are you teaching your kids to lie? Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on...


Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!



If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>475false77fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/how-do-you-deal-with-difficult-people-podcast-episode-76--51573455


We all have difficult people in our lives. How our children deal with those difficult people is going to trace back to how we, as parents, have dealt with difficult people in our lives.



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!



If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9985Wed, 26 Aug 2020 01:03:16 +0000The RanchesDifficult People We all have difficult people in our lives. How our children deal with those difficult people is going to trace back to how we, as parents, have dealt with difficult people in our lives. Keep up to date with The Ranches by...


We all have difficult people in our lives. How our children deal with those difficult people is going to trace back to how we, as parents, have dealt with difficult people in our lives.



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!



If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>490falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/what-does-your-family-worship-podcast-episode-75--51573453


If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9931Tue, 11 Aug 2020 00:31:45 +0000The RanchesFamily Worship is the object of our exploration on this episode of Raise Them Up Podcast. What do your kids see you focus your time, effort and energy on? An hour on Sunday morning is one level of energy, but what do they see you doing the rest of the...


If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>558false75fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/it-starts-at-home-podcast-episode-74--51573461


If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9897Wed, 05 Aug 2020 16:47:43 +0000The RanchesIf the one thing you can do for your child is always make life a little bit easier to navigate, it is so worth it. It starts at home. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast. Keep up to...


If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>542falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/what-divides-us-podcast-episode-73--51573463


Join The Ranches as they explore the value in having the capability to disagree with someone, without it destroying the relationship. Learn important strategies for dealing with what divides us.



If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9765Mon, 08 Jun 2020 16:38:25 +0000The RanchesWhat divides us? A lot of families are trying to deal with the differences that exist in their own family. By learning the importance of diverse thought, we can avoid contempt and resentment for those who live their lives differently. It is critical...


Join The Ranches as they explore the value in having the capability to disagree with someone, without it destroying the relationship. Learn important strategies for dealing with what divides us.



If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>821falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/what-will-our-kids-remember-about-quarantine--51573458


I don’t believe that I am out of line in calling this a distinctive time in our lives and in the lives of our kids. “School’s out for Summer” was just a catchy lyric in my day, it was never intended for the month of March. This is the reality for millions of kids today; a complete disruption to routine and rhythm and a societal abandonment of the consistency and predictability afforded kids by school, sports, teachers and the structure of their time.



Seemingly, in an instant, everything has changed. Stay at home is the new normal. In addition, parents are at home and, while acting as the new teachers, also have jobs that, in many cases, have moved home. It feels like all the rules have changed. The dog is happy to have company while the cat just wishes everyone would leave again. As a rule, people just aren’t very good at new normals or temporary changes or disruptions to predictability and consistency. We love our routine and our rhythm. The same goes for our kids.



As a result of these circumstances that are beyond our control, the most agile and adaptable are outpacing the most athletic and disciplined. Athletes, as it turns out, aren’t as essential as we thought, while nurses are more essential than we ever imagined. We miss our sports but need our medical professionals



What does all of this have to do with parenting and kids? 



The most agile and adaptable parents are also most likely to outpace those who are more dedicated to traditional routines, rules, structure and pace. Agile and adaptable people are looking for opportunities while their counterparts cling to what used to be. Those who fail to adapt find themselves powerfully equipped for a society that no longer exists. 



If we set aside our own personal feelings aside, what will our kids remember about quarantine? I have two children being impacted (1 high school and 1 college) because they will have to remember the graduation ceremony that did not happen. Their graduation memories will not be filled with a ceremony celebrating their hard work. While we will celebrate their accomplishments, they will not know the feeling of the calling of their name and that walk across the stage that we all took. Somehow, it just doesn’t seem remotely adequate.



But what will they remember about their parents?



Were they a burden and an inconvenience?



Would we have rather been anywhere else?



Did they miss out because they were penned in?



Will they think that their parents missed work more than they loved spending time with their children?



Can they quote, “This is a teacher’s responsibility! Not mine.”



Will they remember parents who say, “I can’t wait until this is over.”



Or will they remember a parent saying, “I don’t really want this to end.”



