https://www.spreaker.com/show/advantedge-t4John is a Behavioural Neuroscience Expert, an inspirational coach and trainer leveraging behavioural neuroscience to empower business leaders and improve the bottom line.]]>enManagementCopyright Dr John Khttps://d3wo5wojvuv7l.cloudfront.net/t_rss_itunes_square_1400/images.spreaker.com/original/08c15fd264b8e847e3c7b1509c157ac8.jpghttps://www.spreaker.com/show/advantedge-t4Wed, 02 Jun 2021 07:37:56 +0000Dr John KDr John Kfeeds@spreaker.comTrivia, Tips, Troubles and Tales of why some leaders thrive whilst others struggle. Learning how your brain works enables you to quickly adapt your thinking and behaviour to be a better leader, to successfully influence others more easily and to...John is a Behavioural Neuroscience Expert, an inspirational coach and trainer leveraging behavioural neuroscience to empower business leaders and improve the bottom line.]]>cleanepisodichttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/how-to-undermine-engagement-destroy-trus



“to work with another person or group in order to achieve or do something”




But everyone in the team comes with their own personality, their culture and way of doing things and their own competitiveness, their fears, their concerns and their needs. For successful and fruitful collaboration, the leader needs to help the team be actively engaged in what they are doing, and that they trust one another by setting the groundwork to build a solid foundation and then maintaining it rigorously.



Many thousands of leaders have failed to create team unity, trust and engagement through team building courses and enforced jollity of casual Friday or a virtual happy hour. But the buzz from that ropes course wears thin after a few days when your brain recognises that what it wants and needs is still missing.



How do we fix that? Well, before we get to that let’s check in on what your brain really wants and needs:



What Your Brain Wants and Needs:


Fortunately, we know that every human being shares a fundamental need for three things in life:



> > The need to feel safe

> > The need to belong to a group or tribe, and

> > The need to believe that they and what they do, matters



Getting a team to be actively engaged, to trust each other and collaborate takes plenty of leadership time and effort - so why would you destroy it before it has a chance?


Purpose


In this guide we’ll understand how to build and maintain the critical foundation's of Safety, Belonging and Mattering by Listening Deeply so that the team can trust each other and, with clarity of their own purpose and direction, be actively engaged and collaborate to achieve the desired results.



Process


We'll look Pat Lencioni's famous work on the five dysfunctions of a team and see how further research shows that Safety, Belonging and Mattering are crucial to your brain and thus to your ability to trust and collaborate. We'll then look at how listening deeply is the ONE missing ingredient that all leaders can do and use to help build the foundations and hence, ultimately, get the results they desire.



Payoff


When you start to listen deeply you will begin to dismantle any climate of fear or the lack of safety felt in too many organisations. Team members will learn that they can speak up and help the leader build and maintain the edifying climate to guide themselves and other team members towards effective trust and collaboration.



Patrick Lencioni’s Leadership Fable about the Five Dysfunctions of a Team should be on every leader's “read it" list. In it, Pat shares how an “absence of trust” feeds a “fear of conflict” (the antithesis of collaboration), which often leads to a “lack of commitment” (aka no engagement) and then “avoidance of responsibility”. Ultimately meaning that there is an “absence of results”.





The Five Dysfunctions is brilliant and true. And it’s also what is more visible. If Trust is so critically important to a team functioning and hence collaborating effectively, I was more interested in why there was an absence of trust in the first place?



My research pointed to the less visible foundations of trust and collaboration - those of meeting the brains three fundamental cravings: Safety, Belonging, and Mattering. Without these in place, there is no trust, without trust, there are no results! And who is actively engaged if they don’t believe that they belong and matter?





In our Team Leadership AdvantEdge Model, Collaboration and Trust are central to the success and effectiveness of the team - made manifest as “Team Unity of Cohesion and Effort”. (It's the “How to…” for the Five Dysfunctions). Our research into successful teams and organisations over the past four decades shows that this is true only when Purpose and Values, Talent and Potential, Command Intent and Influential Communications are all aligned to achieve that success.




But all of these are moot if the foundation isn’t properly built and maintained. And that foundation is the sense of Safety, Belonging and Mattering.




Your job as a leader is to make sure that everyone (including yourself) feels safe, that they belong to the team and that who they are and what they do, matters.



Let me briefly explain that our brains have two key parts as far as we are concerned as this will help us understand what is going on.



### Inner-Child and Smart Brain




What some mistakenly call our reptile or more primitive brain - the part that is concerned with the lower essential functions of our survival - what Christine Comaford, aptly calls the Critter brain, I refer to as the Inner-Child brain.





And we have our adult thinking brain, or the executive brain, the Neocortex complete with the Pre-Frontal Cortex (PFC) which is not fully developed before age 23-25. Our Smart Brain if you will.



Your brain (and the brains of your team members) have one single primary concern: to keep you in the “not dead” state. That is its first and foremost function. It really doesn't matter how high your potential, or talented you are when you are in the "dead" state.



When the world around us becomes even a little uncertain, your brain is marvellously designed to allow your “Inner-Child Brain" to take charge of survival (a task to which it is well-suited). In a time of crisis, the “Inner-Child Brain" rules the day until you deliberately choose to intervene using your Smart Brain.



On any normal day your “Inner-Child Brain" is assessing the environment asking three questions:


Am I safe?

Do I belong? and

Do I matter?



This isn't a once in a while process, it is every minute of every single day. "Am I safe?" is simply checking your surroundings for threats. An "all is well" response allows your brain to relax for a brief moment and if this extends for some time, you will physically relax and your brain waves will slow down.



When "Am I safe?" gets the answer: "No" then the amygdalae are brought swiftly into the action, the stress hormone norepinephrine triggers your body to produce adrenaline ready for "freeze, flight or fight".



If the threat is not judged to be imminent, the "Do I belong?" question may get out to check on the whereabouts of fellow tribe members. After all, who wants to face a ravenous wolf alone?



If there is a wolf, the "Do I matter?" question probably doesn't even get a cursory glance.



Every Leader needs a sign on the wall that reads “Safety First”. Because without it, nothing else will really matter.




Surely, you’re exaggerating, John? Not at all. It’s most evident in a time of crisis:



A crisis is, by definition, a time of intense difficulty or danger. Even if you experience it only through a social media feed or a news bulletin.


Our safety is being threatened in a crisis. And in times of difficulty or danger, we're usually better off with our tribe on our side. At least then we might stand a chance of survival, let alone emerging triumphant and ready for the post-crisis world.



A great leader knows this, listens to the concerns of the team, and pulls and energises the team together towards a clear and tangible intended goal.




Even when there is no immediate crisis, Safety is the single, most important factor in determining team performance success. As Google discovered in their Project Aristotle.




Psychological Safety is the #1 factor in determining a team’s effectiveness!


Google’s “Project Aristotle” sought to find the secrets of effective teams and the surprising finding was that Psychological Safety was, by far, the most important factor that determined whether a team would be effective or not. Dependability (belonging) was #2 and Meaning and Impact (mattering) 4th and 5th respectively. Structure and Clarity was found to be the 3rd factor and that's something we discuss in our Command Intent Guide.






Safety is a big deal; it’s why we seek committed relationships or high-paying jobs. That’s also why it’s devastating when spouses leave and jobs are eliminated.




Billy Graham



Amy Edmondson’s research on Psychological Safety bears this out. As did Edgar Schein’s research all those years ago in the 1960’s! And Dale Carnegie wrote THE book with the answer 100 years ago!



That is. We’ve known for many decades that psychological safety is a critical foundation for team effectiveness, trust and collaboration and yet… Well I have a little news for you. It might be a bit of a shock.



Unless you are LISTENING DEEPLY to your team members. They are not feeling safe, that they belong nor that they matter. It’s possible they have enough chutzpah and self-love to deal with it and still deliver, but you’re not getting as much from them as you could be.


I’ve gotten ahead of myself so let me backtrack:



Think about a leader you personally admire


Preferably someone who has been a leader in your life, but if that’s not possible, how about someone you know well enough, even if they’re in the grave.



Remember how they made you feel safe. How they made you understand that you were a valuable part of the team. Remember how they made you believe that you truly mattered.



How did they do that?


Here’s my guess after posing this question to thousands of clients and participants: They asked you questions and they listened to you as if you were the most important person** in the room.**



Do you do that for others?



Do you ask questions and listen to them as if they were the most important person in the room?



What about your customers or users? Do you listen to them deeply? Do they feel safe, that they belong (loyal to your brand) and that they matter (their opinions, desires, wants)?



What about your bosses? Your peers?



Simple, but not easy


Asking question and listening deeply as if they are the most important person i]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/f786dcc2-b258-3c52-99de-ae8e35fbf426Wed, 02 Jun 2021 06:52:00 +0000Dr John KCollaboration is when an effective team harnesses the best out of individuals working together and appears to be disarmingly simple: “to work with another person or group in order to achieve or do something” But everyone in the team comes...



“to work with another person or group in order to achieve or do something”




But everyone in the team comes with their own personality, their culture and way of doing things and their own competitiveness, their fears, their concerns and their needs. For successful and fruitful collaboration, the leader needs to help the team be actively engaged in what they are doing, and that they trust one another by setting the groundwork to build a solid foundation and then maintaining it rigorously.



Many thousands of leaders have failed to create team unity, trust and engagement through team building courses and enforced jollity of casual Friday or a virtual happy hour. But the buzz from that ropes course wears thin after a few days when your brain recognises that what it wants and needs is still missing.



How do we fix that? Well, before we get to that let’s check in on what your brain really wants and needs:



What Your Brain Wants and Needs:


Fortunately, we know that every human being shares a fundamental need for three things in life:



> > The need to feel safe

> > The need to belong to a group or tribe, and

> > The need to believe that they and what they do, matters



Getting a team to be actively engaged, to trust each other and collaborate takes plenty of leadership time and effort - so why would you destroy it before it has a chance?


Purpose


In this guide we’ll understand how to build and maintain the critical foundation's of Safety, Belonging and Mattering by Listening Deeply so that the team can trust each other and, with clarity of their own purpose and direction, be actively engaged and collaborate to achieve the desired results.



Process


We'll look Pat Lencioni's famous work on the five dysfunctions of a team and see how further research shows that Safety, Belonging and Mattering are crucial to your brain and thus to your ability to trust and collaborate. We'll then look at how listening deeply is the ONE missing ingredient that all leaders can do and use to help build the foundations and hence, ultimately, get the results they desire.



Payoff


When you start to listen deeply you will begin to dismantle any climate of fear or the lack of safety felt in too many organisations. Team members will learn that they can speak up and help the leader build and maintain the edifying climate to guide themselves and other team members towards effective trust and collaboration.



Patrick Lencioni’s Leadership Fable about the Five Dysfunctions of a Team should be on every leader's “read it" list. In it, Pat shares how an “absence of trust” feeds a “fear of conflict” (the antithesis of collaboration), which often leads to a “lack of commitment” (aka no engagement) and then “avoidance of responsibility”. Ultimately meaning that there is an “absence of results”.





The Five Dysfunctions is brilliant and true. And it’s also what is more visible. If Trust is so critically important to a team functioning and hence collaborating effectively, I was more interested in why there was an absence of trust in the first place?



My research pointed to the less visible foundations of trust and collaboration - those of meeting the brains three fundamental cravings: Safety, Belonging, and Mattering. Without these in place, there is no trust, without trust, there are no results! And who is actively engaged if they don’t believe that they belong and matter?





In our Team Leadership...]]>1293cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/understand-me-4-who-are-they1. Stakeholder Mapping
2. Action Types
Stakeholder Mapping
Stakeholder or audience mapping uses a simple 2x2 matrix with Low to high power on the vertical axis and low to high interest across the horizontal.

Consider the specific individual members of your audience and place them on the grid relative to each other. Include, where appropriate, stakeholders who might not be personally present but sending a representative (aka spy).
Your focus in your presentation are those individuals who are most interested in your topic and have the power to affect the change you desire.
When you are preparing a sales presentation, for example, it pays to know who is the key decision maker (powerful) and the most interested. Not always the same person! I often find myself presenting to greatly interested people with little power and the person with the actual power isn't even in the room. I think of this as a gatekeeping presentation and once through the gate, I have a chance to pitch to the person with the power.
When you have a clear idea about the power and interest in the room, it's time to establish how you call the four different audience types to action.
Nancy Duarte says that there are four audience types, each requiring a slightly different call to action:
There are:
Doers, Suppliers, Influencers and Innovators.

- A Doer is someone who instigates activities. You should ask them to assemble, make decisions, gather, respond or attempt.
- A Supplier is a person who controls resources. Ask them to acquire, fund, support or provide resources.
- Influencers change perceptions. Ask them to activate, convert, empower or promote.
- Innovators generate ideas to add value to and spread your ideas. Ask them to create, discover, invent or pioneer.
How do you call to action if you don't know their type?
Intuitively you can see that these four audience types make sense. When you know your audience well and have experienced presenting to them before, it's relatively easy to pin them down to a particular type. But there will be times when you don't know them well enough. In such a situation, make sure to sow those key action verbs throughout your presentation noting who responds to each, usually shown through greater attentiveness, a smile, a nod or simply paying attention. Note also any of the verbs that appear to fall on deaf ears, you might not, for example, have any innovators in the room.
Above all, be sure to establish the audience type for the most powerful interested stakeholder and focus on getting the right call to action to them.
Of course, all of this is moot if you don't actually have a call to action
Your call to action for this episode is to identify your audience, map them on a simple power/interest grid and work out, if you can, their audience type.
I use post-its on a whiteboard (Here's my Blank Miro Template you can use) to help me in planning. And once I have identified the key stakeholders (high power and high interest) I take a little longer to get to find out what they know, and specifically what they need to know and take a little extra effort to understand their opinion and create a call to action that will activate them to fund the resources we need to make the change they need.
On that template, you’ll also map your Trust and Respect Matrix actions.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/6b2a7c46-ff3b-3b0e-9b8f-9dea48c0bfdbSat, 08 May 2021 07:34:00 +0000Dr John KAt this point, you know what your audience Knows and what the Need to know. You've got a handle on their Opinion and remember that they need to be right, and they need to belong and you will be encouraging their positive self-image. But you recall the...1. Stakeholder Mapping
2. Action Types
Stakeholder Mapping
Stakeholder or audience mapping uses a simple 2x2 matrix with Low to high power on the vertical axis and low to high interest across the horizontal.

Consider the specific individual members of your audience and place them on the grid relative to each other. Include, where appropriate, stakeholders who might not be personally present but sending a representative (aka spy).
Your focus in your presentation are those individuals who are most interested in your topic and have the power to affect the change you desire.
When you are preparing a sales presentation, for example, it pays to know who is the key decision maker (powerful) and the most interested. Not always the same person! I often find myself presenting to greatly interested people with little power and the person with the actual power isn't even in the room. I think of this as a gatekeeping presentation and once through the gate, I have a chance to pitch to the person with the power.
When you have a clear idea about the power and interest in the room, it's time to establish how you call the four different audience types to action.
Nancy Duarte says that there are four audience types, each requiring a slightly different call to action:
There are:
Doers, Suppliers, Influencers and Innovators.

- A Doer is someone who instigates activities. You should ask them to assemble, make decisions, gather, respond or attempt.
- A Supplier is a person who controls resources. Ask them to acquire, fund, support or provide resources.
- Influencers change perceptions. Ask them to activate, convert, empower or promote.
- Innovators generate ideas to add value to and spread your ideas. Ask them to create, discover, invent or pioneer.
How do you call to action if you don't know their type?
Intuitively you can see that these four audience types make sense. When you know your audience well and have experienced presenting to them before, it's relatively easy to pin them down to a particular type. But there will be times when you don't know them well enough. In such a situation, make sure to sow those key action verbs throughout your presentation noting who responds to each, usually shown through greater attentiveness, a smile, a nod or simply paying attention. Note also any of the verbs that appear to fall on deaf ears, you might not, for example, have any innovators in the room.
Above all, be sure to establish the audience type for the most powerful interested stakeholder and focus on getting the right call to action to them.
Of course, all of this is moot if you don't actually have a call to action
Your call to action for this episode is to identify your audience, map them on a simple power/interest grid and work out, if you can, their audience type.
I use post-its on a whiteboard (Here's my Blank Miro Template you can use) to help me in planning. And once I have identified the key stakeholders (high power and high interest) I take a little longer to get to find out what they know, and specifically what they need to know and take a little extra effort to understand their opinion and create a call to action that will activate them to fund the resources we need to make the change they need.
On that template, you’ll also map your Trust and Respect Matrix actions.]]>699cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/understand-me-3-what-is-their-opinionWe all get them. We all hate them. And yet companies persist in using telemarketing and tired sales scripts.
This one was especially bad. It was someone trying to sell me a meeting arrangement service using LinkedIn. Essentially, they would trawl LinkedIn for (their words) "hot" prospects and arrange a meeting with them for me.
I wasn't interested and informed them. But this one was persistent and was unwilling to let me escape. On and on she talked. Didn't want to know anything at all about me, my needs, my business, my opinion on cold call telemarketing, anything about me at all. She was interested in getting through her script presumably to earn a pay check.
I gave up being polite and cut the call.
I have often wondered if any of such calls ever achieve their goal.
I have yet to meet anyone who relishes receiving these cold calls. Purely speculative, scatter gun. And yet, so many of my clients complain of meetings and presentations that they willingly attend where the presenter is concerned only with getting through their script, in spite of the audience's wants, needs opinions and preferences.
OK, perhaps "willingly" is a stretch. Grudgingly, then.
In the previous sections, we discussed what your audience already Knows and what they Need to know. And how you, as the communicator, need to make sure that you identify your 10% that they really must take away.
This time, we are looking at the audience's Opinion and Who they are
What is their Opinion?
I worked for a client a little recently where the Country manager was having problems with the local leadership team. Technically, the individuals were all brilliant and excellent, they just didn't get along together very well. There was quite a bit of power play going on and inter-department blaming and rivalry was rife. Essentially, they weren't playing well together, and like a football team that doesn't support each other well, they were getting thrashed by the competition.
As is often the case in such situations, the team members thought rather negatively about "this soft, fluffy stuff" and that the problem lay with the company's processes and other departments, not their team and certainly not something any coach could fix. They weren't quite ready to instantly change their behaviour... well at least until the other party admitted that they were wrong and changed first.
And sometimes it is personal. It's not your role they disagree with, it's you. In these politically correct days nobody says what they think, but they sure do think it. Maybe they prefer a female, maybe you need to be Asian to understand the local culture. Maybe you should be an engineer. Maybe the way you dress is deemed as threatening.
Even with a non-hostile audience, you want to know what they think about you and your topic before deciding how to approach your presentation.
What do they think of you and your topic?
I was enjoying my new position installing computerised tills and stock control systems throughout the central London pub estate for Chef and Brewer. My boss was a great guy and everything was going brilliantly well until he got replaced by an arrogant, opinionated know-it-all, who, quite frankly, understood nothing about computerisation and worse, hated the idea of it. This was the late 1980's and my new boss was determined to halt the technological advance at all costs.
Within a month I felt like Sisyphus. Pushing the computerisation agenda up an increasingly steep hill and soon to be crushed by the backlash.
I hadn't had time to build any real influence nor win any significant political allies in the organisation and my colleagues soon joined my new boss in undermining and stalling progress. My personal credibility hadn't been established securely enough and without it, I was going to struggle to overcome the logical and emotional resistance that I was convinced were at the root of the problem.
Aristotle noted that there were three key forms of resistance in an audience: Ethos, Pathos and Logos. The character or credible appeal of something or someone, the emotional appeal and the logical argument.
It is often difficult to distinguish whether it is you or your topic that is causing the problem.
Certainly, your personality colours your opinion about the topic. But when you are on the inside, it always feels personal.
To give your case the best possible chance of success, you need to establish credibility with your audience, present your logical argument and appeal to their emotions. That is, you need to win their hearts and minds. Notice the word "win" - because in every presentation, yours is just one more voice contending to be heard and acted upon.
People do resist change, and anytime that you are presenting you are instigating change.
All of your audience members (and you) share 3 basic human needs:
1. To feel safe with a positive self-image
2. The need to belong
3. The need to be right - that they, and their opinions, matter.
When your argument makes the audience FEEL that you are picking them out as non-compliant, wrong or simply for being different, then your argument falls on deaf ears.

Communication is much more that the words that come out of your mouth!

To ensure that your argument stands a chance of being accepted. You need to know what they think of you and think of your topic. And the easiest way to do that is to ask them.
I didn't understand all this back in the late 1980's in London. I just bulldozed my project through as best I could. Fifteen months later, I was generously made redundant the day I installed the last pub in the estate.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/14882b65-23c0-3c71-93f5-308824faed25Fri, 07 May 2021 07:31:00 +0000Dr John KI didn't recognise the number but I was expecting a call and thus began another 5 minute rude interruption. We all get them. We all hate them. And yet companies persist in using telemarketing and tired sales scripts. This one was especially bad. It...We all get them. We all hate them. And yet companies persist in using telemarketing and tired sales scripts.
This one was especially bad. It was someone trying to sell me a meeting arrangement service using LinkedIn. Essentially, they would trawl LinkedIn for (their words) "hot" prospects and arrange a meeting with them for me.
I wasn't interested and informed them. But this one was persistent and was unwilling to let me escape. On and on she talked. Didn't want to know anything at all about me, my needs, my business, my opinion on cold call telemarketing, anything about me at all. She was interested in getting through her script presumably to earn a pay check.
I gave up being polite and cut the call.
I have often wondered if any of such calls ever achieve their goal.
I have yet to meet anyone who relishes receiving these cold calls. Purely speculative, scatter gun. And yet, so many of my clients complain of meetings and presentations that they willingly attend where the presenter is concerned only with getting through their script, in spite of the audience's wants, needs opinions and preferences.
OK, perhaps "willingly" is a stretch. Grudgingly, then.
In the previous sections, we discussed what your audience already Knows and what they Need to know. And how you, as the communicator, need to make sure that you identify your 10% that they really must take away.
This time, we are looking at the audience's Opinion and Who they are
What is their Opinion?
I worked for a client a little recently where the Country manager was having problems with the local leadership team. Technically, the individuals were all brilliant and excellent, they just didn't get along together very well. There was quite a bit of power play going on and inter-department blaming and rivalry was rife. Essentially, they weren't playing well together, and like a football team that doesn't support each other well, they were getting thrashed by the competition.
As is often the case in such situations, the team members thought rather negatively about "this soft, fluffy stuff" and that the problem lay with the company's processes and other departments, not their team and certainly not something any coach could fix. They weren't quite ready to instantly change their behaviour... well at least until the other party admitted that they were wrong and changed first.
And sometimes it is personal. It's not your role they disagree with, it's you. In these politically correct days nobody says what they think, but they sure do think it. Maybe they prefer a female, maybe you need to be Asian to understand the local culture. Maybe you should be an engineer. Maybe the way you dress is deemed as threatening.
Even with a non-hostile audience, you want to know what they think about you and your topic before deciding how to approach your presentation.
What do they think of you and your topic?
I was enjoying my new position installing computerised tills and stock control systems throughout the central London pub estate for Chef and Brewer. My boss was a great guy and everything was going brilliantly well until he got replaced by an arrogant, opinionated know-it-all, who, quite frankly, understood nothing about computerisation and worse, hated the idea of it. This was the late 1980's and my new boss was determined to halt the technological advance at all costs.
Within a month I felt like Sisyphus. Pushing the computerisation agenda up an increasingly steep hill and soon to be crushed by the backlash.
I hadn't had time to build any real influence nor win any significant political allies in the organisation and my colleagues soon joined my new boss in undermining and stalling progress. My personal credibility hadn't been established securely enough and without it, I was going to struggle...]]>699cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/understand-me-what-do-they-need-to-knowOK, now in this very short space of time, what do you remember? Not a lot huh?
You just experienced cognitive overload. And that was just thinking about those 5 things happening in theory.
"That went right over my head!
Cognitive overload is more common than you might realise.
Cognitive overload occurs when your brain is being tasked with too many things at once or you are trying to process too much information. It happens when you use too much mental effort in your brains working memory to continue effective processing. You may well feel that the words flew over your head. You stopped taking any more information in and tried to clear the backlog.
It is also remarkably common. A leader does a data dump of the facts and figures for the quarterly report, a manager relates every little detail of a problem and the presenter rushes through the material either because their time has been reduced or they've taken too long over the early part.
Specifically, what does your audience need to know? And I do mean need as an absolute
New and Knew
One way to help your audience understand is to relate something that they already do know with the new information that you are sharing.
New information triggers curiosity, which is something you want to do. But if everything is new, you'll trip over the edge of curiosity into anxiety. And anxiety is something we don't want.
Filling your presentation with all things new is like opening photoshop for the first time and being presented with all 300 icons on the taskbar. Or like visiting a strange city for the first time. It's overwhelming. Sure, you'll find your way around eventually, but it takes time.
You see what I did there?
I related the situation (new knowledge for you) to something that you know already - either you'll know about photoshop and the vast number of icons or you'll have experienced visiting a strange city. And even if not exactly aligned with your knowledge, the two examples provide adequate common experience for you to relate to, or imagine.
And that's just what you need to do with new information. Align it with something your audience knows already by using examples, metaphors or analogies.
And remember, you only want to include new information if it is something that your audience needs to know. It is not so that you can show how knowledgable and brilliant you are.
On top of this, your audience is likely to find 90% of your presentation as forgetable. So what do you really want them to remember?
Your 10%
Dr Carmen Simon, author of Impossible to Ignore, a neuroscientist and expert in making your content memorable, shares some bad news that your audience typically remembers just 10% of your presentation content. Worse news is the 10% remembered by one person differs from the 10% another person remembers.
The 10% that you really want them to remember needs to be identified and then you are going to take control of what they remember. You can do that by noting:
- What you want your audience to remember - 3 or 4 points, and
- What you want your audience to do (your Product or call to action)
Now we are clear what our audience knows already, making certain that we recognise our own curse of knowledge and taking care with our assumptions. We are also clear about what they need to know, avoiding cognitive overload, aligning the new with the knew and identifying the 10% of our content that is essential. But do they care at all? We need to understand the audience's opinion.
Let's wrap here for now and prepare you for the next part: Opinion.
In the next section we'll talk about Opinion and then get deep into the Who of your audience. We'll consider their power and interest, how they might resist, and the four audience types you will choose specific actions or products from your presentation.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/949e9f94-8f7f-310d-8cf2-f54b327c48a0Thu, 06 May 2021 07:01:00 +0000Dr John KHave you ever sat in a presentation and successfully listened to everything that the speaker shared, remembered what was essential and acted on the information whilst simultaneously fielding emails, carrying out a chat message and planning lunch and...OK, now in this very short space of time, what do you remember? Not a lot huh?
You just experienced cognitive overload. And that was just thinking about those 5 things happening in theory.
"That went right over my head!
Cognitive overload is more common than you might realise.
Cognitive overload occurs when your brain is being tasked with too many things at once or you are trying to process too much information. It happens when you use too much mental effort in your brains working memory to continue effective processing. You may well feel that the words flew over your head. You stopped taking any more information in and tried to clear the backlog.
It is also remarkably common. A leader does a data dump of the facts and figures for the quarterly report, a manager relates every little detail of a problem and the presenter rushes through the material either because their time has been reduced or they've taken too long over the early part.
Specifically, what does your audience need to know? And I do mean need as an absolute
New and Knew
One way to help your audience understand is to relate something that they already do know with the new information that you are sharing.
New information triggers curiosity, which is something you want to do. But if everything is new, you'll trip over the edge of curiosity into anxiety. And anxiety is something we don't want.
Filling your presentation with all things new is like opening photoshop for the first time and being presented with all 300 icons on the taskbar. Or like visiting a strange city for the first time. It's overwhelming. Sure, you'll find your way around eventually, but it takes time.
You see what I did there?
I related the situation (new knowledge for you) to something that you know already - either you'll know about photoshop and the vast number of icons or you'll have experienced visiting a strange city. And even if not exactly aligned with your knowledge, the two examples provide adequate common experience for you to relate to, or imagine.
And that's just what you need to do with new information. Align it with something your audience knows already by using examples, metaphors or analogies.
And remember, you only want to include new information if it is something that your audience needs to know. It is not so that you can show how knowledgable and brilliant you are.
On top of this, your audience is likely to find 90% of your presentation as forgetable. So what do you really want them to remember?
Your 10%
Dr Carmen Simon, author of Impossible to Ignore, a neuroscientist and expert in making your content memorable, shares some bad news that your audience typically remembers just 10% of your presentation content. Worse news is the 10% remembered by one person differs from the 10% another person remembers.
The 10% that you really want them to remember needs to be identified and then you are going to take control of what they remember. You can do that by noting:
- What you want your audience to remember - 3 or 4 points, and
- What you want your audience to do (your Product or call to action)
Now we are clear what our audience knows already, making certain that we recognise our own curse of knowledge and taking care with our assumptions. We are also clear about what they need to know, avoiding cognitive overload, aligning the new with the knew and identifying the 10% of our content that is essential. But do they care at all? We need to understand the audience's opinion.
Let's wrap here for now and prepare you for the next part: Opinion.
In the next section we'll talk...]]>564cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/understand-me-2-what-do-the-knowLet's start with asking what do your audience already know about you and your topic?
There are two extreme dangers here:
1. Assumptions and
2. The Curse of Knowledge
You see I carry a curse. A curse of knowledge. Just as you do:
The Curse of Knowledge!
I attended a networking event recently where someone was sharing about Bitcoin.

"Bitcoin is a type of digital currency in which encryption techniques are used in a blockchain to regulate the generation of units of currency and verify the transfer of funds, operating independently of a central bank."

Yes, but what is it?
I don't fully understand Bitcoin. I don't get how you "mine" them and I don't appreciate how they can be worth more than $10,000. And I'm a geek!
I feel utterly stupid when someone who does know, speaks down to me as if I really should know and it turns into a crushing sense of hopelessness.And that's not a great place for your audience to be.
jill and colleagues peering into empty skull.png
When someone assumes that you should know something and you just do not. They look at you as if peering into your emptyheadedness with disdain.
Sure, I'm biased and think of Bitcoin as eTulips and a bubble that will hurt a lot of innocent people, but I'll come back to bias when we discuss the audience Opinion.
I know quite a lot. But I don't know Bitcoin, Blockchain, Etherium and now I've heard that there's one based on organic bananas.
My knowledge may be similar or utterly different to your own. You have your jargon, and I have mine. The only time we have a real problem is when my jargon makes no sense to you. When I assume that something I know is common knowledge.
Tappers and Listeners
Here's a terrific little experiment that you can do later today with a friend or family member to truly understand the curse of knowledge.
Firstly I shall tap out a very well known song - this of course only works well if you are listening to the podcast, if you're reading this, it doesn't work :-)
I'll tap out this well known song and you guess what it is.
 
Easy right?
Wrong.
If you were to ask someone to do this and estimate how quickly people would guess the song title correctly, you might guess at the commonly agreed 20 or 30 seconds. And the real answer is that roughly one person in 20 will guess correctly and that after 3 repeats. - and those are usually "lucky guesses".
So, you try this with a friend or colleague. Tap out "Happy Birthday". Oh, well now, of course, you recognise the tapping. It's easy now. Because now, the tune is humming in your head AND you hear the tapping in time. Previously, you only heard tapping.
The problem is that I cannot unknow what I know - it is humming along in my head as I share. I cannot remember what it is like to not know what I know. And of course, I think what I know is easy. It would have to be easy if I know it. But maybe, just maybe, it is not as easy or obvious as I think that it is. Just like Happy Birthday ain't so obvious when all you hear are tap tap tap tap tap tap. (Interesting by the way, now that you know that it is Happy Birthday, you heard it immediately!)
And when someone does not know something (especially something that colleagues appear to know), they may feel intimidated and that may just shut down their attention and choose the ostrich manoeveur, or worse, they may get defensive and disrupt your presentation by heckling.

To avoid making bad assumptions and the curse of knowledge, you must find out what your audience already knows. And a terrific way to do that is to ask questions.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/1b621421-e9a3-3d0b-b0b1-8a4c9870d99eWed, 05 May 2021 06:58:00 +0000Dr John KWhat do they Know? Let's start with asking what do your audience already know about you and your topic? There are two extreme dangers here: 1. Assumptions and 2. The Curse of Knowledge You see I carry a curse. A curse of knowledge. Just as you do: The...Let's start with asking what do your audience already know about you and your topic?
There are two extreme dangers here:
1. Assumptions and
2. The Curse of Knowledge
You see I carry a curse. A curse of knowledge. Just as you do:
The Curse of Knowledge!
I attended a networking event recently where someone was sharing about Bitcoin.

"Bitcoin is a type of digital currency in which encryption techniques are used in a blockchain to regulate the generation of units of currency and verify the transfer of funds, operating independently of a central bank."

Yes, but what is it?
I don't fully understand Bitcoin. I don't get how you "mine" them and I don't appreciate how they can be worth more than $10,000. And I'm a geek!
I feel utterly stupid when someone who does know, speaks down to me as if I really should know and it turns into a crushing sense of hopelessness.And that's not a great place for your audience to be.
jill and colleagues peering into empty skull.png
When someone assumes that you should know something and you just do not. They look at you as if peering into your emptyheadedness with disdain.
Sure, I'm biased and think of Bitcoin as eTulips and a bubble that will hurt a lot of innocent people, but I'll come back to bias when we discuss the audience Opinion.
I know quite a lot. But I don't know Bitcoin, Blockchain, Etherium and now I've heard that there's one based on organic bananas.
My knowledge may be similar or utterly different to your own. You have your jargon, and I have mine. The only time we have a real problem is when my jargon makes no sense to you. When I assume that something I know is common knowledge.
Tappers and Listeners
Here's a terrific little experiment that you can do later today with a friend or family member to truly understand the curse of knowledge.
Firstly I shall tap out a very well known song - this of course only works well if you are listening to the podcast, if you're reading this, it doesn't work :-)
I'll tap out this well known song and you guess what it is.
 
Easy right?
Wrong.
If you were to ask someone to do this and estimate how quickly people would guess the song title correctly, you might guess at the commonly agreed 20 or 30 seconds. And the real answer is that roughly one person in 20 will guess correctly and that after 3 repeats. - and those are usually "lucky guesses".
So, you try this with a friend or colleague. Tap out "Happy Birthday". Oh, well now, of course, you recognise the tapping. It's easy now. Because now, the tune is humming in your head AND you hear the tapping in time. Previously, you only heard tapping.
The problem is that I cannot unknow what I know - it is humming along in my head as I share. I cannot remember what it is like to not know what I know. And of course, I think what I know is easy. It would have to be easy if I know it. But maybe, just maybe, it is not as easy or obvious as I think that it is. Just like Happy Birthday ain't so obvious when all you hear are tap tap tap tap tap tap. (Interesting by the way, now that you know that it is Happy Birthday, you heard it immediately!)
And when someone does not know something (especially something that colleagues appear to know), they may feel intimidated and that may just shut down their attention and choose the ostrich manoeveur, or worse, they may get defensive and disrupt your presentation by heckling.

To avoid making bad assumptions and the curse of knowledge, you must find out what your audience already knows. And a terrific way to do that is to ask questions.]]>564communciations,hugs,influence,leadership,neurosciencecleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/understand-me-getting-to-know-your-audieSo who is right? Well, they're both correct of course. The presenter thinks they are adjusting but they don't really KNOW their audience.
What about the audience themselves? What do they think? Sadly the audience don't have an opinion because they stopped paying attention and moved onto other, more exciting things like thinking about lunch or updating Facebook.
To capture their attention and motivate them to act, you have to get to KNOW your audience
If you want to capture the attention of your audience and take some sort of action as a result of your Communication , you need to get to KNOW your audience and present to them as if it were tailored exclusively and entirely just for them. Because you will have done just that.
Below, I share how you get to KNOW your audience so that you capture their attention and motivate them to do the things that you want them to do. You can take it one step at a time
But first, let me introduce you to a oft-practiced technique that is guaranteed to do the opposite of knowing and engaging your audience:
The Ostrich Manoeuvre
Politicians are especially good at this manoeuvre. Be sure to look down at your notes most of the time and read the speech prepared by some flunky in a monotone. Remember to look up at any random audience member and plaster a fake smile on your face.
I am really an introverted person. Maybe you don't believe that because you've seen me run a workshop or speak at a conference. But when I first started out, I was terrified that I was going to look like an idiot, that I would forget my words, lose track and generally do a terrible job. So I adopted what I call the Ostrich Manoeveur, a technique that essentially guaranteed that I would successfully look like an idiot, forget my words, lose track and do a terrible job.
The Ostrich Manoeuvre is a favourite of insincere politicians and leaders, frequently seen in after-dinner speeches and boardrooms. It is very easy 2 step process and it is guaranteed to make you look really bad.
1. First, please make sure that you stand behind a podium and place your written script on it. If there is no podium available, then turn your back to the audience and read your slides instead.
2. Step 2 is read your script, preferably in a monotone and rarely, if ever, make eye contact with your audience.
This works brilliantly well to show your audience that you do not know your content well enough. That you don't practice because the audience doesn't deserve your effort. And it shows the audience that you could care less who they are, what matters to them or even if you are in the right venue.
You will have seen someone using the Ostrich Manoeveur as long ago as yesterday. Perhaps you used it yourself. I understand, I much preferred to read a script than dare look at the audience and witness the devastating effect my appalling presentation was having on them.
The better you KNOW your audience the better you can engage them
If instead, you would like to engage your audience and make an impact then it will greatly help if you KNOW your audience, that is: be able to fully answer four key questions:
1. What and how much do the Know already?
2. What do they Need to know?
3. What is their Opinion?
4. And, Who are they?

You'll notice that the keywords here make up the KNOW acronym: Know, Need, Opinion and Who.

Easy to remember.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/909bb77f-0c8d-3945-8128-2a28e90ab9d4Tue, 04 May 2021 06:57:16 +0000Dr John KIf there's one complaint I hear about a leader’s skills from their boss or their HR, it's that they don't adjust their communication for their audience. And yet those leaders genuinely believe that they do adjust for their audience. So who is...So who is right? Well, they're both correct of course. The presenter thinks they are adjusting but they don't really KNOW their audience.
What about the audience themselves? What do they think? Sadly the audience don't have an opinion because they stopped paying attention and moved onto other, more exciting things like thinking about lunch or updating Facebook.
To capture their attention and motivate them to act, you have to get to KNOW your audience
If you want to capture the attention of your audience and take some sort of action as a result of your Communication , you need to get to KNOW your audience and present to them as if it were tailored exclusively and entirely just for them. Because you will have done just that.
Below, I share how you get to KNOW your audience so that you capture their attention and motivate them to do the things that you want them to do. You can take it one step at a time
But first, let me introduce you to a oft-practiced technique that is guaranteed to do the opposite of knowing and engaging your audience:
The Ostrich Manoeuvre
Politicians are especially good at this manoeuvre. Be sure to look down at your notes most of the time and read the speech prepared by some flunky in a monotone. Remember to look up at any random audience member and plaster a fake smile on your face.
I am really an introverted person. Maybe you don't believe that because you've seen me run a workshop or speak at a conference. But when I first started out, I was terrified that I was going to look like an idiot, that I would forget my words, lose track and generally do a terrible job. So I adopted what I call the Ostrich Manoeveur, a technique that essentially guaranteed that I would successfully look like an idiot, forget my words, lose track and do a terrible job.
The Ostrich Manoeuvre is a favourite of insincere politicians and leaders, frequently seen in after-dinner speeches and boardrooms. It is very easy 2 step process and it is guaranteed to make you look really bad.
1. First, please make sure that you stand behind a podium and place your written script on it. If there is no podium available, then turn your back to the audience and read your slides instead.
2. Step 2 is read your script, preferably in a monotone and rarely, if ever, make eye contact with your audience.
This works brilliantly well to show your audience that you do not know your content well enough. That you don't practice because the audience doesn't deserve your effort. And it shows the audience that you could care less who they are, what matters to them or even if you are in the right venue.
You will have seen someone using the Ostrich Manoeveur as long ago as yesterday. Perhaps you used it yourself. I understand, I much preferred to read a script than dare look at the audience and witness the devastating effect my appalling presentation was having on them.
The better you KNOW your audience the better you can engage them
If instead, you would like to engage your audience and make an impact then it will greatly help if you KNOW your audience, that is: be able to fully answer four key questions:
1. What and how much do the Know already?
2. What do they Need to know?
3. What is their Opinion?
4. And, Who are they?