And, “I’ll miss being around you all the time when this is over.”



Or, “We should continue to eat dinner together…even when we don’t have to.”



And, “We had such a great time and became so much closer as a family.”



Or, “Who needs FaceTime when we can talk face to face anytime?”



Those memories will be determined by us and they will be concretized with either feelings of “burden and inconvenience” or “opportunity and optimism.” We, as their parents,]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9711Sat, 09 May 2020 02:15:49 +0000The RanchesWe all have memories from distinctive times in our past. Every family goes through things. Tough times…challenging times…celebratory times…times of change. Emotions link to memories and memories are a part of what makes us. What will our kids remember...


I don’t believe that I am out of line in calling this a distinctive time in our lives and in the lives of our kids. “School’s out for Summer” was just a catchy lyric in my day, it was never intended for the month of March. This is the reality for millions of kids today; a complete disruption to routine and rhythm and a societal abandonment of the consistency and predictability afforded kids by school, sports, teachers and the structure of their time.



Seemingly, in an instant, everything has changed. Stay at home is the new normal. In addition, parents are at home and, while acting as the new teachers, also have jobs that, in many cases, have moved home. It feels like all the rules have changed. The dog is happy to have company while the cat just wishes everyone would leave again. As a rule, people just aren’t very good at new normals or temporary changes or disruptions to predictability and consistency. We love our routine and our rhythm. The same goes for our kids.



As a result of these circumstances that are beyond our control, the most agile and adaptable are outpacing the most athletic and disciplined. Athletes, as it turns out, aren’t as essential as we thought, while nurses are more essential than we ever imagined. We miss our sports but need our medical professionals



What does all of this have to do with parenting and kids? 



The most agile and adaptable parents are also most likely to outpace those who are more dedicated to traditional routines, rules, structure and pace. Agile and adaptable people are looking for opportunities while their counterparts cling to what used to be. Those who fail to adapt find themselves powerfully equipped for a society that no longer exists. 



If we set aside our own personal feelings aside, what will our kids remember about quarantine? I have two children being impacted (1 high school and 1 college) because they will have to remember the graduation ceremony that did not happen. Their graduation memories will not be filled with a ceremony celebrating their hard work. While we will celebrate their accomplishments, they will not know the feeling of the calling of their name and that walk across the stage that we all took. Somehow, it just doesn’t seem remotely adequate.



But what will they remember about their parents?



Were they a burden and an inconvenience?



Would we have rather been anywhere else?



Did they miss out because they were penned in?



Will they think that their parents missed work more than they loved spending time with their children?



Can they quote, “This is a teacher’s responsibility! Not mine.”



Will they remember parents who say, “I can’t wait until this is over.”



Or will they remember a parent saying, “I don’t really want this to end.”



And, “I’ll miss being around you all the time when this is over.”



Or, “We should continue to eat dinner together…even when we don’t have to.”



And, “We had such a great time and became so much closer as a family.”



Or, “Who needs FaceTime when we can talk face to face anytime?”



Those memories will be determined by us and they will be concretized with either feelings of “burden and inconvenience” or “opportunity and optimism.” We, as their parents,]]>617falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/the-fringe-podcast-episode-71--51573454


If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9689Mon, 04 May 2020 22:53:01 +0000The RanchesJoin The Ranches as they explore the fringe. The fringe is when you're kind of on the edge of a spectrum, political, parenting or whatever it is. It's the extreme edges of not mainstream, it's on the fringe of things. If you enjoyed this episode,...


If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with Raise Them Up Podcast.]]>611falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/control-podcast-episode-70--51573459http://www.theranches.org/?p=9667Mon, 20 Apr 2020 18:02:40 +0000The RanchesToday we're going to talk about control and control issues. We are all at some point or another catapulted into this idea that we need to have control of something.628falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/stay-at-home-podcast-episode-69--51573468


The appropriate response to these last few weeks is staying home, limiting your exposure and only going out for essentials. That's an appropriate response. Hoarding necessities is not, and kids are paying attention to that.]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9646Wed, 08 Apr 2020 23:02:00 +0000The RanchesIt's important that we as parents recognize our obligation to our children at this time. The appropriate response to these last few weeks is staying home, limiting your exposure and only going out for essentials. That's an appropriate response....