You'll notice that the keywords here make up the KNOW acronym: Know, Need, Opinion and Who.

Easy to remember.]]>564cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/coaching-is-about-changeAdvantEdge Coaching is about change
“Change is the only constant” goes the refrain. There would be little need for coaching, training, mentoring, counselling or any development if people were happy to stay the same as they are now.
Being coached by someone is all about being empowered, equipped and enabled to change. Coaching empowers people to find new jobs, work through transitions, enhance performance, build better relationships, make wise decisions, transform organisations and reach new spiritual levels. Coaching is about establishing a vision of the future and reaching goals. When coaching is successful, it’s about bringing and maintaining change.
But coaching is more. We also help people determine what needs to stay the same in times of constant flux. We encourage our clients to stake out their core values, established strengths, basic beliefs, ethical principles and lasting relationships that remain firm and provide an anchor to their lives.
Coaches are both change agents and constant agents. Coaches help people see what needs to change and what needs to remain constant.
 
Change is difficult!
 
Let’s start by recognising the obvious: change is difficult. Going on a journey with people through change can be challenging and exhausting. Bringing sustainable change is even harder. Most people resist change even when they see the need and believe it can occur.
The owner of the first hotel I managed was just 40 when he suffered a heart attack. His lifestyle, booze, food and a lack of regular exercise were contributory factors but prior to the heart attack, there were no significant symptoms. Life was good, then BAM! He was on the floor in agony. He survived. His doctor told him bluntly that he had to change his diet, give up alcohol, smoking and take up regular exercise. Change or die! A stark choice. And one that many people face. Initially, my boss came out of hospital ready and eager to take this advice seriously and changed everything that was harming his health. It wasn’t easy for him, but he stuck with it and now enjoys a slim, healthy life retired and sailing around the Mediterranean.
Yet, in the US alone, some 90% of heart bypass patients can’t change their lifestyles, even at the risk of dying. It’s not surprising then that changing people’s behaviour in business is a challenge.
 
How people face change
 
People respond to change typically in four different ways depending on their personalities and past experiences:
- Innovators – who value change and often try to make it happen.
- Embracers – who thrive on change and accept it with enthusiasm, sometimes without thinking too much about it.
- Acceptors – who initially resist change but eventually go along with it because there is no alternative.
- Resisters – who may not even notice the change, deliberately ignore it or be so overwhelmed that they push it out of their awareness. Some even deny any need for change and refuse to budge an inch.
People usually lean towards one of these responses. There’s some excellent news, though: simply because you are reading this, you are likely to be an innovator or embracer. If you are reading this reluctantly, you’re an acceptor. And those who aren’t reading this well, they’re the resisters (but, of course, they won’t know that because they didn’t read it!).
#joyatwork #trivia
 ]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/3bac1f46-8379-3f91-bbc8-6cbf1637435dThu, 29 Apr 2021 05:15:13 +0000Dr John K“There are no such things as wrong turns, Only paths we never knew we were supposed to take.” Proverb AdvantEdge Coaching is about change “Change is the only constant” goes the refrain. There would be little need for coaching, training, mentoring,...AdvantEdge Coaching is about change
“Change is the only constant” goes the refrain. There would be little need for coaching, training, mentoring, counselling or any development if people were happy to stay the same as they are now.
Being coached by someone is all about being empowered, equipped and enabled to change. Coaching empowers people to find new jobs, work through transitions, enhance performance, build better relationships, make wise decisions, transform organisations and reach new spiritual levels. Coaching is about establishing a vision of the future and reaching goals. When coaching is successful, it’s about bringing and maintaining change.
But coaching is more. We also help people determine what needs to stay the same in times of constant flux. We encourage our clients to stake out their core values, established strengths, basic beliefs, ethical principles and lasting relationships that remain firm and provide an anchor to their lives.
Coaches are both change agents and constant agents. Coaches help people see what needs to change and what needs to remain constant.
 
Change is difficult!
 
Let’s start by recognising the obvious: change is difficult. Going on a journey with people through change can be challenging and exhausting. Bringing sustainable change is even harder. Most people resist change even when they see the need and believe it can occur.
The owner of the first hotel I managed was just 40 when he suffered a heart attack. His lifestyle, booze, food and a lack of regular exercise were contributory factors but prior to the heart attack, there were no significant symptoms. Life was good, then BAM! He was on the floor in agony. He survived. His doctor told him bluntly that he had to change his diet, give up alcohol, smoking and take up regular exercise. Change or die! A stark choice. And one that many people face. Initially, my boss came out of hospital ready and eager to take this advice seriously and changed everything that was harming his health. It wasn’t easy for him, but he stuck with it and now enjoys a slim, healthy life retired and sailing around the Mediterranean.
Yet, in the US alone, some 90% of heart bypass patients can’t change their lifestyles, even at the risk of dying. It’s not surprising then that changing people’s behaviour in business is a challenge.
 
How people face change
 
People respond to change typically in four different ways depending on their personalities and past experiences:
- Innovators – who value change and often try to make it happen.
- Embracers – who thrive on change and accept it with enthusiasm, sometimes without thinking too much about it.
- Acceptors – who initially resist change but eventually go along with it because there is no alternative.
- Resisters – who may not even notice the change, deliberately ignore it or be so overwhelmed that they push it out of their awareness. Some even deny any need for change and refuse to budge an inch.
People usually lean towards one of these responses. There’s some excellent news, though: simply because you are reading this, you are likely to be an innovator or embracer. If you are reading this reluctantly, you’re an acceptor. And those who aren’t reading this well, they’re the resisters (but, of course, they won’t know that because they didn’t read it!).
#joyatwork #trivia
 ]]>421cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/the-paradox-of-potentialIn this guide we’ll consider what are the components of potential so that we can distinguish between them and choose to develop those that will provide you the greatest chance of succeeding in your endeavours.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/bbf9c736-d1e0-35ab-b6eb-d900d4aeeb47Mon, 26 Apr 2021 07:48:36 +0000Dr John KPotential is much more than just knowledge or the ability to score well in exams. In this guide we’ll consider what are the components of potential so that we can distinguish between them and choose to develop those that will provide you the greatest...In this guide we’ll consider what are the components of potential so that we can distinguish between them and choose to develop those that will provide you the greatest chance of succeeding in your endeavours.]]>1156cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/are-you-at-cause-or-effect-going-beyond-leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/d20a9492-13c6-394c-b5c8-742c95670efdFri, 09 Apr 2021 05:55:49 +0000Dr John KIn this guide we’ll consider how critical it is to make a good choice in response to the many varied challenges we face every day. How easily we can get trapped by “Effect” and the two enemies of our mind into a spiral of anxiety and fear or be at...1441cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/advantedge-potential-to-performance-systPerformance happens when three things are aligned at the same moment: Your Potential, Your Drive and a Trigger.
The Model
You can visualise this model has two dimensions. The Vertical axis is your level of Drive to perform an action, and it can range anywhere from high drive to no drive.
The horizontal axis is your Potential to perform an action. Also a continuum. On the right side is high potential making this action easy to perform. On the left side of this axis is low Potential or hard to do.
Consider a simple example.
Suppose you want someone to donate money to a Stray Dog Shelter. If they have high drive and it is easy for that person to do, they will be in the upper right corner of the model. When a person is triggered here to donate, they will donate. They are in the productive zone.
On the other hand, if someone has low drive to donate to the Stray Dogs, and if it’s hard for them to do, they will be in the lower-left corner. When triggered, that person will not perform the action. They are in the procrastination zone.
The Action Line
There is a relationship between drive and potential. This curved line is called the Action Line. If someone is anywhere above the action line when triggered, they will perform the action. They are in the Productive zone. In this example, they will donate to the Dog Shelter. However, if they are anywhere below the Action Line when triggered, they will not perform the action. They remain in the Procrastination zone.
If someone is below the Action Line, we need to get them above it for the Trigger to initiate action. Either, we need an increase in Drive, or the action needs to be easier to perform, or both.
In Summary
This models applies to all human performance. When Drive, Potential and a Trigger come together at the same moment, that’s when performance will occur. If any of the three elements is lacking, then the performance will not happen.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/222bf0ac-6240-3db3-aa59-76162fa86dbaMon, 08 Mar 2021 03:29:26 +0000Dr John KI’m going to explain how performance is unleashed using the AdvantEdge Potential to Performance System model. Performance happens when three things are aligned at the same moment: Your Potential, Your Drive and a Trigger. The Model You can visualise...Performance happens when three things are aligned at the same moment: Your Potential, Your Drive and a Trigger.
The Model
You can visualise this model has two dimensions. The Vertical axis is your level of Drive to perform an action, and it can range anywhere from high drive to no drive.
The horizontal axis is your Potential to perform an action. Also a continuum. On the right side is high potential making this action easy to perform. On the left side of this axis is low Potential or hard to do.
Consider a simple example.
Suppose you want someone to donate money to a Stray Dog Shelter. If they have high drive and it is easy for that person to do, they will be in the upper right corner of the model. When a person is triggered here to donate, they will donate. They are in the productive zone.
On the other hand, if someone has low drive to donate to the Stray Dogs, and if it’s hard for them to do, they will be in the lower-left corner. When triggered, that person will not perform the action. They are in the procrastination zone.
The Action Line
There is a relationship between drive and potential. This curved line is called the Action Line. If someone is anywhere above the action line when triggered, they will perform the action. They are in the Productive zone. In this example, they will donate to the Dog Shelter. However, if they are anywhere below the Action Line when triggered, they will not perform the action. They remain in the Procrastination zone.
If someone is below the Action Line, we need to get them above it for the Trigger to initiate action. Either, we need an increase in Drive, or the action needs to be easier to perform, or both.
In Summary
This models applies to all human performance. When Drive, Potential and a Trigger come together at the same moment, that’s when performance will occur. If any of the three elements is lacking, then the performance will not happen.]]>202cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/will-your-talent-pass-the-ai-testCurrent Recruitment AIs are being built on flawed systems and processes that favoured white, male candidates and HR seem surprised when the AI joins the same party.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/6e8ee7b6-4a14-3c1a-ac01-8e803fe699f6Thu, 18 Feb 2021 07:06:59 +0000Dr John KOrganisations want an AI that you feed 100 resumes and it spits out the top 5 candidates, without bias. But what's it like to be rejected by a computer? Current Recruitment AIs are being built on flawed systems and processes that favoured white, male...Current Recruitment AIs are being built on flawed systems and processes that favoured white, male candidates and HR seem surprised when the AI joins the same party.]]>1222cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/what-is-talent-really-anywayThis will enable you to be crystal clear about talent, skills, strengths and potential and form the basis of how we unlock and leverage talent to unstuck potential and develop the skills you need to thrive.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/b81bf3b7-7388-3a3b-8bd1-3c458afe3a65Thu, 04 Feb 2021 02:46:39 +0000Dr John KThis guide will clarify the history and etymology of Talent from its Biblical roots and why this matters in modern business. This will enable you to be crystal clear about talent, skills, strengths and potential and form the basis of how we unlock...This will enable you to be crystal clear about talent, skills, strengths and potential and form the basis of how we unlock and leverage talent to unstuck potential and develop the skills you need to thrive.]]>1349cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/casting-visionThis guide aims to help you be that leader.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/a84c14ba-5d79-37ff-84e2-c00a96af7585Tue, 12 Jan 2021 05:58:29 +0000Dr John KThe world is filled with fear and trepidation about the future. Staff are concerned for their jobs and what the future holds for them. World leaders have proven themselves to be uninspirational through being indecisive, divisive and destructive. So...This guide aims to help you be that leader.]]>1094cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/the-neuroscience-of-trust-in-uncertain-tOur ability to choose to trust another person is an emotionally driven choice. Paul Zac's neuroscience research into what makes trust in the brain clearly demonstrates that the neurochemical oxytocin is a precursor to trust by the conscious, deliberate actions.]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/e62866df-1279-3b51-ad8c-16ce11d70cf8Mon, 14 Dec 2020 06:23:14 +0000Dr John KTrust is about how we deal with uncertainty. Even when I have proven myself trustworthy to you time and time again, over many years, there is always a remnant of uncertainty. Heck you aren't even completely certain that you can trust yourself! Our...Our ability to choose to trust another person is an emotionally driven choice. Paul Zac's neuroscience research into what makes trust in the brain clearly demonstrates that the neurochemical oxytocin is a precursor to trust by the conscious, deliberate actions.]]>445cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/wise-leaders-know-to-fix-these-three-thileadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/9d8ff745-ae79-33f8-be8c-9d5921129d6fMon, 14 Dec 2020 06:12:02 +0000Dr John KTrust has flat-lined in recent months, thanks largely to the lack of physical interaction. Plus the small detail that this pandemic has massively damaged the global economy threatening jobs and business survival. And without trust, there's no chance...915cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/journaling-for-successleadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/b556a235-cae2-3f60-9d3c-452f7e6cee55Tue, 10 Nov 2020 07:46:37 +0000Dr John KYou only learn when you review and reflect on your failures and successes. Journaling is the single, most powerful, easiest means of ensuring that you develop your leadership daily.980cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/pride-and-prejudiceleadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/19a47193-94d9-36b2-a0fc-6947ab2e8c0dTue, 03 Nov 2020 07:44:15 +0000Dr John KOver the past 30 plus years, I've worked with a lot of leaders, and the biases I've seen most in action can undermine your potential career as a leader and sabotage your success. They were all useful for you at some point along the way, but many have...1360cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/raising-your-virtual-leadership-game-witLive interview with Roberto Bendana of Leadership Link]]>leadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/bc45e33c-010a-3028-9b55-b77fc9aad423Thu, 15 Oct 2020 05:44:44 +0000Dr John KHow can leaders get better at their Virtual Leadership using Neuroscience hacks? Live interview with Roberto Bendana of Leadership LinkLive interview with Roberto Bendana of Leadership Link]]>3652cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/all-the-faces-in-the-world-are-mirrorsf5fa8c7e-0316-48b4-a6b6-69c6ee361e44Wed, 23 Sep 2020 03:48:00 +0000Dr John KLong ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked...89cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/whats-your-mindset41776771-f9bc-4b06-a093-cbae01f3b97dThu, 25 Jun 2020 04:00:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage Two Mindsets When I first started training and coaching more than 30 years ago I found that there were two distinct types of client or participant: Those who were motivated and eager to learn, did so and enjoyed great results, and...312cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/do-you-want-to-create-your-futured8e6f4f4-631b-4e3b-912c-684c56bb10e1Thu, 18 Jun 2020 05:56:00 +0000Dr John KThe race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Ecc 9:11 NIV "They really should..." begins another tirade of...699cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/thriving-on-purpose-in-difficult-times81ac7c77-6a34-45f5-bdde-a72e396d21abWed, 06 May 2020 17:30:00 +0000Dr John KPurpose: To equip you with purpose to lead and inspire your staff and to manage uncertainty with command intent, to emerge powerfully, ready for the new normal. Process: I'll explain how uncertainty causes stress because our brain craves certainty,...770cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/the-power-of-the-first-step6db26020-1d5b-42a8-9286-748aa1b1af12Mon, 04 May 2020 03:27:00 +0000Dr John KHave you ever wondered why change is so tough? Why is it, that with our very best intentions, we still find it difficult to make changes that we know would be good for us? Why is it so much more difficult to get other people to change and do the...493cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/proven-hack-to-inspire-hope-and-see-good85b7cf40-bb87-4696-839d-0b9dceefa000Mon, 20 Apr 2020 06:59:00 +0000Dr John KThe Purpose To show you a way and give you the urge to inspire your kids, family and your work colleagues with a real and tangible hope that will lift their spirits and yours, and fill everyone with the urge to emerge stronger and ready to lead the...1241cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/winning-the-battle-in-your-soul-against-223909c1-ded0-44b7-bc8b-4c17cbc0a9e8Thu, 02 Apr 2020 05:50:00 +0000Dr John KPurpose: Sharing neuroscience hacks to help you win the battle in your soul during this time of lockdowns, social distancing and a strange lack of toilet paper. Payoff: You'll regain control to and be able to encourage others so we can all emerge...1108cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-085-how-to-motivate-anyone PERSONAL costs Remembering that they too are biased, and their bias is not the same as yours. Surely it cannot be this simple? Well, it can. But importantly, simple does not mean easy. If we wish to influence another person to undertake a particular action, to be certain that we motivate them to action, we need to know: What they PERCEIVE to be the personal benefits What value they place on those benefits What they perceive to be the costs to them and The value they place on those costs. And, bear in mind, that even if we are to know this today, by tomorrow these may have changed. So we apply our own perception of what WE think are the benefits and costs for the other person. The greater our empathy, the more likely we are to understand the other person well enough to influence them easily. Take a child's perspective… As you approach the checkout in the supermarket, little Johnny grabs a fistful of chocolate. (Goal = eat chocolate, Benefits = pleasure, sugar buzz, flavour, Cost = zero)   As a parent, you know that the cost is considerably higher, certainly in terms of cash, but also there are future long-term implications such as weight gain, a sense of entitlement that pleasure doesn’t have to be paid for.   As a parent, you want to take the chocolate back off Johnny. At which point, little Johnny increases the cost to the parent of doing so. Crying, screaming, and being generally badly behaved. Why? Because such behaviour has worked in the past.   The cost to the parent could be that feeling of shame. We've all felt the eyes of those behind us in the queue. We can feel their disapproval of our parenting. There's those who think we should simply give in and get out of their way and those who think you are a terrible parent for having such an ill-disciplined child.   Who influences whom? Well, that depends on the perception of the value of each of the associated costs. Either way, children learn the secret power they possess and which buttons to press to get what they want.   As we grow older and wiser, most of us lose this natural ability to get our own way. It is no longer seemly to 'lose one's temper' even if it still works.   A child's toolkit is limited and plays on your emotions. Take a politician's perspective... Whilst some notable politicians appear to assume a child's perspective, truly successful politicians are very adept at influencing people emotionally and rationally (please do note that successful does not necessarily mean "good" and I am not endorsing any]]>03b78eb9-8df7-4073-9f19-0f9071eadb75Fri, 07 Feb 2020 17:00:00 +0000Dr John KMy hands clammy, my shirt beginning to soak with perspiration in the air-conditioned room. I walked to the front of the meeting room past my muttering colleagues and got blinded momentarily by the projector; I faced my audience. Their faces raptly...1265cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/how-strong-leaders-handle-rejection-and-6839237d-2b71-4a38-b342-08668792868eFri, 06 Dec 2019 17:30:00 +0000Dr John KI just returned from a long and exciting trip to Israel where I was reminded that even the very best of us face rejection and are criticised. Encourage It seems that it does not matter whether your intentions are to help and serve others. It...1107cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-083-fighting-disengagement9f60b598ec844529a915d138f3a6354fSat, 02 Nov 2019 04:00:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage  Are you tired of wasting time dealing with workplace drama and politiks? Perhaps you are crippled by toxic leaders and uninspired cultures and you know that there is a better way. In this episode we're going to introduce you to the triggers...691cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-082-in-search-of-meaningful-work48b38d286f2a43099c9f5c417a028700Fri, 04 Oct 2019 05:22:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage Even in the direst circumstances, people seek out their purpose in life: Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning 1 Human beings have a deep, innate desire to find meaning in their lives. We want to matter. For some, it is to leave a...1019cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-081-what-to-do-when-you-are-not-truly32c3746238904eaaba6c3220fdb08c0bMon, 02 Sep 2019 17:30:00 +0000Dr John KWhat if you could feel truly appreciated and deeply satisfied every single day? What if you could experience a more joyful, appreciative and considerate workplace and it only costs you seven minutes of a day? In an earlier podcast I shared about the...1445cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-080-leading-difficult-peoplehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfE93xON8jk Other jerks seem to get a kick out of creating problems for everyone else and pushing people's buttons. Needling away on their pet topic and with a keen eye for any signs of weakness in others. Then we have the bullies. Instead of pushing people's metaphorical buttons, they seem to get off on literally pushing people around, shouting the loudest, forcing others to do things they don't want to and worse. At least with the downers, the jerks and the bullies everyone knows who they are. But some of the most difficult people to lead are the timid and frightened. They can be so fearful of confrontation and conflict that they hide and disappear just when you need them. Or perhaps you have someone on your team who is so disorganised and yet desperate to succeed and never seems to make any headway? And then we have the cynics and scoffers who undermine everything with their often sarcastic wit and pointed barbs. Or perhaps your most difficult person is the gossip who spread rumours, half-truths and juicy tid-bits in hushed tones over "team lunches" turning everyone against you whilst to your face, oh they're as sweet as honey and in front of the boss... well you have to admire their front and acting skills. Yes, they come in all shapes and sizes, races, genders and from all backgrounds and they share two things in common: The first important thing they all have in common is that they are all "people". We are dealing here with human beings. And we know from neuroscience that human beings share very much more in common in what drives them and causes these behaviours. The second thing they have in common is you. If you're reading or listening to this, then you have one or more people in your life whom you find difficult, and you want to know how to lead them or simply deal with them. It's OK, you are in the right place. Before we head into the "how", we need a few moments to understand what is happening with these people. And for that we'll be turning to a little neuroscience. Develop I recently read a terrific book by Christine Comaford: ""Power Your Tribe". She also writes for Forbes and has built on Abram Maslow's hierarchy of needs showing the neurological drivers all humans share. And it's primal. Your brain knows two states that matter: Dead and not-dead. Your brain's primary job is to keep you in the "not dead" state. And you really don't care about leading difficult people when you are "dead". To keep you in the "not dead" state, your brain guides your body to satisfy your physiological needs first and foremost. You have to eat, drink, find shelter, and stay warm (or cool). If any of that is threatened by anyone or anything, your brain will guide you to protect it before "not dead" becomes "dead". Now that you are in the "not dead" state we have three more primal drivers of our behaviours: Safety, Belonging and Mattering. Only when these three are also satisfied to our brain's content do we consider "self-actualization" and doing things beyond the norm for ourselves. And we crave these three things: Safety, Belonging and Mattering. Some people may crave more of one than the others, but we all crave all three to a certain extent. Do I feel safe? Can I take risks, is it OK for me to try certain things? Will I be fired if I make a mistake (thus threatening my physiological needs)? If I try something new, is that OK? If I speak up, will I be cut down? Am I free from fear, worry and anxiety? Do I belong? Are these people my people? Are we all going in the same direction? Are we equal (or at least equitable)? Do these people care for me? Will they look out for me and watch my back? Do I care for them? Will I go the extra mile for anyone of them? Do we love each other? Do we work across boundaries freely and equitably? Do silos exist? Do some people hold information or power as a means of control? Am I part of a tribe? Do I matter? Does what I do matter in the team? In the world? In life? Do I know that I matter? Do people tell me that I matter, or what I do matters? Does my contribution count and does it count as much as others contributions? Am I recognised for what I do? Have I mastered what i need to master to achieve what I am supposed to achieve? Am I able to do this? Am I respected for my achievements? https://view.genial.ly/5d3fef15adf1b53511a81bc4 And all of these needs and questions begin unconsciously. That is, any threats to them are perceived by your brain (often through your Anterior Cingulate Cortex which is always on the lookout for anything unknown or new). Once a threat is perceived, a particular mix of electro-chemical signals are fired off and your body responds. Christine Comaford calls this your "Critter State". There was a trigger and you have responded to that trigger. You might not even know that you have responded to a trigger. Other people will know it, but you may be completely oblivious to it. https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2012/10/21/hijack-how-your-brain-blocks-performance/#7feae1102b7b One senior leader I was asked to coach would criticise team members publically and regularly. The slightest delay or mistake with a task would result in her berating the individual loudly and with unflattering language. Her team were terrified of making a mistake or failing to deliver on time - and even when they did everything right, they received a barrage of sarcastic comments. The team, unsurprisingly, was not performing well and her boss asked me in to "fix the problem". As it turned out, this leader considered herself to be a perfectionist and hated "sloppy work" and sure it was something evolved from her family background but more important, she felt "unrespected" and was "deeply concerned that she would not achieve her KPIs because the team was sloppy". Her self-esteem was taking a hit and she believed that if she was nicer to the team, more respectful and more supportive that they would take advantage of her and she didn't matter enough to the senior leaders to keep and support. She essentially believed that she didn't matter enough and her critter state response was to lash out at anyone and everyone who happened to raise their head above the parapet. There are times when I lose my temper. I know, shocking revelation, but there it is, I too am flawed. My voice raises towards a shout, I get agitated and I may say things that I really regret later. Most often it's when I am interrupted when I am in a flow state. For example, I could be writing this, in a flow, the words just tumbling out and my thoughts racing ahead, and my wife interrupts me to asks me for help with something. At first I ignore her request, rushing to close the sentence or thought or make enough notes so that I don't lose track of where I was heading. Knowing full well, that any second now, I will be interrupted again with the same request. Only this time it's more urgent. Though it's not urgent in real terms and what I am doing is much, much more important and can't it wait. I snap back. One more request and I snap again. My hackles rise, my blood pressure heads upward, my heart beat too. I shove my stool backwards and stomp through to the other room. Sometimes, I catch myself and breathe a moment and choose to calm my critter and deliberately welcome the interruption and lovingly address my beloved and willingly, pleasantly tender my assistance. Other times, I fail to catch myself and my beloved gets my critter glare and my critter comments. My Safety and Mattering were momentarily compromised. Of course, you are a far better human being than I am and never ever show your critter state. Your need to feel safe, to belong and to matter differ from mine. My triggers and yours are probably different, though many things we will share because we do already have some tribal connection. We all want safety, belonging and mattering. And those "difficult" people. They're just showing you something of their "critter" state. Their behaviour is the result of the hijack of their emotions caused by a trigger that they perceived and they are responding in the only way they know how to protect what is important for them: their safety, their belonging and/ or their mattering. And that threat to them is perceived which makes it real for them. Although it is almost certainly unconscious. That is, they are not consciously aware that they are responding to a trigger. One very common trigger that causes many (otherwise sweet, kind and gentle people) people to respond less than maturely (aka like a total mad angry thing) is whilst driving and someone cuts you in a traffic jam, or suddenly turns without indicating. You perceived that your safety was compromised and somehow, leaning on the horn, accelerating, and many far worse responses were deemed appropriate by your inner critter. Remember that our brains are continuously on the lookout for any perceived threats. Once perceived, the electrochemical response has been fired. Will this response hijack the brain's resources and all but shut-down the executive conscious brain? Or will you have enough resources available to pause the near automatic response and choose]]>14a363fa0a74426ca4f681fd633e8b5aSat, 03 Aug 2019 03:00:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage We've all had to deal with them. Perhaps you still are dealing with them? Difficult People. They come in all shapes and sizes. All races, all genders, and all backgrounds. They only share two things in common, but I'll come back to that in a...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfE93xON8jk Other jerks seem to get a kick out of creating problems for everyone else and pushing people's buttons. Needling away on their pet topic and with a keen eye for any signs of weakness in others. Then we have the bullies. Instead of pushing people's metaphorical buttons, they seem to get off on literally pushing people around, shouting the loudest, forcing others to do things they don't want to and worse. At least with the downers, the jerks and the bullies everyone knows who they are. But some of the most difficult people to lead are the timid and frightened. They can be so fearful of confrontation and conflict that they hide and disappear just when you need them. Or perhaps you have someone on your team who is so disorganised and yet desperate to succeed and never seems to make any headway? And then we have the cynics and scoffers who undermine everything with their often sarcastic wit and pointed barbs. Or perhaps your most difficult person is the gossip who spread rumours, half-truths and juicy tid-bits in hushed tones over "team lunches" turning everyone against you whilst to your face, oh they're as sweet as honey and in front of the boss... well you have to admire their front and acting skills. Yes, they come in all shapes and sizes, races, genders and from all backgrounds and they share two things in common: The first important thing they all have in common is that they are all "people". We are dealing here with human beings. And we know from neuroscience that human beings share very much more in common in what drives them and causes these behaviours. The second thing they have in common is you. If you're reading or listening to this, then you have one or more people in your life whom you find difficult, and you want to know how to lead them or simply deal with them. It's OK, you are in the right place. Before we head into the "how", we need a few moments to understand what is happening with these people. And for that we'll be turning to a little neuroscience. Develop I recently read a terrific book by Christine Comaford: ""Power Your Tribe". She also writes for Forbes and has built on Abram Maslow's hierarchy of needs showing the neurological drivers all humans share. And it's primal. Your brain knows two states that matter: Dead and not-dead. Your brain's primary job is to keep you in the "not dead" state. And you really don't care about leading difficult people when you are "dead". To keep you in the "not dead" state, your brain guides your body to satisfy your physiological needs first and foremost. You have to eat, drink, find shelter, and stay warm (or cool). If any of that is threatened by anyone or anything, your brain will guide you to protect it before "not dead" becomes "dead". Now that you are in the "not dead" state we have three more primal drivers of our behaviours: Safety, Belonging and Mattering. Only when these three are also satisfied to our brain's content do we consider "self-actualization" and doing things beyond the norm for ourselves. And we crave these three things: Safety, Belonging and Mattering....]]>1241cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-079-how-to-be-an-effective-buddy-coac818258c946544e2d9f469a5ce5ce0989Thu, 11 Jul 2019 07:43:00 +0000Dr John K  Coaching a colleague, a team member or anyone you know well is a challenging situation. For example, a manager usually conducts the performance review for their staff focusing on their performance in the job and team which may lead to a...756cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-078-you-got-the-power9c42c017b16c4beca17844ae255b61b3Fri, 31 May 2019 17:00:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage Your aptitude (your "natural" ability to do something) is thought by many people to be the main driver of their success. We raise people with those noticeable talents onto pedestals in a form of worship. Imagine yourself as a star soccer...1207cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-077-let-go-and-gain-control159ae0ce30da4be7bcaafd0a52973416Fri, 03 May 2019 17:30:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage One thing that separates the calm and joyful person from the stressed and depressed is a useful balance something known as the locus of control. Someone with an internal locus of control believes that he or she can influence events and their...740cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-077-selah-take-charge-of-your-brain-whttps://brainworksneurotherapy.com/what-are-brainwaveshttps://www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/brainwaves-biohack-sleep-health-focus/slide/4/ This Is How Meditation Actually Works Guide The Easy Way Take One deep breath. Bring your full completely focussed attention to your breathing for two minutes. Just two to start. You'll get up to seven within a week. Become aware that you are breathing and then pay attention to the process of breathing. Anytime your attention wanders, just bring it back to your breathing. The Easier Way Just Pause Find a quiet spot (or plug in your earphones and tune in to relaxing, restful meditative music played softly). Sit without agenda for two minutes. Stare into space, or close your eyes. Just remain awake but completely relaxed. Any moment your attention wanders just wipe it away and go back to nothingness. And you can switch between the easy and easier way anytime you wish. Empower Hold on John, you said the most powerful seven minutes. This is just two. True. Research tells us that seven minutes is the sweetspot for habitually choosing to take control and biohack our brainwaves. Two minutes is just your easy starting point. You can either extend your practice of this by, say, one minute each day until the end of the week. Or, if you find more time just too difficult right now, then do three or four two minute breaks throughout the day. Cannot do a full two minutes, you say? Then just take ONE MINDFUL DEEP BREATH. Just one. If you can, take another. Every time you are waiting for something or someone. Waiting at the traffic light. Waiting for your computer to start. Waiting for a webpage to load. Waiting in a queue. Just take ONE mindful, deep breath and practice. Want to have some help? If you want to delve more deeply into meditation or mindfulness there are a whole bunch of resources out there. Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan is by the Singaporean-born Google Engineer is one I can recommend. There are a bunch of apps out there that come recommended. My personal recommendation for binaural beats is brain.fm For Christian guided meditation, I like Abide.co Others Ive tried and found to be good, "Calm", "Headspace", "Stop, Breathe and Think" and the Singaporean made "MindFi". There are also wearables to assist with your successful bio-hacking. As at writing, I have not yet tried any. Most appear to be aimed at reducing stress or helping you sleep better. The Muse headband looks particularly interesting.]]>d61074c2028f460d81af4df9daad6358Fri, 05 Apr 2019 17:30:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage Every day you are busy. Emails fill your inbox, some of them might even matter. Your todo list gets ticked off... or not. You attend meetings, deal with clients, chat with the boss, communicate with colleagues, deal with crises, handle...925cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-076-are-your-succeeding-or-merely-sur408aa95543a94bf890db63fe857164f2Wed, 27 Feb 2019 07:43:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage When you ask someone what they want from life, most people will tell you that they want to be happy. Push a little bit more and they will tell you they want to do something useful or meaningful, make a difference, leave a legacy, or fulfil a...757cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-076-where-is-that-buck-when-you-need-https://hbr.org/2010/06/bps-tony-hayward-and-the-failu.html I am beginning to wonder if he has a new position teaching and training world politicians on how to avoid accountability and shift the blame on others. Accountable leaders say "I'm sorry" BEFORE they get caught with their trousers down! 3. Accountable leaders do not avoid responsibility and they do not procrastinate, neither under nor over committing. Before you take on something new you review your schedules and your strengths and talents to know whether you have the time and the capability to complete the work on time to the quality expected. We have some obvious examples with the whole Brexit debacle. Political leaders who championed the leave campaign and once they won, buggered off and declared "my work is done". Other leaders who assumed that the remain vote was secure and took a 50/50 gamble on something as trivial as an economic and trading union. Once they lost, disappeared into the backroom, hiding from the unpleasant task of fixing something that was horribly and catastrophically misjudged. After all, who cares if a few million poor people will struggle, at least I'm alright. Once you do accept the responsibility for a task, you follow through and deliver. Not make excuses and leave it to others to pick up the pieces. 4. Accountable leaders seek input form others. You know that one of the most powerful ways to develop and improve yourself is to talk it out with others, to seek advice from trusted and respected friends, bosses, colleagues, coaches or mentors. It's the recognition that they aren't as omnipotent as their ego might like and that I, even I, can be better and, critically, want to work on being better. I met with a business leader recently to discuss their development needs and plans for the coming year. It was all terrific stuff but I noted that there was no mention of how he was planning to develop his leadership. Of course, this was a daft question on my part as it was obvious that it wasn't his leadership that needed developing, but everyone else's, though he did concede that his bosses could do with training too. It must be tough, I said, being the only perfect leader in the company... Our problem with self-awareness is simple: We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions. "I meant to make the right decision based on the information and the time I had available. I am very busy and have a lot on my plate right now. It's not my fault that I made a bad decision..." Accountable leaders look for ways to do things differently and better in the future and take responsibility to initiate and instigate suitable changes to how they do things and what they do. Accountable leaders are good for business (and for society). In the weeks and months that followed the golf leadership programme, "CS" became a changed man and the business flourished. Engagement amongst the staff soared. Staff turnover slowed to a trickle. Sales increased and costs went down. And even his wife was happy (after she'd made a phone call to us at the office to check that he was telling the truth about events and I wasn't some teenage floozy trying to steal her husband away.) Developing accountability is a challenge for most leaders yet it is well wroth it for personal and business benefits. Accountability increases trust within teams and builds respect between staff and leadership whilst promoting a sense of fairness that increases engagement in the workforce. Accountability is not about the times you win, it's the times you almost win. It's about striving to be better, the promise of achieving goals and the continuous self-refinement. Accountability is a leaders commitment to excellence - raising their game, always improving and always lifting others up. Accountability is why being a leader is so tough and it's why there are so few truly good leaders. Are your leaders accountable? Are you? What examples of good leadership and accountability have you seen? What's worked best for you in developing leadership accountability in your organisation?]]>03c580f4804f4ba69c725d7f81381475Thu, 31 Jan 2019 07:30:00 +0000Dr John KPresident Harry S. Truman had a famous sign on his desk that read: "The Buck Stops Here." A clear indicator that he accepted accountability for all the decisions of his administration. There are leaders like Truman in politics and organisations today,...887cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-075-why-joy-work-matters8495426cb102412ba9a510fd929da019Fri, 11 Jan 2019 08:08:00 +0000Dr John KEncourage Imagine that someone created a red pill that adds years to your life; it reduces the risk of having a heart attack or stroke; cuts your risk of Alzheimer's disease by more than fifty percent; helps you relax during the day and sleep better...856cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/joy-at-work-selah-meditationhttps://brainworksneurotherapy.com/what-are-brainwaveshttps://www.wellandgood.com/good-advice/brainwaves-biohack-sleep-health-focus/slide/4/ This Is How Meditation Actually Works Guide The Easy Way Take One deep breath. Bring your full completely focussed attention to your breathing for two minutes. Just two to start. You'll get up to seven within a week. Become aware that you are breathing and then pay attention to the process of breathing. Anytime your attention wanders, just bring it back to your breathing. The Easier Way Just Pause Find a quiet spot (or plug in your earphones and tune in to relaxing, restful meditative music played softly). Sit without agenda for two minutes. Stare into space, or close your eyes. Just remain awake but completely relaxed. Any moment your attention wanders just wipe it away and go back to nothingness. And you can switch between the easy and easier way anytime you wish. Empower Hold on John, you said the most powerful seven minutes. This is just two. True. Research tells us that seven minutes is the sweetspot for habitually choosing to take control and biohack our brainwaves. Two minutes is just your easy starting point. You can either extend your practice of this by, say, one minute each day until the end of the week. Or, if you find more time just too difficult right now, then do three or four two minute breaks throughout the day. Cannot do a full two minutes, you say? Then just take ONE MINDFUL DEEP BREATH. Just one. If you can, take another. Every time you are waiting for something or someone. Waiting at the traffic light. Waiting for your computer to start. Waiting for a webpage to load. Waiting in a queue. Just take ONE mindful, deep breath and practice. Want to have some help? If you want to delve more deeply into meditation or mindfulness there are a whole bunch of resources out there. Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan is by the Singaporean-born Google Engineer is one I can recommend. There are a bunch of apps out there that come recommended. My personal recommendation for binaural beats is brain.fm For Christian guided meditation, I like Abide.co Others Ive tried and found to be good, "Calm", "Headspace", "Stop, Breathe and Think" and the Singaporean made "MindFi". There are also wearables to assist with your successful bio-hacking. As at writing, I have not yet tried any. Most appear to be aimed at reducing stress or helping you sleep better. The Muse headband looks particularly interesting.]]>5018a0ae126b4de9acd29e56e9523423Wed, 09 Jan 2019 08:34:00 +0000Dr John K  Encourage Every day you are busy. Emails fill your inbox, some of them might even matter. Your todo list gets ticked off... or not. You attend meetings, deal with clients, chat with the boss, communicate with colleagues, deal with crises, handle...925cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-074-how-to-thrive-when-the-robots-risf3349b84c49d47fe8b4e99e2e803b665Fri, 31 Aug 2018 17:30:00 +0000Dr John KThere's a lot of excitement about artificial intelligence (AI) and the potential for robots to autonomously make decisions about what gets done, how it gets done, and who does it. As the technology fast approaches the dreams of science fiction, many...701cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-073-how-to-waste-your-time-writing-a-5ec4193b242a4ae498064e0761ac99feFri, 03 Aug 2018 17:30:00 +0000Dr John K"Where do you see yourself in five years time?" This insidious little question invites the interviewee to begin a little game that finishes as a belief built on sand. You guess what your prospective employer wants to hear, and then you give it to...1318cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-072-hacking-neuroscience-to-re-inspirhttps://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/locus-of-control/). The big downside of an external locus of control is that even if they are to blame, they don't give a damn because they are in it for themselves and their own locus of control. In modern society our greatest punishment is to remove or reduce a persons ability to control what happens to them by imprisoning them, beating them or executing them. Attachment Our need for attachment is laid down at birth in our brain and memory. This means that our perceptions, behaviours and emotional reactions and motivations can be laid down very early in life. This is directly linked to the availability of an attachment figure, usually one of the primary caregivers, for normal social and emotional development. When this is not the case this has a negative influence on the fulfilment of this need for attachment. (Bowlby, J., Ainsworth, M., & Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theory. Developmental Psychology, 5, 759-775) Whether your primary caregiver wasn't there physically or emotionally doesn't make a great deal of difference. Pleasure maximisation (and avoidance of pain) We follow a simple logic to increase our pleasure and avoid unpleasurable, dangerous or painful experiences. Our experience over time gives rise to a whole network of mostly unconscious triggers and associations that are linked to either positive or negative experiences and our resultant pleasure or pain. You may be seeking hedonistic pleasure focusing more on the subjective experience of maximising personal pleasure and minimising personal pain, or a eudaemonic experience with a more rounded psychological well-being that encompasses the combination of the other three basic needs being fulfilled for a long term meaning or purpose. Our subjective experiences colour our view of the world and each person has their own unique internal rating process based on our own unique previous experiences. In short: We strive to increase our belief of our own self-worth to ourselves and our perception of how others value us. We need to believe that we have some ability to control what happens to us and we need to feel cared for by another human being. Lastly, we seek to maximise the personal pleasure we derive from life and avoid unpleasant experiences. To be able to deliberately impact our feeling of drive, motivation, inspiration or engagement we need to be able to fulfil these four needs in a way that satisfies us personally. And to understand that, we need to get back to those chemicals I talked about earlier. This is going to help us hack your thinking by knowing the main chemicals involved and what you can consciously and deliberately do to alter the cocktail mix that your SNS, HPAA (and PSNS) do unconsciously for you. So now it's time to geek out on some chemistry. What's chemistry got to do with my feeling driven and inspired? Well everything! How you FEEL in any situation is your conscious interpretation of the physiological response of your body, triggered by the combination (or cocktail) o]]>0f4e506eeb774d33a170166835027a52Sat, 09 Jun 2018 02:32:00 +0000Dr John KWe all want an inspirational leader. Someone to look up to, to give us hope and direction. A leader who engages us as individuals and treats us well, but most of all makes us want to be better. But what if that leader is you? And today you're feeling...1879cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-071-how-to-manage-uncertainty-using-c3b20e0f17f44e1436e6f9999cca5a971Fri, 27 Apr 2018 08:02:00 +0000Dr John KEveryone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. Mike Tyson's excellent response to a reporters question before his fight with Evander Holyfield. And isn't that just true about all of the best laid plans we make? No plan survives contact...810cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-070-when-to-be-agile-and-when-to-keep2c561909e372d04cc996425a08e8f454Thu, 05 Apr 2018 08:03:00 +0000Dr John KHow do we find our purpose to listen to wisdom to rightly choose when to be agile and change and when we should keep on the same track? Wisdom Tenacity and Agility I was at my wits end. Burned out and utterly lost in a quagmire of my own making. I'm...1077cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-069-getting-to-know-your-audience5b6bbff4633f9b768d4b7da6af54b8ceSat, 03 Mar 2018 02:46:00 +0000Dr John KPart 5 of our series on Being an Exceptional presenter takes us into the OW of KNOWing your Audience. Blame the 'O' for millions of people being fearful of presenting at all. And blame the 'W' for most presenters failing. It's also why most...1015cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-068-the-secrets-of-being-an-exceptionc43bbcdbc9c2412e045bc73f09f44dbaSat, 03 Feb 2018 03:42:00 +0000Dr John KIf there's one complaint I hear about a presenter's skills from their boss or a their HR, it's that they don't adjust their presentation for their audience. And yet those presenters genuinely believe that they do adjust for their audience. So who is...1170cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-067-the-secrets-to-being-an-exceptioncb646e0d8467de5a1649c9e6f4ac1de8Fri, 05 Jan 2018 08:03:00 +0000Dr John Kn this AdvantEdge Guide I am sharing how you can make your presentations engaging, memorable and interesting by utilising the New Golden Circle of Visual Storytelling. There are three parts to this guide. I shall start with the problem, that is that...1226cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-066-the-secrets-to-being-an-exceptiond36953c80bb6346ce6a6490583a27e89Sat, 16 Dec 2017 02:35:00 +0000Dr John KYou want to make a greater impact and you want to be seen as an exceptional presenter, but nobody seems to care what you say or how you say it, let alone act on the information you shared. What you need to do is motivate your audience to pay attention...1182cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-065-the-secrets-to-being-an-exception40c3c987e3675a476699ff7082817813Sat, 28 Oct 2017 01:23:00 +0000Dr John KIt’s all about being “natural” or “charismatic”! It is, you’re right of course. So shall we mere mortals give up then? It is true that some people appear “natural” and “charismatic” when they deliver a talk or presentation. But they usually neglect to...851cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/finding-your-goldilocks-zoneleadershipadvantedge.podbean.com/finding-your-goldilocks-zone-24b00f90dd1700f333f1ee8f1a4eedd1Mon, 09 Oct 2017 05:39:21 +0000Dr John KThis is just a test publsihing1255cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la064-be-a-better-influener518ce82536dbef3eac45a57577ca43acSat, 23 Sep 2017 04:39:00 +0000Dr John K"Some people are just more naturally empathic than others" the CEO brusquely informed me. "It's not personal, it's business" he went on quoting that bundle of joy Donald Trump. "They should know what's good for them, and do what I suggest. Why should...1066cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-063-when-enough-is-enough-how-to-reta66a89b9f43567f5d4ea3508a2b034514Thu, 24 Aug 2017 07:34:00 +0000Dr John KToday is your birthday! OK, maybe it’s not actually today, but happy birthday anyway. This is the one day a year when a few people, your mum and maybe an aunt, send you an actual birthday card. Remember those? Real physical cards. Heck, nowadays...676cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-062-why-win-win-is-lose-lose-and-what91b2aebe87b3bd2f003b1ca480180ae3Thu, 03 Aug 2017 07:05:00 +0000Dr John KWelcome to another edition of the Leadership AdvantEdge. And this week I'm challenging the idea that a win-win solution is an ideal to strive for. if everybody wins, there is no new value created. It is merely exchanged. Whether you are...975cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-062-are-you-a-controlling-or-controllb7fb6436e455c6479d8ac767e5216f1fSat, 22 Jul 2017 02:08:00 +0000Dr John K“As long as you do everything exactly the way I want it when I want it, you can do it any way you want whenever you want.” The Head Chef told me on my first day in his kitchen. There was to be no ambiguity, no doubt that there was one way of doing...1096cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-061-never-underestimate-the-power-of-6635e3b74be76fba58c77a7bda296c0dSat, 08 Jul 2017 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KRecently, I spent a few days being completely cared for. I was allowed to do nothing for myself. Forced to lay in an uncomfortable bed, unable to get out being tied in via neck and arms to machines and tubes, with more tubes coming out of my body. And...955cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-060-the-secret-keys-to-getting-the-ri4af2d33c84389b6ed6453076ccbfb4f3Thu, 22 Jun 2017 08:00:00 +0000Dr John KI am an excellent procrastinator! I can put things off for absolutely no better reason than I don't feel like doing them right now. Of course, I have plenty of excellent excuses, and I believe all of them. Until I choose not to. So I force myself to...904cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-059-e-learning-is-dead-why-we-need-tod15b322d1b0b9f660d5c755b0f6e49a3Sat, 10 Jun 2017 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KBeyond Blended Learning, today's leading organisations are flipping the corporate classroom. Are you going to be sidelined? Let's throw up some startling statistics. [caption id="attachment_38738" align="alignright" width="300"] Preferred format for...1225cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la0-058-want-more-productivity-take-a-br161f38984819b4b2204063543f837dceFri, 26 May 2017 07:45:00 +0000Dr John KMy mum would often tell me “all will be well in the morning.” For her, it was just experience and age-old wisdom. All will be well in the morning And things always were better in the morning. Somehow, all the clutter and stress and worry, while, not...515cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-057-what-do-you-do-when-you-cant-findb7c4d73d6eb75b8bbf5ce69a98d66343Fri, 05 May 2017 07:33:00 +0000Dr John KOne of biggest issues I hear from programme participants is that they are simply too busy to take time out of their schedule to develop themselves. They get frustrated because they want to get better at some aspect of their leadership capabilities, or...1114cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-056-leverage-the-power-of-habit-to-su4535b4dd176b8769254235abb833da6dSat, 22 Apr 2017 16:00:00 +0000Dr John KCh-ch-ch-ch-changes (Turn and face the strange) Ch-ch-changes Don't want to be a richer man Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (Turn and face the strange) Ch-ch-changes Just gonna have to be a different man Time may change me But I can't trace timeDavid Bowie What...1587cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/finding-your-goldilocks-zone_15865fc29b4369a62dda75c08fcd8ca5dSat, 18 Mar 2017 04:30:00 +0000Dr John KGoldilocks is fast asleep when the bears return home. She found her perfect bed, not too big and not too soft. After eating her fill of the perfect porridge that wasnt too hot and wasn't too sweet. Goldilocks had tested the beds upstairs and fell into...1255cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-053-strive-to-leave-a-legacy-or-chase25399debbfdea7af8834a166c75b6fbbSat, 04 Mar 2017 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KStress! Do you suffer? Of course you do. How much is caused by others and how much do you cause yourself? When you really think on this, you uncover some rather painful truths about stress. Most of it is caused by yourself. Like you. I like to place...698cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-052-how-to-influence-anyone-and-every63a7186182f8d23c59565874802c4d5dWed, 15 Feb 2017 02:32:00 +0000Dr John KIn this episode we are exploring how you can influence and motivate anyone or everyone. We're even going to learn some lessons from the President of the United States and just how he won the election. Jeff sat on a bar stool at the front of the room....1702cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-051-how-do-you-leverage-your-influenchttp://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/21-ways-you-can-earn-the-respect-others.html https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/248415 If you ask anyone about gaining respect from others, they will tell you that you cannot get it until you give it. It's almost 'why should I respect you if you don't respect me?'  So start by making a list of all the people whom you need to, or want to influence. Write them down in two columns, the easy ones and the real tough ones. (I've created a worksheet that you can download on the show notes page for this.) For each individual on the easy list, write a note about ONE thing that you like, love or admire about them. Just ONE thing. Now do the same with the tough list. ONE thing that you could, if you choose to, love, like or admire about them. If you are struggling with an individual, what about their accent, their clothes, their hair, cleanliness, or wanton disregard for personal hygiene. You only need to identify ONE thing. Now go tell them that you love, like admire this thing about them. And if they ask: "is that all?", just reply: "for now, yes." Choose to make the other person your centre of attention when you have time together. Ask about their lives, and, if you want to really gain traction on your influence, ask them what they did at the weekend. Listening attentively to what they did, the words they use and the order they share. No-one, in my experience, has ever objected to being asked what they did at the weekend. No-one, in my experience, has ever found being told something admired or liked about them has ever objected to being told. They often want more, but they don't object. But won't they think I'm after something from them? Cozzying up to them for a favour? I'm not asking you to brown nose, just to share something that you love, like or admire and ask them about them, their life, what matters to them.They may suspect that of course, but do this without any desire or need for reciprocity. You're asking what they did at the weekend because most people spend their weekends doing the things they love to do, with the people most important to them. So if they spend their entire weekend working (as in time that they should be off work) then, working is more important to them than their family or personal life. That may be a temporary situation, but ask every week and you'll find patterns emerging. You do, of course, need to demonstrate your competence too.  I worked with a delightful young leader. She was one of the nicest, must humble and talented people in her field. Few of her colleagues respected her for her work. She was liked, but not respected. In meetings she would be quiet and she would do her work as quietly and unobtrusively as possible. Her work was exemplary but no-one knew that it was her work. She never asked for, nor was ever given credit. If you hide all of your light under a bushel, no-one will see it. That isn't to say that all your best work should be done as loudly as possible, but do show the self-confidence and assert your right to have your work recognised. Show humility but don't let others trample all over you. It's a problem I see with many tech leaders. So much of their work is hidden from the eyes of others. Few people see the work that you put into the project because all they see is the output, and if you make it look real easy, then it doesn't deserve much respect now does it? If you don't blow your own trumpet, no-one will blow it for you. Just please remember, you're not alone in this band. Even Bix Beiderbeck knew when to be silent and let others have a say. How do I Win trust from others Trust is a fickle thing. A thousand years can be undone in a moment. Trust is: "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something" according to the Merriam Webster dictionary. When I can reply on you and know that you will come through as you promised, then I can trust you. There is a delay built into our choice to trust someone or something, and I discussed that in an earlier Leadership AdvantEdge Podcast http://leadershipadvantedge.com/podcast/advantedge-podcasts/great-leaders-build-trust-increase-engagement/ You increase others ability to trust you by consistently engaging their reward network more than their pain network in the brain.  You trust someone more when they speak highly of you, they appreciate you, they always treat you and everyone else fairly, they are never biased, they always hold you in the highest esteem. Great leaders give you deserved credit for your ideas and contributions and never take the credit that belongs to someone else. Even when they themselves are being unfairly treated, denigrated or the victim of malicious gossip, a great leader doesn’t bite back. Great leaders treat even their enemies with respect and dignity. And someone you trust implicitly never, ever breaks your trust. Building trust can be as simple as turning up to a meeting on time. Not apologising for unknown traffic conditions, on time in spite of the traffic conditions.  It's as easy and as difficult as keeping promises made, no matter the personal cost. Winning trust is about consistency.  Go back to the list you created earlier. Write down beside each name is the "easy" column the ONE thing you can do to win more of that individual's trust. If you don't know... ask them. Now do the same with your "tough" column. ONE thing that you can do to win their trust. If you're having difficulties asking people directly, then listen attentively to their conversations. When people are moaning and complaining, they will often emphasise the things they dislike the most and these tend to be the things that they think "should" be done differently or better. That's]]>6c2f97dedbb146415f0a8918aa3d1a16Wed, 01 Feb 2017 07:59:00 +0000Dr John KThe 15 inch blade flew perilously close to my left ear and the Chef's knife thumped into the door behind me. I was told, in no uncertain terms, that my days in his pastry kitchen were over. I couldn't possibly repeat the actual words, but if you think...1408cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-050-whats-your-influencing-style-and-62d3dcc12a84f294e3dd410e279e9538Sat, 21 Jan 2017 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KWhat's Your Influencing Style? (And Why it Matters!)   The Captain's voice bing bonged into the silence and calmly informed us to assume the brace position. The stewardess asked us to sit down and brace. Forty seconds later everyone began...1121cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-049-breaking-down-the-glass-walls-thef9bab93589efc51d4fae32dec7e88822Sat, 07 Jan 2017 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KIt's more than 40 years later, and businesses and homes are awash with computing devices. There's more computing power in my watch than on that entire top floor of equipment back in the early 70's. Much has changed... except it seems there remains a...472cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-048-what-is-the-one-thing-you-can-do-6bded2e40dfa8d24202edab0d6bac990Sat, 03 Dec 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KWhen I was a young junior hotel manager, I knew it all. I knew everything about running a hotel, the restaurant, the kitchens, and the rooms. After all, I was studying for a degree in hotel management and had worked in every department. When a member...964cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-047-how-to-raise-your-level-of-influeff8a06b85d15b0715b39d569341af303Sat, 19 Nov 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John K"Leadership is influence" according to John C. Maxwell (Maxwell, 2010), and you can raise your level of influence with others. The Five Levels of Influence The higher your level of influence with someone, the easier it is to lead them. The 5 Levels...906cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-046-how-shared-situational-awareness-a58433652a4f2a29c13cad6a471b1a5dSat, 22 Oct 2016 02:26:00 +0000Dr John KIn this episode you will recognise dysfunctions observed in your business, organisation or team and be able to remedy them relatively easily and quickly. But first, let me share a moment in my own life when my personal situational awareness was...1470cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-045-ill-believe-it-when-i-see-it8db6a214cfdf0e0476d437453abef34eThu, 20 Oct 2016 07:32:00 +0000Dr John KIn almost every workshop I run, someone will raise their requirement for empirical evidence or “solid proof” before they will commit to applying the tools and techniques that will bring them benefit. We often desire more evidence that something will...1032cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-044-how-to-communicate-with-impact-an74cf71000546f7319169148604a28434Sat, 01 Oct 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KIdeas are the currency of the 21st century. The ability to communicate your ideas persuasively is the single greatest skill you need to accomplish your dreams Spreading your ideas in the 21st Century requires a 21st Century model of communication Let...1078cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-043-how-to-get-unstuck67fe10ad56dae58cf5b4a63b5085529fSat, 17 Sep 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KAll through life, Alex has always felt that other people, schoolmates, friends and later colleagues, seemed to have it easier. Dad was never quite satisfied. It was hard to live up to his standards. Aunts and Uncles always knew a cousin who was...695cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-042-the-elephant-and-the-rider-how-toe8c8329db4535471333e9fc35c2b82e6Sat, 10 Sep 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KHave you ever wondered why it's so tough to influence change? Why is it, that with our very best intentions, we still find it difficult to make changes that we know would be good for us? It seems that it’s down to our inner elephant. I’ve borrowed the...914cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-041-how-to-bust-stress-and-fears7bff68441cb966218c3b1d0498439dc3Sat, 03 Sep 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KYou know that stress is bad for you. Yet you endure it every day. Modern life is stressful. Whether it's work, your boss, your spouse, your kids, your parents, driving or simply trying to fathom what to eat today. Your life is filled with stressors....792cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-040-five-ways-to-let-your-courage-set450b0ea97eec2d5069d3ab0b5cb2a06dSat, 27 Aug 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KCourage is the root of all freedom. It takes courage to dream big dreams… no matter your past, circumstances, or what others tell you. It takes courage to go after what matters. And when the going gets tough and obstacles crop up (as they always...774cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-039-3-fears-that-undermine-your-authe0f764c682fc3c23f4a8a458d032840eeSat, 20 Aug 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KThere's something not quite right. Something just isn't sitting well in your gut. You can't quite place it exactly, but there is something wrong between the words and something else. Have you ever heard the adage that communication is only 7 percent...665cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-038-why-talent-leaves-and-other-leadead5ece4aa34fcfe55dab73a925cd2736Sat, 13 Aug 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KSo the UK is getting divorced from Europe. Rather surprising with the way different age groups voted. Or rather, not surprising. Baby boomers and older and the older Gen X voting to leave, with the youngsters voting to remain. Not only has the vote...1603cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-037-are-you-using-your-talent855d0f1cf14220bd4e6a27735c7b6e24Sat, 06 Aug 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KIn this week's episode, I'm asking you a tough question: Are you using your talent? If before that I asked you what you want from your life? It's possible that you would be just like the majority of my clients and tell me that you want to be happy and...639cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-036-6-premortem-questions-for-the-perf52c4dbf6f6fc335de8b32796c19bcf0Sat, 23 Jul 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KWelcome to this edition of the Leadership AdvantEdge Podcast and my purpose this week is to help you confidently make your next meeting or presentation perfect, and not be anxious about it. To do that, today, I'm going to share with you how to do a...1039cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-035-3-tips-for-being-heardb9992ce86fd1fb016e8bbefad1f351b2Sat, 16 Jul 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KWhy is it so difficult to make yourself heard? When you're in IT, the chances are pretty high that you are quieter than your non-IT colleagues. You are probably more introverted than they are and you might even be regarded as being a little bit quiet....729cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-034-how-to-improve-team-performance9579932988b207f01b108f82e85f10a5Sat, 09 Jul 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KThis is a story of two leaders. We worked with the organisation on team leadership because one of their sales teams was "highly successful" and another was "doing poorly, with a very low morale". The organisation wanted us to "find out what's working...481cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-033-how-to-overcome-the-great-delusio"Luck" hints to us that all good things are the result of chance. Some people are lucky, some aren't.  Or so the conventional thinking goes.
But the truth is, fortune isn't found in a four leaf clover or at the end of a rainbow. Good luck follows hard work. It may seem that the people who get “all the breaks” do so effortlessly, but when you look deeper, you will find effort, persistence, and determination.
In other words, “lucky” people reap opportunities because they've worked hard to get where they are, not because circumstances have magically lined up to give them a smooth ride.
So often, “lucky breaks” in life have actually come about because you have worked diligently, and often unglamorously, to achieve your goals. In other words, good luck doesn't come to you… you must go to it. And that’s why the key to being lucky isn't chance. It’s good, old-fashioned, roll-up-your-sleeves-and-make-it-happen work.
M. Scott Peck in ‘the Road Less Traveled’ starts: “Life is difficult”. What is most surprising, is that, for many people, this is a revelation! Go to any business networking event, or meet a potential client – especially during the current economic situation and they will be moaning incessantly about the enormity of their problems, burdens or difficulties as if life should be easy.
Perhaps you are struggling on your journey to achieving your ‘success’ and you may be suffering the consequences of one or more of the nine common delusions about achieving success. Depending on how much you believe your ‘success’ is down to what you do (cause) and how much is down to external forces over which you have little or no control (effect) determines where you might be:
It’s impossible!
Particularly for those just embarking on their journey, ‘success’ is a place far away. We may have wonderful dreams about it and a delightfully crafted goal. But as the days, weeks and months go by and ‘success’ doesn't appear to be any closer, many people throw in the towel. More budding entrepreneurs than I can recall have given up – life without a salary is just too tough.
When we've given up because ‘success’ is impossible, we’ll then criticize it. Anyone who achieves success whom we deem less worthy is the subject of our scorn and contempt – “they don’t deserve it!”.
It’s a mystery to me…
If we survive the ‘impossible’ stage, seeing others achieving yet success continues to elude us we search for the secret.
We need to find the magic formula, the silver bullet or the golden key.
Returning to that bookshop to find ‘the’ book that will change our lives. So many promise that you can achieve success in business, life, management, health, diet and they are snapped up.
Business people are constantly looking for quick fixes to problems:
To sell more, we need the sales messages and techniques that instantly convert a cold call into a lifelong customer.
To produce more, we need the unique leadership skills that magically and massively increase performance.
To maintain shareholder value we need to increase profitability by increasing sales and reducing costs simultaneously. Either that or we cook the books to make it look as though we did.
Lady luck?
OK, so there’s no absolute secret to success. Sure we can learn from others, but they didn't really do it instantly, it took time. But essentially, they were in the right place at the right time. No more than luck.So if success is down to luck – all I can do is hope for it. One day my ship will come in. Next year, when the current economic crisis is over. The dice will fall my way.
May as well buy lottery tickets.If you've waited for ‘lady luck’ long enough and still on the journey, by now you may believe that luck only comes to those who create it for themselves.
All I need is a break!
If only…
Everyone has a story about someone they know who got their break. The telephone sales guy spotted in a mall by a movie producer and became an instant star. The busker in the subway ‘found’ by the record label. The crazy inventor who made gold from apple seeds.
But, if all you do is wait for it, when your opportunity comes your way, you won’t be ready for it.So you've not had fortune turn up on your doorstep. The 43 steps to instant success didn’t quite work out as expected. That anticipated call from the client you’ve not met didn’t come. Your website is getting plenty of ‘hits’ but turning those into business isn’t quite happening.
What I need is leverage.
We look for an angle to exploit or for leverage over someone else.
successful. They do the same thing as me. Surely I can hang onto their coat tails and ride along until I’m on my feet, then I can set up on my own again, take the best customers with me and …
All I need to do is work harder!
OK, so you’re in charge of the situation now. It’s not about luck or any special formula. It’s all about hard work.
The best thing about working hard and producing results is that it feels rewarding.
Talk to anyone who has achieved success in their business, and I’ll bet they worked hard for it. They just kept going. Putting everything on the line and never giving up.
So that’s the real secret? Well, yes and no. Those people you know who are really successful in their business or career. How’s the rest of their life? Is there a chance that they are neglecting important relationships? I know of no-one on their death bed saying “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”Hard work itself doesn't bring success – you may be in a dead-end job, or your fabulous new product will remain unwanted forever.
So I haven’t attended the right event yet…
Most people take the middle road towards their success. A route that depends much on self-effort, yet recognizes that the outside world has a role in my success too.
A huge number of people believe that success is an event, so they schedule for it. They attend the seminar by one of those fabulous speakers and just know that after this, they will have both the secrets of success and have made connections with like-minded people who will help each other achieve success.
The most common form of event in companies is the ‘training event’. Apparently, the two-day workshop on strategic business leadership is going to equip you with all the knowledge, experience and determination to make your business the incredible success is deserves to be.
That ‘rah-rah’ motivational event might just be the tipping point of a decision to move on, but success is a process not an event.
I just need better connections…
This is the massively growing space for business people.
We've all heard the phrase, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. So we network for success. No longer is this the restrictive domain of the ‘old school tie’, the golf club or the masons.Networking is accessible to all – and the world becomes your oyster.
New technologies allow us to easily expand out network beyond any previous borders. I can network with people across the globe and in my local chapter – over breakfast, lunch, coffee, in a virtual world, in a chat room, a forum. And surely, if I connect with enough people, I’ll get to meet the ‘who you know’ that is going to make that difference.
The right relationships certainly help in achieving your ‘success’ but connections alone neither improve life nor guarantee ‘success’.
Remember Billy Carter? No?
No-one can network himself to success unless he has something to offer in the first place.
So I just need to be recognized…
As we network with more and more people to increase our visibility we want to be recognised by more and more people for our talents, our special ness, our difference. So we strive for success by being recognized.
For the great business people, it might be the cover of Time magazine. For the scientist or academic, maybe the Nobel prize. The writer for the Pulitzer. The movie star an Oscar. The musician, a Grammy.Most people would settle for a lot less. Walking into a room full of people and being called by name to come over and ‘let me introduce you to…’ A client who recommends you to a friend. A collaborator who endorses you. A boss who thanks you.
So what’s the answer? Keep on keeping on]]>e11f0b778f88a80c552e9fe5c59dece0Sat, 02 Jul 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KDo you believe that to succeed you just have to be lucky, Or perhaps you believe it's all about your own hard work? No, then perhaps you think it's down to having the right connections. After all, the saying goes, it’s now what you know, it’s who you..."Luck" hints to us that all good things are the result of chance. Some people are lucky, some aren't.  Or so the conventional thinking goes.
But the truth is, fortune isn't found in a four leaf clover or at the end of a rainbow. Good luck follows hard work. It may seem that the people who get “all the breaks” do so effortlessly, but when you look deeper, you will find effort, persistence, and determination.
In other words, “lucky” people reap opportunities because they've worked hard to get where they are, not because circumstances have magically lined up to give them a smooth ride.
So often, “lucky breaks” in life have actually come about because you have worked diligently, and often unglamorously, to achieve your goals. In other words, good luck doesn't come to you… you must go to it. And that’s why the key to being lucky isn't chance. It’s good, old-fashioned, roll-up-your-sleeves-and-make-it-happen work.
M. Scott Peck in ‘the Road Less Traveled’ starts: “Life is difficult”. What is most surprising, is that, for many people, this is a revelation! Go to any business networking event, or meet a potential client – especially during the current economic situation and they will be moaning incessantly about the enormity of their problems, burdens or difficulties as if life should be easy.
Perhaps you are struggling on your journey to achieving your ‘success’ and you may be suffering the consequences of one or more of the nine common delusions about achieving success. Depending on how much you believe your ‘success’ is down to what you do (cause) and how much is down to external forces over which you have little or no control (effect) determines where you might be:
It’s impossible!
Particularly for those just embarking on their journey, ‘success’ is a place far away. We may have wonderful dreams about it and a delightfully crafted goal. But as the days, weeks and months go by and ‘success’ doesn't appear to be any closer, many people throw in the towel. More budding entrepreneurs than I can recall have given up – life without a salary is just too tough.
When we've given up because ‘success’ is impossible, we’ll then criticize it. Anyone who achieves success whom we deem less worthy is the subject of our scorn and contempt – “they don’t deserve it!”.
It’s a mystery to me…
If we survive the ‘impossible’ stage, seeing others achieving yet success continues to elude us we search for the secret.
We need to find the magic formula, the silver bullet or the golden key.
Returning to that bookshop to find ‘the’ book that will change our lives. So many promise that you can achieve success in business, life, management, health, diet and they are snapped up.
Business people are constantly looking for quick fixes to problems:
To sell more, we need the sales messages and techniques that instantly convert a cold call into a lifelong customer.
To produce more, we need the unique leadership skills that magically and massively increase performance.
To maintain shareholder value we need to increase profitability by increasing sales and reducing costs simultaneously. Either that or we cook the books to make it look as though we did.
Lady luck?
OK, so there’s no absolute secret to success. Sure we can learn from others, but they didn't really do it instantly, it took time. But essentially, they were in the right place at the right time. No more than luck.So if success is down to luck – all I can do is hope for it. One day my ship will come in. Next year, when the current economic crisis is over. The dice will fall my way.
May as well buy lottery tickets.If you've waited for ‘lady luck’ long enough...]]>882cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-032-how-to-handle-tall-poppy-syndrome
I've been working with a client this past week who's something of a maverick. A rebel. A person who has a different opinion and ideas about the way forward. It's a joy for me to work with someone so intent on making a real difference and not content to follow the way things have been done in that particular organisation for years. Because the organisation is in a bit of a rut. They're not growing, they're stagnating. And before long, they could easily simply die out.
This leader has passion and believes that, with a few changes, things could be different. That there is life in the old dog yet.
But no-one wants to change. Whispering and worry abound in the company, everyone knows that there's problems. That margins have been squeezed, that the market is drying up and they could easily become obsolete. They know this. They understand this. Yet, this leader, my client, is struggling to be heard. Anytime he rises to offer a possible solution, it is rejected out of hand as being too new, too risky, too dangerous. After all, that is not the way we do things around here.
He faces tension from all directions, the company leadership, his peers and the staff: but in different ways that I refer to as Tall Poppy Syndrome and the Madras Crabs.
The old guard resent his new fangled ideas. They see this upstart as a tall poppy in the management team. The younger staff keep their heads down and seem fearful of supporting any proposal that wins such disfavour.
There's a tall poppy in every workplace . They're the people who seem to have it all. Whether it's looks, talent, success or simply they got what you deserve.
Resentment can soon build and, left unchecked, turn into abject misery.
What would you do in the same position? You are certain that you know how to turn things around. Do you push back or do you back off?
When should you push back?
Are you telling them what they NEED to know rather than what they WANT to hear? Then you should push back.
If you know that time is running out, you should push back (heck, if you’re right, then maybe the business won’t exist so you’d lose your job anyway!) I love this phrase about time running out: The broken glass on the ground is from the window of opportunity that was slammed shut.