The appropriate response to these last few weeks is staying home, limiting your exposure and only going out for essentials. That's an appropriate response. Hoarding necessities is not, and kids are paying attention to that.]]>634false1fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/accountability-podcast-episode-68--51573464http://www.theranches.org/?p=9403Mon, 09 Mar 2020 16:00:08 +0000The RanchesFor children to become responsible adults we need to teach them proper accountability. If we do this, children will not grow up to become adults that think nothing they do is wrong.473false1fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/tantrums-podcast-episode-67--51573467


Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=9141Mon, 24 Feb 2020 18:24:18 +0000The RanchesMost kids when they get to a point where they're overwhelmed they get into a mini tantrum of some sort. Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!


Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>383false1fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/being-offended-podcast-episode-66--51573465


Whether learned or copied, being offended has become a overly relied upon strategy for dealing with challenges from others. It takes disagreement and forces a victim-perpetrator dynamic upon differences of opinion. Disagreement takes work and a willingness to regulate one’s emotional responses so as to find resolution. Offense allows for an abrupt end to disagreement by prioritizing the victim and vilifying the perceived perpetrator. Kids are paying attention to adults and are learning to silence those who disagree or offer constructive criticism. For me, it serves little to no purpose unless it is in response to personal and unfair attacks. I most often choose not to fall into it simply because it serves to silence healthy communication and disagreement.



Healthy Communication



Healthy relationships allow for disagreement, but more importantly, allows for growth and an expansion of thought. Ultimately, a diversity of thought is important. I often stay engaged long past the point where others walk away. We may be better off if we start considering where others are coming from while choosing to carefully and thoughtfully considering our own views on things.



Many of the kids and adults that I’ve worked with have some unhealthy and self destructive tendencies and beliefs. It is hard to challenge those tendencies and beliefs when kids and adults don't accept differences in opinion. As the adult, I choose to set an example of working through differences, listening, challenging, explaining and trying to understand where others are coming from. I don’t always get it right, and I have room to grow. I tend to try to always seek first to understand and then to be understood. Unfortunately, many that I’ve worked with want to be understood before gracing others with a desire to understand.



As A Result



As a result, I work to choose not to be the victim of others, or offended by them. Difference in opinion is healthy. Feeling offended can limit relationships with people who see the world differently. I strive for value, acceptance , and appreciation, too. I value a relationship as long as it supports difference in opinion.



Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=8988Thu, 20 Feb 2020 04:18:25 +0000The RanchesI’ve worked with “at risk” youth for most of my adult life and have lived with for my entire life. In that time, some things have stayed the same while other things have changed in startling ways. Kids often hope for value, acceptance, and...


Whether learned or copied, being offended has become a overly relied upon strategy for dealing with challenges from others. It takes disagreement and forces a victim-perpetrator dynamic upon differences of opinion. Disagreement takes work and a willingness to regulate one’s emotional responses so as to find resolution. Offense allows for an abrupt end to disagreement by prioritizing the victim and vilifying the perceived perpetrator. Kids are paying attention to adults and are learning to silence those who disagree or offer constructive criticism. For me, it serves little to no purpose unless it is in response to personal and unfair attacks. I most often choose not to fall into it simply because it serves to silence healthy communication and disagreement.



Healthy Communication



Healthy relationships allow for disagreement, but more importantly, allows for growth and an expansion of thought. Ultimately, a diversity of thought is important. I often stay engaged long past the point where others walk away. We may be better off if we start considering where others are coming from while choosing to carefully and thoughtfully considering our own views on things.



Many of the kids and adults that I’ve worked with have some unhealthy and self destructive tendencies and beliefs. It is hard to challenge those tendencies and beliefs when kids and adults don't accept differences in opinion. As the adult, I choose to set an example of working through differences, listening, challenging, explaining and trying to understand where others are coming from. I don’t always get it right, and I have room to grow. I tend to try to always seek first to understand and then to be understood. Unfortunately, many that I’ve worked with want to be understood before gracing others with a desire to understand.