The broken glass on the ground is from the window of opportunity that was slammed shut.

If you have been entrusted with a responsibility and are having difficulty, it is better that your boss knows about it and has the opportunity to help you rather than fail miserably alone. Push back
Or should you back off
If you’re promoting your own agenda. Doing your own thing. If you’ve said it a couple of times and they don’t seem to catch on… they probably don’t want to catch on…. Back off.
Have I already made my point?

“You do not lead people by hitting them over the head – that’s assault not leadership.” – Dwight Eisenhower

Does my request exceed my relationship?
I was working with a Malaysian company and the Chairman’s son and daughter were in the ‘high-potential’ group I was coaching. And as is quite common when such situations occur, they had an air of superiority because of their relationship with the big boss. Quite often they would both step beyond normal boundaries in their relationship with their direct bosses, which was inappropriate. Not only is it inappropriate in that they were trying to abuse a family relationship, but by stepping beyond the relationship level with their direct boss, they were actually antagonizing their own direct bosses who would often respond by deliberately undermining their power whenever they could. They were not making friends and influencing people, rather they were building a culture of nepotistic favour and would become reliant on positional power in the future.
Now I pushed the matter with them both and the chairman (their father)… why, because my responsibilities were at risk. This time they listened, but on other occasions in similar situations in Malaysia, in Indonesia and in Singapore, after stating the case I backed off without the right result. Why? because I had already made my point and to push more would have been MY agenda which is that I don’t like nepotism… and especially when it is rampant whilst spouting that they are upholding the values of meritocracy. Yes it riles me, but that's my agenda and exceeded the relationship I had.
In the case of my client, he came to the conclusion that this was something worth pushing back because he had been hired to reenergize the business, that time was running out and they needed to hear it, they just didn’t like what they were hearing.
But that still left the issues with his peers and staff…
Perhaps you have heard about Madras Crabs?
When caught, Madras Crabs are put in an open basket. They are free to escape anytime.But they don't manage to do so. But they don't manage to do so.
Every time one of the crabs tries to climb out of the basket, his fellow crabs will grab a leg and pull him back down. Another attempts a break for freedom, and the rest gang up to pull him back into the basket.
None escape because none of the others will let him.
I shared this story with my client and we discussed why change fails and how, as a leader, we need to be clear what the purpose of any change is and how that purpose aligns with what matters for our peers and our staff. It's seldom enough to tell everyone how great it will be for profit margins and your own bonus, or that without change, then job security (of their jobs) is under threat. No, they need to know that there is a benefit for them, personally. Increased job security might be more critical than a cash component. Pride might be more important than greater efficiency. As a leader, it's your job to know what is important to your staff and peers (and bosses) and to make sure that the purpose of change aligns with them.
It helps too, to connect the past, present and future. People don’t like change. Well, change is often something feared. Keeping in touch with the past enables many to dare reach for the future. Unifying past, present and future brings power and continuity to changing the future. We are integrating the Knew (with a K) with the New.
When you lead from the middle you are faced with the tensions of leading downwards and sideways - and maybe you too are surrounded by Madras Crabs.
Are you one of those trying to 'escape' but everyone else just pulls you down? Whether they make snide comments or spread malicious gossip. They just don't want you to succeed.
Or perhaps you are one of those in the basket, pulling down anyone else who tries to move on in their life?
And leading upwards has its own special challenges. In this case, when do you push back and when do you back off? There will be times when you are seen as a tall poppy in your workplace. It's a dangerous place to be of course because you get noticed as the tall poppy standing above the crowd. And some in the crowd, well they want to chop your head off, others want to pull you down to their level.
So, take a big dose of courage and choose to lead with purpose and make a real difference.]]>e6c5df86cc8710502c0381757cfa80deSat, 25 Jun 2016 04:30:00 +0000Dr John K“True heroism is remarkably sober,  very undramatic.  It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever the cost, but the urge to serve others whatever the cost.”Arthur Ashe I've been working with a client this past week who's something of a...
I've been working with a client this past week who's something of a maverick. A rebel. A person who has a different opinion and ideas about the way forward. It's a joy for me to work with someone so intent on making a real difference and not content to follow the way things have been done in that particular organisation for years. Because the organisation is in a bit of a rut. They're not growing, they're stagnating. And before long, they could easily simply die out.
This leader has passion and believes that, with a few changes, things could be different. That there is life in the old dog yet.
But no-one wants to change. Whispering and worry abound in the company, everyone knows that there's problems. That margins have been squeezed, that the market is drying up and they could easily become obsolete. They know this. They understand this. Yet, this leader, my client, is struggling to be heard. Anytime he rises to offer a possible solution, it is rejected out of hand as being too new, too risky, too dangerous. After all, that is not the way we do things around here.
He faces tension from all directions, the company leadership, his peers and the staff: but in different ways that I refer to as Tall Poppy Syndrome and the Madras Crabs.
The old guard resent his new fangled ideas. They see this upstart as a tall poppy in the management team. The younger staff keep their heads down and seem fearful of supporting any proposal that wins such disfavour.
There's a tall poppy in every workplace . They're the people who seem to have it all. Whether it's looks, talent, success or simply they got what you deserve.
Resentment can soon build and, left unchecked, turn into abject misery.
What would you do in the same position? You are certain that you know how to turn things around. Do you push back or do you back off?
When should you push back?
Are you telling them what they NEED to know rather than what they WANT to hear? Then you should push back.
If you know that time is running out, you should push back (heck, if you’re right, then maybe the business won’t exist so you’d lose your job anyway!) I love this phrase about time running out: The broken glass on the ground is from the window of opportunity that was slammed shut.

The broken glass on the ground is from the window of opportunity that was slammed shut.

If you have been entrusted with a responsibility and are having difficulty, it is better that your boss knows about it and has the opportunity to help you rather than fail miserably alone. Push back
Or should you back off
If you’re promoting your own agenda. Doing your own thing. If you’ve said it a couple of times and they don’t seem to catch on… they probably don’t want to catch on…. Back off.
Have I already made my point?

“You do not lead people by hitting them over the head – that’s assault not leadership.” – Dwight Eisenhower

Does my request exceed my relationship?
I was working with a Malaysian company and the Chairman’s son and daughter were in the ‘high-potential’ group I was coaching. And as is quite common when such situations occur, they had an air of superiority because of their relationship with the big boss. Quite often they would both step beyond normal boundaries in their relationship with their direct bosses, which was inappropriate. Not only is it inappropriate in that they were trying to abuse a family relationship, but by stepping beyond the relationship level with their direct boss, they were actually antagonizing their own direct bosses who would often respond by deliberately undermining their power whenever they could. They were not making friends and influencing people, rather they were building a culture of...]]>781cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-031-how-to-be-at-cause-for-your-life-One of the most common issues faced by people in their lives and leadership is: life happening. John Lennon's famously said

"Life happens whilst you're making other plans."

Some of you are going to like this, others won't like this one little bit. Essentially, you have a choice. A very simple choice. You can choose to create their future, or you can accept the one that you get.
Moving from effect to cause
"But..." I hear you about to interrupt... there are no 'buts'. Sorry about that. Yes, it is true that other people, the world, the circumstances around them may well prevent them from achieving their goal. So what are you going to do about it?
Can you cause the world do something different? There are many things that you cannot change... the weather for example. So the answer is…. overcome the problem.
Can you make another person do whatever is necessary? Neither you nor anyone else can directly cause them to do something, though you can influence them.
"But..." I continue to hear... There are no buts. You choose to act to overcome the obstacle.
In any given situation, we start with a choice. We can act to make something happen, or, we react to the external situation. Both appear to start the same way. Yet, they start a cycle that is either virtuous or destructive in the long term.
Most people who are motivated towards achievement are likely to be in the creative cycle. Those of you who are more motivated away-from things that you do not want, will be in the survival cycle.
When you are at effect, you react to something external to you (or something that you believe is outside your control). Your primary purpose is to protect yourself (or your people).
Your personal values and beliefs will determine what you see as obstacles, both conscious and unconscious and these influence your choice to address or avoid the obstacles.
In the survival cycle, you will try to avoid the obstacles in your path to reacting to the external 'threat'. And, as you try to avoid them, you will adapt or assimilate your reaction to do so. As a result of obstacle avoidance, your result is likely to be less than optimal. Most often the result achieved is not really the desired result. This leads to disappointment and your survival vision... "I have to"..."I must..." in order to survive.
On the other side, you can choose to take action. The desired end result could be considered to be exactly the same thing, and the external environmental pressures could also be exactly the same as for the person who 'reacts'. It's a mindset choice that makes the greatest difference here. In the creative cycle, your purpose is to discover potential and possibilities.
You take action and come across the self-same obstacles. But instead of trying to avoid the obstacles, you address them. Experimenting and testing to find the best way to overcome the obstacles. When you find the optimal way to address the obstacle, you gain your desired result and CELEBRATE!. You have a creative vision... "I like to..."..."I want to..."
Survival cycle strategies that we employ (and we all employ them at some point) are often developed early in life and were originally a creative response to a situation. It worked then and achieved the desired results then. Later in life, we continue to use the same response yet circumstances have changed.
A common example of taking an early life response and applying it in later life that I come across frequently is when a child's parents use punishment as their primary means of maintaining discipline at home and as their primary means of getting the child to do certain tasks or chores. This often means that you may be choosing to be at cause, and using the creative cycle, yet those obstacles, well they turn out to be insurmountable... so you avoid them instead, adapting and assimilating, true, not getting the optimal result but, life really does happen whilst you are making other plans.
Do you want to be at cause for your life, or at the effect of life happening to you?
If you genuinely want the latter... read no more, you are in danger of gaining the former.
Are you like a thermometer. Reacting to the external environment?
Or, are you like a thermostat, changing and adapting and controlling what you can control to change the environment?
In their book "The Skilled Facilitator", Schwarz et al, (2005) they describe a Life Learning Model, developed by Dr. Guillermo Cuellar, adapted in the diagram below to show the creative and survival cycles that people choose to follow. Some examples of early creative responses that later in life become survival responses:
Examples of original causes for a CREATIVE response when young Examples of later behaviours in life that are now SURVIVAL responses

Examples of original causes for a CREATIVE response when young


Examples of later behaviours in life that are now SURVIVAL responses


"Eat all your dinner or I'll smack you“
'Accidently' feed the dog under the table (especially those gray Brussels Sprouts!)


Abdicate (aka delegate) work I don't like or enjoy to others. Blame others for the mess they leave. (Think about the many bosses who've dumped their workload on you


 "Get a Grade A or I'll beat you“
Hide report cards from parents (get caught eventually but fewer beatings)


Continuously change reporting policies to hide information from stakeholders (think Enron and Kenneth Lay)


"Behave or go to your room without supper" 
Stock up on foodstuff secreted in room and/or outwardly behave whilst inwardly rebelling. Hardly a punishment if you have Internet and TV in your room but still used.


"Play politics" sucking up to the right people outwardly whilst undermining them to take power away. (Think about Kevin Rudd's sudden resignation as Australia's PM)

Using the template
This template is a flow chart. Consider how you normally respond to situations that involve you personally.
You already know that there will be obstacles ahead:Do you typically REACT to something external, or do you choose to take action?
How are you adapting your behaviour to get around (avoid) the obstacle?
Can you accept (some or all) of the responsibility for your own actions and behaviours. (That even if this is caused by an external factor, that moaning about that and expecting someone else to deal with it does not resolve the problem for you.)
Consider the benefits of the creative response.
Most often, you will find new ways to address the obstacle for yourself. Reframing the situation can be used here powerfully
Download the Creative and Survival Cycles Template]]>29aac5d347d6fa4c549952bba3b9572bSat, 18 Jun 2016 04:30:00 +0000Dr John KAre you at Cause or Effect? One of the most common issues faced by people in their lives and leadership is: life happening. John Lennon's famously said "Life happens whilst you're making other plans." Some of you are going to like this, others won't...One of the most common issues faced by people in their lives and leadership is: life happening. John Lennon's famously said

"Life happens whilst you're making other plans."

Some of you are going to like this, others won't like this one little bit. Essentially, you have a choice. A very simple choice. You can choose to create their future, or you can accept the one that you get.
Moving from effect to cause
"But..." I hear you about to interrupt... there are no 'buts'. Sorry about that. Yes, it is true that other people, the world, the circumstances around them may well prevent them from achieving their goal. So what are you going to do about it?
Can you cause the world do something different? There are many things that you cannot change... the weather for example. So the answer is…. overcome the problem.
Can you make another person do whatever is necessary? Neither you nor anyone else can directly cause them to do something, though you can influence them.
"But..." I continue to hear... There are no buts. You choose to act to overcome the obstacle.
In any given situation, we start with a choice. We can act to make something happen, or, we react to the external situation. Both appear to start the same way. Yet, they start a cycle that is either virtuous or destructive in the long term.
Most people who are motivated towards achievement are likely to be in the creative cycle. Those of you who are more motivated away-from things that you do not want, will be in the survival cycle.
When you are at effect, you react to something external to you (or something that you believe is outside your control). Your primary purpose is to protect yourself (or your people).
Your personal values and beliefs will determine what you see as obstacles, both conscious and unconscious and these influence your choice to address or avoid the obstacles.
In the survival cycle, you will try to avoid the obstacles in your path to reacting to the external 'threat'. And, as you try to avoid them, you will adapt or assimilate your reaction to do so. As a result of obstacle avoidance, your result is likely to be less than optimal. Most often the result achieved is not really the desired result. This leads to disappointment and your survival vision... "I have to"..."I must..." in order to survive.
On the other side, you can choose to take action. The desired end result could be considered to be exactly the same thing, and the external environmental pressures could also be exactly the same as for the person who 'reacts'. It's a mindset choice that makes the greatest difference here. In the creative cycle, your purpose is to discover potential and possibilities.
You take action and come across the self-same obstacles. But instead of trying to avoid the obstacles, you address them. Experimenting and testing to find the best way to overcome the obstacles. When you find the optimal way to address the obstacle, you gain your desired result and CELEBRATE!. You have a creative vision... "I like to..."..."I want to..."
Survival cycle strategies that we employ (and we all employ them at some point) are often developed early in life and were originally a creative response to a situation. It worked then and achieved the desired results then. Later in life, we continue to use the same response yet circumstances have changed.
A common example of taking an early life response and applying it in later life that I come across frequently is when a child's parents use punishment as their primary means of maintaining discipline at home and as their primary means of getting the child to do certain tasks or chores. This often means that you may be choosing to be at cause, and using the creative cycle, yet those obstacles, well they turn out to be insurmountable... so you avoid them instead, adapting and assimilating, true, not getting the optimal result but,...]]>818cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-030-how-well-do-you-influence-yourselThe first response from that first brave soul suggests that there is no need to  influence oneself. Basically, it runs like this: I decide to do something, I  tell myself to do it, and I do it. No influence is required. I don’t have to ask  myself nicely, or threaten myself with unpleasant consequences, or  persuade myself that it will be worthwhile. Really? If we could slow down  the thought processes going on, you might think differently.
Let’s take a slightly different approach. I suspect that you have, inside  you, at least two ‘voices’ - the pro voice and the con voice. The optimist  and the pessimist. The good and the bad. You may have more, you may  not consider them as ‘voices’ - that’s OK, I hope that you can work with  me on the concept for a little while.
 
Let’s say that this is two radio stations, 55.5 and 66.6. The first station on  55.5 is supportive - bolstering your ego, always proud of you and your  achievements. The second, on 66.6 is the doubter, always casting doubts  in your mind, running you down, always suggesting that others are trying  to get you, that you should not listen to 55.5, it always lets you down -  you never realise the dreams that 55.5 suggests. 66.6 reminds you of the  difficulties you had the last time you tried to do this or that. How nothing  ever works for you, that it’s all about luck and fate and chance and that  you just are not a lucky person. If you buy a lottery ticket, you will always  miss by one number at best. That nobody else deserves to win anything  either. Basically, this is a bad voice.
I can see some of you nodding your heads as you read this. Don’t worry,  you’re not schizophrenic - this is normal, everyone has this going on.  Some days it’s like a continuous debate, others, one or both are quiet with  little to say. You know you have a problem when you cannot distinguish  between the voices and which of you is real.
So, which station do you tune into?
Here’s the two stations output for a few common golfing scenarios…
66.6
Approaching the first Tee on competition day:
‘Well, it’s a lovely morning  with plenty of gusty breezes to knock your ball off centre, and a touch of  rain in the air, but very unpredictable whether it’ll rain now or later. You did  some good practice yesterday but you know it’ll all go to pieces today  don’t you? You know that you always screw up on the first drive and  there’s no mulligans today. See your competition today, wow, that first  group were good weren’t they. No chance you’ll keep up with them is  there. Still, perhaps you can just enjoy the game for a change and not  worry about winning or losing - after all you know you’ll lose, so why get  your hopes up? Ridiculous game, I don’t know why you bother, should  have stayed home and cut the grass. be more useful than out here, being  mocked by your friends… oh no, talking of which, there they are, why do  they have to come and watch my first drive. They’ll cough or chatter  just  as I’m lining up, I know they will. Oh well, my turn now, what a disaster,  prepare for the worst and don’t get angry…
First Tee shot: So nicely lined up, but then anyone can put a ball on a tee  can’t they. Now settle down, breath, how’s the grip - that instructor why  did he have to change my grip, it won’t work. Right align my feet, look up,  look down, those people down there, are in my line, why do they have to  stand there, don’t they know they could be hit… calm yourself, that’s  right, may as well get calm now, because once you hit it there won’t be  any calm left, And if you screw up this drive, it’ll all be downhill for the  whole day. never recover, so get this right. Wiggle the bum, yes nice,  settle, legs bent just right, what if my weight shifts before I strike then hit  those people standing there. i wouldn’t mind hitting that smug bastard -  he’s such a flash git. Custom clubs, custom balls, bet he cheats, never  puts a foot wrong, wipe that smug grin off his face, I’ll show ‘im. Back  swing, nice, but is it right, no of course not, arm down, elbow’s bent at the  wrong time, as usual, THWACK….. follow-through may as well let go of  the club, it’ll go further anyway.
In spite of this, by some divine intervention, the ball soars through the air  and lands smack down the middle of the fairway, 220 yards at least  beautifully set up for a second onto the green and a possible birdie: Whoa -  didn’t know you had it in you. Nice shot, so lucky, you’d never do that  again, not in a month of Sundays.
Still, plenty of time to screw up yet…
ENOUGH!
Sorry, I just can’t write anymore of this - it’s just too depressing. Is this  you? And, were you the one who said that they didn’t influence  themselves?
55.5 on the same situation…
What a beautiful day, a few gusts, possible rain in the air. Be a good idea  to look at the trees as we walk down the course, see where the gusts are  going. if it rains, we’ll change clubs and, quick, borrow an umbrella from  Jim there, he can pop back and get another from his car. So nice that my friends are here to cheer me on. Great guys. Now I’m going to show them  a great drive. I can see it now, smack down the middle of the fairway,  perfect for a chip up to the green and a birdie. I can’t wait to pick up that  trophy at the end of the day. Good to have some strong competition -  nothing better than a real challenge.
First Tee shot: Breath nice and deep, slow my heartbeat and see that  drive. A little gusty from left to right over those trees, just align a fraction to  the left because this ball’s going to soar above that line. Glove, into the  zone. Complete focus, nice alignment, well done, now a beauty practice  swing, nice and loose in the shoulders. Firm stance, good lad, check  alignment, now trust your swing. THWACK.
THWACK.
In spite of this, by some divine intervention, the ball soars through the air  and too far to the left, way over to the left and lands smack down into the  rough by the trees, maybe even really in the trees: Beautiful drive, well  done, aligned just a little too far left, so we’ll make sure to fix that. I think  maybe the wind dropped as well. Nice lay-up for the second shot - I can  use that chip techniques I learned from watching Seve on TV, good for a  par if I’m really in the rough, and good for a birdie if it’s not too long. Good,  well done.
Now, which station do you want to listen to? The one that derides you no  matter how great you are, or the one that supports you and encourages  you no matter how poor the shot?
“I don’t care” says someone, so long as I hit great shots I’ll put up with  either. Fair enough. Which one do you think will help you enjoy your  game? Which one will help you towards a stroke lying ill in bed feeling  miserable and no-one coming to visit because you don’t even like yourself,  let alone anyone else?
Extreme? Sadly no. Go find the most miserable-faced player in your local  club and ask them which station they tune into…
What to do?
The single, most powerful way that you can develop the habit of always building yourself up, edifying yourself and listening to the "good" radio station is to be that voice for others.
Yes, you heard me right. Be that voice for others. Edify others. Build them up. Encourage them.
Yes, I know that nobody does it for you. I understand how unfair this is. But do it. Before long, you will find that you are encouraging your own positive self influence. An amazingly, more things begin to go right for you. And the people around you, they like you and they begin, ever so slowly at first, to encourage you back.
Do yourself a favour today. Go to your boss and give them an encouraging word. Not in a creepy, sucking up way, but a genuine, caring and loving way.
Enjoy. And by the way, you are so awesome.]]>237d04c9fb07fb8b2f24475cef25c7b2Sat, 11 Jun 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KWhen we ask this question in our workshops, we are usually met with blank  stares at first. I call them ‘blank stares’ because to be looked at as if you  are completely off your trolley isn’t something I choose to reinforce. The first response from...The first response from that first brave soul suggests that there is no need to  influence oneself. Basically, it runs like this: I decide to do something, I  tell myself to do it, and I do it. No influence is required. I don’t have to ask  myself nicely, or threaten myself with unpleasant consequences, or  persuade myself that it will be worthwhile. Really? If we could slow down  the thought processes going on, you might think differently.
Let’s take a slightly different approach. I suspect that you have, inside  you, at least two ‘voices’ - the pro voice and the con voice. The optimist  and the pessimist. The good and the bad. You may have more, you may  not consider them as ‘voices’ - that’s OK, I hope that you can work with  me on the concept for a little while.
 
Let’s say that this is two radio stations, 55.5 and 66.6. The first station on  55.5 is supportive - bolstering your ego, always proud of you and your  achievements. The second, on 66.6 is the doubter, always casting doubts  in your mind, running you down, always suggesting that others are trying  to get you, that you should not listen to 55.5, it always lets you down -  you never realise the dreams that 55.5 suggests. 66.6 reminds you of the  difficulties you had the last time you tried to do this or that. How nothing  ever works for you, that it’s all about luck and fate and chance and that  you just are not a lucky person. If you buy a lottery ticket, you will always  miss by one number at best. That nobody else deserves to win anything  either. Basically, this is a bad voice.
I can see some of you nodding your heads as you read this. Don’t worry,  you’re not schizophrenic - this is normal, everyone has this going on.  Some days it’s like a continuous debate, others, one or both are quiet with  little to say. You know you have a problem when you cannot distinguish  between the voices and which of you is real.
So, which station do you tune into?
Here’s the two stations output for a few common golfing scenarios…
66.6
Approaching the first Tee on competition day:
‘Well, it’s a lovely morning  with plenty of gusty breezes to knock your ball off centre, and a touch of  rain in the air, but very unpredictable whether it’ll rain now or later. You did  some good practice yesterday but you know it’ll all go to pieces today  don’t you? You know that you always screw up on the first drive and  there’s no mulligans today. See your competition today, wow, that first  group were good weren’t they. No chance you’ll keep up with them is  there. Still, perhaps you can just enjoy the game for a change and not  worry about winning or losing - after all you know you’ll lose, so why get  your hopes up? Ridiculous game, I don’t know why you bother, should  have stayed home and cut the grass. be more useful than out here, being  mocked by your friends… oh no, talking of which, there they are, why do  they have to come and watch my first drive. They’ll cough or chatter  just  as I’m lining up, I know they will. Oh well, my turn now, what a disaster,  prepare for the worst and don’t get angry…
First Tee shot: So nicely lined up, but then anyone can put a ball on a tee  can’t they. Now settle down, breath, how’s the grip - that instructor why  did he have to change my grip, it won’t work. Right align my feet, look up,  look down, those people down there, are in my line, why do they have to  stand there, don’t they know they could be hit… calm yourself, that’s  right, may as well get calm now, because once you hit it there won’t be  any calm left, And if you screw up this drive, it’ll all be downhill for the  whole day. never recover, so get this right. Wiggle the bum, yes nice,  settle, legs bent just...]]>831cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-029-do-you-want-to-impress-people-or-4e404fd4d3ad2cbd46d070765155a468Sat, 04 Jun 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KSize Doesn’t Matter; Impact Does When you think about thought leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, or even Oprah, it’s tempting to conclude that YOU couldn’t make very much of an impact in the world like they have. After all, they are...455cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-027-whats-the-source-of-your-powere32bc847d0ecede0c920a30ad815525eThu, 02 Jun 2016 08:01:00 +0000Dr John KI watched a movie recently about a Michelin Star chef, it's called Burnt and the movie is quite good and somewhat realistic, certainly in the way the chefs behave under pressure. It reminded me of my early career in the kitchens and some of the Chef's...1084cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-028-how-your-mindset-hinders-or-liberca5babba2b242af176e6654c03eb903bSat, 28 May 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KCarol Dweck’s excellent book on Mindset shows us that there are two dominant mindsets that people choose to believe of themselves and about learning and growth. Anyone, who is involved in any learning and growth, will recognise these two mindsets....789cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-026-the-two-enemies-to-your-success-aachieve their breakthrough to success. Yes, we can blame other
people for not giving us the chance. We can lament that we took the
wrong course. We can express concern about the uncertainty of
obtaining that success, and maybe, just maybe I'll look stupid.
In short, our fear comes down to two enemies. Our
uncertain future and our excuses from the past. Or. More simply:
"what if" and "If only".
 
What if/If only
When you have a goal worth achieving, you will need
to achieve breakthroughs.
Breakthroughs that take you outside of your comfort
zone and going outside your comfort zone is fearful.
 
So what can you do to ensure that you create the
necessary breakthroughs that will lead to your dramatic
transformation?
And we have to conquer two enemies: “What if” and “If
Only”
And each requires you to do two things:
Take courage
Get off your ‘but’
 
Take courage
Let me share a brief personal story:
Known as the Swiss Wall, La Chavanette at Avoriaz is
one of the most dangerous ski slopes in the world.
It is a disturbingly steep, mogul run and the slope
gets icy quickly, turning the area between moguls into ice sheets.
Not making a turn in these situations means that you miss the next
mogul, and pick up too much speed to make the next one after that,
starting off a tumble that ends a couple of hundred metres down the
slope, while hitting a few dozen icy bumps in the course.
 
A number of years ago, as a reasonable, but by no
means good skier, I decided that I just had to conquer this
slope.
Why? Well, I can only now think that it was a moment
of sheer madness. At the time, however, I just wanted to prove to
myself that I could do it.
 
Standing at the top of the slope, I looked down the
40 degree slope with considerable fear mixed with trepidation,
mixed with determination and a whole lot of cortisol and adrenaline
pumping through my body.
I took about 5 minutes to muster up the courage. To
launch myself off the edge.
 
It was exhausting, knee jangling, hard concentrated
deliberate movements. Desperately remembering to keep my weight
down the hill and my edges as loose as I dared. Turn after turn
after turn after turn. Around one mogul, push off, turn, shift
weight, edge, again and again and again. Endorphins took over from
the adrenaline to mask the pain in my legs and screaming lungs.
 
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, I arrived at
the bottom of the slope. My legs like jelly, my heart racing tears
from the icy wind streaming down my face. Every fibre of my body
was pulsing with electricity and sheer, unbounded joy as dopamine
filled my entire being. I was alive, I had done it. I hadn’t
fallen. I had conquered the wall.
 
I hadn’t been fast. It hadn’t been elegant. But it
had been me.
 
 
FEAR is the #1 issue when it comes to making a
personal breakthrough.
 
FEAR is what you FEEL when your Amygdala (the
emotional centre of your brain) considers that there is a threat to
you and signals the production of Cortisol.
Cortisol floods your blood stream and informs your
heart to beat faster, your lungs to pump faster, your legs and arms
to prepare to run or to fight and since all this demands energy,
your digestive system is shut down. What you FEEL is warmer, you’ll
perspire more due to the energy in your muscles and faster heart
beat. You have “butterflies” in your stomach as the digestive tract
is closed for business (heck who needs to digest food if you are
about to be eaten…
 
Only, you are not about to be eaten. It’s highly
likely that you are not about to die, nor about to get injured.
The amygdala response is a primitive and essential
trigger for survival. But it is very poor at distinguishing between
a real threat to life and limb, and one that might possibly hurt
your pride. It’s the same cortisol induced response.
Your amygdala is essentially like a sentry guard
checking the external environment and your own thinking process for
the slightest sign of a threat to you. It is a trigger happy sentry
guard at that, shooting first and asking questions later.
 
Everytime you are thinking about stepping out of your
comfort zone, your amygdala is going “what if this… what if
that…”
 
There is good news. You have a brain that is much
more than your amygdala. You have a neo-cortex. You are intelligent
and can consciously choose to think and choose to override the
amygdala.
 
There is a snag. The amygdala has already pulled the
trigger on cortisol production. THEN you can think. It is a
deliberate, conscious effort. One that you are perfectly capable of
doing. I know this. Because I know that you have moved out of your
warm bed today. That was a safe place. Comfortable too. The world
outside. Well it’s full of threats. You could get knocked down by a
bus. A freak wind could come and blow your house away. You could be
struck by lightening. All are possible. Yet you still got out of
bed this morning. That took courage.
 
And, you’ve been on a plane and flown somewhere?
 
Do you know the pilot personally? You probably didn’t
even see the pilot and you trusted your very life to someone you
don’t know and haven’t even seen. And you’re onboard a metal tube,
filled with explosive fuel traveling at 600 miles an hour some 3
miles above the planet.
 
You see, you take courage every day. Some days more
than others. Well if you can board a plane, you can get a personal
breakthrough.
 
Courage, after all, is doing something with fear.
 
If what you are doing is not fearful. It ain’t going
to be a breakthrough.
 
Get off your but
Now, I’m not being rude here. This is BUT with a
single T, not two. I am not referring to your backside. I mean, get
off your excuses.
This is your second breakthrough enemy.
IF ONLY.
 
If only refers to yesterday and more often than not,
somebody else or something else that you don’t control.
 
If only the economy was better…
If only my boss would recognize my hard work
If only the weather was warmer
If only I hadn’t eaten that slice of cake
 
The variation of If only is the “should family”. I
should have, he should, she should, they should.
 
The simple fact of the matter is this:
There are things pertaining to your dreams and goals
that you are not able to control.
Life happens all the time.
 
And, you have made mistakes.
Actually, I’d better check here, is there anyone
listening who hasn’t ever made a single mistake? Is there somebody
out there who is perfect in every way? If there is, what are you
doing here?
We all do things that we regret. Things we should
have done, things we should NOT have done. People we crossed.
Choices we made.
 
These have happened.
 
These are NOT excuses.
 
These are opportunities to do something different
from now on.
 
In another podcast How to hack motivation to make you
happier, I shared that your happiness of your success is achieved
when you are progressively moving towards the achievement of your
goals that are beyond your current comfort zone, so that they
stretch you. Your progress towards those breakthrough goals makes
you happy.
 
Today, I’ve shared the fact that you have two main
enemies to achieving those breakthroughs – “If Only” and “What IF”
and how you take courage and get off your but to choose to continue
on in spite of your fear.
 
So what do we do about it.
We acknowledge the facts. Yes, maybe you SHOULD have
done something different. But you didn’t. Simply acknowledge this
is so. Even if this is someone else’s perception (and their
perception is “wrong” – it is still their perception and maybe they
shouldn’t have that perception, but they do.
Harsh? Some of you may think this is too much. That
they really should change, that it isn’t you that needs to change
but them. But whether they do or not doesn’t matter. Only you can
look after you.
 
You may have disappointments or regrets about the
past. Acknowledge these.
 
Once we acknowledge the past, we can learn from it.
Are there any patterns? What would you do differently now, knowing
what did happen.
 
Thirdly we adjust our behaviour from now.
 
Put the past where it belongs:
Acknowledge what
happened
Learn from it, and
Adjust behaviour.
 
What if I do that and there's a problem in the
future?
If only someone would tell me the real secret to
success…. Oh, yes, I did that a couple of weeks ago in a podcast on
The Three Step Secret to Success – How to realise your dreams
 
One thing you can do right now is give this podcast a
rating and a review on the website, iTunes or Stitcher now. Your
review and rating will help other people overcome their obstacles
of their past and their future.
 
Be greatly blessed
 
John K]]>3c31a2580c3856870029f4eabc6178e8Sat, 14 May 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KFEAR is the number one reason that people never achieve their breakthrough to success. Yes, we can blame other people for not giving us the chance. We can lament that we took the wrong course. We can express concern about the uncertainty of obtaining...achieve their breakthrough to success. Yes, we can blame other
people for not giving us the chance. We can lament that we took the
wrong course. We can express concern about the uncertainty of
obtaining that success, and maybe, just maybe I'll look stupid.
In short, our fear comes down to two enemies. Our
uncertain future and our excuses from the past. Or. More simply:
"what if" and "If only".
 
What if/If only
When you have a goal worth achieving, you will need
to achieve breakthroughs.
Breakthroughs that take you outside of your comfort
zone and going outside your comfort zone is fearful.
 
So what can you do to ensure that you create the
necessary breakthroughs that will lead to your dramatic
transformation?
And we have to conquer two enemies: “What if” and “If
Only”
And each requires you to do two things:
Take courage
Get off your ‘but’
 
Take courage
Let me share a brief personal story:
Known as the Swiss Wall, La Chavanette at Avoriaz is
one of the most dangerous ski slopes in the world.
It is a disturbingly steep, mogul run and the slope
gets icy quickly, turning the area between moguls into ice sheets.
Not making a turn in these situations means that you miss the next
mogul, and pick up too much speed to make the next one after that,
starting off a tumble that ends a couple of hundred metres down the
slope, while hitting a few dozen icy bumps in the course.
 
A number of years ago, as a reasonable, but by no
means good skier, I decided that I just had to conquer this
slope.
Why? Well, I can only now think that it was a moment
of sheer madness. At the time, however, I just wanted to prove to
myself that I could do it.
 
Standing at the top of the slope, I looked down the
40 degree slope with considerable fear mixed with trepidation,
mixed with determination and a whole lot of cortisol and adrenaline
pumping through my body.
I took about 5 minutes to muster up the courage. To
launch myself off the edge.
 
It was exhausting, knee jangling, hard concentrated
deliberate movements. Desperately remembering to keep my weight
down the hill and my edges as loose as I dared. Turn after turn
after turn after turn. Around one mogul, push off, turn, shift
weight, edge, again and again and again. Endorphins took over from
the adrenaline to mask the pain in my legs and screaming lungs.
 
Finally, after what seemed an eternity, I arrived at
the bottom of the slope. My legs like jelly, my heart racing tears
from the icy wind streaming down my face. Every fibre of my body
was pulsing with electricity and sheer, unbounded joy as dopamine
filled my entire being. I was alive, I had done it. I hadn’t
fallen. I had conquered the wall.
 
I hadn’t been fast. It hadn’t been elegant. But it
had been me.
 
 
FEAR is the #1 issue when it comes to making a
personal breakthrough.
 
FEAR is what you FEEL when your Amygdala (the
emotional centre of your brain) considers that there is a threat to
you and signals the production of Cortisol.
Cortisol floods your blood stream and informs your
heart to beat faster, your lungs to pump faster, your legs and arms
to prepare to run or to fight and since all this demands energy,
your digestive system is shut down. What you FEEL is warmer, you’ll
perspire more due to the energy in your muscles and faster heart
beat. You have “butterflies” in your stomach as the digestive tract
is closed for business (heck who needs to digest food if you are
about to be eaten…
 
Only, you are not about to be eaten. It’s highly
likely that you are not about to die, nor...]]>991cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-025-the-three-step-secret-to-your-sucsuccess is not a 20 step process. It's not even a ten-step journey.
No, not even seven steps to success. It's three steps.
Seriously. After all this time and experience I've stumbled upon
the secret to success, and it is a three step process! That's it,
just three. And it's not going to be a secret for long. But before
you get overly excited it's not a shortcut, nor is it a silver
bullet. But it is a simple three step process.
Why are there No Shortcuts?
As I look back on my life, I finally begin to see a
pattern emerging.
You see, if you looked at my CV (resume for those of you
preferring American English), it's rather difficult to make sense
of all the, rather odd, directions my career appears to have
taken.



The term "chef" is a little grand for my
first real job. More chief pot washer and floor scrubber than chef
exactly.

If you already know me, then you almost certainly know that my
first career was as a chef. Well, perhaps the term 'chef' is a
little grand for my first real job that was frying eggs and bacon,
peeling potatoes, washing pots and scrubbing floors.
I did, later train as a commis chef, became a sous chef and
became a head chef. I also did my stints behind the bar and waiting
in the restaurant.
You see, while I had some abilities in cooking, no one was going
to allow me to run a kitchen until I understood what was happening
in all parts of the kitchen, and to know my diners.
I went to University to study hotel management because now I
wanted more than a kitchen. I loved being front of house as well. I
enjoyed running back of house too. My industrial placement, which
today would be Americanised into an internship, exposed me to the
delights of housekeeping and cleaning rooms after an Irish stag
weekend. And many other delightful and disgusting moments.
I presided over a disastrous lunch for 3500 militant unionists
at their conference that, due to my lack of leadership, was served
lukewarm and two hours late. Used the wrong extinguisher on a fryer
fire to the amusement of everyone who did not lose their eyebrows.
I even managed to spill soup on the lap of a kindly Royal
personage.
If you speak to anyone in the hotel business, they too can
regale you with stories of exhaustion, disasters, drunkards and
learning. Yes, learning.
But there are those who insist that it
has to be easier than this.
Then I'll meet a young manager in another industry. They got
themselves a degree in business, for example, and they get an
Associate Director title or a Vice President title. It's an entry
level position but with a fancy name and a pretty fancy salary.
They expect to be in a managerial role within a year or two and
want to know what they need to know to get there as fast as
possible.
The expensive shortcut that isn’t



The MBA is regarded as an instant success
secret to megabuck salaries. Another myth.

Many have embarked on an MBA, and having spent a small fortune
on their education, want to know why they haven’t gotten to be a
senior manager yet.
People are signing up for courses that promise instant results
even though they've been burnt more than once already.
I've fallen victim to this thinking myself on many more
occasions that I like to admit.
I cast an envious eye on someone else's success and think that
if only I can emulate them, I too will have that instant
success.
Of course, it's nonsense.
You know that it is nonsense. You too have found out that there
are no shortcuts. Or at least, according to Maya Angelou,

there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

So now, I look back and think, if only I had cut across the
meandering path of my career. There are some useful diversions but
many useless ones.
And ultimately, had I known that I was coming this way, I could
easily have cut across.
The trouble is, of course, that we don’t know which direction is
the real shortcut.
If I had known that I would essentially end up teaching, writing
and recording audio, I should really have taken a course in
journalism or teaching. Or both, just to be sure.
But then my Godfather did ask me some 40 years ago what I wanted
to do with my life as he watched me scrub the floor of the café's
kitchen. Then, I wanted the shortcut to having a clean floor
without actually putting in any effort…


The leadership field guide that promises
to require work and effort to achieve success. Buy yours now and get
started.

I wrote the book
When I wrote my leadership field guide: "What's Better Today?" I
set out to be different from all the other leadership instant
success books out there. I even wrote on the cover as a warning
"There are no silver bullets; no quick and easy solutions; it will
not happen overnight."
It's one of the very few times I actually agree with the Iron
Lady: "I do not know anyone who has got to the top without hard
work. That is the recipe. It will not always get you to the top,
but should get you pretty near." -- Margaret Thatcher
Hurry up already, what are the three
steps?
The world is an impatient place I know, and you are keen to find
out.



The real road to success is often long
and winding. You get there by putting one step in front of the
other and keep on keeping on.

Success starts
with:
deciding what you want from life and
choosing that you are going to work for it every day
And every day you keep on keeping on
If you’re disappointed, you’re not alone.
And if you’re young and hungry, the chances are pretty high that
you’re going to forget this for a while and seek a much nicer
answer and some other magic formula. But that's the thing, this IS
the magic formula. It's no shortcut. It's no silver bullet; it's
not instant.
As George Bernard Shaw said:

"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up
and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find
them, make them."

Link to Sean d'Souza's Podcast on Three Incredibly
Silly Business Myths
 ]]>0f508334609f7c3e8ac3056699591cf3Sat, 07 May 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KLet me start by telling you that I have found the secret to success is not a 20 step process. It's not even a ten-step journey. No, not even seven steps to success. It's three steps. Seriously. After all this time and experience I've stumbled upon the...success is not a 20 step process. It's not even a ten-step journey.
No, not even seven steps to success. It's three steps.
Seriously. After all this time and experience I've stumbled upon
the secret to success, and it is a three step process! That's it,
just three. And it's not going to be a secret for long. But before
you get overly excited it's not a shortcut, nor is it a silver
bullet. But it is a simple three step process.
Why are there No Shortcuts?
As I look back on my life, I finally begin to see a
pattern emerging.
You see, if you looked at my CV (resume for those of you
preferring American English), it's rather difficult to make sense
of all the, rather odd, directions my career appears to have
taken.



The term "chef" is a little grand for my
first real job. More chief pot washer and floor scrubber than chef
exactly.

If you already know me, then you almost certainly know that my
first career was as a chef. Well, perhaps the term 'chef' is a
little grand for my first real job that was frying eggs and bacon,
peeling potatoes, washing pots and scrubbing floors.
I did, later train as a commis chef, became a sous chef and
became a head chef. I also did my stints behind the bar and waiting
in the restaurant.
You see, while I had some abilities in cooking, no one was going
to allow me to run a kitchen until I understood what was happening
in all parts of the kitchen, and to know my diners.
I went to University to study hotel management because now I
wanted more than a kitchen. I loved being front of house as well. I
enjoyed running back of house too. My industrial placement, which
today would be Americanised into an internship, exposed me to the
delights of housekeeping and cleaning rooms after an Irish stag
weekend. And many other delightful and disgusting moments.
I presided over a disastrous lunch for 3500 militant unionists
at their conference that, due to my lack of leadership, was served
lukewarm and two hours late. Used the wrong extinguisher on a fryer
fire to the amusement of everyone who did not lose their eyebrows.
I even managed to spill soup on the lap of a kindly Royal
personage.
If you speak to anyone in the hotel business, they too can
regale you with stories of exhaustion, disasters, drunkards and
learning. Yes, learning.
But there are those who insist that it
has to be easier than this.
Then I'll meet a young manager in another industry. They got
themselves a degree in business, for example, and they get an
Associate Director title or a Vice President title. It's an entry
level position but with a fancy name and a pretty fancy salary.
They expect to be in a managerial role within a year or two and
want to know what they need to know to get there as fast as
possible.
The expensive shortcut that isn’t



The MBA is regarded as an instant success
secret to megabuck salaries. Another myth.

Many have embarked on an MBA, and having spent a small fortune
on their education, want to know why they haven’t gotten to be a
senior manager yet.
People are signing up for courses that promise instant results
even though they've been burnt more than once already.
I've fallen victim to this thinking myself on many more
occasions that I like to admit.
I cast an envious eye on someone else's success and think that
if only I can emulate them, I too will have that instant
success.
Of course, it's nonsense.
You know that it is nonsense. You too have found out that there
are no shortcuts. Or at least, according to Maya Angelou,

there are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
783cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-024-how-to-find-your-talent-practice-stench of thick layers of years old grease behind the deep fat
fryer and I was ecstatically happy as I scrubbed and cleaned the
once white tiles back to their original gleaming brightness.
It was my first day on my first proper job and I would soon be
delegating this filthy work to some other poor sap who similarly
wanted to become a chef de cuisine. In the meantime, my job was to
scrub, peel, haul, carry, chop, clear and clean it all up
again.
The head cook (for in the mid 1970's we had few "Chef's" as that
was far too French and suggestive of "haute cuisine") had agreed to
take me under her wing and teach me how to prepare the only famous
dish to come from England and clogged the arteries of its working
classes: The Great British Breakfast.
Putting talent in perspective



Talent is often misunderstood. Business
leaders are obsessed with finding it, keeping it and banking their
succession on it. They recruit the top students from the best
universities, promote them quickly, reward them lavishly and label
them as talent.

Talent is often misunderstood. Business leaders are obsessed
with finding it, keeping it and banking their succession on it.
They recruit the top students from the best universities, promote
them quickly, reward them lavishly and label them as talent. Then
there is surprise at the realisation that:
More than half the CEO's of Fortune 500 companies averaged a C
or C-
And more than 50% of the world's millionaire entrepreneurs
never finished college
Let me clarify, I am not anti-talent. I believe that we should
seek our talent and we should put it to work. But talent alone, is
not the answer to leadership succession, productivity and a growing
economy.
Everyone has talent
I was 15 years old as I crouched behind that deep fat fryer and
about to discover my talent but first I had to serve my time and
observe Mrs Brown at her work as closely as possible whilst
simultaneously keeping out of the way of her sharp knives and even
sharper tongue.
Once allowed, I soon mastered the fry-up served with tea and
slices of Hovis with thick butter. I was cocky with my demonstrated
obvious talent, but was soon cut by Mrs Brown's sharp tongue as she
remarked:

"Anyone can cook. It's just that not everyone should."

Her simple wisdom is true in all walks of life: Today, watch any
"talent" show on TV and you'll find plenty of contestants who would
do well to follow Mrs Brown's advice in their own dream pursuit.
Anyone can sing, but not everyone should.
So how do you know if you should?
It's not simply a case of doing something, it's doing something
exceptionally well and enjoying doing it. That's an "and" not an
"or". I knew that I thoroughly enjoyed cooking but it takes others
to tell you if you do it exceptionally well. When you find out what
that is, then you've found your talent. And everyone has something
that they do exceptionally well and thoroughly enjoying doing.
Develop the talent you have, not the one you want
When I ask if you know what your talent is, you may struggle to
identify it. You may not be an exceptional musician or artist,
actor or even a sports person. These are the types of things we
traditionally associate with the word "talent". You may think I'm
referring to your job. It could be and I hope that your job does
enable you to use your talent, but the chances are that you are
unsure, and probably too humble to realise that you really do have
talent. But I can assure you that you do.
The 10,000 hour rule



The 10000-hour rule is the idea that we
have to deliberately practice any activity for at least 10000 hours
before we are great at it

Malcolm Gladwell based his 10000 hour rule in his book Outliers
on a study by Anders Ericson that it takes 10000 hours of
deliberate practice to become great at something. Such 'greatness'
is often confused with the "talent" that enables it. For your
talent is rarely manifest as something great, usually, your talent
is actually something pretty mundane. Well, at least to you it is
mundane. It is something that you "just do". But where do you start
on your 4 year journey to greatness?
Enthusiastic beginnings
Whenever we undertake something new we start as an enthusiastic
beginner. You don’t know what you don’t know as you steadily try
this new thing. You make mistakes. You correct them and make more
mistakes until at last you become competent at this new thing.
Becoming disillusioned



Talent is something we develop over tim
and become so comeptent at doing that we do it unconsciously. It
greatly helps if we enjoy doing it too!