As A Result



As a result, I work to choose not to be the victim of others, or offended by them. Difference in opinion is healthy. Feeling offended can limit relationships with people who see the world differently. I strive for value, acceptance , and appreciation, too. I value a relationship as long as it supports difference in opinion.



Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org



Keep up to date with The Ranches by following us on Facebook!]]>558false1fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/the-struggle-with-accountability-podcast-episode-65--51573469


While we’ve all had to navigate these situations in our lives, for young people this can be fairly traumatic. Everything is new. It is in this first phase that we begin to see how kids naturally operate. How they handle peers. Is change difficult. How they deal with and view authority and, in many cases, how they see themselves. When kids first arrive at The Ranches, we see them at their most raw and their most vulnerable…and often scared of what is to come.



As kids adjust, we start to introduce accountability and help them to see how it effects their daily lives. In many cases they have experienced inconsistent, unpredictable and sometimes violent accountability. For most of the kids, this creates a hesitation to accountability.



Definition of accountability:



The quality or state of being accountable - especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.



As you can probably imagine, most kids – really most people – struggle with accountability…especially when it comes from perceived strangers. Along with accountability usually comes conflict, stress and a plethora of negative behaviors. For the staff of The Ranches, this is often uncomfortable and difficult to emotionally process. Why does this child that I don’t really know seem to hate me and everything that I try to communicate with them? Well, this is the work that we do.



To understand the struggle with -accountability, it helps to know what kinds of behaviors that we deal with in kids when we attempt to introduce consistent, caring, committed accountability. In working with the kids at The Ranches, our goal for accountability is for them to achieve competence and competence requires accountability. Their resistance to competence and accountability usually comes in several forms.



Transfer of Blame



Kids often seek to transfer blame to others. In transfer of blame situations, we see the blame become the most relevant part of accountability to the child. “It wasn’t my fault! My roommate did it!” or “You’re not my parent!” are typical utterances at The Ranches. While one is true and one may indeed be true, these statements serve the child by transferring the all-important blame for the transgression onto someone else. “It isn’t my fault,” therefore you can’t, or shouldn’t, hold ME accountable.



“I need (vs. want) this!”



We work tirelessly to meet the needs of the kids at The Ranches. It is part of our mission. Because of our deliberate choice in meeting the needs of our residents, the kids often attempt to turn their wants in to needs in an effort to force us, through guilt, to give in to their wants. Turning accountability into an accusation of not meeting their needs is a powerful strategy. “I lied because I didn’t feel safe enough to tell the truth” is just one example of this behavior. Safety is a basic need and reshaping situations to be a need unmet is typical and, at times, prolific. “How can you hold me accountable for how I attempt to get my needs met?”



“Just kidding”



In many cases, accountability is applied to kids for the hurtful things said to others. While it is rarely effective, it is a “go to” for many kids. The idea is that, if they didn’t mean anything negative and were simply making a joke, they shouldn’t be held accountable for someone else taking of...]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=8356Mon, 27 Jan 2020 16:42:51 +0000The RanchesAccountability - The Ranches is a place for kids to get a fresh start and to develop new tools and learn new ways of navigating life. In most cases, kids come to The Ranches with inadequate and unhealthy ways of dealing with relationships and with...


While we’ve all had to navigate these situations in our lives, for young people this can be fairly traumatic. Everything is new. It is in this first phase that we begin to see how kids naturally operate. How they handle peers. Is change difficult. How they deal with and view authority and, in many cases, how they see themselves. When kids first arrive at The Ranches, we see them at their most raw and their most vulnerable…and often scared of what is to come.



As kids adjust, we start to introduce accountability and help them to see how it effects their daily lives. In many cases they have experienced inconsistent, unpredictable and sometimes violent accountability. For most of the kids, this creates a hesitation to accountability.



Definition of accountability:



The quality or state of being accountable - especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.