After a while (perhaps 2000 hours of trial and error and
practice) you realise that there's more that you don’t know than
you do know. You are competent in this new activity and know that
you don’t know it all yet. Many many people give up at this point.
This is when discipline and disillusion crash head on. A rare few
let discipline win the battle and deliberately practice through
this painful period for another 2000 hours. Most people quit and
chase another shiny object or simply accept that they will never be
masters of this particular game.
Being deliberate
If we have continued and learned and practiced after another
couple thousand hours we know what we know and we are very
deliberate about practice and cautious not to mess up. The
enthusiasm wanes and frequently get frustrated knowing that we're
just short of perfection and how much more practice will it take
before this is just effortless? Perhaps another 4000 hours.
Greatness
For those who persevere and keep on keeping on, there comes a
day when you find that greatness has happened. Everything went
brilliantly with your new skill and suddenly you realise that you
didn’t think about it at all. It just happened. You have practiced
long enough and hard enough that now, your talent is manifest in
this particular skill. You've been doing this for so long now that
you have forgotten how you do it. Will you still make mistakes. Of
course you will, but mistakes don’t really bother you now, you just
do it again and get it right. How? You're just doing it.
How can you shortcut the 10000 hour rule?
There's a recent meta-study at
Princeton that refutes the 10000 hour rule suggesting that
deliberate practice makes a positive performance variance of just
26% in games and a mere one percent in professional activities. But
that does not mean you can develop greatness without any practice -
it has more to do with the predictability of the activities and
thus if they can even be effectively measured.
So how much practice do we need?



By developing the talent we already have,
we can significantly reduce the time it takes us to become great at
something.

If you work on a 'natural' ability or great strength you already
have, then surely you can significantly reduce the time you need to
become great at it.
But what if my 'talent' has nothing to do with my job?
It may not be obvious to you at all, but if you are actually
good at your job, I suspect that you are using your talent, or at
least a part of the way you do your talent.
And if not. Then it's about identifying your talent and leveraging
this into your desired activity.
Add value to your talent
The fantastic news about finding your talent within your
strengths is that your talent can be leveraged. That is, you can
use your talent in another area of your work and life to add value
to another area. You can also combine your talent with those of
other people to add value to each other.
When you leverage you talent to another area in your life,
you'll then do something else exceptionally well and thoroughly
enjoy doing it.
When you leverage your talent with those of others, together
you'll create something innovative and powerful and you'll all do
it exceptionally well and thoroughly enjoy doing it.
Talent is not enough
A few years after my work at the greasy spoon with Mrs Brown, I
was privileged to work in the kitchen of one of England's finest
and talented chefs. I won’t mention his name because whilst he was,
without doubt, one of the most talented chef's in the world, he was
also one of the most obnoxious, unpleasant, mean and egotistical
gits I have ever had the misfortune to meet. A tiny mistake would
bring the roar of shame, a second's delay could result in a slap
and a split hollandaise could find a knife flying through the air
intent on pinning you to the wall.
I learned all I could before, like every other sous chef before
me and afterwards, quitting and finding a less temperamental and
much safer environment to develop my skills.
It often seems to be that the greater the talent, the more ego that
goes along with it. So we need to be a little different. We want to
develop our talent whilst simultaneously taming our ego. Making
sure that we maintain a good, respectful and positive attitude.
Treating others well and listening to others with a keen
understanding and empathy. We need to remain teachable and accept
that just because we have talent does not make us God's gift to
humankind. Remain teachable and courageous and fan the flames of
your passion and deliberately doing the right thing even when would
be easier to take a shortcut.
Talent is rarely obvious



Talent is rarely obvious and searching
for it takes a little time and effort. Sign up for this special
email series and find yours very quickly.

If you would like to explore this together I suspect that you'll
be in for a surprise. It's not that you don’t know your talent,
it's that you probably don’t know that you know. That is, your
talent is something unconscious. It's something you "just do".
Indeed, those words are the ones I most often hear as I help them
explore their talent: "I just do it." It is something that is so
ingrained that you have turned a conscious process into an
unconscious one, a habit if you prefer. And that habit may seem to
have nothing whatsoever to do with the task in hand… apparent]]>2f9702cc156358fe24d58c8f535d1f65Sat, 30 Apr 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KIt was 4.30 on a cold and wet morning and I was choking on the stench of thick layers of years old grease behind the deep fat fryer and I was ecstatically happy as I scrubbed and cleaned the once white tiles back to their original gleaming brightness....stench of thick layers of years old grease behind the deep fat
fryer and I was ecstatically happy as I scrubbed and cleaned the
once white tiles back to their original gleaming brightness.
It was my first day on my first proper job and I would soon be
delegating this filthy work to some other poor sap who similarly
wanted to become a chef de cuisine. In the meantime, my job was to
scrub, peel, haul, carry, chop, clear and clean it all up
again.
The head cook (for in the mid 1970's we had few "Chef's" as that
was far too French and suggestive of "haute cuisine") had agreed to
take me under her wing and teach me how to prepare the only famous
dish to come from England and clogged the arteries of its working
classes: The Great British Breakfast.
Putting talent in perspective



Talent is often misunderstood. Business
leaders are obsessed with finding it, keeping it and banking their
succession on it. They recruit the top students from the best
universities, promote them quickly, reward them lavishly and label
them as talent.

Talent is often misunderstood. Business leaders are obsessed
with finding it, keeping it and banking their succession on it.
They recruit the top students from the best universities, promote
them quickly, reward them lavishly and label them as talent. Then
there is surprise at the realisation that:
More than half the CEO's of Fortune 500 companies averaged a C
or C-
And more than 50% of the world's millionaire entrepreneurs
never finished college
Let me clarify, I am not anti-talent. I believe that we should
seek our talent and we should put it to work. But talent alone, is
not the answer to leadership succession, productivity and a growing
economy.
Everyone has talent
I was 15 years old as I crouched behind that deep fat fryer and
about to discover my talent but first I had to serve my time and
observe Mrs Brown at her work as closely as possible whilst
simultaneously keeping out of the way of her sharp knives and even
sharper tongue.
Once allowed, I soon mastered the fry-up served with tea and
slices of Hovis with thick butter. I was cocky with my demonstrated
obvious talent, but was soon cut by Mrs Brown's sharp tongue as she
remarked:

"Anyone can cook. It's just that not everyone should."

Her simple wisdom is true in all walks of life: Today, watch any
"talent" show on TV and you'll find plenty of contestants who would
do well to follow Mrs Brown's advice in their own dream pursuit.
Anyone can sing, but not everyone should.
So how do you know if you should?
It's not simply a case of doing something, it's doing something
exceptionally well and enjoying doing it. That's an "and" not an
"or". I knew that I thoroughly enjoyed cooking but it takes others
to tell you if you do it exceptionally well. When you find out what
that is, then you've found your talent. And everyone has something
that they do exceptionally well and thoroughly enjoying doing.
Develop the talent you have, not the one you want
When I ask if you know what your talent is, you may struggle to
identify it. You may not be an exceptional musician or artist,
actor or even a sports person. These are the types of things we
traditionally associate with the word "talent". You may think I'm
referring to your job. It could be and I hope that your job does
enable you to use your talent, but the chances are that you are
unsure, and probably too humble to realise that you really do have
talent. But I can assure you that you do.
The 10,000 hour rule



The 10000-hour rule is the idea that we
have to deliberately...]]>860cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-019-the-busyness-delusion-why-your-ef
It's 10 O Clock as you turn the lights out that you switched on
that morning as you leave after a 16 hour slog of a day. Grabbing a
quick bite as you run for the train home knowing that the kids will
be fast asleep by the time you get there. Another day in
paradise.
At least you can relax easily at home knowing what a hard worker
you are. Thinking of all you have accomplished today in the
mistaken belief that effort equals results.
You could be suffering the busyness
delusion.



Being too good at your job might reduce
the perception of the value you are giving!

I worked for a French company for a while some years back. In
spite of their reputation for taking incredibly long lunch breaks,
French companies often display what I call a very macho culture.
It's essentially based on being seen to be busy and actively
involved.
There was essentially, a competition to be first into the office
and last out of the door at night. And, at a minimum, arrive
earlier than the boss, and leave after he had left the
building.
The staff would turn up early in the day and place their coat or
jacket on the back of their chair and on into the computer. Then go
for coffee.
Whenever any of the bosses were around, there was a flurry of
activity and people rushed.
I never really figured out whether people were busy because they
were so focussed on being seen to be busy, or whether they were
busy because they wasted so much time appearing to be busy.
Sweating my assets



When we put in a lot of effort, we sweat.
And in financial terms, we want our assets sweating to show that
they are productive

Businesses have long been aware that assets, once bought, need
to be used as productively as possible. 24/7/365 ideally, else
there is some productivity left unused. The financial term for this
is to 'sweat your assets'. It's based on the same idea that when we
are working hard, we sweat. The harder we work, the more we sweat.
And the harder we work, the more productive we are. Or at least,
that's the theory.
As I live in Singapore, it's pretty easy to get a sweat on. All
I have to do is turn off the AC. Doesn’t make me any more
productive, just hot and a little pungent.
If you were any good at the job, you’d do it in half the
time
Dan Ariely's meeting with a locksmith http://danariely.com/2010/12/15/locksmiths/
No one really cares how hard or long you work http://99u.com/articles/51908/nobody-cares-how-hard-you-work
Whilst you worry about what everyone else is thinking about you,
they're worrying about what you're thinking about them. So you
should be worried about what you are thinking about them but you're
not, because you’re too consumed with what they're thinking about
you, but they're not because they're spending all this neurological
effort thinking about you thinking about what they're thinking
about.
No balance



Striving for work life balance because we
allow work to take over our lives

Levels of stress that cause your body's cells to age prematurely

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/give-up/410485/

Hard work doesn’t lead to rewards

Show leadership - what your boss really want is help to get
things done. Not analysed, not talked about, not paraded, done!
Share and carry the load.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/work/real-reason-get-promoted.html
Being seen to be busy
Perceived value. People prefer to watch how busy and hard
working a website is when searching for results. They actually like
to watch the illusion that the website is working hard!
http://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/item.aspx?num=40158



It's not enough to jump through the
hoops. You've got to be SEEN jumping through the hoops

This increase PERCEIVED value.
So why do we need to be seen to be busy?
Remember that website being SEEN to be working hard as it
searched for the results?
That seems to be true in most offices as well.
The people who get promoted are those who are seen to be
actively busy and producing results.
It seems that its no good if you simply get the results quietly
and unobtrusively, you have to make sure that the people who need
to see you getting those results do see them.
It's real politik and if you refuse to play the game, you will
be overlooked. Not because you are no good, but those that need to
know may simply not see you for all the busy bodies in the way
trying to steal the limelight.
 ]]>34cfa869b49a307269d1f4ee1dbb3490Sat, 23 Apr 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KHe who stays latest is working hardest. It's 10 O Clock as you turn the lights out that you switched on that morning as you leave after a 16 hour slog of a day. Grabbing a quick bite as you run for the train home knowing that the kids will be fast...
It's 10 O Clock as you turn the lights out that you switched on
that morning as you leave after a 16 hour slog of a day. Grabbing a
quick bite as you run for the train home knowing that the kids will
be fast asleep by the time you get there. Another day in
paradise.
At least you can relax easily at home knowing what a hard worker
you are. Thinking of all you have accomplished today in the
mistaken belief that effort equals results.
You could be suffering the busyness
delusion.



Being too good at your job might reduce
the perception of the value you are giving!

I worked for a French company for a while some years back. In
spite of their reputation for taking incredibly long lunch breaks,
French companies often display what I call a very macho culture.
It's essentially based on being seen to be busy and actively
involved.
There was essentially, a competition to be first into the office
and last out of the door at night. And, at a minimum, arrive
earlier than the boss, and leave after he had left the
building.
The staff would turn up early in the day and place their coat or
jacket on the back of their chair and on into the computer. Then go
for coffee.
Whenever any of the bosses were around, there was a flurry of
activity and people rushed.
I never really figured out whether people were busy because they
were so focussed on being seen to be busy, or whether they were
busy because they wasted so much time appearing to be busy.
Sweating my assets



When we put in a lot of effort, we sweat.
And in financial terms, we want our assets sweating to show that
they are productive

Businesses have long been aware that assets, once bought, need
to be used as productively as possible. 24/7/365 ideally, else
there is some productivity left unused. The financial term for this
is to 'sweat your assets'. It's based on the same idea that when we
are working hard, we sweat. The harder we work, the more we sweat.
And the harder we work, the more productive we are. Or at least,
that's the theory.
As I live in Singapore, it's pretty easy to get a sweat on. All
I have to do is turn off the AC. Doesn’t make me any more
productive, just hot and a little pungent.
If you were any good at the job, you’d do it in half the
time
Dan Ariely's meeting with a locksmith http://danariely.com/2010/12/15/locksmiths/
No one really cares how hard or long you work http://99u.com/articles/51908/nobody-cares-how-hard-you-work
Whilst you worry about what everyone else is thinking about you,
they're worrying about what you're thinking about them. So you
should be worried about what you are thinking about them but you're
not, because you’re too consumed with what they're thinking about
you, but they're not because they're spending all this neurological
effort thinking about you thinking about what they're thinking
about.
No balance



Striving for work life balance because we
allow work to take over our lives

Levels of stress that cause your body's cells to age prematurely

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/give-up/410485/

Hard work doesn’t lead to rewards

Show leadership - what your boss really want is help to get
things done. Not analysed, not talked about, not paraded, done!
Share and carry the load.
524cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-023-how-to-hack-motivation-and-be-hapThat feeling you call motivation is to do with the dopamine in
your brain, specifically the increase in dopamine in your “nucleus
accumbens” is the brain’s feedback for predicting rewards. Dopamine
is known as a neurochemical of pleasure, and sure, dopamine makes
you feel good, so why can we also get a spike of motivation in
times of great stress? Indeed, why are some people motivated to
jump off suspension bridges?

Dopamine is the neurochemical associated with pleasure but its
real role is in motivation[/caption] The role of dopamine goes
beyond our feelings of pleasure; it performs its task before we obtain the rewards. Dopamine’s actual job is
to encourage us to act to achieve or avoid something. 

To act or to avoid?

Motivation can be encouragement to
act or to run away
Many successful golf players (and business leaders) are
motivated by their dissatisfaction with their performance. It can
be a very powerful motivator. You would expect someone who is thus
motivated to improve their game to be similarly motivated in other
aspects of their life. Do you see a golf course as a series of
obstacles to be avoided, or do you see the fairways and greens as
the thing to hit.
There are a few people who aim for the obstacles because they
excel at the tricky shots – most, however, find themselves in the
obstacles due to misfortune… or were they actually responsible?
For most people, the
self-directed anger resulting from dissatisfaction is not a positive state
to be in. If you condemn yourself for playing poorly and use
self-talk phrase such as “I should have…” Or yelling (at yourself
or outwardly) your self-disgust such as “useless idiot” and perhaps
more colourful phrasing – you are doomed to repeat it. Not only
will you repeat the ‘error’, but you are also physically hurting
yourself – self-condemnation causes self-directed anger causes
stress causes physical distress causes physical sickness and, for
many, heart
failure. It’s a little as if your heart
decides that’s it’s had enough of your inward abuse and is
desperately trying to communicate your need to stop doing it. If
you’ve had a heart attack or stroke you’ve probably completely
reassessed how you live your life – and sought more tranquility,
less stressful behaviours – in some cases avoiding the major
contributors to your previously high-stress levels – work
and/or golf.

Driving a car often brings out the worst in our character.
Some people don’t realise that this is what they are like. The
way you drive your car is often a good indicator of your style. How
angry do you get when someone cuts into the queue in front of you?
When you pull up to the red traffic light, do you swerve over to
the other lane to be at the front of the queue? When motoring along
are you more concerned about getting somewhere quickly, or more
concerned with the traffic around you? Back to
golf. When you stand at the tee, what do you focus
your attention on? Your target?
Avoiding the trees/bunkers/water/rough? I hope
the former by now if you’ve been with me all this time. What you
focus on is what you’ll get. Motivation is
a multi-faceted phenomenon. In large part, motivation is about the
satisfaction of values held. It is the result of using particular
personal resources towards a specific goal that satisfies
a value or value held by that individual. Connecting any of
these three in any order, resources, values and outcome creates the
feeling of motivation as the nucleus accumbens anticipates the
reward for the price you are prepared to pay. In smaller part,
though often the critical component, is encouragement to
achieve a goal.
Encouragement to act or avoid

Encouragement is the eager
anticipation of doing something fearful
 It is worth spending some time here on
what we mean by encouragement. The word has ‘courage’
at its root. Thus, to encourage is to develop, enhance or
build courage. Courage, you’ll remember, is not the absence of fear
but the continuation to do something of which you
are fearful.
It follows therefore, that if we ‘encourage’ ourselves –
we are building the strength to overcome our fears and commit to an
action. Encouragement itself, is often mistaken for motivation – or
exchanged for it. To get someone to accomplish something – they
will need to be motivated and/or encouraged to do so. It is
possible to get someone – or even yourself – to do something that
does not satisfy a value – but such actions are not repeated if no
personal value is realised, that is, there is no reward for the
nucleus accumbens to reinforce the dopamine spike. For
example, many beginner golfers give up playing after being
encouraged (usually by a relative or close friend) to take up the
game. They continue to ‘try’ to play until they find that they do
not realise something of value for themselves. Yes, there are
people who don’t like or enjoy golf. Shocking but true.
Encouragement is good, but it is not a substitute for sustained
motivation.
Hacking motivation to make you
happier

The trick here is to set
incremental goals. Smaller outcome steps along the way and dividing
the larger goal into specific, rewarding tasks.
One of the most fascinating and useful things we’ve learned from
dopamine research is something I mentioned right at the beginning,
that dopamine’s real job is to encourage us to act to achieve or
avoid something. You’ll have noticed for yourself, that when you
have achieved a specific goal you wanted to achieve, you’ll have a
burst of feeling good, but this soon dissipates. Your feelings
actually drop quite rapidly, like the wind has been taken from your
sails. That positive feeling was serotonin rather than dopamine.
Serotonin makes you feel generally happy and gives a sense of
well-being and pride. Your dopamine-induced pleasure was the
anticipation of the reward. Now you have achieved your goal; you
have your reward…. There is no more anticipation. You may even be
getting a little edgy after achieving your goal, especially if
others are not reinforcing you to feel good by congratulating you
on your brilliant achievement. This can quickly lead to
frustration, disappointment, and burnout as you stress about why
you feel less good than you did.
The trick here is to set incremental goals.
Smaller outcome steps along the way and dividing the larger
goal into specific, rewarding tasks such that you will look forward
from one task to the next in anticipation of the next task as a
reward in itself and along the journey to the far greater reward of
the completed goal. We can train our brain to feed on bursts of
dopamine triggered by such rewarding experiences. By setting
incremental specific outcomes, we rewire our brain by linking
and stimulating a dopamine response to each part of the task. You
can do this for others as well by deliberately giving them positive
feedback as they progress through the sub-tasks. And if there’s
anything you want them to improve, then use the feedback sandwich.
Now all it takes is for you to have a little courage to try it out
and find that you’ll be happier.
Try this for yourself now, use the SWING Outcome setting template
for free here  ]]>76f1cf319f82c83fc54f4b6d54f7160fSat, 23 Apr 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KMotivation is chemistry. That feeling you call motivation is to do with the dopamine in your brain, specifically the increase in dopamine in your “nucleus accumbens” is the brain’s feedback for predicting rewards. Dopamine is known as a neurochemical...That feeling you call motivation is to do with the dopamine in
your brain, specifically the increase in dopamine in your “nucleus
accumbens” is the brain’s feedback for predicting rewards. Dopamine
is known as a neurochemical of pleasure, and sure, dopamine makes
you feel good, so why can we also get a spike of motivation in
times of great stress? Indeed, why are some people motivated to
jump off suspension bridges?

Dopamine is the neurochemical associated with pleasure but its
real role is in motivation[/caption] The role of dopamine goes
beyond our feelings of pleasure; it performs its task before we obtain the rewards. Dopamine’s actual job is
to encourage us to act to achieve or avoid something. 

To act or to avoid?

Motivation can be encouragement to
act or to run away
Many successful golf players (and business leaders) are
motivated by their dissatisfaction with their performance. It can
be a very powerful motivator. You would expect someone who is thus
motivated to improve their game to be similarly motivated in other
aspects of their life. Do you see a golf course as a series of
obstacles to be avoided, or do you see the fairways and greens as
the thing to hit.
There are a few people who aim for the obstacles because they
excel at the tricky shots – most, however, find themselves in the
obstacles due to misfortune… or were they actually responsible?
For most people, the
self-directed anger resulting from dissatisfaction is not a positive state
to be in. If you condemn yourself for playing poorly and use
self-talk phrase such as “I should have…” Or yelling (at yourself
or outwardly) your self-disgust such as “useless idiot” and perhaps
more colourful phrasing – you are doomed to repeat it. Not only
will you repeat the ‘error’, but you are also physically hurting
yourself – self-condemnation causes self-directed anger causes
stress causes physical distress causes physical sickness and, for
many, heart
failure. It’s a little as if your heart
decides that’s it’s had enough of your inward abuse and is
desperately trying to communicate your need to stop doing it. If
you’ve had a heart attack or stroke you’ve probably completely
reassessed how you live your life – and sought more tranquility,
less stressful behaviours – in some cases avoiding the major
contributors to your previously high-stress levels – work
and/or golf.

Driving a car often brings out the worst in our character.
Some people don’t realise that this is what they are like. The
way you drive your car is often a good indicator of your style. How
angry do you get when someone cuts into the queue in front of you?
When you pull up to the red traffic light, do you swerve over to
the other lane to be at the front of the queue? When motoring along
are you more concerned about getting somewhere quickly, or more
concerned with the traffic around you? Back to
golf. When you stand at the tee, what do you focus
your attention on? Your target?
Avoiding the trees/bunkers/water/rough? I hope
the former by now if you’ve been with me all this time. What you
focus on is what you’ll get. Motivation is
a multi-faceted phenomenon. In large part, motivation is about the
satisfaction of values held. It is the result of using particular
personal resources towards a specific goal that satisfies
a value or value held by that individual. Connecting any of
these three in any order, resources, values and outcome creates the
feeling of motivation as the nucleus accumbens anticipates the
reward for the price you are prepared to pay. In smaller part,
though often the critical component, is encouragement to
achieve a goal.619cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-022-why-transformation-fails-4-ways-pTry a little experiment with me. Fold your arms in front of you and settle for a moment.
Cross your arms the opposite way round. How long would it take you to be comfortable with this change?
Now, switch the way you fold your arms. Instead of right over left, change it to left over right for example.
How comfortable are you? A few people who do this feel fine, most will soon revert to their preferred, and far more comfortable, old way of folding their arms.
How long would it take you to force yourself to switch your arm folding, before you became comfortable? A day, a week, a month, a year? Never?
However long it would take you, there would be many times when you "slipped back into your old ways". Especially under pressure. Perhaps you would eventually switch forever, perhaps you would revert to your original way of doing things. It all depends on how motivated you are to change and if there was a purpose of changing.
Most transformation programmes fail to deliver because most people neglect the key elements that facilitate change to take place. To help transform anyone they need to be encouraged, enabled and empowered. Fall short on one, and the transformation project will not achieve the desired change.
Why is change so difficult?
Going on a journey with people through change can be challenging and exhausting. Bringing sustainable change is even harder. Most people resist change even when they see the need and believe it can occur. [caption id="attachment_12850" align="alignright" width="244"] Resistors - who may not even notice the change, deliberately ignore it, or be so overwhelmed that they push it out of their awareness.[/caption] The owner of the first hotel I managed was just 40 when he suffered a heart attack. His lifestyle, booze, food and a lack of regular exercise were contributory factors but prior to the heart attack, there were no significant symptoms. Life was good, and then BAM! He was on the floor in agony. He survived. His doctor told him bluntly that he had to change his diet, give up alcohol, smoking and take up regular exercise. Change or die! A stark choice. And one that many people face. Initially, my boss came out of hospital ready and eager to take this advice seriously and changed everything that was harming his health. It wasn't easy for him, but he stuck with it and now enjoys a slim, healthy life retired and sailing around the Mediterranean. Yet, in the US alone, some 90% of heart bypass patients can't change their lifestyles, even at the risk of dying. It's not surprising then that changing people's behaviour in business is a challenge. And you would think that I, as a reasonably intelligent human being would have learned from that particular experience, or at least learned from life. But no. I maintained my personal biases and beliefs that such a thing would never happen to me. I wouldn’t be someone who suffered a heart attack because of bad choices. We rarely learn from observing what happens around us, to others or from what others do, unless there is something of value for us personally. Something that is more valuable and does not get rejected due to pre-conceived biases.
How people face change
People respond to change typically in four different ways depending on their personalities and past experiences:
Innovators - who value change and often try to make it happen. Even innovators, though, will create change that support their own beliefs and biases. And sometimes, an innovator is just a rebel in disguise and create change just to disrupt the status quo.
Embracers - who thrive on change and accept it with enthusiasm, sometimes without thinking too much about it. These people love difference. They need change. And there's the rub. Embracers will embrace the change training brings immediately and run with it, right up to the moment that they need to change again. Or even, to change back to their old way of doing a thing. Why because, change is change, even when it is changing back.
Acceptors - who initially resist change but eventually go along with it because there is no alternative or they find that the change genuinely does bring value. [caption id="attachment_12851" align="alignright" width="244"] Acceptors - These are the relative few, who sustain the change and become the advocates for the transformation.[/caption]
Resistors - who may not even notice the change, deliberately ignore it, or be so overwhelmed that they push it out of their awareness. Some even deny any need for change and refuse to budge an inch. The transformation project is, for them, simply not important enough to be deemed worthy of the effort.
People usually lean towards one of these responses. There's some excellent news, though: simply because you are reading this, you are likely to be an innovator or embracer. If you are reading this reluctantly, you're an acceptor. And those who aren't reading this... well, they're the resistors (but, of course, they won't know that because they didn't read it!). How then, do we help change happen? For that, you need to use the triangle of influence.  ]]>6b0d6b3e1970dc5e04a83662aec8f523Sat, 16 Apr 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John K"Change is the only constant" goes the refrain. There would be little need for change if people were happy to stay the same as they are now. You know that change is uncomfortable. It doesn't matter how big or small the change is; it's how...Try a little experiment with me. Fold your arms in front of you and settle for a moment.
Cross your arms the opposite way round. How long would it take you to be comfortable with this change?
Now, switch the way you fold your arms. Instead of right over left, change it to left over right for example.
How comfortable are you? A few people who do this feel fine, most will soon revert to their preferred, and far more comfortable, old way of folding their arms.
How long would it take you to force yourself to switch your arm folding, before you became comfortable? A day, a week, a month, a year? Never?
However long it would take you, there would be many times when you "slipped back into your old ways". Especially under pressure. Perhaps you would eventually switch forever, perhaps you would revert to your original way of doing things. It all depends on how motivated you are to change and if there was a purpose of changing.
Most transformation programmes fail to deliver because most people neglect the key elements that facilitate change to take place. To help transform anyone they need to be encouraged, enabled and empowered. Fall short on one, and the transformation project will not achieve the desired change.
Why is change so difficult?
Going on a journey with people through change can be challenging and exhausting. Bringing sustainable change is even harder. Most people resist change even when they see the need and believe it can occur. [caption id="attachment_12850" align="alignright" width="244"] Resistors - who may not even notice the change, deliberately ignore it, or be so overwhelmed that they push it out of their awareness.[/caption] The owner of the first hotel I managed was just 40 when he suffered a heart attack. His lifestyle, booze, food and a lack of regular exercise were contributory factors but prior to the heart attack, there were no significant symptoms. Life was good, and then BAM! He was on the floor in agony. He survived. His doctor told him bluntly that he had to change his diet, give up alcohol, smoking and take up regular exercise. Change or die! A stark choice. And one that many people face. Initially, my boss came out of hospital ready and eager to take this advice seriously and changed everything that was harming his health. It wasn't easy for him, but he stuck with it and now enjoys a slim, healthy life retired and sailing around the Mediterranean. Yet, in the US alone, some 90% of heart bypass patients can't change their lifestyles, even at the risk of dying. It's not surprising then that changing people's behaviour in business is a challenge. And you would think that I, as a reasonably intelligent human being would have learned from that particular experience, or at least learned from life. But no. I maintained my personal biases and beliefs that such a thing would never happen to me. I wouldn’t be someone who suffered a heart attack because of bad choices. We rarely learn from observing what happens...]]>521cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-021-how-to-influence-someone-you-don-None of us in the room had met Jeff before. In fact, none of us had a clue who he was. This quiet, unassuming man simply walked to the front and sitting on the bar stool began to speak and captivated everyone.
Jeff shared why some adverts worked, and some fell flat. How some adverts tapped universal appeal, and others neglected to do so.
The good news is that you don’t need to spend millions of dollars on creating a fantastic TV advert to influence people. The great news is that you can easily tap into the four universal appeals.
And I'll come to those four universal appeals in a moment.
You'll remember in the triangle of influence that the motivation to change is the result of the evaluation of the personal benefits gained and the personal cost in the resources required to achieve a specific outcome.
Whether that outcome is buying a new toothpaste or a new car, giving our time to serve in a soup kitchen or sharing our wisdom with a stranger. We weigh up what we get from the action and what it costs us. We will then be motivated to act when our perceived benefits outweigh our perceived cost.


Influence is maths. When the perceived value is greater than the perceived cost, we are motivated to act on the change.

If you know what I am likely to perceive as beneficial and what I perceive as costly, then you should find it easier to influence me.
Influencing someone you know well
When we know someone very well, we can influence them more easily. For example, if I want to go to a particular holiday destination with my wife, and she wants to go elsewhere, I might emphasise all the aspects of the type of holiday she desires (honestly) regarding my preferred destination. I might lay on some evidence to add credence to my interpretation such as photos, TripAdvisor recommendations and so on.
If I want to buy a particular car model, and she would prefer another, I might focus on specific qualities of my chosen car that I know will appeal to her.
It's not manipulation; it's just a conversation. It's something we all do, every day. We will sway or steer others towards our preference.
We are in a position of influence every time someone allows us to communicate with them. Most of the time, we are unconsciously influencing entirely based on our personal bias.
But that's selfish!
Yes, you’re right. I am. So are you. So is the person beside you.
I am, and you are. Even when someone is apparently altruistic, the reality is that they get something valuable personally from being so.
What if I don’t know the other person well, how do I influence them?
People are more easily influenced by people who show empathy for their situation and can be trusted. But more than that: people will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, allay fears, justify their failings, or help them throw rocks at their enemies.
Some of the most effective and powerful ways of influencing appeal to these four universal motivators:
Encourage their dreams, allay their fears, Justify their failings and helping them throw rocks at an enemy.
1. Encourage their dreams


If a genie gave you 3 wishes, what would you ask for?

Every single person I have ever met has dreams. They want to achieve something in their life, they may not know exactly what that is, but it is better than whatever they have achieved thus far in life.
To influence someone, you could encourage their dreams. That the benefit, they will attain moves them towards their dreams.
You might be encouraging the dreams of your child to get into a great university if they study hard, or more relevant perhaps, the new iPad you will buy them if they get an A.
You could be encouraging someone to diet or exercise by communicating how good they will look and feel (and hence be more attractive.)
2. Allay their  fears
Everyone has fears. Most people will admit that they fear failure to some extent. Many people fear death. Does anybody like to be rejected? Some are afraid of flying. According to studies, more people fear public speaking than anything else.
To influence someone to act you could allay their fears. That the benefit will be greater confidence, for example, competence or simply the courage to act at all.
You might also reduce the cost burden by allying someone's fears of undertaking the action you are proposing.
To allay the fears that someone buys something they don’t ncould "guarantee satisfaction" or set up a payment plan to spread the cost over time.
3. Justify their failings
We have all failed in our lives. Many of these failings we keep to ourselves through a false sense of pride, or worse that others will think badly of us if we admit them. We all have them. Nobody likes to fail. It hurts. And isn’t it so good when our failure is not our fault?
A powerful tool in the influencers arsenal is to have enough courage themselves to admit their failings to others (you are not alone) and that there is a perfectly good reason (excuse) for failing.
One of the biggest issues my clients tell me they have is a lack of time. That there are simply so many, more pressing things to do. And this is true, so it's not their fault. It's modern society. So it's no surprise that you haven’t found the time to do this, but just think of the benefits you would get if you just took 5 minutes each day…
Now, you were already being swept up in the argument and nodding away…
Lastly, we can:


It's their fault that you haven't succeeded. Go get 'em...

4. Help them throw rocks at their enemy
There's nothing quite like a common enemy to unite people. And that enemy doesn't have to be other people. An "enemy" could be as simple as "dirty hair" - watch any shampoo advert.
Do you know anyone who isn't struggling with something? Overwork, stress, a boss who doesn’t recognize their efforts, an impossible sales target.
Whatever their enemy, the chances are pretty high that you have had that enemy in the past too. Concur, agree and help them throw rocks at it.
Have you ever attended a meeting and wondered why you were there and what was the point of meeting at all? Sure you have, we all have. Who's the enemy, well, meetings are the enemy, or is it, the common boss who hosts the meetings, or the lack of structure to the meetings… whatever is the common enemy…
Why is it important to understand these 4 universal appeals?
You are being influenced every day. If you watch television at all, you'll be bombarded with messages designed to influence you. Some have a lasting effect, others less so.
You influence other people every day as well. Some people you will influence just by being alive. They could be emulating you. If you have kids, they are emulating you. If you’re in a bad mood, they'll know it and change their behaviour accordingly. When my dad came home from his London office when I was a young kid, I would hide in my room because he would always be in a bad mood after a train journey from London.
You influence some people deliberately. And for those times when you are successful, the chances are extremely high that you appealed to one or more of these universal appeals.
You encouraged their dreams
You allayed their fears
You helped them justify their failings, and/or
You helped them throw rocks at an enemy of theirs.
But there's something very very critical here that I don’t want you to miss.
You might have got it already, which is terrific. But maybe you've missed it, which is OK because most people miss this.
It's "their"! THEIR
Their dreams
Their fears
Their failings
Their enemy
It's not about your wants, your dreams, your concerns, your desires. It's all about the other person.
Influence is about motivating the other person to change for their benefit.


When the benefit of the change is mutual - that's what we call a "win-win"

But surely, you may ask, I want to influence someone else for my benefit?
And that's where the problem lies. It's not about you. It's about them.
If it's about you, and not about them, you are not influencing them. You are either manipulating or coercing them. And that, my friend, will lead to them desiring, if not taking, revenge upon you.
But, can’t the benefit be mutual?
For sure. If they benefit, and incidentally you do too, that's wonderful. We call that a win-win don’t we?]]>e5179b732489753979bbb22bf2d28e8cSat, 09 Apr 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KJeff sat on a bar stool at the front of the room. He had no slides, no props, just sat and talked. Within minutes, he had everybody in the room on the edge of their seats eagerly nodding and ready to follow him wherever he went. None of us in the room...None of us in the room had met Jeff before. In fact, none of us had a clue who he was. This quiet, unassuming man simply walked to the front and sitting on the bar stool began to speak and captivated everyone.
Jeff shared why some adverts worked, and some fell flat. How some adverts tapped universal appeal, and others neglected to do so.
The good news is that you don’t need to spend millions of dollars on creating a fantastic TV advert to influence people. The great news is that you can easily tap into the four universal appeals.
And I'll come to those four universal appeals in a moment.
You'll remember in the triangle of influence that the motivation to change is the result of the evaluation of the personal benefits gained and the personal cost in the resources required to achieve a specific outcome.
Whether that outcome is buying a new toothpaste or a new car, giving our time to serve in a soup kitchen or sharing our wisdom with a stranger. We weigh up what we get from the action and what it costs us. We will then be motivated to act when our perceived benefits outweigh our perceived cost.


Influence is maths. When the perceived value is greater than the perceived cost, we are motivated to act on the change.

If you know what I am likely to perceive as beneficial and what I perceive as costly, then you should find it easier to influence me.
Influencing someone you know well
When we know someone very well, we can influence them more easily. For example, if I want to go to a particular holiday destination with my wife, and she wants to go elsewhere, I might emphasise all the aspects of the type of holiday she desires (honestly) regarding my preferred destination. I might lay on some evidence to add credence to my interpretation such as photos, TripAdvisor recommendations and so on.
If I want to buy a particular car model, and she would prefer another, I might focus on specific qualities of my chosen car that I know will appeal to her.
It's not manipulation; it's just a conversation. It's something we all do, every day. We will sway or steer others towards our preference.
We are in a position of influence every time someone allows us to communicate with them. Most of the time, we are unconsciously influencing entirely based on our personal bias.
But that's selfish!
Yes, you’re right. I am. So are you. So is the person beside you.
I am, and you are. Even when someone is apparently altruistic, the reality is that they get something valuable personally from being so.
What if I don’t know the other person well, how do I influence them?
People are more easily influenced by people who show empathy for their situation and can be trusted. But more than that: people will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, allay fears, justify their failings, or help them throw rocks at their enemies.
Some of the most effective and powerful ways of influencing appeal to these four universal motivators:
Encourage their dreams, allay their fears, Justify their failings and helping them throw rocks at an enemy.
1. Encourage their dreams


If a genie gave you 3 wishes, what would you ask for?