As you can probably imagine, most kids – really most people – struggle with accountability…especially when it comes from perceived strangers. Along with accountability usually comes conflict, stress and a plethora of negative behaviors. For the staff of The Ranches, this is often uncomfortable and difficult to emotionally process. Why does this child that I don’t really know seem to hate me and everything that I try to communicate with them? Well, this is the work that we do.



To understand the struggle with -accountability, it helps to know what kinds of behaviors that we deal with in kids when we attempt to introduce consistent, caring, committed accountability. In working with the kids at The Ranches, our goal for accountability is for them to achieve competence and competence requires accountability. Their resistance to competence and accountability usually comes in several forms.



Transfer of Blame



Kids often seek to transfer blame to others. In transfer of blame situations, we see the blame become the most relevant part of accountability to the child. “It wasn’t my fault! My roommate did it!” or “You’re not my parent!” are typical utterances at The Ranches. While one is true and one may indeed be true, these statements serve the child by transferring the all-important blame for the transgression onto someone else. “It isn’t my fault,” therefore you can’t, or shouldn’t, hold ME accountable.



“I need (vs. want) this!”



We work tirelessly to meet the needs of the kids at The Ranches. It is part of our mission. Because of our deliberate choice in meeting the needs of our residents, the kids often attempt to turn their wants in to needs in an effort to force us, through guilt, to give in to their wants. Turning accountability into an accusation of not meeting their needs is a powerful strategy. “I lied because I didn’t feel safe enough to tell the truth” is just one example of this behavior. Safety is a basic need and reshaping situations to be a need unmet is typical and, at times, prolific. “How can you hold me accountable for how I attempt to get my needs met?”



“Just kidding”



In many cases, accountability is applied to kids for the hurtful things said to others. While it is rarely effective, it is a “go to” for many kids. The idea is that, if they didn’t mean anything negative and were simply making a joke, they shouldn’t be held accountable for someone else taking of...]]>557false1fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/consequences-podcast-episode-64--51573460http://www.theranches.org/?p=8178Mon, 20 Jan 2020 17:26:24 +0000The RanchesOne of the only ways accountability can really exist is to have reasonable consequences. Everybody has a different version of reasonable, but kids do need consequences for their behaviors.582falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/respect-and-parenting-podcast-episode-63--51573466


We know kids do respect and want limits. We also know, that a relationship can get fractured to the point where a child does not respect the parent. If that's the case then things can get very difficult. It can be difficult to get back on track.



Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org]]>http://www.theranches.org/?p=7838Wed, 08 Jan 2020 17:39:48 +0000The RanchesWelcome to The Ranches "Raise Them Up" parenting podcast. We know kids do respect and want limits. We also know, that a relationship can get fractured to the point where a child does not respect the parent. If that's the case then things can get...


We know kids do respect and want limits. We also know, that a relationship can get fractured to the point where a child does not respect the parent. If that's the case then things can get very difficult. It can be difficult to get back on track.



Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org]]>622false1fullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/equine-gestalt-coaching-podcast-episode-58--48862981


Equine Gestalt Coaching is life coaching with the assistance of horses. We're able to raise awareness about different issues we may have.



Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org/equine-coaching



and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffOQ9kuMYgw]]>https://www.theranches.org/?p=5396Mon, 14 Oct 2019 23:47:34 +0000The RanchesWelcome to The Ranches "Raise Them Up" parenting podcast. Equine Gestalt Coaching is life coaching with the assistance of horses. We're able to raise awareness about different issues we may have. Learn more at:...


Equine Gestalt Coaching is life coaching with the assistance of horses. We're able to raise awareness about different issues we may have.



Learn more at: https://www.theranches.org/equine-coaching



and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffOQ9kuMYgw]]>1170falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/accountability-spectrum-podcast-episode-57--48862978https://www.theranches.org/?p=5394Fri, 11 Oct 2019 03:38:16 +0000The Ranches579falsefullhttps://www.spreaker.com/episode/politics-part-3-all-politics-are-local-podcast-episode-22--48862986https://www.theranches.org/?p=4707Mon, 05 Nov 2018 16:26:28 +0000The RanchesThird in a three part series on politics. As parents the politics of our family really dictates a lot of the politics our kids believe going forward.1023falsefull