Every single person I have ever met has dreams. They want to achieve something in their life, they may not know exactly what that is, but it is better than whatever they have achieved thus far in life.
To influence someone, you could encourage their dreams. That the benefit, they will attain moves them towards their dreams.
You might be encouraging the dreams of your child to get into a great university if they study hard, or more relevant perhaps, the new iPad you will...]]>875cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-020-how-to-align-yourself-to-getting-Perhaps, I should just let the current take me wherever it would. But then, I would find myself drifting towards the weir of life and the turmoil of burbling rapids and somewhere downstream in the opposite direction. And, it's not just our long term goals where this matters. We live in a world of busy-ness. There's a constant demand for our attention from work, from colleagues, bosses, clients, family, friends, and beeps from devices, and emails and more all clamouring for immediate attention. In part, this modern life itself distracts us from our plans, so it becomes increasingly important that we keep on top of everything and not drown in a sea of todo lists under a cacophony of beeps. So let us explore the four different ways we can choose to align our effort, energy and resources towards achieving our chosen goals. I call them, Push mode, Pull mode, Drift mode and the fourth is really a combination, the PushMePullYou mode.
Push Mode
Multi-tasking, endless todo lists and long hours in the office are all indicators that you are in Push Mode[/caption] If you have to drive others towards an objective, even drive yourself towards it, I call this being in push mode. Push mode is typified by focusing your attention on problems that need to be resolved, or things that need fixing. Many people use a ‘todo’ list or a GTD (getting things done) system. Are you one of them? Take a look at yours now and see if it is a list of problems. The fun, creative or enjoyable things rarely make it onto a ‘todo’ list – rather there is a tendency to say that once the list is done and I have time, then I’ll do the fun stuff. What’s more, you will already know that the things we pay attention to are the things that grow and the things we don’t pay attention to tend to fade away. So if we focus on problems (call them challenges or issues if you must but they are still the same thing), we will find that the problems grow. So here’s a radical thought, if we focus our attention on interesting, exciting, fun things, they will grow. And our problems, won’t they fade away? “But you don’t understand. I have to get this report done, I have a ton of emails to clear, I have to attend this meeting, I have calls to make to angry customers, and if I don’t I’ll get fired. I simply don’t have time to talk to people, take it easy, smell the flowers…” And when your stress levels have made you so sick that you can’t work, let alone afford the hospital bills you’ll feel what exactly? Accomplished? Valued? Important? Nothing more satisfying than lying in bed recovering from a heart attack knowing how much your contribution is missed. I’m not saying that these things (some of them anyway) don’t need to be done but that by not focusing on them, they will (and do) fade away. Oftentimes, they just get done. Without stress, without worry. In Push Mode, we are continuously pushing ourselves (and others) towards our goals relying on our own effort to keep us on our straight and planned track. Obstacles that we face in our way are enemies to progress which may force us to re- plan our route. Our motivation stems from outside forces, the concrete and measurable goal is frequently thought to be motivation enough and any resistance to achieving the goal, self-inflicted or external resistance, is just another obstacle. In Push Mode, when progress is slow, we re-plan and consider time management a priority. Only, unless you have discovered the secret to warping the space-time continuum, you cannot actually manage time.
Pull Mode
People in Pull Mode appear relaxed, as if life was for living instead of working constantly[/caption] Pull Mode, on the other hand, is about leadership and paying attention to growth and improvement. Rather than focusing attention on problems to be solved or fixed or overcome, in Pull Mode we take time to clearly envision our future and allow the goal to pull us towards it. The results of Push Mode and Pull Mode may appear to be the same (that is the achievement of the goal) but Pull Mode takes less effort and allows our unconscious activity to take precedence over conscious linear processing. The idea of Pull Mode is that you create a vision of the future that is so compelling for you (and perhaps for others) that you cannot help but be drawn towards it. The things that you need to do on the way become minor irritants that simply get done and anything that really is not important is not done and fades into insignificance. When you focus your energies on remaining in your strengths zone, the things that you are talented at, good at and enjoy doing: everything becomes effortless. You'll be faster, enjoy all of your work and have time to spare. “Hold on, what if something that is important is not recognised as being important?” Excellent question. Things that appear to need to be done, whether important or not, on your journey are your friends – they are obstacles to your progress but think of them in terms of friends, or learning opportunities. Let me take a personal example if I may. Two things about running a business that I personally do not enjoy:
Filing,
Doing the accounts.
I appreciate that some people just adore filing and doing the accounts but I don’t. In Push Mode, I resist doing them until I absolutely have to or, usually, risk a penalty. It is the penalty that drives me to do it. I still hate doing it but I dislike paying a penalty more. In Pull Mode, these things still come across my path but now I see them as friends – the chance to look again at scraps of notes, letters or offers. I have learned to change my mindset from doing the filing to my enjoyment of a clear desk and in-tray and just do it. It’s no longer something I resist. Do I enjoy doing it? No, I don’t if I think about it consciously, I just let it happen. Let me stress here, that I am strong at doing these things but I do not enjoy doing them. “But what if it should be done and its not that critical or important?” The chances are, for me, that it won’t get done. Importantly, if I find myself resisting doing something, I stop, tune into my thought processing and ask myself why I am resisting it? For example, keen observers may have noted that I didn’t talk about doing my accounts in Pull Mode above. You’d be right. It is something that I continued to resist – I can’t really explain what it is about doing the accounts that I just don’t want to do, and I found this quite strange considering that I do enjoy building spreadsheets of budgets and am quite au fait with P&L and Balance Sheet – and then it occurred to me that I like thinking through future scenarios, but what’s done is done. I honestly can’t be bothered about it. Now, of course, there’s legal compliance… and I realised further, I really don’t like to be told that I have to do something. So what did I learn from this resistance? I learned that I am quite happy considering the future and do not wish to have to create organisation of the past. Decision? Outsource to someone capable and trusted. In Pull Mode, you only do the things that you want to do that move you towards your goal such that the work you are doing is effortless. Obstacles that need to be overcome that meet with your own resistance are a warning flag to you that something else is going on – stop and allow yourself to consider what the resistance is trying to tell you. “Isn’t it possible then that you’ll go into Pull Mode, and miss the important things that need to be done?” Sure it’s possible, but unlikely to be important in the achievement of the goal. Things that are a requirement in your society but have no direct relationship to the achievement of your goal. Yet there’s a third mode of being that is neither Push nor Pull, and that’s Drift Mode.
Drift Mode
Drifting along may seem like a good alternative to push mode, but where do you end up?[/caption] The stresses of Push Mode, always making things happen and forever coming up against obstacles and ‘time-wasters’, causes many people to fall into Drift Mode rather than Pull Mode. Drift Mode is quite different to Pull Mode, somewhat ‘New-Agey’ in influence where one just ‘lets things happen’. call it karma, fate, life forces, whatever – it generally involves emptying your mind of worries and anxieties and just letting life happen to you. Whatever way the wind blows, you drift along with it. You might end up on an agreeable shore when you allow yourself to drift over the seas of life, or you might end up somewhere unpleasant, or. most probably, you’ll just continue drifting along. Pull Mode is different because there is a clear and articulated vision of your compelling goal that is pulling you towards]]>25e2d9264b11137922d819f8af79a5ffSat, 02 Apr 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KHave you set yourself a SMART goal and still not achieved it? Goal setting, we know is a powerful tool in helping us focus on a specific objective and put our energy and resources towards achieving it. But did you know that human beings align...Perhaps, I should just let the current take me wherever it would. But then, I would find myself drifting towards the weir of life and the turmoil of burbling rapids and somewhere downstream in the opposite direction. And, it's not just our long term goals where this matters. We live in a world of busy-ness. There's a constant demand for our attention from work, from colleagues, bosses, clients, family, friends, and beeps from devices, and emails and more all clamouring for immediate attention. In part, this modern life itself distracts us from our plans, so it becomes increasingly important that we keep on top of everything and not drown in a sea of todo lists under a cacophony of beeps. So let us explore the four different ways we can choose to align our effort, energy and resources towards achieving our chosen goals. I call them, Push mode, Pull mode, Drift mode and the fourth is really a combination, the PushMePullYou mode.
Push Mode
Multi-tasking, endless todo lists and long hours in the office are all indicators that you are in Push Mode[/caption] If you have to drive others towards an objective, even drive yourself towards it, I call this being in push mode. Push mode is typified by focusing your attention on problems that need to be resolved, or things that need fixing. Many people use a ‘todo’ list or a GTD (getting things done) system. Are you one of them? Take a look at yours now and see if it is a list of problems. The fun, creative or enjoyable things rarely make it onto a ‘todo’ list – rather there is a tendency to say that once the list is done and I have time, then I’ll do the fun stuff. What’s more, you will already know that the things we pay attention to are the things that grow and the things we don’t pay attention to tend to fade away. So if we focus on problems (call them challenges or issues if you must but they are still the same thing), we will find that the problems grow. So here’s a radical thought, if we focus our attention on interesting, exciting, fun things, they will grow. And our problems, won’t they fade away? “But you don’t understand. I have to get this report done, I have a ton of emails to clear, I have to attend this meeting, I have calls to make to angry customers, and if I don’t I’ll get fired. I simply don’t have time to talk to people, take it easy, smell the flowers…” And when your stress levels have made you so sick that you can’t work, let alone afford the hospital bills you’ll feel what exactly? Accomplished? Valued? Important? Nothing more satisfying than lying in bed recovering from a heart attack knowing how much your contribution is missed. I’m not saying that these...]]>867cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-018-how-great-leaders-build-trust-andThink of trust as a wallet full of cash.
I know that it's rare to have such a thing, but imagine, OK?
Say I have a couple of thousand bucks in various bills in my trust wallet. Every time I do or say something that causes you to lose faith in me, to lose your trust, for whatever reason, is like asking you to take whatever amount of cash out of my wallet.
Of course, being a normal human being, you'll take the 100 dollar bills first.
If, foolishly I hurt you in some way again, you'll take another chunk from my wallet. A third time and you'll probably take the wallet and empty it.
Now I have no trust with you. Is there any way I can influence you if you don’t trust me? Of course not.
[player]
If you do not trust me, the only way I can get you to do what I want would be to manipulate you, or coerce you. That is, I would resort to lies, half-truths, twisted words, force, threats or bullying.
Instead, slowly and steadily and patiently, I work hard and begin to earn your trust back.
Little by little, you begin to trust me again. So you give me a two dollar bill from the hundreds you took when I lost your trust.
I'm consistent, and build trust with you again. And perhaps you'll give me back a five dollar bill or even, if I've been especially good, 10 bucks.
This goes on and on, because you'll be very reticent to give me back your trust. It's normal. It's the way your brain works. You hold a very vivid, pain filled memory of the times I broke your trust and a distant, slightly happy memory of when I build it in the first place.
[popup type="youtube" link_text="Click to open my video on your Brain on Stress and Anxiety" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmwiJ6ghLIM" /]
Painful memories are much more dominant than good memories. We are wired for negativity.
We have two networks for this in our brains:
The pain network, which includes the Thalamus, the Dorsal Anterior Cingulate Gyrus and the Insula.
Then we have the Reward network, which consists of the Amygdala, the Ventral Striatum and the Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex.
Now you don’t need to remember all the terms, but I've link some great articles and videos above if you’re interested to learn more about the neuroscience behind all of this.
When I cause you pain, such as physically inflicting pain, or snubbing you, taking something from you that you care about, treating you unfairly, betraying you, or simply speak negatively about you, then your pain network is activated.
Your reward network is activated when you feel things like physical pleasure, a sense of belonging or inclusion, having a good reputation with others, being treated fairly and justly, and even giving to others - because of a feeling of abundance, or simply being appreciated for doing something or just for being you. These things make you feel good.
Smart leaders know this and continuously activate your reward network - which makes you more productive and effective. Poor leaders activate your pain network.
The biggest difficulty for leaders is one word and that word is "continuously".
A leader can be deemed trustworthy by you for years and then they inflict pain on you in some way. They break your trust. Even blaming others for their own failings could be painful for you. At that moment, you take that first big bill from their wallet full of trust.
You may trust them again, but there will be a delay in making the decision to trust as you check your personal records - first in the insula and then in the Anterior Cingulate Gyrus (ACG).
The insula in your brain, helps us anticipate what something will feel like before it happens, like the proverbial “gut-feel” or “6th-sense”.
The Anterior Cingulate Gyrus (ACG) allows us to shift between thoughts, weigh up options and make predictions.
Let's say that I was your boss. You trusted me implicitly because for a long time I've been a great boss. Then one day you heard that I had spoken disparagingly about you and blamed you for a failure that wasn't your fault, and all behind your back. All of a sudden you feel hurt. In spite of years of a good, trusting relationship, you've heard something negative. Of course, because you are a mature and responsible person, you dismiss the idea. It's hearsay, not fact and surely I wouldn’t do such a thing.
Everything seems normal. But you are now wondering when you speak to me, or even just think about me and checking that pain circuit. That "gut feel" from the Insula, that shift between the two options, "do I don’t I trust him?"


When someone loses trust, yet wants to trust you, there is doubt and questioning in the brain. Like good and bad angels whispering in your ear.

I ask you to undertake a task. And the pain circuit whirs into life triggered by that emotional memory of pain. Perhaps you are bold enough to ask outright. I deny everything of course as completely untrue.
Even then, your Insula is engaged checking that "6th sense" and your ACG weighs the options that I might be being truthful, that nothing was said, or now, worse… I could be lying to cover up my own guilt for having blamed you wrongly in the first place.
Your own history of experience with other people in similar painful memories will determine whether you choose to trust me at this point or not.
It's bad enough that someone would lose trust in you because of one single error. It's worse that the "error" could have been malicious gossip by another party.
Trust is a fragile thing. When we do trust someone, and we decide to trust without being completely certain, there is a delay. Imperceptible at times, because our brain works very very rapidly, but we still check our pain circuits, just to be sure. You trust me again and find that I speak highly of you to others, I tell you how appreciative I am for your diligence and hard work. Your reward circuit is activated and there's another dollar bill in my wallet of trust.


When faced with a decision to trust, or not to trust, we try to reduce uncertainty . We will either trust without being certain, or shift the burden by redefining the task.

When you trust me as your boss, you become increasingly engaged. The delay in deciding to trust me or not gets shortened, your productivity increases and you have a greater sense of safety and security, which increases your engagement and productivity even further.
Good leaders understand this, and make sure that they avoid triggering your pain circuit. They never betray your trust, and if per chance they inadvertently do break your trust one day, they work hard to regain it. Good leaders keep you, but might not continuously increase your engagement and one day, someone offers you a reward that you would like to have and you shift to another boss and hope that you can trust them.
Great leaders make sure they also activate your reward circuits. They speak highly of you, they appreciate you, they always treat you and everyone else fairly, they are never biased, they always hold you in the highest esteem. Great leaders give you deserved credit for your ideas and contributions and never take the credit that belongs to someone else. Even when they themselves are being unfairly treated, denigrated or the victim of malicious gossip, a great leader doesn’t bite back. Great leaders treat even their enemies with respect and dignity. Great leaders are few and far between. Great leaders build your trust in them and increase your engagement. Do you aspire to be one?
 ]]>a22544c0c070d7742d21dbff13d9a825Sat, 19 Mar 2016 05:30:00 +0000Dr John KA few weeks ago I recorded a podcast about the Power of Trust to Succeed and many people wrote and asked why it is that you can do something with the very best intentions but find that it backfires.It seems that it is very easy to lose someone's trust...Think of trust as a wallet full of cash.
I know that it's rare to have such a thing, but imagine, OK?
Say I have a couple of thousand bucks in various bills in my trust wallet. Every time I do or say something that causes you to lose faith in me, to lose your trust, for whatever reason, is like asking you to take whatever amount of cash out of my wallet.
Of course, being a normal human being, you'll take the 100 dollar bills first.
If, foolishly I hurt you in some way again, you'll take another chunk from my wallet. A third time and you'll probably take the wallet and empty it.
Now I have no trust with you. Is there any way I can influence you if you don’t trust me? Of course not.
[player]
If you do not trust me, the only way I can get you to do what I want would be to manipulate you, or coerce you. That is, I would resort to lies, half-truths, twisted words, force, threats or bullying.
Instead, slowly and steadily and patiently, I work hard and begin to earn your trust back.
Little by little, you begin to trust me again. So you give me a two dollar bill from the hundreds you took when I lost your trust.
I'm consistent, and build trust with you again. And perhaps you'll give me back a five dollar bill or even, if I've been especially good, 10 bucks.
This goes on and on, because you'll be very reticent to give me back your trust. It's normal. It's the way your brain works. You hold a very vivid, pain filled memory of the times I broke your trust and a distant, slightly happy memory of when I build it in the first place.
[popup type="youtube" link_text="Click to open my video on your Brain on Stress and Anxiety" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmwiJ6ghLIM" /]
Painful memories are much more dominant than good memories. We are wired for negativity.
We have two networks for this in our brains:
The pain network, which includes the Thalamus, the Dorsal Anterior Cingulate Gyrus and the Insula.
Then we have the Reward network, which consists of the Amygdala, the Ventral Striatum and the Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex.
Now you don’t need to remember all the terms, but I've link some great articles and videos above if you’re interested to learn more about the neuroscience behind all of this.
When I cause you pain, such as physically inflicting pain, or snubbing you, taking something from you that you care about, treating you unfairly, betraying you, or simply speak negatively about you, then your pain network is activated.
Your reward network is activated when you feel things like physical pleasure, a sense of belonging or inclusion, having a good reputation with others, being treated fairly and justly, and even giving to others - because of a feeling of abundance, or simply being appreciated for doing something or just for being you. These things make you feel good.
Smart leaders know this and continuously activate your reward network - which makes you more productive and effective. Poor leaders activate your pain network.
The biggest difficulty for leaders is one word and that word is "continuously".
A leader can be deemed trustworthy by you for years and then they inflict pain on you in some way. They break your trust. Even blaming others for their own failings could be painful for you. At that moment, you take that first big bill from their wallet full of trust.
You may trust them again, but there will be a delay in making the decision to trust as you check your personal records - first in the insula and then in the Anterior Cingulate Gyrus (ACG).
The insula in your brain, helps us anticipate what something will feel...]]>789cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-017-how-to-find-your-talent-practice-It was my first day on my first proper job and I would soon be delegating this filthy work to some other poor sap who similarly wanted to become a chef de cuisine. In the meantime, my job was to scrub, peel, haul, carry, chop, clear and clean it all up again.
The head cook (for in the mid 1970's we had few "Chef's" as that was far too French and suggestive of "haute cuisine") had agreed to take me under her wing and teach me how to prepare the only famous dish to come from England and clogged the arteries of its working classes: The Great British Breakfast.
 ]]>5b4970b72b367399b10229b1be523abaSat, 12 Mar 2016 06:00:00 +0000Dr John KIt was 4.30 on a cold and wet morning and I was choking on the stench of thick layers of years old grease behind the deep fat fryer and I was ecstatically happy as I scrubbed and cleaned the once white tiles back to their original gleaming brightness....It was my first day on my first proper job and I would soon be delegating this filthy work to some other poor sap who similarly wanted to become a chef de cuisine. In the meantime, my job was to scrub, peel, haul, carry, chop, clear and clean it all up again.
The head cook (for in the mid 1970's we had few "Chef's" as that was far too French and suggestive of "haute cuisine") had agreed to take me under her wing and teach me how to prepare the only famous dish to come from England and clogged the arteries of its working classes: The Great British Breakfast.
 ]]>860cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/lax-whats-the-difference-between-coachinLet's, however, take a look at the main similarities and differences, as this may be helpful for you in establishing the style you would prefer someone works with you.
There is considerable overlap between these development approaches with each having a performance, direction, support or personal well-being focus in the context of the organization, your career or your whole life.
Improving performance is largely about developing your job skills (competences). Whilst developing your soft skills (competencies) is better served through direction and support. Developing your character is best served through supporting your development and a focus on your personal well-being.
You will see that there are overlaps indicated in the diagram. Perhaps more so with the growth of 'life
coaching' which has filled a niche in developing you in your life whilst not being therapy or counselling.
 
What is mentoring?
In spite of its origins in Greek culture some 3,000 years ago, mentoring is a buzzword today where life and work is high-tech but not high-touch.
When we use the word “mentoring”, a dozen or more different images race across our minds. It seems that we might not all be on the same page. It will serve us well then, to offer a working definition that brings us all together in our understanding. Here, I have tweaked a definition original from Paul Stanley and Robert Clifton  (Stanley & Clinton, 1992) and later by Dr Tim Elmore (Elmore, 2011):
 
Mentoring is a working relational experience through which one person empowers and enables another by sharing their wisdom and resources.
 
What is coaching?
In the 16th century, the word 'coach' described a horse drawn vehicle to take people from where they were to where they wanted to be. In the 20th century, big buses with rows of seats were also called coaches, and their purpose was the same: to get people to where they wanted to go. The word 'coach' was given athletic meaning around 1880 when it was used to identify the person who tutored university students in their rowing on the Cam river in Cambridge. Later, the word (and role) became associated with musicians, public speakers and actors, who rely on coaches to improve their skills. Don Shula, former coach for the Miami Dolphins wrote about athletes who would come to his team with their skills and talents, ready to submit to the coach whose job was to instruct, discipline, and inspire them to do things better than they thought they could do on their own. Over time, the idea of a coach has not really changed. A coach is a vehicle to take someone from where they are now, to where they want to be. Eric Parsloe, author of "The Manager as Coach and Mentor" (Parsloe, 1999) defines coaching as: 
"a process that enables learning and development to occur and thus performance to improve." 
The table below is an overview of the main differences between the four most common approaches to coaching and how these differ from the manager's role.]]>f24abd3d9ce89fda5cdb86e3dfc19d93Wed, 09 Mar 2016 05:46:00 +0000Dr John KWhat's the difference between coaching, mentoring, counselling, training and managing? Let's, however, take a look at the main similarities and differences, as this may be helpful for you in establishing the style you would prefer someone works with...Let's, however, take a look at the main similarities and differences, as this may be helpful for you in establishing the style you would prefer someone works with you.
There is considerable overlap between these development approaches with each having a performance, direction, support or personal well-being focus in the context of the organization, your career or your whole life.
Improving performance is largely about developing your job skills (competences). Whilst developing your soft skills (competencies) is better served through direction and support. Developing your character is best served through supporting your development and a focus on your personal well-being.
You will see that there are overlaps indicated in the diagram. Perhaps more so with the growth of 'life
coaching' which has filled a niche in developing you in your life whilst not being therapy or counselling.
 
What is mentoring?
In spite of its origins in Greek culture some 3,000 years ago, mentoring is a buzzword today where life and work is high-tech but not high-touch.
When we use the word “mentoring”, a dozen or more different images race across our minds. It seems that we might not all be on the same page. It will serve us well then, to offer a working definition that brings us all together in our understanding. Here, I have tweaked a definition original from Paul Stanley and Robert Clifton  (Stanley & Clinton, 1992) and later by Dr Tim Elmore (Elmore, 2011):
 
Mentoring is a working relational experience through which one person empowers and enables another by sharing their wisdom and resources.
 
What is coaching?
In the 16th century, the word 'coach' described a horse drawn vehicle to take people from where they were to where they wanted to be. In the 20th century, big buses with rows of seats were also called coaches, and their purpose was the same: to get people to where they wanted to go. The word 'coach' was given athletic meaning around 1880 when it was used to identify the person who tutored university students in their rowing on the Cam river in Cambridge. Later, the word (and role) became associated with musicians, public speakers and actors, who rely on coaches to improve their skills. Don Shula, former coach for the Miami Dolphins wrote about athletes who would come to his team with their skills and talents, ready to submit to the coach whose job was to instruct, discipline, and inspire them to do things better than they thought they could do on their own. Over time, the idea of a coach has not really changed. A coach is a vehicle to take someone from where they are now, to where they want to be. Eric Parsloe, author of "The Manager as Coach and Mentor" (Parsloe, 1999) defines coaching as: 
"a process that enables learning and development to occur and thus performance to improve." 
The table below is an overview of the main differences between the four most common approaches to coaching and how these differ from the manager's role.]]>655cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-016-how-to-let-go-and-gain-controlIf you have ever learned to play the game of golf, the chances are that you grip the club tightly.
After all
this is basically holding onto a stick that you will swing through the air and hit a ball. Allowing the club to "follow-through' - if you don't hold on tight, the club might just go as far as the ball.
I appreciate that you may have never played golf, but you can liken this also
to the tight grip of the reins of a horse
to controlling your dog on a very short leash
to holding on tight to your child's hand
 
New golfers have to learn how to 'let go' - to relax their grip. If a tight grip is a ten on a scale, we want a 4 out of 10. The same is true of leadership and the way we hold on to our people. Hold on too tight (micromanage) and people have little freedom to use their own skills and strength. Hold on too tight to the club, and it is the golfer doing all the work.
So the question is: "who should be doing the work?" The manager or leader or the member of staff?
The golf club is weighted for a reason. If you allow the club to do the work, the swing and striking of the ball, becomes almost effortless. Relax your grip on your team and allow them to excel at what they do, and the work becomes almost effortless.
Once you know, as a golfer, that the club is designed to do the job of striking the ball, and your job is simply to swing and allow physics do to its job, you can relax. Maintain just enough control to ensure alignment, direction and distance and the ball will fly according to the club used, and the size of the swing. If you want a long distance, you use a long club and a full swing. A short distance off the fairway onto the green requires a shorter distance club and a smaller swing. The power to achieve the distance lies in the tool being employed and the chosen swing - the rest is pure physics.
So what can we learn as a leader?
To hit your target, at some point you have to let go
Isn't it the same? Make sure that you are using the right tool - the person needs the right skill set (and/or mindset) to do the required job. The leader's job is to have a little control to ensure that the skills are employed in the right direction for the right distance - that's about judging how far it is to the goal and translating that into the swing itself - in the case of people, the swing is influence and motivation... let the staff do the rest.
And just like that golf ball landing exactly where you both planned and wanted it to be for the next shot. You celebrate. Unlike golf, though, praise your club and thank them for their effort. After all, they did all the work!
When we use this metaphor on our golf leadership workshops, the feedback is instant. Hold tight onto the club and the golfer has to use a great deal of effort and the ball often ends up being pulled, pushed, sliced or hooked - going two-thirds of the required distance. Relax the grip maintaining directional control and the ball flies straight to the full distance of the club and swing used.
(For non-golfers... try this with a horse, hold tight, the horse will slow down even when you whip it! Keep your dog on a short leash stays by your side while it is pulling your arm out of its socket! Your child dangles from your hand as you cross the road. And, fo course, your team members await your next specific instruction on what they should do next.)
When the going gets tough, leaders in control let go!
Yet, new golfers, in particular, find their grip tightening in more difficult situations. The very moment when they need to be most at ease, most truly controlling, fear envelops them, pressure builds, the grip tightens, and the ball goes astray.
If you have to keep a tight grip on something, keep everyone tightly focused on the goal and direction
The same is true of business leaders under pressure. Listen to the media hype about the doom and gloom of the current economic situation and fear can easily creep into the mind. Many leaders respond by tightening their grip on their people and their business, believing that the more tightly they hold, the more control they have and the more likely they are to survive and pull through. Albeit, they expend huge amounts of effort, feel incredibly stressed, and more likely to explode a blood vessel!
Tough times in business are better served by leaders keeping a clear head, a loose grip, maintain direction and let your people do what they do best.
Let's face the truth here, even a behemoth the size of AIG can't control the market, what makes you think that you can? My advice, ignore the noise (media doom and gloom), look for the opportunities and focus on the goal and it's direction, choose the right club, loosen your grip and let your club do the work.
Loosen your grip and you'll have more control.]]>11e2355423d0659fff386ffa310f38c1Sat, 05 Mar 2016 17:00:00 +0000Dr John KWhat helps distinguish leaders and managers is about control and, quite literally, how "hands-on" you are. If you have ever learned to play the game of golf, the chances are that you grip the club tightly. After all this is basically holding onto a...If you have ever learned to play the game of golf, the chances are that you grip the club tightly.
After all
this is basically holding onto a stick that you will swing through the air and hit a ball. Allowing the club to "follow-through' - if you don't hold on tight, the club might just go as far as the ball.
I appreciate that you may have never played golf, but you can liken this also
to the tight grip of the reins of a horse
to controlling your dog on a very short leash
to holding on tight to your child's hand
 
New golfers have to learn how to 'let go' - to relax their grip. If a tight grip is a ten on a scale, we want a 4 out of 10. The same is true of leadership and the way we hold on to our people. Hold on too tight (micromanage) and people have little freedom to use their own skills and strength. Hold on too tight to the club, and it is the golfer doing all the work.
So the question is: "who should be doing the work?" The manager or leader or the member of staff?
The golf club is weighted for a reason. If you allow the club to do the work, the swing and striking of the ball, becomes almost effortless. Relax your grip on your team and allow them to excel at what they do, and the work becomes almost effortless.
Once you know, as a golfer, that the club is designed to do the job of striking the ball, and your job is simply to swing and allow physics do to its job, you can relax. Maintain just enough control to ensure alignment, direction and distance and the ball will fly according to the club used, and the size of the swing. If you want a long distance, you use a long club and a full swing. A short distance off the fairway onto the green requires a shorter distance club and a smaller swing. The power to achieve the distance lies in the tool being employed and the chosen swing - the rest is pure physics.
So what can we learn as a leader?
To hit your target, at some point you have to let go
Isn't it the same? Make sure that you are using the right tool - the person needs the right skill set (and/or mindset) to do the required job. The leader's job is to have a little control to ensure that the skills are employed in the right direction for the right distance - that's about judging how far it is to the goal and translating that into the swing itself - in the case of people, the swing is influence and motivation... let the staff do the rest.
And just like that golf ball landing exactly where you both planned and wanted it to be for the next shot. You celebrate. Unlike golf, though, praise your club and thank them for their effort. After all, they did all the work!
When we use this metaphor on our golf leadership workshops, the feedback is instant. Hold tight onto the club and the golfer has to use a great deal of effort and the ball often ends up being pulled, pushed, sliced or hooked - going two-thirds of the required distance. Relax the grip maintaining directional control and the ball flies straight to the full distance of the club and swing used.
(For non-golfers... try this with a horse, hold tight, the horse will slow down even when you whip it! Keep your dog on a short leash stays by your side while it is pulling your arm out of its socket! Your child dangles from your hand as you cross the road. And, fo course, your team members await your next specific instruction on what they should do next.)
When the going gets tough, leaders in control let go!
Yet, new golfers, in particular, find their grip tightening in more difficult situations. The very moment when they need to be most at ease, most truly controlling, fear envelops them, pressure builds, the grip tightens, and the ball goes astray.
If you have to keep a tight grip on something, keep everyone tightly focused on the goal and direction
The same...]]>578cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-015-the-power-of-trust-to-succeedOnce lost, rebuilding trust is one of the most difficult things to accomplish for the reason that the thought of the betrayal can forever haunt the aggrieved. Rebuilding trust is definitely tough, but it’s not something that can be ignored.
There's a well-known psychological study, conducted by Walter Mischel in the 1960s, which explored delayed gratification in four-year-olds. Individually, children were seated in front of a marshmallow and the researcher told them that they could eat the marshmallow right then, but if they waited for the researcher to return from a brief errand, they would receive a second marshmallow.
Some kids ate the marshmallow within seconds, but others waited up to 20 minutes for the researcher to return. 14 years later, the researchers found out that the children who had delayed gratification were more trustworthy, more dependable, more self-reliant and more confident than the children who had not controlled their impulses.
Trust is largely an emotional act, based on a prediction of reliance. It is fragile, and as an egg shell, one slip can shatter it.
Trust pervades every aspect of our everyday lives closely. It is fundamentally essential in the healthy functioning of all of our relationships with others. It is even tied to our wealth: in a Scientific American article, Dr. Paul J Zak, a neuroeconomist at Claremont Graduate University, found out that trust is between the strongest known predictors of a country's wealth: nations with low levels use to be poor. In line with Dr. Zak, societies with low levels of trust are poor, for the reason that the inhabitants undertake too few of the long-term investments that originate jobs and raise incomes. Such investments depend on people trusting others to fulfil their contractual duties.
In searching to comprehend what was physically happening in the human brain that instilled trust, he found out that oxytocin, a hormone and neurotransmitter, increases our propensity to trust others in the absence of threatening signals. We are indeed wired to trust each other, but, as Dr. Zak points out, our life experiences may "retune" the oxytocin to a different "set point", and thus to different levels of trust all through the course of life. When we are brought up in a secure, nurturing and caring background, our brains release more oxytocin when somebody trusts us resulting in our reciprocating that trust. By contrast, early experiences of pressure, uncertainty and isolation interfere with the development of a trusting disposition and reduce oxytocin levels.
In today's untrusting climate, it is not surprising that study after study shows a decline in the trust that individuals have in business and political leaders, and in institutions. The Edelman Trust Barometer for 2009 found out that nearly two out of every three adults surveyed in 20 countries trust corporations less now than they did a year ago. And a 2004 study by Towers Perrin, shows that only 44% of junior workers (those gaining less than $50,000 per year) trust their employers to say them the truth. This is an alarming statistic, specifically given how much time, effort and concern are expended in crafting leadership communications to workers.
Even although we are faced with a disaster in trust, and have ample examples of leaders who have eroded their employees', customers' and shareholders' trust, I believe that the majority of leaders walk the path of trustworthiness. If truth be told, it might be harrowing for many leaders if they receive feedback that others do not find them trustworthy. But being trustworthy, in someone's eyes, consists of their own perceptions, and can be strongly influenced by the fracture of trust in the world around them. Indeed, people do not automatically trust leaders nowadays. Trust requires to be earned by means of diligence, fidelity and applied effort.
If lack of trust is an issue which causes you concern, what can you do to deal with perceptions of trust? Here are some quick suggestions:
Monitor your usage of "I" in your communications. Do an audit of your emails, for example, and see how normally you use "I" in preference to "we". Peter Drucker said:

"The leaders who work most successfully, it gives the impression to me, never mention 'I.' And that's not for the reason that they have educated themselves not to mention 'I.' They do not think 'I.' They think 'we‘; they think 'team.' They comprehend their job to be to come to the team function. They accept obligation and do not sidestep it, but 'we‘ gets the credit. This is what builds trust, what permits you to get the activity done."

Organizations commonly spend considerable energy and effort in team building initiatives; this includes workshops, retreats, and adventure type experiences. While all of these have their place, if organizations need to increase contribution and enhance teamwork, they need to get started with trust. It's the benchmark of healthy team relationships; it's a very basic process. It's all about individual pattern. Do individuals behave in a trustworthy manner or not? There is only a pass or fail here.
And what are these behaviours? We all instinctively know them, but from time to time we require to call to mind ourselves of what they are. Ask yourself:
Do I share information that I know is useful to others, or do I withhold it?
Do I treat everyone with kindness and compassion?
Do I try to do well in my dealings with others?
Do I follow through on my commitments, though it is at considerable personal expense?
Do I seize opportunities to encourage others?
Am I just as glad about others' achievements as I am of my own?
Do I consistently strive to deliver superb work?
Is "candid" a quality people would readily characteristic to me?
Trust is power. It's the power to inspire and influence. It's the glue that bonds us to each other; that strengthens relationships and turns threads of connections into steel cables. Like four-year-olds trusting that there will be a second marshmallow, can your people trust that your word is your bond?
Leadership is complicated work. As George Washington told, "I can promise nothing but purity of intentions, and, in carrying these into the end result, fidelity and diligence."
Seeking success? One thing is for certain, without trust, you will not succeed!]]>c440ee93808028491a9ec722622a8531Sat, 27 Feb 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KTrust is the most fundamental building block of any relationship whether in business, politics, marriage, family or friendships. In the real world, trust signifies different things to different people but it frequently boils down to one point: trust...Once lost, rebuilding trust is one of the most difficult things to accomplish for the reason that the thought of the betrayal can forever haunt the aggrieved. Rebuilding trust is definitely tough, but it’s not something that can be ignored.
There's a well-known psychological study, conducted by Walter Mischel in the 1960s, which explored delayed gratification in four-year-olds. Individually, children were seated in front of a marshmallow and the researcher told them that they could eat the marshmallow right then, but if they waited for the researcher to return from a brief errand, they would receive a second marshmallow.
Some kids ate the marshmallow within seconds, but others waited up to 20 minutes for the researcher to return. 14 years later, the researchers found out that the children who had delayed gratification were more trustworthy, more dependable, more self-reliant and more confident than the children who had not controlled their impulses.
Trust is largely an emotional act, based on a prediction of reliance. It is fragile, and as an egg shell, one slip can shatter it.
Trust pervades every aspect of our everyday lives closely. It is fundamentally essential in the healthy functioning of all of our relationships with others. It is even tied to our wealth: in a Scientific American article, Dr. Paul J Zak, a neuroeconomist at Claremont Graduate University, found out that trust is between the strongest known predictors of a country's wealth: nations with low levels use to be poor. In line with Dr. Zak, societies with low levels of trust are poor, for the reason that the inhabitants undertake too few of the long-term investments that originate jobs and raise incomes. Such investments depend on people trusting others to fulfil their contractual duties.
In searching to comprehend what was physically happening in the human brain that instilled trust, he found out that oxytocin, a hormone and neurotransmitter, increases our propensity to trust others in the absence of threatening signals. We are indeed wired to trust each other, but, as Dr. Zak points out, our life experiences may "retune" the oxytocin to a different "set point", and thus to different levels of trust all through the course of life. When we are brought up in a secure, nurturing and caring background, our brains release more oxytocin when somebody trusts us resulting in our reciprocating that trust. By contrast, early experiences of pressure, uncertainty and isolation interfere with the development of a trusting disposition and reduce oxytocin levels.
In today's untrusting climate, it is not surprising that study after study shows a decline in the trust that individuals have in business and political leaders, and in institutions. The Edelman Trust Barometer for 2009 found out that nearly two out of every three adults surveyed in 20 countries trust corporations less now than they did a year ago. And a 2004 study by Towers Perrin, shows that only 44% of junior workers (those gaining less than $50,000 per year) trust their employers to say them the truth. This is an alarming statistic, specifically given how much time, effort and concern are expended in crafting leadership communications to workers.
Even although we are faced with a disaster in trust, and have ample examples of leaders who have eroded their employees', customers' and shareholders' trust, I believe that the majority of leaders walk the path of trustworthiness. If truth be told, it might be harrowing for many leaders if they receive feedback that others do not find them trustworthy. But being trustworthy, in someone's eyes, consists of their own perceptions, and can be strongly...]]>789cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/what-is-a-successful-leaderBecause our GAPPS5 report profile benchmarks against "Successful" leaders I get asked this a lot.
And it is a great question! Because success means different things to different people. For some, success is a mansion on the beachfront, for some it's being in charge of a large multi-national, for others, it's a loving family.
However, these simply identify the measures by which individuals evaluate their own success.
We define leadership success as:
" Behaving in a congruent and righteous way that generates a sustainable superior return on investment."
Now of course, this is a very loaded statement:
Behaving: your manifest actions and words.
Congruent: in accordance with stated and unstated beliefs and values
Righteous: acting in an upright, moral and virtuous way (within the context of the environment)
Sustainable: able to maintained or kept going
Superior return on investment: continuously returning greater benefit to the organization and/or people than the investment in time, money, effort. i.e. a greater ROI than most other leaders.
How do you know that a leader is successful?
During the last 20+ years we have been researching leadership, we have assessed, observed and evaluated individual leaders seeking agreement on whether an particular leader is successful. This evaluation considers the individual's own achievements of their own definition of success, the agreed definitions of success of their peers and our own experience.
Surely it's simply that 'more is better'?
Not so! And this is one of the biggest issues with other psychometric tools and why we created GAPPS. More is not always better. Too much food makes you fat!
For example, someone with extremely high interpersonal sensitivity is going to be very sensitive to the needs and wants of others and may choose to implement a policy that satisfies the people at the expense of good business - reduces ROI.
Or, someone with absolute clarity of goals and vision, but does not learn (review) that the goal is the wrong way.
Or someone with very high Outcome... they are heading for a stroke.
Also, consider that if you had a team member who was a junior manager with incredibly strong leadership skills and thus gets labelled as a 'High Potential" put on the fast track and promoted... and promoted... if they do not gain the experience technically or the wisdom to discern, then they won't necessarily be successful as a CEO or even as a senior manager.
"Can I be successful as a leader with a low score?"
Yes! Though it depends on your definition of success. I've met a few CEOs who, quite honestly, shouldn't be in charge of getting themselves dressed in the morning, let alone a multi-million dollar business and the lives of hundreds of staff.
They key to real success as a leader when you have known weaknesses (and we all have them!) is to let go of the ego or pride, admit it and go find yourself someone to fill your gaps.
Let's say you own a business that is doing well, but to get to the next level and expand or go public. As an SMB leader you've succeeded, but you really need a 'Chess Player' character - a real strategist, but you're a 'Cavalier' - a bit of a maverick... then go find yourself a boss!
And remember, whilst you focus on being increasingly successful, I trust that you've noticed I did not say "good" leader. Being successful and being "good" are not necessarily the same thing. In this fallen world, there are times when you sacrifice "good" for "success".
What do you need to change to be more successful?]]>af65aa3401383af6b13f382bdeddb89dThu, 25 Feb 2016 06:00:00 +0000Dr John KWhat is a successful leader? Because our GAPPS5 report profile benchmarks against "Successful" leaders I get asked this a lot. And it is a great question! Because success means different things to different people. For some, success is a mansion on...Because our GAPPS5 report profile benchmarks against "Successful" leaders I get asked this a lot.
And it is a great question! Because success means different things to different people. For some, success is a mansion on the beachfront, for some it's being in charge of a large multi-national, for others, it's a loving family.
However, these simply identify the measures by which individuals evaluate their own success.
We define leadership success as:
" Behaving in a congruent and righteous way that generates a sustainable superior return on investment."
Now of course, this is a very loaded statement:
Behaving: your manifest actions and words.
Congruent: in accordance with stated and unstated beliefs and values
Righteous: acting in an upright, moral and virtuous way (within the context of the environment)
Sustainable: able to maintained or kept going
Superior return on investment: continuously returning greater benefit to the organization and/or people than the investment in time, money, effort. i.e. a greater ROI than most other leaders.
How do you know that a leader is successful?
During the last 20+ years we have been researching leadership, we have assessed, observed and evaluated individual leaders seeking agreement on whether an particular leader is successful. This evaluation considers the individual's own achievements of their own definition of success, the agreed definitions of success of their peers and our own experience.
Surely it's simply that 'more is better'?
Not so! And this is one of the biggest issues with other psychometric tools and why we created GAPPS. More is not always better. Too much food makes you fat!
For example, someone with extremely high interpersonal sensitivity is going to be very sensitive to the needs and wants of others and may choose to implement a policy that satisfies the people at the expense of good business - reduces ROI.
Or, someone with absolute clarity of goals and vision, but does not learn (review) that the goal is the wrong way.
Or someone with very high Outcome... they are heading for a stroke.
Also, consider that if you had a team member who was a junior manager with incredibly strong leadership skills and thus gets labelled as a 'High Potential" put on the fast track and promoted... and promoted... if they do not gain the experience technically or the wisdom to discern, then they won't necessarily be successful as a CEO or even as a senior manager.
"Can I be successful as a leader with a low score?"
Yes! Though it depends on your definition of success. I've met a few CEOs who, quite honestly, shouldn't be in charge of getting themselves dressed in the morning, let alone a multi-million dollar business and the lives of hundreds of staff.
They key to real success as a leader when you have known weaknesses (and we all have them!) is to let go of the ego or pride, admit it and go find yourself someone to fill your gaps.
Let's say you own a business that is doing well, but to get to the next level and expand or go public. As an SMB leader you've succeeded, but you really need a 'Chess Player' character - a real strategist, but you're a 'Cavalier' - a bit of a maverick... then go find yourself a boss!
And remember, whilst you focus on being increasingly successful, I trust that you've noticed I did not say "good" leader. Being successful and being "good" are not necessarily the same thing. In this fallen world, there are times when you sacrifice "good" for "success".
What do you need to change to be more successful?]]>490cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-014-3-effortless-mind-hacks-to-give-yAnd this week's podcast and article. I thought I should share a few mind hacks with you that are so effortless once you know them and they will give you a powerful edge in life.
These mind hacks are not deceitful or manipulative at all. They just take advantage of a little neuroscience understanding and they can have a positive impact on everyone you encounter.
The first one is I Colour I Listen

Knowing a little neuroscience and how to use your mind effectively gives you a major edge in life.
If you have attended one of my workshops or coaching sessions you probably even know this first one. When you are speaking with someone you want to take a note of their eye colour. Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
Knowing a little neuroscience and how to use your mind effectively gives you a major edge in life If you have attended one of my workshops or coaching sessions you probably even know this first one. When you are speaking with someone you want to take a note of their eye colour. Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
If you have attended one of my workshops or coaching sessions you probably even know this first one. When you are speaking with someone you want to take a note of their eye colour. Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
When you are speaking with someone you want to take a note of their eye colour. Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
Knowing a little neuroscience and how to use your mind effectively gives you a major edge in life
If you have attended one of my workshops or coaching sessions you probably even know this first one. When you are speaking with someone you want to take a note of their eye colour. Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you. Download the Action Guide - I Colour I Listen - Developing Active Listening Skills and Empathy. It's free!
Watch who they look at when they laugh
This is a great mind hack for the astute observer of relationships. When a group laughs, each group member (tries to) makes eye contact with the person they trust the most and feel closest towards. Imagine uncovering the true bonds in a work meeting of those people who trust each other the most. And, you can observe how you feel about other people in your group just by paying attention to whom you make natural eye contact with.
Silence is perceived wisdom
I worked with a delightful gentleman from Taiwan. He was a very quiet and reserved man. When he spoke, everyone in the room craned their ear to listen attentively. He took his time to say anything and give his opinion. Was what he said any wiser than everyone else? Not partic]]>afffd206c816b81152bfd7be215fda35Sat, 20 Feb 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KA little understanding of neuroscience can go a long way to making your own life easier and more fulfilling. And this week's podcast and article. I thought I should share a few mind hacks with you that are so effortless once you know them and they...And this week's podcast and article. I thought I should share a few mind hacks with you that are so effortless once you know them and they will give you a powerful edge in life.
These mind hacks are not deceitful or manipulative at all. They just take advantage of a little neuroscience understanding and they can have a positive impact on everyone you encounter.
The first one is I Colour I Listen

Knowing a little neuroscience and how to use your mind effectively gives you a major edge in life.
If you have attended one of my workshops or coaching sessions you probably even know this first one. When you are speaking with someone you want to take a note of their eye colour. Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
Knowing a little neuroscience and how to use your mind effectively gives you a major edge in life If you have attended one of my workshops or coaching sessions you probably even know this first one. When you are speaking with someone you want to take a note of their eye colour. Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change where you focus attention and for how long, ask them how it makes them feel. Note how you feel when they do this back to you.
If you have attended one of my workshops or coaching sessions you probably even know this first one. When you are speaking with someone you want to take a note of their eye colour. Why? I'm so glad that you asked. :-) By consciously noting a person's  eye colour you must have made eye contact with them. You will also tune in to what they are saying and because making a note of their eye colour takes up so much cognitive space, you can only listen and not speak at the same time. Now, I don’t mean stare at them for the whole time, that will creep them out and you'll be perceived as aggressive. Eye to eye contact should be somewhat minimal (unless you are both deeply in love) Instead, after noting their eye colour, focus about 60% of the time on a midpoint above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead. You can drop your gaze slightly lower - directly between the eyes ) for a friend. Focus on the mouth ONLY if you are intimate with this person. Practice this with a friend. Change...]]>644cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la013-how-to-be-accountable-and-see-yourKeep your hand up, if you can trust yourself always. That is, you never, ever let yourself down. There are many areas in our lives where we may have a tendency, a temptation to not do something we promised ourselves, to give in when we know that we really should continue. Or perhaps that's just me?
I’ve been going through this a lot recently.  Last year I had a heart attack. No warning. No symptoms, until that very morning.
That is, you never, ever let yourself down. There are many areas in our lives where we may have a tendency, a temptation to not do something we promised ourselves, to give in when we know that we really should continue. Or perhaps that's just me? I’ve been going through this a lot recently.  Last year I had a heart attack. No warning. No symptoms, until that very morning.
There are many areas in our lives where we may have a tendency, a temptation to not do something we promised ourselves, to give in when we know that we really should continue. Or perhaps that's just me? I’ve been going through this a lot recently.  
Or perhaps that's just me? I’ve been going through this a lot recently.  
Last year I had a heart attack. No warning. No symptoms, until that very morning...]]>40b2fc048f923809415228e31cef5408Sat, 13 Feb 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KPut your hand up if you can trust you. Keep your hand up, if you can trust yourself always. That is, you never, ever let yourself down. There are many areas in our lives where we may have a tendency, a temptation to not do something we promised...Keep your hand up, if you can trust yourself always. That is, you never, ever let yourself down. There are many areas in our lives where we may have a tendency, a temptation to not do something we promised ourselves, to give in when we know that we really should continue. Or perhaps that's just me?
I’ve been going through this a lot recently.  Last year I had a heart attack. No warning. No symptoms, until that very morning.
That is, you never, ever let yourself down. There are many areas in our lives where we may have a tendency, a temptation to not do something we promised ourselves, to give in when we know that we really should continue. Or perhaps that's just me? I’ve been going through this a lot recently.  Last year I had a heart attack. No warning. No symptoms, until that very morning.
There are many areas in our lives where we may have a tendency, a temptation to not do something we promised ourselves, to give in when we know that we really should continue. Or perhaps that's just me? I’ve been going through this a lot recently.  
Or perhaps that's just me? I’ve been going through this a lot recently.  
Last year I had a heart attack. No warning. No symptoms, until that very morning...]]>585cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-012-procrastination-a-tool-for-life
“If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.” Rita Mae Brown

Detour ahead
It's time I think to do a little more brain hacking and think of procrastination as a detour in the road. The purpose of a detour is to give us a warning, help us avoid something unnavigable, or dangerous and provides a safer route. Detours usually take a little longer, they circumvent the problem, but in the end we arrive at our destination unscathed. In most cases you will discover that properly employed procrastination, like a detour, will give you an alternate route to the solution of the problem at hand.]]>ae005f93105bf7d1196012a6bcf6246cSat, 06 Feb 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KIt seems to me if a tool is so widely used, there must be something to it. As a leadership caddy, procrastination is almost always the first thing my clients want to eliminate from their lives. As you will read, I advise them not to eliminate the very...
“If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.” Rita Mae Brown

Detour ahead
It's time I think to do a little more brain hacking and think of procrastination as a detour in the road. The purpose of a detour is to give us a warning, help us avoid something unnavigable, or dangerous and provides a safer route. Detours usually take a little longer, they circumvent the problem, but in the end we arrive at our destination unscathed. In most cases you will discover that properly employed procrastination, like a detour, will give you an alternate route to the solution of the problem at hand.]]>574cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-011-unfailure-how-to-be-sure-of-your-It's OK, you're not alone. In fact, everyone sees it this way. Even that eejit in your class at school. You know, the one in the big house, with the wealthy parents. They got given a swanky BMW for their 18th birthday. Yes, even they look at others and believe that success came more easily to them. And you know what. They probably even look at you and say how 'lucky' you are to have so easily been successful.
"Me?" you say.
Yes, you. Because you are successful in so many ways. Perhaps not yet in the specific way you think you would like, but you have a remarkable number of successes under your belt already.
And you know how you achieved those successes?
You failed. Yeap. You heard me right. You failed. Sometimes, you failed miserably, other times you just failed. But you failed nonetheless. And from that failure, you learned to succeed.
This week I'm going to share with you some insights on failure and why it carries such a stigma. Then we'll look at the positive role of failure and lastly, learn how to embrace failure… or something I'm going to call: "Unfailure."]]>c42313b3b1953775f977782f733ab189Sat, 30 Jan 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KWe're all aware that there are no shortcuts to success. But, have you noticed that success seems to come more easily to some people and not so easily to you? It's OK, you're not alone. In fact, everyone sees it this way. Even that eejit in your class...It's OK, you're not alone. In fact, everyone sees it this way. Even that eejit in your class at school. You know, the one in the big house, with the wealthy parents. They got given a swanky BMW for their 18th birthday. Yes, even they look at others and believe that success came more easily to them. And you know what. They probably even look at you and say how 'lucky' you are to have so easily been successful.
"Me?" you say.
Yes, you. Because you are successful in so many ways. Perhaps not yet in the specific way you think you would like, but you have a remarkable number of successes under your belt already.
And you know how you achieved those successes?
You failed. Yeap. You heard me right. You failed. Sometimes, you failed miserably, other times you just failed. But you failed nonetheless. And from that failure, you learned to succeed.
This week I'm going to share with you some insights on failure and why it carries such a stigma. Then we'll look at the positive role of failure and lastly, learn how to embrace failure… or something I'm going to call: "Unfailure."]]>710cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-010-aptitude-attitude-altitudeJimmy Connors, winner of 109 professional singles tennis titles says, “There’s a thin line between being #1 or #100, and mostly it’s mental.”
In his well-researched book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman shows that it’s our attitude more than our aptitude that determines our altitude. While our society lauds intellectual giants and power, Goleman’s research concludes, “At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces.”
Other EQ researchers, Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf consider this too conservative. In their book, Executive EQ: Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations, they write, “— IQ may be related to as little as 4 percent of real-world success — over 90 percent may be related to other forms of intelligence — it is emotional intelligence, not IQ or raw brain power alone, that underpins many of the best decisions, the most dynamic and profitable organizations, and the most satisfying and successful lives.
Malcolm Higgs and Vic Dulewicz set out to disprove this “faddish idea” relenting after their research that, Emotional Intelligence is of far greater importance than IQ and something they term “management quotient”.
There’s a growing consensus in the academic and popular literature that our attitude and our mindset are more important than our technical capability that make a difference to our success. As Zig Ziglar puts it, “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”
 
Difference makers have a better attitude
Nowadays, I mention Tiger Woods, and people only seem to remember he attacked his car with a golf club and threw away his marriage. But let's go back in time all the way to 2008… and the US Open.
Consider all the things that Tiger could use as an excuse:
Hadn't played in a competition for two months
Recent knee operation – reduced fitness
Further damaged knee on swing during the tournament
Highly skilled and determined competitors
Poor first-round
Pressure of historical wins
Expectations very high on his performance
Did not need the money
After blowing a three-shot lead with eight holes to play, Woods rallied and came to the 18th hole and stood over a birdie put to avoid an infamous defeat. He came through. Sudden death on the 7th saw an end to his fierce competition and Woods again took the trophy.
How many of us would find that sort of resilience within us?

To gain altitude ask yourself these three question every day: What can I learn? How can I change? How can I add value to you today?
How do we develop the right attitude to gain altitude?
When we begin our careers, we all start as enthusiastic beginners. We might go to college and even to business school. We learn on the job and gradually, we develop the aptitudes to be competent in our jobs, albeit, inconsistently. One day we do brilliantly well, another everything conspires against us to sabotage us. As we practice our job more and more, we become technically better at it, but there are still those frustrating days. Of course, most of that frustration is caused by other people, but nonetheless, it's still frustrating.
But, it is our attitude that determines our altitude.
And the right attitude doesn't come in a can’t, it comes in a can.
3 Questions to a better attitude and to gain altitude.
What can I learn?
What can I change? And,
How can I add value to you today?
Asking yourself, and responding each day will enable and empower you to change your attitude for the better and gain altitude. Let us begin with learning:
What can I learn?
People who achieve great success are always learning. They seek ways to improve and are prepared to work through the difficulties of change required to become better.
Peter Senge in his book, The Learning Organization, expands in great detail about his idea for organizations to constantly seek improvement in everything. But what about learning at a personal level? What if you are currently at the top of your game? Surely you’ve already learned.
Our learning journey can go through a series of steps, and the height of our performance is determined by our technical ability and our mindset, our aptitude, and our attitude.
The journey is not always easy or straightforward, but as we challenge ourselves to deliberately learn every day, we are choosing to face up to all the challenges that life throws at us.
Let’s return to Tiger Woods as we ask the next question:
What can I change?
You’re at the top of your game; you’re doing better than anyone has ever done in your field. Technically, you are the best in your business. You earn more than anyone else in the same line of business. You have a serious competitive advantage. Why would you decide to change something fundamental about the way you do what you do?
After seven years and 142 tournaments in a row, Tiger Woods finally joined the ranks of mortal golfers when he missed the cut at the Byron Nelson Championship May 13, 2005. Golf pundits argue that changing his swing is to blame.
There was another reason, his knee. A physical problem that seems to not want to go away. But what makes Tiger stand out so much from the rest is not just his aptitude for the game, his superior technical skill… it’s his mindset. In spite of being in a great deal of pain… he overcame it with determination, the will and resilience that allowed his technical brilliance to shine.
As we address the challenges of life and business, learn and change ourselves to deal more and more efficiently with every challenge, we begin to enter that zone where competency and challenge align perfectly and we find ourselves in flow.
And yet, we all have days (sometimes weeks and months) where everything seems to be going wrong. Whatever you try to do, however much you learn and have changed – there just doesn’t seem to be any progress.
Sports psychologists refer to the period when everything is going well, and peak performance is apparent as being ‘in the zone’. Golfers who find their rhythm and the ball lands just so. The athlete who has trained and is at their physical and mental peak runs the race of their life. The business person who’s found themselves in the right place at the right time with the right product or service.
Yet most of the time, we just ain’t there. We yank the club and the ball lands in the bunker. Our business would be just great if we just land this additional sale.
Some days, it’s hard to wake up and find the energy to put on a brave face and go out there knowing that today probably isn’t that day, hoping that it is but not really believing it. We know we have to learn and improve but just when is my breakthrough going to come.
It may not come today, but one thing I can assure you of – something about today is better than yesterday.
On those days, where it just isn’t going right, that's the best time to do something for somebody else.
Take your mind off you and your struggles and focus on adding value to others.
Our third key question is, How can I add value to you today?
The interaction that exists between every leader and follower is a relationship. A relationship can be added to or subtracted from in a person’s life. When leaders see that success cannot be achieved without people, it changes the mindset of the leader. Leaders who add value by serving others stand to gain more in life than just economic prosperity. Greatness is built with people, while mediocrity is achieved by oneself.
Several years ago I was working with a company in Malaysia. It’s a very well known and highly regarded company.
I’m going to share about two people in this company. Both were “High Potential” and both marked as potential successors to the CEO. Only one would ultimately get the job.
These two managers could not have been more different in their approach to their leadership.
The first was very achievement driven. Mostly autocratic in style and would cajole, motivate and always delivered great results for the company.
In meetings, this person would readily speak up and voice an opinion. Always with a strong focus on delivering the company results.
The problem for this leader was that the team and colleagues respected the results this leader got but did not like the methods.
The other person was, in comparison, quiet, seemingly reserved. This leader involved staff, asked questions, listened patiently and gently guided people. Results were not always fantastic. Staff and colleagues felt relaxed and cared for around this leader.
The CEO asked me to essentially combine the two of them. The results and drive of the first leader with the more gentle and caring approach of the second. Well that wasn’t going to happen…
The CEO finally chose one of these two to succeed. The Board approved.
Who got the job? The driver.
The other leader was disappointed but made a choice to fully serve the new CEO and was made Deputy CEO. But the new CEO felt threatened by this and tried to sideline the other, now deputy CEO. The CEO became more driving, demanding better results and harder work. “Take no prisoners”… The deputy was asked to leave after 6 months. Seems like the good guys don’t win huh?
By the end of the year, 25% of staff had been fired 40% of the staff had quit. HR couldn’t fill the vacancies. The Board were getting more than nervous.
18 months after taking over as CEO, the company was in serious trouble. Remaining managers were jumping ship, most moving to another organization… a direct competitor and an increasingly thriving business whose CEO, yeah that’s right ,the fired Deputy.
Today, one business thrives, the other, well it sank. The CEO, he got a great and very high paying job in Qatar.
You see, you can drive people and achieve results. You can even do very well for yourself. I’ve known many CEOs over the years and it always seems that the worse you actually perform, the better you get paid. Odd right?
But when you reflect on your leadership. What do you]]>2803231e3ef2a85ee648774264007cd9Sat, 23 Jan 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KTechnical Aptitude alone is insufficient Jimmy Connors, winner of 109 professional singles tennis titles says, “There’s a thin line between being #1 or #100, and mostly it’s mental.” In his well-researched book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel...Jimmy Connors, winner of 109 professional singles tennis titles says, “There’s a thin line between being #1 or #100, and mostly it’s mental.”
In his well-researched book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman shows that it’s our attitude more than our aptitude that determines our altitude. While our society lauds intellectual giants and power, Goleman’s research concludes, “At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces.”
Other EQ researchers, Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf consider this too conservative. In their book, Executive EQ: Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations, they write, “— IQ may be related to as little as 4 percent of real-world success — over 90 percent may be related to other forms of intelligence — it is emotional intelligence, not IQ or raw brain power alone, that underpins many of the best decisions, the most dynamic and profitable organizations, and the most satisfying and successful lives.
Malcolm Higgs and Vic Dulewicz set out to disprove this “faddish idea” relenting after their research that, Emotional Intelligence is of far greater importance than IQ and something they term “management quotient”.
There’s a growing consensus in the academic and popular literature that our attitude and our mindset are more important than our technical capability that make a difference to our success. As Zig Ziglar puts it, “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”
 
Difference makers have a better attitude
Nowadays, I mention Tiger Woods, and people only seem to remember he attacked his car with a golf club and threw away his marriage. But let's go back in time all the way to 2008… and the US Open.
Consider all the things that Tiger could use as an excuse:
Hadn't played in a competition for two months
Recent knee operation – reduced fitness
Further damaged knee on swing during the tournament
Highly skilled and determined competitors
Poor first-round
Pressure of historical wins
Expectations very high on his performance
Did not need the money
After blowing a three-shot lead with eight holes to play, Woods rallied and came to the 18th hole and stood over a birdie put to avoid an infamous defeat. He came through. Sudden death on the 7th saw an end to his fierce competition and Woods again took the trophy.
How many of us would find that sort of resilience within us?

To gain altitude ask yourself these three question every day: What can I learn? How can I change? How can I add value to you today?
How do we develop the right attitude to gain altitude?
When we begin our careers, we all start as enthusiastic beginners. We might go to college and even to business school. We learn on the job and gradually, we develop the aptitudes to be competent in our jobs, albeit, inconsistently. One day we do brilliantly well, another everything conspires against us to sabotage us. As we practice our job more and more, we become technically better at it, but there are still those frustrating days. Of course, most of that frustration is caused by other people, but nonetheless, it's still frustrating.
But, it is our attitude that determines our altitude.
And the right attitude doesn't come in a can’t, it comes in a can.
3 Questions to a better attitude and to gain altitude.
What can I learn?
What can I change? And,
How can I add value to you today?
Asking yourself, and responding each day will enable and empower you to change your attitude for the better and gain altitude. Let us begin with learning:
What can I learn?
People who achieve great success are always learning. They seek ways to improve and are prepared to work through the difficulties of change required to become better.
Peter Senge in his book, The Learning...]]>932cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-009-sunday-drive-leadershipOn occasional Sunday's when dad wasn't preaching or we weren't going to Grandma's, we would be treated to a Sunday drive. [player] One particular time, we went to Redhill in Kent, southern England. This was long before the M25 motorway went past this particular spot and we parked the old Wolseley at the top of the hill, unloaded the picnic blanket and the basket of treats.

I rolled down the hill with my siblings and had to be carried back up exhausted. It was a beautiful sunny autumn day and life was good. Those Sunday's were special.
We never knew where we would end up. Finding new places to enjoy. Those Sunday drives became less frequent as I grew older. By the time I was around 11, they stopped altogether. And I missed those Sunday drives. I wanted to spend the day drifting around and stumbling across some beautiful corner of England. A day when I could drift along and be taken for a journey somewhere and just enjoy myself.
I've met a lot of people who live a Sunday Drive kind of life.
They're drifting along being carried by the current and the winds of life. Sometimes they enjoy it, but most days they moan about the place they’ve ended up. And of course, it's not their responsibility to take themselves somewhere more exciting. No that's what somebody else "should" be doing for them.
Now, I'm no botanist, but in my experience, when a plant is not growing, it's dying. If you don’t water or feed your plants, or tend the garden for weeds and pests, then your plants will wither and die.
I've found the same happens to the lives of people. When we don’t feed and water our own growth and take responsibility for tending our life for choking weeds and pests, we too will begin to die. A little at a time. My ability and character as a leader similarly needs to continuously grow and mature, be fed and nourished, weeded and cleaned of pests and problems.
Of course, there's the fear that if I grow too fast and too big, well I'll just be the tall poppy and as my peers try desperately to bring me down, and my bosses chop my head off first because I'm too visible.
So I'll just keep my head down and not bother growing.
Imagine what it takes to plan a journey from Singapore to Bintan. I know that Bintan is a little south of Singapore, I know that there are ferry services to get there, so I'll just head to the coast, find the first ferry heading south and get on board." That would be crazy right? No, first you'll fire up Google and search for the right ferry, choose which service, what time, get a ticket, and so on and so forth. It takes a little planning. Every journey can be broken down into manageable steps or goals.
These act as milestones along the way to make sure we're still headed in the right direction, making good and timely progress. Any journey worth taking requires a little effort to plan and prepare.
Your journey to leadership success is no different. Each goal is a milestone on your journey indicating your progress and providing direction to the next goal. And if you go off track, you can easily get back on track.
So where would you like your leadership ability and character to be a month from now?
 INFLUENCE WITHOUT AUTHORITY Be first to know... Click here]]>8642b06620891023467609878f877c80Sat, 16 Jan 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KI've been prompted this week in my own development about setting goals rather than drifting along and hoping for the best and I wanted to share this with you. When I was a very young kid, I remember that we had an old black Austin Wolseley. I remember...On occasional Sunday's when dad wasn't preaching or we weren't going to Grandma's, we would be treated to a Sunday drive. [player] One particular time, we went to Redhill in Kent, southern England. This was long before the M25 motorway went past this particular spot and we parked the old Wolseley at the top of the hill, unloaded the picnic blanket and the basket of treats.

I rolled down the hill with my siblings and had to be carried back up exhausted. It was a beautiful sunny autumn day and life was good. Those Sunday's were special.
We never knew where we would end up. Finding new places to enjoy. Those Sunday drives became less frequent as I grew older. By the time I was around 11, they stopped altogether. And I missed those Sunday drives. I wanted to spend the day drifting around and stumbling across some beautiful corner of England. A day when I could drift along and be taken for a journey somewhere and just enjoy myself.
I've met a lot of people who live a Sunday Drive kind of life.
They're drifting along being carried by the current and the winds of life. Sometimes they enjoy it, but most days they moan about the place they’ve ended up. And of course, it's not their responsibility to take themselves somewhere more exciting. No that's what somebody else "should" be doing for them.
Now, I'm no botanist, but in my experience, when a plant is not growing, it's dying. If you don’t water or feed your plants, or tend the garden for weeds and pests, then your plants will wither and die.
I've found the same happens to the lives of people. When we don’t feed and water our own growth and take responsibility for tending our life for choking weeds and pests, we too will begin to die. A little at a time. My ability and character as a leader similarly needs to continuously grow and mature, be fed and nourished, weeded and cleaned of pests and problems.
Of course, there's the fear that if I grow too fast and too big, well I'll just be the tall poppy and as my peers try desperately to bring me down, and my bosses chop my head off first because I'm too visible.
So I'll just keep my head down and not bother growing.
Imagine what it takes to plan a journey from Singapore to Bintan. I know that Bintan is a little south of Singapore, I know that there are ferry services to get there, so I'll just head to the coast, find the first ferry heading south and get on board." That would be crazy right? No, first you'll fire up Google and search for the right ferry, choose which service, what time, get a ticket, and so on and so forth. It takes a little planning. Every journey can be broken down into manageable steps or goals.
These act as milestones along the way to make sure we're still headed in the right direction, making good and timely progress. Any journey worth taking requires a little effort to plan and prepare.
Your journey to leadership success is no different. Each goal is a milestone on your journey indicating your progress and providing direction to the next goal. And if you go off track, you can easily get back on track.
So where would you like your leadership ability and character to be a month from now?
 INFLUENCE WITHOUT AUTHORITY Be first to know... Click here]]>473cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-008-how-do-i-influence-without-manipuI spotted an advert in the local paper from a local used car dealership offering a "Reliable, one careful owner, full service history, Austin 1100 in British Racing Green." It was old but almost in my price range. The dealer was friendly, kind and helpful. He took me out for a test drive and assured me that the car was an absolute bargain. He told me how thrilled he had been from the response to the advert and even forewarned me that someone else had called just before I arrived and they wanted to buy the car too. [player]
The dealer was friendly, kind and helpful. He took me out for a test drive and assured me that the car was an absolute bargain. He told me how thrilled he had been from the response to the advert and even forewarned me that someone else had called just before I arrived and they wanted to buy the car too. 
Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result?
Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result?
He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it."
I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way. I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard.
Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result?He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it." I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way.
I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard.
He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it." I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way. I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard.
I had bought a lemon.
So why had I, an educated, not completely dim, and otherwise quite sensible person been duped into buying something?
Are we influenced when we are duped?
Yes we are. You'll remember from the Triangle of Influence that we are influenced when someone connects a desired result in such a way that the benefit outweighs our cost resulting in motivation. Influence is often considered to be a positive thing. But it has some closely related cousins known as:
Persuasion
Manipulation, and
Coercion
Persuasion is still considered OK, but to have been influenced rather than persuaded would be better. To have been forced or threatened into doing something is particularly unpleasant, while being manipulated to do the very same thing is regarded as wrong.
How do I tell them apart?
Sadly, we may not know until after the fact. Certainly the difference between influence, persuasion and manipulation can be very subtle. You could be using the exact same words to achieve the exact same result. The intent behind them, however is different.
How do we influence?
Beyond having real empathy with someone, there are four specific aspects of life we can use to influence or persuade anyone:
Encourage their dreams
Every single person I have ever met has dreams. They want to achieve something in their life, they may not know exactly what that is, but it is better than whatever they have achieved thus far in life. To influence someone you could encourage their dreams. That the benefit they will attain moves them towards their dreams
Allay fears
Everyone has fears. Most people will admit that they fear failure to some extent. Many people fear death. Does anybody like to be rejected? Some are afraid of flying. According to studies, more people fear public speaking than anything else. To influence someone to act you could allay their fears. That the benefit will be greater confidence for example, competence or simply the courage to act at all. You might also reduce the cost burden by allying someone's fears of undertaking the action you are proposing.
Justify their failings
We have all failed in our lives. Many of these failings we keep to ourselves through a false sense of pride, or worse that others will think badly of us if we admit them. Yet we all have them. Nobody likes to fail. It hurts. And isn’t it so good when our failure is not our fault? A powerful tool in the influencers arsenal is to have enough courage themselves to admit their own failings to others (you are not alone) and that there is a perfectly good reason (excuse) for failing.
Help them throw rocks at their enemy
There's nothing quite like a common enemy to unite people. And that enemy doesn't have to be other people. An "enemy" could be as simple as "dirty hair" - watch any shampoo advert.
So what did that car dealer do to me?
The car survived that first trip by the way. Although I couldn’t get her to go faster than 50mph. I pulled off the motorway and continued my journey south on the A roads. The following morning I called a mechanic from the local village near the hotel. Oh did he have a good laugh.
It was all so amusing. How I had paid good, hard-earned money for a "total lemon". Gosh, how I enjoyed his joyful banter and bemused expression as he noted the growing list of necessary and expensive repairs. It would seem that I had been manipulated into buying the car.
The dealer had deliberately and shrewdly given me misleading information about the benefits I would get from buying the car. He might not have lied when he had said "one careful owner", but he certainly could have told me that there had been several less than careful owners. Selling me that car was beneficial for him and not really for me.
Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result? Have you ever visited a shopping mall and spotted a badly behaved child lying on the floor beating their tiny little fists, and screaming that life is unfair? At that moment, that child is practicing their influence. Just being sweet, kind and alive didn’t trigger the desired reward. Perhaps asking nicely hadn't had the desired effect. Raising of the voice yielded no benefit. Sulking and crying to induce guilty feelings about parental control quickly evaporated as a waste of effort. Now, at the stage of 'bad-tempered meltdown', the child is recruiting the assistance of social pressure as an outside force and potential threat to the parent's standing in the community. After all, which parent hasn’t felt the pressure to give in just to stop those looks?
Have you ever visited a shopping mall and spotted a badly behaved child lying on the floor beating their tiny little fists, and screaming that life is unfair? At that moment, that child is practicing their influence. Just being sweet, kind and alive didn’t trigger the desired reward. Perhaps asking nicely hadn't had the desired effect. Raising of the voice yielded no benefit. Sulking and crying to induce guilty feelings about parental control quickly evaporated as a waste of effort. Now, at the stage of 'bad-tempered meltdown', the child is recruiting the assistance of social pressure as an outside force and potential threat to the parent's standing in the community. After all, which parent hasn’t felt the pressure to give in just to stop those looks?
When we influence someone, we do so unwittingly. We have power to cause changes without directly forcing them to happen.
When we deliberately act to cause someone to change, we begin persuading them to do so.
If we are being shrewd or devious and the benefit is largely in our own favour, then we are said to be manipulating someone.
And if we threaten or are forceful, we begin to coerce the other person.
For most people, the process of moving from one to another is simply an escalation of force to achieve a desired result.
Surely the end justifies the means, right? It's an argument that the tobacco companies use to this day. It's really a question of who benefits and at what cost? As we move from influence, to persuasion, to manipulation to coercion, the amount of effort on the part of the influencer increase. The benefit gained over the cost for the influenced decreases and thus, any change becomes less sustainable. As soon as the influencer neglects to mention certain costs, or exaggerates the benefits - then they have shifted to manipulation. Is it right to do so? Only you can be your judge.  
It's an argument that the tobacco companies use to this day. It's really a question of who benefits and at what cost? As we move from influence, to persuasion, to manipulation to coercion, the amount of effort on the part of the influencer increase. The benefit gained over the cost for the influenced decreases a]]>cb47d56c5a230b92a1a8440f20c30640Sat, 09 Jan 2016 17:00:00 +0000Dr John KWhen I started my first degree at university, I knew I had to get myself a car. Until this point, a motorbike had served me well, but I was going to university in Manchester, England, 200 miles from my job and my girlfriend. I spotted an advert in the...I spotted an advert in the local paper from a local used car dealership offering a "Reliable, one careful owner, full service history, Austin 1100 in British Racing Green." It was old but almost in my price range. The dealer was friendly, kind and helpful. He took me out for a test drive and assured me that the car was an absolute bargain. He told me how thrilled he had been from the response to the advert and even forewarned me that someone else had called just before I arrived and they wanted to buy the car too. [player]
The dealer was friendly, kind and helpful. He took me out for a test drive and assured me that the car was an absolute bargain. He told me how thrilled he had been from the response to the advert and even forewarned me that someone else had called just before I arrived and they wanted to buy the car too. 
Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result?
Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result?
He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it."
I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way. I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard.
Does it matter whether I influence or persuade or manipulate, so long as I get the right result?He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it." I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way.
I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard.
He shared a story about his own Austin 1100 that had been such a reliable little runner. Cheap to maintain and would quite happily trot up and down the motorway regularly. On top of that, it was cheap to insure and easy to get parts "should anything ever go wrong with it." I asked if he could knock a few quid off the price because I was a little short. He tried to get his boss to help, but there was sadly now way. I borrowed the difference from my best friend and I was thrilled to head off that very afternoon down south and was a little surprised as I hauled past Oxford and an orange light appeared on the dashboard.
I had bought a lemon.
So why had I, an educated, not completely dim, and otherwise quite sensible person been duped into buying something?
Are we influenced when we are duped?
Yes we are. You'll remember from the Triangle of Influence that we are influenced when someone connects a desired result in such a way that the benefit outweighs our cost resulting in motivation. Influence is often considered to be a positive thing. But it has some closely related cousins known as:
Persuasion
Manipulation, and
Coercion
Persuasion is still considered OK, but to have been influenced rather than persuaded would be better. To have been forced or threatened into doing something is particularly...]]>875cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-007-4-simple-brain-hacks-to-overcome-So how do you control those feelings? You may be surprised that most professional trainers and speakers and performers (actors, singers, musicians) have those same feelings of anxiety. So how do they deal wit them?
This week I'm sharing four simple brain hacks, and I really do mean simple, to overcome performance anxiety. Visit my Your Brain on Stress and Anxiety video on YouTube
I've been prompted in part, because of the responses I have been receiving about a little video I made just over a year ago now.
It's entitled Your Brain on Stress and Anxiety, and it's garnered just shy of a hundred thousand views on YouTube alone now. Which is incredibly humbling, but also a little concerning. Humbling because it makes me somewhat proud that a little whiteboard video I drew and produced has been watched quite so many times just on YouTube. But it has also been a little disturbing. If you read some of the publically visible comments, you'll get an idea of the types of questions I've been getting over the past year from those who are suffering from stress and anxiety. Some very serious stress and anxiety as well.
So, a quick caveat if I may. I am not a medical doctor and, if you are suffering from long-term stress or anxiety, please do seek professional help. The four simple ways I am sharing today will help anyone with any degree of stress and anxiety, but I am focused more on people in business or work who suffer stress and anxiety because they are about to perform in front of others. That does not mean that these simple ways won’t help whenever you feel anxious, they will. So use them. And if you have yet to watch my little video, you should do so now or later, and whilst you're over at YouTube, subscribe to my channel as well and do please share with at least 3 people you know will benefit from learning there.
The four simple ways I am sharing today will help anyone with any degree of stress and anxiety, but I am focused more on people in business or work who suffer stress and anxiety because they are about to perform in front of others. That does not mean that these simple ways won’t help whenever you feel anxious, they will. So use them. And if you have yet to watch my little video, you should do so now or later, and whilst you're over at YouTube, subscribe to my channel as well and do please share with at least 3 people you know will benefit from learning there.
Back to today. 4 Simple brain hacks to overcome performance anxiety…. But before I begin on how we overcome performance anxiety, let us understand just what is happening when we get anxious. 
But before I begin on how we overcome performance anxiety, let us understand just what is happening when we get anxious. 
I was just seven years old when I first experienced acute stage fright.
I was due on stage to sing (in my beautiful soprano) in the finals of an inter-church competition. But the room was just so huge. There were more than a thousand people out there. And this was the finals. Something I’d been preparing for and practicing all year. But this song was difficult and required that I hit the high notes perfectly. I froze at the side of the stage. It was as if my shoes had been glued to the floor. My thin shirt was soaking with sweat at the armpits, and I began to shake. My singing coach (aka church choir master) came over and urged me on stage. I got out there and stood, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I kept my head down and made myself as small as I could, so they couldn’t see me and then the pianist started the piece. The first bars repeated five times as I desperately tried to start singing. Not a chance. I turned and ran from the stage and burst into tears. "It's just stage fright," the
My singing coach (aka church choir master) came over and urged me on stage. I got out there and stood, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I kept my head down and made myself as small as I could, so they couldn’t see me and then the pianist started the piece. The first bars repeated five times as I desperately tried to start singing. Not a chance.
I turned and ran from the stage and burst into tears. "It's just stage fright," the choir master said loudly to anyone who came near. "He'll be fine in a moment." He lied on my behalf. 46 years later and I still get a little jittery when I am about to perform. Not the singing, I gave that up a few years after that seven-year-old soprano boy curled in a heap, crying by the finals stage.
Why do I get jittery?

Probably for the same basic reasons that anyone does. I am about to perform in front of other people who will, in some way, be judging my performance. Whatever your performance may be:
A presentation to thousands or your annual performance review.
An interview for a cool job, or a monthly meeting in the office.
A sales pitch to a client or one of those difficult conversations with a low performing team member.
So how do you know that anxiety has crept up on you?
You need to be aware of your body, your thinking and your feelings.
Anxiety reveals itself through shallower and shorter breaths.
Through perspiration. Your ever so slightly clammy palms as you shake hands with your potential client.
You might notice yourself changing your body language. Unconsciously, you just dropped your head or turned your feet towards the door, or perhaps became tense in your arms and fists starting to form. The classic signs that adrenaline is coursing through your veins, preparing you to freeze, fly or fight.
The feelings we have of anxiety are our physical response to the neuro-chemicals coursing through our body. Principally the stress hormones, cortisol and adrenaline. It's important to realise that by the time you feel anxious, the chemicals that are creating those feelings are already being produced. And that's caused by your thinking. Consciously or unconsciously, you have been thinking thoughts that cause your brain to initiate a stress response that in turn makes you feel stress and anxiety.
What you need to do, is stop thinking those thoughts.
Yeap. I know. You can’t not think something. Remember my seven-year-old self back by the stage in tears. My dad, bless him, came over and told me to just "pull yourself together son". He told me to "stop worrying, and just get out there." My choir master didn’t have much better advice. He told me to stop thinking about the audience and the judges.
My choir master didn’t have much better advice. He told me to stop thinking about the audience and the judges. At least he kindly reminded me that I was actually quite good at this singing thing and really did know the piece well. And that I could hit those notes.
But how do you "not worry"?
Well, you can’t. What you can do is 4, very simple, very easy things and stomp out that anxiety. Number 1: How can you stomp on your performance anxiety?
1. One thing that works for everyone is breathing.
And yes, I know you’ve been doing this since day 1 of your life, and brilliantly too I might add. But just how well do you breathe? In all likelihood, you don’t even know the answer. But you do know that when you get anxious you get a little shorter of breath. Your breathing becomes shallow and uses just the top of the lungs.
Breathe deep into your belly, through your nose and out through your mouth. Do that right now, and you will very soon feel relaxed as your body benefits from more oxygen and a calming thought life.
2. Want to feel good about life and whatever you are about to do?
Sure we all do. So have a laugh. No, I'm not going to tell you a joke. Just laugh. Laugh out loud, right now. Wherever you are - Ok not at a funeral. If anyone looked at you as if you are mad - that's right, anyone laughing these miserable days with this economy and blah de blah de blah, is a little bit mad.
3. Want to feel pumped with life and energy?
Who doesn't? Raise your arms above your head in a victory pose. Stretch to the sky and punch it. Powerful huh? Now become aware of your breathing again. Feel how your body feels now. Smiling already?
Want some more life and energy?
Find some space and pace and pump your arms. One of the best known and most successful presenters in the world, Tony Robbins, jumps up and down, spins around, pumps his fists in the air and stretches his arms out wide for 5 minutes before going on stage. Have a go and feel just how much power and energy you have. And how good do you feel? That'll help generate those endocannabinoids and some endorphins too.
How do you reduce the amount of performance anxiety you have to deal with.
4. By visualizing the positive.
The first thing you need is to stop thinking about your performance anxiety. And since you cannot not think something, you need to think of something else. So whether you choose a favourite place, a favourite person or anything that makes you feel calm, relaxed and loved, then think about that. Really get in the moment. Focus all of your attention there and become aware of your thinking and feelings.
Choose to take charge of your brain's thinking. Your brain is your servant.
Where am I going to jump up and down like Tony Robbins? I recall doing something similar myself outside a meeting room before I went in to pitch for some work. I stood in front of this mirror on the wall and pumped and punched and smiled and did my face exercises. No-one in the corridor so I had a moment. Then I walked in to discover that this was one of those sneaky one-way mirrors and everyone inside had watched my warm-up routine. The tension was palpable, some were in shock, others a wry smile. So I shared my routine with them in the room and everyone felt good for doing it. And yes, one of the best wins ever. Make time and find space.]]>5e071420d9d663945e6349142839a19fSat, 02 Jan 2016 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KAnxiety is, for many people, most prevalent when you have a need to perform in front of others. Whether you are speaking to thousands in an arena or having a private conversation with your boss. Unfortunately, your anxiety means that you perform less...So how do you control those feelings? You may be surprised that most professional trainers and speakers and performers (actors, singers, musicians) have those same feelings of anxiety. So how do they deal wit them?
This week I'm sharing four simple brain hacks, and I really do mean simple, to overcome performance anxiety. Visit my Your Brain on Stress and Anxiety video on YouTube
I've been prompted in part, because of the responses I have been receiving about a little video I made just over a year ago now.
It's entitled Your Brain on Stress and Anxiety, and it's garnered just shy of a hundred thousand views on YouTube alone now. Which is incredibly humbling, but also a little concerning. Humbling because it makes me somewhat proud that a little whiteboard video I drew and produced has been watched quite so many times just on YouTube. But it has also been a little disturbing. If you read some of the publically visible comments, you'll get an idea of the types of questions I've been getting over the past year from those who are suffering from stress and anxiety. Some very serious stress and anxiety as well.
So, a quick caveat if I may. I am not a medical doctor and, if you are suffering from long-term stress or anxiety, please do seek professional help. The four simple ways I am sharing today will help anyone with any degree of stress and anxiety, but I am focused more on people in business or work who suffer stress and anxiety because they are about to perform in front of others. That does not mean that these simple ways won’t help whenever you feel anxious, they will. So use them. And if you have yet to watch my little video, you should do so now or later, and whilst you're over at YouTube, subscribe to my channel as well and do please share with at least 3 people you know will benefit from learning there.
The four simple ways I am sharing today will help anyone with any degree of stress and anxiety, but I am focused more on people in business or work who suffer stress and anxiety because they are about to perform in front of others. That does not mean that these simple ways won’t help whenever you feel anxious, they will. So use them. And if you have yet to watch my little video, you should do so now or later, and whilst you're over at YouTube, subscribe to my channel as well and do please share with at least 3 people you know will benefit from learning there.
Back to today. 4 Simple brain hacks to overcome performance anxiety…. But before I begin on how we overcome performance anxiety, let us understand just what is happening when we get anxious. 
But before I begin on how we overcome performance anxiety, let us understand just what is happening when we get anxious. 
I was just seven years old when I first experienced acute stage fright.
I was due on stage to sing (in my beautiful soprano) in the finals of an inter-church competition. But the room was just so huge. There were more than a thousand people out there. And this was the finals. Something I’d been preparing for and practicing all year. But this song was difficult and required that I hit the high notes perfectly. I froze at the side of the stage. It was as if my shoes had been glued to the floor. My thin shirt was soaking with sweat at the armpits, and I began to shake. My singing coach (aka church choir master) came over and urged me on stage. I got out there and stood, like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I kept my head down and made myself as small as I could, so they couldn’t see me and then the pianist started the piece. The first bars repeated five times as I desperately tried to start singing. Not a chance. I turned and ran from the...]]>1074cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-006-7-steps-to-your-new-goal You already know that you need to have a clear goal in your personal development as a leader.
Without a goal, you don't know where you are going. And that's exactly where you will end up... drifting somewhere... maybe it'll be great, maybe it'll be a waste of your time. Here are the seven steps to your new leadership development goal:
https://youtu.be/APVrdQo_wQY
Who is in your Inner Circle?
The people closest to you can raise you up or tear you down. Take a long hard look at those who are in your inner circle and fill it, if necessary with people who build you up.

Develop SMART goals in each area of your life.
Know specifically what your goal is, know how you will measure it, make sure that you can attain it (with the help of your inner circle). Make sure your goal is realistic (if someone else has done it, it is!) And put your stake in the ground for time. When will you achieve this goal? Can it change, sure it can... you can move the goal posts any time you like.

Breakdown your bigger, longer term goals into smaller, shorter term chunks.
Any goal worth having is going to take time to reach. Breaking it down into smaller steps makes it much more manageable. I recommend that you "think week' - after all you can pretty well predict a week ahead. But a month... that's tough, all sorts of things could happen in a month. For example, establish steps that you will have completed by Friday each week (time to celebrate at the weekend!)

Work with an accountability partner. Check with your inner circle regularly to review your progress.
Wouldn't it be nice if you could trust yourself to have the self-discipline to do this alone? Sure... but believe me, you wouldn't be reading this if you were that self-disciplined. Work with someone in your inner circle who will support you, cajole you, nag you... whatever it takes. You already know what works for you, so invite them to do so and return the favour.

Celebrate your conquering of each milestone.
Don't wait till the end result. Constantly promising yourself that one day you will celebrate. No, choose to celebrate every milestone. My wife and I have a stupid little dance we do... in private I might add because it really isn't something you would like to see... but we have fun and it's our shared symbol of an achievement worth celebrating.

When you reach the goal, choose to stretch yourself to new heights.
So you've developed yourself well and achieved the goal you set. Well that just proves that you are a lot more capable than even you thought. Now let's raise your game and set new standards to achieve.

Remember - leadership develops daily, not in a day. Keep on keeping on.
It won't happen tomorrow. You don't absorb new competencies or character traits by simply exposing yourself to them. No, you need to put your development into practice each and every day. Repeat what works, learn from what doesn't. Adapt, change and keep on keeping on. Eventually, it'll come 'naturally' and you may even forget that previously you weren't this good.

No-one, who ever achieved anything great truly, did it alone. Build you inner circle, set clear SMART goals and plan each of the smaller steps necessary to achieve them - this is all part of successful personal development. I look forward to hearing about your celebrations.
Which of the 7 steps do you do best and which worst?]]>76708eef6f0ba31a966637ecc1c95481Sat, 26 Dec 2015 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KWhen you aim for the right target, your goal becomes more possible  You already know that you need to have a clear goal in your personal development as a leader. Without a goal, you don't know where you are going. And that's exactly where you will... You already know that you need to have a clear goal in your personal development as a leader.
Without a goal, you don't know where you are going. And that's exactly where you will end up... drifting somewhere... maybe it'll be great, maybe it'll be a waste of your time. Here are the seven steps to your new leadership development goal:
https://youtu.be/APVrdQo_wQY
Who is in your Inner Circle?
The people closest to you can raise you up or tear you down. Take a long hard look at those who are in your inner circle and fill it, if necessary with people who build you up.

Develop SMART goals in each area of your life.
Know specifically what your goal is, know how you will measure it, make sure that you can attain it (with the help of your inner circle). Make sure your goal is realistic (if someone else has done it, it is!) And put your stake in the ground for time. When will you achieve this goal? Can it change, sure it can... you can move the goal posts any time you like.

Breakdown your bigger, longer term goals into smaller, shorter term chunks.
Any goal worth having is going to take time to reach. Breaking it down into smaller steps makes it much more manageable. I recommend that you "think week' - after all you can pretty well predict a week ahead. But a month... that's tough, all sorts of things could happen in a month. For example, establish steps that you will have completed by Friday each week (time to celebrate at the weekend!)

Work with an accountability partner. Check with your inner circle regularly to review your progress.
Wouldn't it be nice if you could trust yourself to have the self-discipline to do this alone? Sure... but believe me, you wouldn't be reading this if you were that self-disciplined. Work with someone in your inner circle who will support you, cajole you, nag you... whatever it takes. You already know what works for you, so invite them to do so and return the favour.

Celebrate your conquering of each milestone.
Don't wait till the end result. Constantly promising yourself that one day you will celebrate. No, choose to celebrate every milestone. My wife and I have a stupid little dance we do... in private I might add because it really isn't something you would like to see... but we have fun and it's our shared symbol of an achievement worth celebrating.

When you reach the goal, choose to stretch yourself to new heights.
So you've developed yourself well and achieved the goal you set. Well that just proves that you are a lot more capable than even you thought. Now let's raise your game and set new standards to achieve.

Remember - leadership develops daily, not in a day. Keep on keeping on.
It won't happen tomorrow. You don't absorb new competencies or character traits by simply exposing yourself to them. No, you need to put your development into practice each and every day. Repeat what works, learn from what doesn't. Adapt, change and keep on keeping on. Eventually, it'll come 'naturally' and you may even forget that previously you weren't this good.

No-one, who ever achieved anything great truly, did it alone. Build you inner circle, set clear SMART goals and plan each of the smaller steps necessary to achieve them - this is all part of successful personal development. I look forward to hearing about your celebrations.
Which of the 7 steps do you do best and which worst?]]>419cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-005-how-taking-a-break-improves-futurMy mum would often tell me "all will be well in the morning." For her, it was just experience and age-old wisdom. All will be well in the morning And things always were better in the morning.
Somehow, all the clutter and stress and worry, while, not gone altogether, was, at least more manageable. As I slept, my brain was free to sort through the problem, process it entirely and put it in a suitable place close to a similar experience in memory. I had learned how to resolve whatever the issue was.
More often than not, it didn't even need addressing anyway.
How taking a break improves future learning
It's akin to my mum's advice to "sleep on the problem" so that your memories can be reprocessed, consolidate and shaped for better (faster) retrieval.
Taking a learning break gives your brain time and space to reprocess.
A paper published in Psychological Science in the Public Interest has evaluated ten techniques for improving learning, ranging from mnemonics to highlighting and shows that taking a break in learning (or 'Distributed Practice' to give a scientific title) is more effective thanany of the other nine techniques usually believed to be better. And now there's compelling new evidence from the University of Texas at Austin, recently published in the National Academy of Sciences: that supports the idea that study breaks improve later learning.
When we take a break from learning, our brain can process all the information. 
But how much is the right amount for studying and how long for a break?
I've been researching this for some time now and unsurprisingly; the results are inconclusive. However, there does appear to be a general reduction in the active learning time for younger people.
Typically, I have found that Baby Boomers study well and learn well over a 25 minute period of almost continuous study. That is; they needed a learning consolidation break at 25 minutes. Needing a 15-minute break.
Gen X'ers around 20 minutes. Needing an average 13-minute break)
Gen Y drops to about 12 minutes with a 6-minute break and then:
Gen iY (the iPad generation) around 4 minutes (yeap, just four minutes) with a 2-minute break.All of this in non-academic learning situations, by the way. Tested for learning retention 24 hours after the learning event and 21 days later.
All of this in non-academic learning situations, by the way. Tested for learning retention 24 hours after the learning event and 21 days later. But within every group there was a range, and it would change for an individual dependent on the mode of learning. That is, was the learning in a form that they preferred (reading, video, audio, kinesthetic, etc.). Sadly (from an academic point of view) even so-called learning preferences wasn't a statistically significant factor.
Our brain needs a break
When we take a break from learning, our brain can process all the information. When we are learning anything, our pre-frontal cortex (PFC) is burning a lot of energy as we evaluate the information, process it and check it against working memory. Then the new information is processed, consolidated, and linked to appropriate other memories and emotions... but for this to be held in longer term memory, it appears that the PFC needs to be less active. Perhaps because the PFC is such an energy hog, and we simply need to switch our energy resources to consolidate memories (learn).
So can't we just take a pill and learn better and faster?
To a certain extent, we can. Glucose and oxygen - the fuel we need to burn to learn. (Caffeine can assist as well if recent research is correct.)So taking a moment, munching on candy, taking deep breaths and sipping that cup of coffee all help us learn... oh, I've just described a break So taking a moment, munching on candy, taking deep breaths and sipping that cup of coffee all help us learn... oh, I've just described a break.
Better still, as my dear mum would say, "sleep on it, all will be better in the morning."]]>1f056fb020a91fc9443eb98604073407Sat, 19 Dec 2015 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KAll will be well in the morning My mum would often tell me "all will be well in the morning." For her, it was just experience and age-old wisdom. All will be well in the morning And things always were better in the morning. Somehow, all the clutter...My mum would often tell me "all will be well in the morning." For her, it was just experience and age-old wisdom. All will be well in the morning And things always were better in the morning.
Somehow, all the clutter and stress and worry, while, not gone altogether, was, at least more manageable. As I slept, my brain was free to sort through the problem, process it entirely and put it in a suitable place close to a similar experience in memory. I had learned how to resolve whatever the issue was.
More often than not, it didn't even need addressing anyway.
How taking a break improves future learning
It's akin to my mum's advice to "sleep on the problem" so that your memories can be reprocessed, consolidate and shaped for better (faster) retrieval.
Taking a learning break gives your brain time and space to reprocess.
A paper published in Psychological Science in the Public Interest has evaluated ten techniques for improving learning, ranging from mnemonics to highlighting and shows that taking a break in learning (or 'Distributed Practice' to give a scientific title) is more effective thanany of the other nine techniques usually believed to be better. And now there's compelling new evidence from the University of Texas at Austin, recently published in the National Academy of Sciences: that supports the idea that study breaks improve later learning.
When we take a break from learning, our brain can process all the information. 
But how much is the right amount for studying and how long for a break?
I've been researching this for some time now and unsurprisingly; the results are inconclusive. However, there does appear to be a general reduction in the active learning time for younger people.
Typically, I have found that Baby Boomers study well and learn well over a 25 minute period of almost continuous study. That is; they needed a learning consolidation break at 25 minutes. Needing a 15-minute break.
Gen X'ers around 20 minutes. Needing an average 13-minute break)
Gen Y drops to about 12 minutes with a 6-minute break and then:
Gen iY (the iPad generation) around 4 minutes (yeap, just four minutes) with a 2-minute break.All of this in non-academic learning situations, by the way. Tested for learning retention 24 hours after the learning event and 21 days later.
All of this in non-academic learning situations, by the way. Tested for learning retention 24 hours after the learning event and 21 days later. But within every group there was a range, and it would change for an individual dependent on the mode of learning. That is, was the learning in a form that they preferred (reading, video, audio, kinesthetic, etc.). Sadly (from an academic point of view) even so-called learning preferences wasn't a statistically significant factor.
Our brain needs a break
When we take a break from learning, our brain can process all the information. When we are learning anything, our pre-frontal cortex (PFC) is burning a lot of energy as we evaluate the information, process it and check it against working memory. Then the new information is processed, consolidated, and linked to appropriate other memories and emotions... but for this to be held in longer term memory, it appears that the PFC needs to be less active. Perhaps because the PFC is such an energy hog, and we simply need to switch our energy resources to consolidate memories (learn).
So can't we just take a pill and learn better and faster?
To a certain extent, we can. Glucose and oxygen - the fuel we need to burn to learn. (Caffeine can assist as well if recent research is correct.)So taking a moment, munching on candy, taking deep breaths and sipping that cup of coffee all help us learn... oh, I've just described a break So taking a moment, munching on candy, taking deep breaths and sipping that cup of coffee all help us learn... oh, I've just described a...]]>517cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-004-how-to-be-a-better-influencer"Some people are just more naturally empathic than others" the CEO brusquely informed me.
"It's not personal, it's business" he went on quoting that bundle of joy Donald Trump.
"They should know what's good for them, and do what I suggest. Why should I have to influence them or show empathy?"
The CEO pushed back his chair as if our session were over. His company was struggling. Several key staff had recently departed and were working for a competitor. He still insisted that empathy was not something he needed to do, and he was perfectly capable of influencing his team. It was they who needed to change, not him.
You've met someone like this I'm sure. And you're wondering how I'm going to suggest that they change right? But no, there is a twist here.
How do you influence them to have more empathy and more easily influence others?
You see, it's terrific to have someone like that CEO in your life. You are not like him. You care. You show a genuine concern, and there are only a few people who, well, they simply don't deserve your love and respect.
How do you show empathy for someone and influence them when they don't "do" empathy? Especially when you know that they really need to "do" empathy so that they can be a better
Especially when you know that they really need to "do" empathy so that they can be a better influencer. You’ll recall from the triangle of influence that in order to influence someone, we need to link what we want them to do to the resources it will cost them and the benefits that they will gain for themselves by doing it. (If you need a reminder about the triangle of influence, I’d suggest you jump over there now and come back afterwards.) 
 I Colour I Listen - Developing Active Listening Skills and Empathy
Download the Be a Better Influencer PDF
Download the Be a Better Influencer MP3 audio
Download the I Colour I Listen Template
Empathy develops Trust. And Trust enables us to Influence others. When we Influence others, we lead them.
For the influencer, we are left with a causal chain:
Without empathy how will you know what is important for them?
Without you showing empathy, how am I going to trust you?
If I don’t trust you, how are you going to influence me?
If you don’t influence me, how are you going to lead me?
To be a better influencer, we really need to know how to have and show empathy.
I wrote a short while back about the usefulness of empathy and how it differs from sympathy. The difference is huge. Sympathy is passive; empathy is active. (Pop over to that article if you need a refresher.
It does a great job of describing the difference—and how empathy fuels connection while sympathy drives disconnection.) In short, if I am to influence someone, they need to have some level of trust in me.
To trust me, I will need to have, and have shown, empathy with them. That is, I need to identify with them. Let us first consider how we can have and show empathy with someone. Then how we build trust with that person, and lastly, how we can use this to be a better influencer.
But before that, let me share the dictionary definition of empathy so that we agree on what it is:
em•pa•thy
"the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another." Dictionary.com
Imagine for a moment that I am sitting opposite you and what I am about to share with you is both critically important and valuable for you. You sit up a little taller, lean your head forward and focus your eyes on me. You carefully watch every nuance of expression, listening attentively to every word. Nodding appropriately as you take in and understand each point I make.
Bring to mind two people in your life that you have known for some time.
The first person is someone with whom you have a good, strong and close relationship. You trust them to be in your corner, to support you and, they understand you well.
The second individual is someone with whom you have a more distant relationship. You know them reasonably well.Well enough that you know that you don't completely trust them. They would save themselves over you in a tight spot.
You have these two people in mind?
I'm going to predict that you identify more readily and openly with the first person. You understand and appreciate the way they think and act. You might not always agree with them, but even then, you accept their perspective and can see it from their point of view. With the second individual, you believe that they just don't "get" you. They can be cold and dispassionate. They might have some odd perspectives on life and can be forceful in putting their point of view across, especially when you seem to be at odds with them.
How did I do?
When someone shows empathy with you (as the first person in your scenario does), you are much more trusting of them and more likely to allow them to influence you. Why? Because you know that they would only influence you for something that is beneficial for you. Your brain produces oxytocin (known as the ‘love’ drug, and trust is a form of love) making you feel good and receptive to that individual.
When someone fails to show empathy towards you, you don't trust them as much, and, you are naturally more defensive about their influence over you.
Your anterior cingulate cortex in the brain is sending out alert messages and increase production of the stress hormone, cortisol and noradrenaline. Your flight or fight response is primed and ready. And you’ll know from experience that some people make you feel good about you (and them), while others just rub you up the wrong way. In his book, “Focus”, author and psychologist Daniel Goleman describes the importance of “Other Focus” or how well we attune to people. “Our empathy allows us to understand how people perceive things, how they feel, and what we can do to help them be at their best. And tuning into others this way provides the basis for skill in competencies like motivating employees, persuasion and influence, negotiation and conflict resolution, and — increasingly important – teamwork and collaboration.”
How do you increase empathy for others?
Think of someone, in a work context, whom you need to influence. How well do you know them already? Do you know specifically what is important for them in their life? What truly motivates them? Do you understand what they think about their work? Their workload? Their colleagues? What do they need and want to be more successful?
To learn more about anyone we need to observe and listen and ask questions.
When I first start coaching or mentoring someone, I’ll simply start asking questions. To find out what motivates someone, I’ll begin with “What makes you laugh, and what makes you cry?” or something similar that gets the same answer.
But what if you are not sure if you have a strong enough relationship already to be so forthright? Observe, listen and ask questions. Really listen. Some will call this “active listening”. Devout your complete attention to that person when they are speaking. Look at them when they are speaking - in a business context, look right between the eyes. We’re not staring here, and yes, you can glance away occasionally. You’ll know when you’ve made eye contact when you know their eye colour. I have a terrific little exercise and template that you can use to develop the skill of observing and listening - it’s called “I colour - I Listen”. You can download it from my website now and use it to practice later. Choose some friendly targets first and progress to your boss when you feel ready.
As you’re listening attentively, notice their body language, notice the key words that they use, especially value words.
Ask questions to dig deeper about something they have said or to find out more. Assume nothing. Ask specific questions to get a better understanding of their thinking and how they feel. When you show interest in someone, you create a closer relationship with them. You are demonstrating that you care about the other person and show a keen interest in what they are thinking and how they feel. That’s having and showing empathy.
Are there any downsides of being empathic?
Some individuals just don’t like you getting close to them. They won’t open up for a myriad of possible reasons. Respect that and keep an appropriate distance - by doing so, you’re actually showing empathy. There are occasional downsides, in my experience, of being empathic.
Some people will take advantage of you. I don’t think that it is possible to have and show empathy with someone if you don’t actually care about them. There are people who will go through the motions of listening actively and so on, but they don’t actually take it on board because they are so full of themselves that there is no space for you.
The trouble, I have found, is that I can care a lot about another person whilst it was only true for them for a season. Like you, I have best friends I made at school and university only to never hear from them again. When you care for others, you are likely to be showing your own vulnerabilities too, and whilst you never would take advantage of that, they might. And, you could get hurt by it. But tell me, what do you do when someone hurts you emotionally?
That’s right, you’ll naturally increase the distance between you, and be a little more guarded with that person. Empathy is valued currency. It allows us to create bonds of trust, it provides insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; and helps us understand how or why others are reacting to situations, it sharpens our "people acumen" and it informs our decisions. When someone shows empathy toward you, you begin to trust them. As that empathy continues, that trust builds.
And trust is the foundation of effective influence…
You cannot repeatedly break trust with people and continue to influence them. It simply doesn’t happen.
Trust is your bankroll
With trust, you are solvent. Without it, you are bank]]>a678935a67aa697151fec3672120ba74Fri, 18 Dec 2015 06:30:00 +0000Dr John KThe day the CEO learned the importance of empathy "Some people are just more naturally empathic than others" the CEO brusquely informed me. "It's not personal, it's business" he went on quoting that bundle of joy Donald Trump. "They should know what's..."Some people are just more naturally empathic than others" the CEO brusquely informed me.
"It's not personal, it's business" he went on quoting that bundle of joy Donald Trump.
"They should know what's good for them, and do what I suggest. Why should I have to influence them or show empathy?"
The CEO pushed back his chair as if our session were over. His company was struggling. Several key staff had recently departed and were working for a competitor. He still insisted that empathy was not something he needed to do, and he was perfectly capable of influencing his team. It was they who needed to change, not him.
You've met someone like this I'm sure. And you're wondering how I'm going to suggest that they change right? But no, there is a twist here.
How do you influence them to have more empathy and more easily influence others?
You see, it's terrific to have someone like that CEO in your life. You are not like him. You care. You show a genuine concern, and there are only a few people who, well, they simply don't deserve your love and respect.
How do you show empathy for someone and influence them when they don't "do" empathy? Especially when you know that they really need to "do" empathy so that they can be a better
Especially when you know that they really need to "do" empathy so that they can be a better influencer. You’ll recall from the triangle of influence that in order to influence someone, we need to link what we want them to do to the resources it will cost them and the benefits that they will gain for themselves by doing it. (If you need a reminder about the triangle of influence, I’d suggest you jump over there now and come back afterwards.) 
 I Colour I Listen - Developing Active Listening Skills and Empathy
Download the Be a Better Influencer PDF
Download the Be a Better Influencer MP3 audio
Download the I Colour I Listen Template
Empathy develops Trust. And Trust enables us to Influence others. When we Influence others, we lead them.
For the influencer, we are left with a causal chain:
Without empathy how will you know what is important for them?
Without you showing empathy, how am I going to trust you?
If I don’t trust you, how are you going to influence me?
If you don’t influence me, how are you going to lead me?
To be a better influencer, we really need to know how to have and show empathy.
I wrote a short while back about the usefulness of empathy and how it differs from sympathy. The difference is huge. Sympathy is passive; empathy is active. (Pop over to that article if you need a refresher.
It does a great job of describing the difference—and how empathy fuels connection while sympathy drives disconnection.) In short, if I am to influence someone, they need to have some level of trust in me.
To trust me, I will need to have, and have shown, empathy with them. That is, I need to identify with them. Let us first consider how we can have and show empathy with someone. Then how we build trust with that person, and lastly, how we can use this to be a better influencer.
But before that, let me share the dictionary definition of empathy so that we agree on what it is:
em•pa•thy
"the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another." Dictionary.com
Imagine for a moment that I am sitting opposite you and what I am about to share with you is both critically important and valuable for you. You sit up a little taller, lean your head forward and focus your eyes on me. You carefully watch every nuance of expression, listening attentively to every word. Nodding appropriately as you take in and understand each point I make.
Bring to mind two people in your life that you have known for some time.
The first person is someone with whom you have a good, strong and...]]>1067cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-003-how-to-develop-good-relationshipsHow many times have you been asked this question? How many times have you asked it? My guess is more than once or twice. We all play a number of different roles. Some are well developed, others less so. Using the right role in relation to another is critical for healthy relationships and better leadership.[/caption] When answering this question, most people respond with their job title or their job function: I'm a banker, I'm the CEO, I'm a teacher. Or they launch into their 'elevator pitch'. We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, uncle, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer, coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer,
We all play a number of different roles. Some are well developed, others less so. Using the right role in relation to another is critical for healthy relationships and better leadership.When answering this question, most people respond with their job title or their job function: I'm a banker, I'm the CEO, I'm a teacher. Or they launch into their 'elevator pitch'. We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, uncle, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer, coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer,
When answering this question, most people respond with their job title or their job function: I'm a banker, I'm the CEO, I'm a teacher. Or they launch into their 'elevator pitch'. We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, uncle, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer, coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer,
We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, uncle, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer, coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer, eater, cleaner, golfer, author, writer, musician, listener, talker, leader, manager, accountant, salesman, communicator, website builder... and that's just the more positive ones today. Am I good at all these? Not all, and not always. There are days when my golf, for example, is fluent and near perfect; today was not one of those days. Today, I was a "shank it in the water, find every bunker, slice it out of bounds" golfer.
Am I good at all these? Not all, and not always. There are days when my golf, for example, is fluent and near perfect; today was not one of those days. Today, I was a "shank it in the water, find every bunker, slice it out of bounds" golfer.
There are days when my golf, for example, is fluent and near perfect; today was not one of those days. Today, I was a "shank it in the water, find every bunker, slice it out of bounds" golfer.
Read the rest of the article on the website here.]]>0c1a571ca9e199935debb76405d63b1fWed, 16 Dec 2015 06:30:00 +0000Dr John K"And what do you do?" How many times have you been asked this question? How many times have you asked it? My guess is more than once or twice. We all play a number of different roles. Some are well developed, others less so. Using the right role in...How many times have you been asked this question? How many times have you asked it? My guess is more than once or twice. We all play a number of different roles. Some are well developed, others less so. Using the right role in relation to another is critical for healthy relationships and better leadership.[/caption] When answering this question, most people respond with their job title or their job function: I'm a banker, I'm the CEO, I'm a teacher. Or they launch into their 'elevator pitch'. We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, uncle, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer, coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer,
We all play a number of different roles. Some are well developed, others less so. Using the right role in relation to another is critical for healthy relationships and better leadership.When answering this question, most people respond with their job title or their job function: I'm a banker, I'm the CEO, I'm a teacher. Or they launch into their 'elevator pitch'. We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, uncle, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer, coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer,
When answering this question, most people respond with their job title or their job function: I'm a banker, I'm the CEO, I'm a teacher. Or they launch into their 'elevator pitch'. We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, uncle, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer, coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer,
We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, uncle, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer, coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer, eater, cleaner, golfer, author, writer, musician, listener, talker, leader, manager, accountant, salesman, communicator, website builder... and that's just the more positive ones today. Am I good at all these? Not all, and not always. There are days when my golf, for example, is fluent and near perfect; today was not one of those days. Today, I was a "shank it in the water, find every bunker, slice it out of bounds" golfer.
Am I good at all these? Not all, and not always. There are days when my golf, for example, is fluent and near perfect; today was not one of those days. Today, I was a "shank it in the water, find every bunker, slice it out of bounds" golfer.
There are days when my golf, for example, is fluent and near perfect; today was not one of those days. Today, I was a "shank it in the water, find every bunker, slice it out of bounds" golfer.
Read the rest of the article on the website here.]]>1284cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la-002-learning-to-learn-helping-talent-You’re wasting your budget on talent management and development if you don’t get a few other things fixed first!
Brought to you by CELSIM and emPowered by GAPPS5While reading, you will receive at least 5-15 emails, one or two phone calls, 3-25 instant or text messages and a colleague or two may pop-by for a 'quick' chat. You may visit a Web site and get distracted though I do promise to keep this interesting enough so you come back.
You could easily raise performance by 20% with a few simple tweaks to your environment. Click the image for a full-size version.
Visit the website for the full (downloadable) article and images.
 ]]>ed422ef4afa04282caf388ad36ab0a0eTue, 15 Dec 2015 04:56:00 +0000Dr John K“Why aren’t these “young people” stepping up to the mark?” Asked the C-level executive as we discussed the problems of talent management and leadership succession. As if it’s a problem of the younger generation – most notably Gen Y. But it’s not a...You’re wasting your budget on talent management and development if you don’t get a few other things fixed first!
Brought to you by CELSIM and emPowered by GAPPS5While reading, you will receive at least 5-15 emails, one or two phone calls, 3-25 instant or text messages and a colleague or two may pop-by for a 'quick' chat. You may visit a Web site and get distracted though I do promise to keep this interesting enough so you come back.
You could easily raise performance by 20% with a few simple tweaks to your environment. Click the image for a full-size version.
Visit the website for the full (downloadable) article and images.
 ]]>1090cleanfullhttps://www.spreaker.com/user/14481954/la001-how-to-influence-anyone-to-do-anytMy hands clammy, my shirt beginning to soak with perspiration in the air conditioned room. Blinded momentarily by the projector, I faced my audience. Their faces raptly attentive as they waited for the first words to come. I noticed my boss as he glanced at his watch. A phone buzzed in silent mode on the table and all eyes were drawn toward it. Someone muttered an apology as he picked up the errant phone and read the message. I had spent weeks preparing for this meeting. We were about to introduce a new computer system across the entire business and everyone in the room would be
Blinded momentarily by the projector, I faced my audience. Their faces raptly attentive as they waited for the first words to come. I noticed my boss as he glanced at his watch. A phone buzzed in silent mode on the table and all eyes were drawn toward it. Someone muttered an apology as he picked up the errant phone and read the message. I had spent weeks preparing for this meeting. We were about to introduce a new computer system across the entire business and everyone in the room would be
I noticed my boss as he glanced at his watch. A phone buzzed in silent mode on the table and all eyes were drawn toward it. Someone muttered an apology as he picked up the errant phone and read the message. I had spent weeks preparing for this meeting. We were about to introduce a new computer system across the entire business and everyone in the room would be
I had spent weeks preparing for this meeting. We were about to introduce a new computer system across the entire business and everyone in the room would be affected. Nobody wanted the new system. I stumbled through my slides, gave them all the facts and outlined the plan. Still nobody wanted the new system.
Nobody wanted the new system. I stumbled through my slides, gave them all the facts and outlined the plan. Still nobody wanted the new system.
I had failed to influence my colleagues to support the project.
So why had my long-prepared presentation failed to achieve the intended result?   When we link the required resources to the goal through personal benefit - we create motivation to change. That is, we influence the person to change.
The answer lies in the Triangle of Influence
When we are influenced to do something, we connect three things inside the brain:
The goal we will achieve
The resources achieving the goal costs, and
The personal benefits that we get out of achieving the goal.
When we believe that we have more value in the benefit than the cost, we will be motivated to act on achieving the goal. But if we believe that the cost outweighs the benefit, we will not be motivated to act.
[player]
Download the Triangle of Influence PDF
Download the Triangle of Influence audio
Everyone has influence!
We all have the power to affect another person. The very definition of influence. But do you have the necessary power to affect the people you need to influence? When I was presenting to my colleagues in an attempt to influence them to support my project I neglected a few critical points. In particular:
The objective of the project was not as clear for them as it needed to be.
I couldn't really explain the cost to them, nor
What was in it for them, personally.
Not surprising then that they weren't motivated to action. People are influenced when they link a clear action (goal) with the PERSONAL benefits that they will gain that are greater than the cost to them of undertaking the action in their mind. It is critical that we realise that people are influenced when THEY make the link.
Influence to act = PERSONAL Benefits > PERSONAL costs
Surely it cannot be this simple?
Well it can. But importantly, simple does not mean easy. If we wish to influence another person to undertake a particular action, to be certain that we motivate them to action, we need to know:
What they PERCEIVE to be the personal benefits
What value they place on those benefits
What they perceive to be the costs to them and
The value they place on those costs.
And, bear in mind, that even if we are to know this today, by tomorrow these may have changed. So we apply our own perception of what WE think are the benefits and costs for the other person. The greater our empathy, the more likely we are to understand the other person well enough to influence them easily.
Take a child's perspective…
As you approach the checkout in the supermarket, little Johnny grabs a fistful of chocolate. (Goal = eat chocolate, Benefits = pleasure, sugar buzz, flavour, Cost = zero) As a
As a parent you know that the cost is considerably higher, certainly in terms of cash, but also there are future long-term implications such as weight gain, a sense of entitlement that pleasure doesn’t have to be paid for. As a
As a parent you want to take the chocolate back off Johnny. At which point, little Johnny increases the cost to the parent of doing so. Crying, screaming, and being generally badly behaved. Why? Because such behaviour has worked in the past. The cost to the parent could be that feeling of shame. We've all felt the eyes of those behind us in the queue. We can feel their disapproval of our parenting. There's those who think we should simply give in and get out of their
The cost to the parent could be that feeling of shame. We've all felt the eyes of those behind us in the queue. We can feel their disapproval of our parenting. There's those who think we should simply give in and get out of their way, and those who think you are a terrible parent for having such an ill-disciplined child.
Who influences whom?
Well that depends on the perception of the value of each of the associated costs. Either way, children learn the secret power they possess and which buttons to press to get what they want. As we grow older and wiser, we lose this natural ability to get our own way. It is no longer seemly to 'lose one's temper' even if it still works.
The principles of influence though, remain the same. If I ask you to do something, you'll want to know the cost for you and what's in it for you. Only when the benefits for you outweigh your costs will you be motivated to act.
However, I can also influence you by manipulating your perception, or I could force or coerce you to do something. When does influence cross the line? If you would like to learn more about Presenting to Influence workshops or coaching, take a look here.]]>8329e0c9bc40f7dae8a02ea0119a06b9Mon, 14 Dec 2015 07:52:00 +0000Dr John KI walked to the front of the meeting room past my muttering colleagues. My hands clammy, my shirt beginning to soak with perspiration in the air conditioned room. Blinded momentarily by the projector, I faced my audience. Their faces raptly attentive...My hands clammy, my shirt beginning to soak with perspiration in the air conditioned room. Blinded momentarily by the projector, I faced my audience. Their faces raptly attentive as they waited for the first words to come. I noticed my boss as he glanced at his watch. A phone buzzed in silent mode on the table and all eyes were drawn toward it. Someone muttered an apology as he picked up the errant phone and read the message. I had spent weeks preparing for this meeting. We were about to introduce a new computer system across the entire business and everyone in the room would be
Blinded momentarily by the projector, I faced my audience. Their faces raptly attentive as they waited for the first words to come. I noticed my boss as he glanced at his watch. A phone buzzed in silent mode on the table and all eyes were drawn toward it. Someone muttered an apology as he picked up the errant phone and read the message. I had spent weeks preparing for this meeting. We were about to introduce a new computer system across the entire business and everyone in the room would be
I noticed my boss as he glanced at his watch. A phone buzzed in silent mode on the table and all eyes were drawn toward it. Someone muttered an apology as he picked up the errant phone and read the message. I had spent weeks preparing for this meeting. We were about to introduce a new computer system across the entire business and everyone in the room would be
I had spent weeks preparing for this meeting. We were about to introduce a new computer system across the entire business and everyone in the room would be affected. Nobody wanted the new system. I stumbled through my slides, gave them all the facts and outlined the plan. Still nobody wanted the new system.
Nobody wanted the new system. I stumbled through my slides, gave them all the facts and outlined the plan. Still nobody wanted the new system.
I had failed to influence my colleagues to support the project.
So why had my long-prepared presentation failed to achieve the intended result?   When we link the required resources to the goal through personal benefit - we create motivation to change. That is, we influence the person to change.
The answer lies in the Triangle of Influence
When we are influenced to do something, we connect three things inside the brain:
The goal we will achieve
The resources achieving the goal costs, and
The personal benefits that we get out of achieving the goal.
When we believe that we have more value in the benefit than the cost, we will be motivated to act on achieving the goal. But if we believe that the cost outweighs the benefit, we will not be motivated to act.
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Everyone has influence!
We all have the power to affect another person. The very definition of influence. But do you have the necessary power to affect the people you need to influence? When I was presenting to my colleagues in an attempt to influence them to support my project I neglected a few critical points. In particular:
The objective of the project was not as clear for them as it needed to be.
I couldn't really explain the cost to them, nor
What was in it for them, personally.
Not surprising then that they weren't motivated to action. People are influenced when they link a clear action (goal) with the PERSONAL benefits that they will gain that are greater than the cost to them of undertaking the action in their mind. It is critical that we realise that people are influenced when THEY make the link.
Influence to act = PERSONAL Benefits > PERSONAL costs
Surely it cannot be this simple?
Well it can. But importantly, simple does not mean easy. If we wish to influence another person to undertake a particular action, to be certain...]]>429cleanfull